Simian Says: Breast Exam by four_legged_tripod 6-16-09

Okay, back to your sister. She really runs around the house naked after her showers? What do you want with my dumb ol' sister anyway? I thought we could play Legos. Maybe later kid, but right now I've got ... uh ... I've got a project on human anatomy due this afternoon and I really need to see some tits. Is that all? Let me go make that happen so we can get on with playing. Oh baby! God's finally smiling down on me! If you want to see more than this it's going to cost you a dollar.

I'm trying to create an ongoing strip about a monkey who uses little kids.  This is the latest in the set.  Let me know what you think.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Clueless by four_legged_tripod 6-16-09

Look kid, you're sweet and all, but I'm more interested in seeing your older sister this way. Ah, come on man. What's she got that I don't? I really need to start hanging out with smarter kids.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Shower Scene by four_legged_tripod 6-16-09

What is it dweeb? I'm in the shower! Sorry sis. I've got this friend who really wants to meet you. He's pretty insistent. You know that I like to take long showers. Make him wait. ... please don't be fat. please don't be fat. please don't be... What was that?!? Sorry. Didn't realize that was out loud.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Whoa! That is a seriously bad monkey!

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Kill Whitey.

Simian Says: Family Matters by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

Soooo, you're the friend my brother was saying wanted to see me? Yeah. But he said you ran around naked after your showers, not just in your underwear. Oh, not when there are other people over. I only do that if it's just family here. If it helps, you could call me "Daddy."

Thanks for the comments.  Here is the next one.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: The Naked Truth by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

You're a horny little devil aren't you? Honey, you have no idea. Well since you're here, I might as well go make myself more comfortable and meet you back in my room. ...oh hot naked teenage flesh, hot naked teenage flesh, hot naked... There we are. I feel much more comfortable now.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Nun-sense by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

Wait... What? You're a nun? Yep. I got tired of living a life full of drinking and reckless sex and gave my life over to the church last week. You couldn't wait one more week to meet me first and have one last fling? No. I'm sorry. My heart belongs to God now. And unfortunately for me I bet your "holiest of holies" belongs to him too.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Intervention by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

Look, we really need to talk about your problem with sex. What problem? I've got no problem! If you go to see someone about it, I promise not to tell the cops you were messing with my 12 year old brother in his boxers. So padre, are you the facilitator of this Sex Addicts/Sexual Offender group? Oh heavens no! I've been a group member since 93. Do you need a sponsor?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Let's Play Dress Up by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

What are you doing in your old Halloween costume? Teaching that perverted monkey friend of yours a lesson. I didn't get laid and now I'm stuck in a sex addicts group. This day couldn't get any worse. Hi. I'm Al. I see you have a furry fetish as well.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: TMI by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

OK. Thanks for sharing Vincent. I know that pimpin' ain't easy and sometimes you've just gotta smack a hoe. We have a new member in our Sex Addicts group today. Tell us why you're here. A nun threatened to call the cops cuz I was with her little brother. Maybe she knew about the Thailand tranny or the midget who pleasured me while I wore the diaper too. This is confidential right? Wow! We're going to cut group short today fellas so I can go home to take a shower, refill my Xanax prescription and call my therapist.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Caller ID by four_legged_tripod 6-17-09

Hello? Hi. This is Mr. Clifford, the facilitator of the sex addiction group. Your comments last night upset most of the group. In fact many of our members have relapsed claiming you put evil desires into their heads. However Al, the man in the bunny suit, wanted me to ask you to call him. His number is 684-20... Hello? Hello?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

I enormously enjoy the idea of a pedophile monkey sex predator. I am jealous I did not think of it before.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Simian Says: Trapped by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

What the hell's your problem kid? Don't you have an inside voice? There's a man in a bunny suit outside who wants to violate me. I'm sorry. Why does he want to do that? Cuz he thinks I'm a midget in a monkey suit. If he finds out I'm a real monkey it might make him mad or hornier. Either way, me and my butthole don't want to be here to find out. Got it! So the bad man stays outside. Hey Kevin, another of your stupid friends is here. He's wearing a bunny suit in the kitchen. He says "Hot Monkey Love" a lot whatever that means.

Glad you enjoy oversexed monkeys.  The world needs more people like you.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Turn the Tables by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

What the hell is wrong with your sister? I know nuns are trusting but the dude's a 40 year old man in a bunny suit! You don't let those kind of people inside your home! What do mean "nun"? My sister's not a nun. She just wore an old Halloween costume to teach you a lesson. Seriously? Well, it looks like it's time to get this monkey off my back. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What was that? Did you hurt yourself? Sorry. I've been watching a lot of CSI: Miami lately.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: The Set Up by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

Hey "Sister Tia," where's your habit? Uh, well, we don't always have to wear them. We sometimes just wear street clothes. I've been thinking about you sending me to the sex addicts class and I've decided to turn over a new leaf. There is a lot I need to confess and I would love for you to hear my confessions. I think that's a priest thing but since you are making a change I suppose I could listen. 45 minutes later ... and then I decided that doing it with conjoined twins would be twice as nice and by the way, did I ever explain to you what felching was? Well for me, when I do it, I like to use a straw ... I really feel nauseous. I'm going to go take a nap and hope my mind buries this deep into my subconscious.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: The Bunnyman Cumeth by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

Hey Al. How are things? Things aren't so well. You've left me waiting a long long time. I got worried you were ditching me so I started to play with my ax. You like it rough huh? Well let's waste no more time. I'll be in my room which is the last room on the left. It'll be dark cuz I like it that way, and if I start screaming it's because I want more. Oh, and if you don't mind, I would love it if you called me "Tia" throughout the whole thing. Nice. And you can call me Shirley.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Tia's Busy by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

Hey where's my sister Tia and what's up with all the screaming coming from down the hall? Your sister's just getting to know Al better. The bunny suit guy? But why? You know how your sister has a thing for playing dress up with her nun's outfit and all. I guess they just have a lot in common. Oh right. Like when my mom plays dress up with her high heels and fishnets and goes out late at night to meet her friends named John.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Black Out by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

Al just left out of here in a hurry and his bunny suit was torn up. At least all that screaming has stopped. It has. We should go check your sister's room to see if she's okay. Hey monkey, It smells like pennies and salt in here. Reminds me of the time I slept with the hobo for bus fare. Which makes me think that we probably should not turn on the lights until we get you into intensive therapy.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Last One Out... by four_legged_tripod 6-18-09

What the hell happened in here man? Where's my sister. I honestly wish I knew kid, but right now we've got to pack up and get the hell out of here. I'm not leaving until I find out what happened. Look kid, you can leave with me and visit beautiful Mexico where I promise I won't anal rape you, or you can stay here, go into the foster care system and take your chances. I think I chose NOT to be anally raped. Good choice. Now pack your crap!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Do you speak Spanish? by four_legged_tripod 6-19-09

Forget the passports kid. We'll sneak across the border. By the way, your new name is Pedro Gonzales. Get used to it. What exactly is going on here? Tia! You're alive! We thought you were killed. We heard the screams, saw the bunny guy take off and then saw the blood in your room. You thought that was my blood? Please. Your monkey friend needs to do better than a puss in a bunny suit if he wants to hurt me. He started crying like a little girl when I started to whip his ass. Then I took my hands and ripped off his... WAIT! STOP IT RIGHT THERE! This story is turning me on. Let me grab my nipple clamps and you can start again in a minute.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

I must learn what happens next with this nympho monkey.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Simian Says: Get Your Protein by four_legged_tripod 6-19-09

THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Get your perverted monkey ass out of my house and never speak to my brother again! Jeez Tia. Once you've gotten your panties out of a bunch, could I have them as a reminder of our time together? GET OUT!!! Fine. Whatever! And to think, I almost DIDN'T whack off into her milkshake she left in the fridge. Why does my milkshake taste like sweaty ass?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Let's Meet at the Park by four_legged_tripod 6-19-09

Well, there goes another kid and home I was using. Oh well, the good thing is that most kids find monkeys cute and I should be able to find another one soon. Sweet! It's a monkey! Hey monkey, want to go to my house and play? Sure, but answer two questions first. Number one, does your dad live at home, and number two, which one of these women is your mom. Mommy says daddy is away on a trip which is code for prison. And my mom is the one over there. Hey mom, come and meet my new monkey! Awwww. Who's a cute monkey? You are. Yes you are. Oh dear God in heaven! Must resist urge to suckle breasts, must resist urge to suckle breasts, must resist urge to ...

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: House Guest Rules by four_legged_tripod 6-19-09

So little monkey, my daughter tells me you need a place to stay for a while. Yes ma'am. I hope you won't mind sleeping at the end of my bed. It's the only place available at the moment. As long as you won't mind me licking your crack while I ejaculate each night. What? I said as long as you won't mind me hitting the sack at a quarter till eight each night.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Simian Says: Chore Chart by four_legged_tripod 6-19-09

Hey monkey. Mom wants to see you in the kitchen. Now I really don't mind if you stay with us for a while. But while you're here you need to help around the house. I could toss your salad. We're not having salad for dinner. What's that have to do with anything?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke