Tomorrow, I'm trying out standup for real at an open mike night, so to commemorate that here's my stripcreator standup series. None of these jokes will appear in real life, since most of them won't work in Danish.

The lukket standup show - catching up with not-so-new-news by lukket 11-11-08

You know, it's a shame Studio 60 has been taken off the air after only one season. But the network will return with a new series that will describe the intricate relationship between networks and sponsors. It will be called "Studio 69"

The lukket standup show - it's worse in Danish by lukket 4-29-09

It gets kind of chilly here in Scandinavia in the winter. And thanks to some restrictive laws, it's hard to cope with. You see, we aren't allowed to pack heat.

 

The lukket standup show - going nerdy by lukket 9-12-09

You know. Striping is the right kind of RAID-level for video guys. But do DOS enthusiasts use Commando RAID? Before the Intel Macs I didn't let Apple clean my house, because they didn't do windows. Could you call an undertaker customer a Terminal Services Client?

The lukket standup show - Gomorry didn't catch on by lukket 9-13-09

When people talk about going biblical on somebody's ass... ... are they referring to Sodomy?

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

The lukket standup show - five leaves left by lukket 9-21-09

I was at a restaurant with a friend. He went: "We both had iceberg salad. What do we do about the tip?" I said "Let us leave 10 percent"

CC 434 - also they tend to stink by lukket 9-27-09

I'm so law abiding that I don't dare watch any movies with a 3.1 rating on IMDB. With so few decimals, how can I know they're not Pi-rated?

 

The lukket standup show - current events in Copenhagen by lukket 9-28-09

So. I hear that Obama is going to Copenhagen for the Olympic Games summit. He will be the third acting president of the US to visit Denmark ever. Clinton was the first and then Bush. So to sum it up: A hick, a hack and a black!

The lukket standup show - nerds should appreciate this by lukket 11-19-09

If you're a body guard for a top military guy, and you don't take a bullet for him.... Is that a general protection fault?

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

The lukket standup show - Has soul - wants iPhone by lukket 12-05-09

There are rumours that Apple's Steve Jobs is a control freak. But I trust the rumours more that say that he's just a nice guy. What do you mean by "once more with feeling", Steve?

The lukket standup show - Not available in Ireland by lukket 1-06-10

Why are Jews more sexually frustrated than Christians? They're still waiting for the Messiah to come.

The lukket standup show - To bacco or not to bacco by lukket 1-13-10

If you smoke and want to quit, but can't really pull yourself together... does that make you a passive smoker?

The lukket standup show - Try with a yolk by lukket 1-21-10

My wife wants to separate. I'll never marry a sauce again.

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

The lukket standup show - Can't spell Hollywood without wood by lukket 2-03-10

I don't know how, but Pfizer managed to get product placement in the Matrix. You can take the red pill if you want to see how things really are. ... or you can take the blue pill, and everything will be as it once was.

The lukket standup show - King of comedy? by lukket 2-08-10

I have a couple of good guesses as to why gay guys love monarchy. If it's not the queens.... it's reigning men. Halleluja

The lukket standup show - slight difference by lukket 2-24-10

Most graphic designers work on Mac, and they have suffered a lot from the current economy crisis. Before, they looked to Jobs. Now they look for jobs.

The lukket standup show - inspired by a pic on Facebook by lukket 3-05-10

I've never really messed much with upgrading my computers' performance... for the same reason I haven't had an urge to be famous. I just hate to deal with fans.

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

The lukket standup show - Father figure + Daddy-0 by lukket 3-10-10

My father's so old that there's a Guinness World Record for reciting the most digits of his age. My father's so old that he is banned from church for shouting "he didn't say that" all the time.

The lukket standup show - animal strategies by lukket 3-13-10

A wild animal has two basic strategies for surviving. It can be awe-inducing... or awwww-inducing.

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

Break a leg!  Or, as they say in Danish, "Kan Deres farmoder opfylde en struds på vejene!"

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I have one comic in danish.

But it isn't very funny.

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

I wish you luck! Remember not to crap your pants or pass out on stage. Oh and have enough material prepared on a napkin so you don't run out of one-liners after just 3 minutes.

Thanks for the good advice - due to the time difference they came after the fact. I did have a note to look at which I ignored, and it actually went fairly well. It won't be the last time I think.

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

More comics have been made:

The lukket standup show - riot shields? by lukket 3-27-10

English is a very strange language especially because of the pronunciation. When you say that you take offence at something.... ... I imagine you with a picket fence.

The lukket standup show - ole limb pricks? by lukket 4-01-10

The expression "Oh my fucking god" is a bit imprecise. With the exception of Hestia, Athena and Artemis.... it could apply to any Greek god.

 

The lukket standup show - Previous one was funny or not by lukket 4-02-10

There's basically two kinds of humour: Observational humour which is the typical standup thing where you work from something you've noticed or experienced... and the type of humour where a man slips on a banana peal he didn't notice: non-observational humour.

The lukket standup show - Math geeks: Wait for it by lukket 4-07-10

You may think that mathematical precision doesn't have any bearing on everyday life. But if you have to establish if somebody flipped you the bird... the middle finger is a significant digit.

The lukket standup show - Bummer by lukket 4-07-10

How many of you have beaten a hobo senseless, taped it and posted it to YouTube? Seriously? I'm behind on my statistics report for tomorrow.

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

The lukket standup show - Inspired by AttitudeChicka by lukket 4-07-10

The little mermaid that normally sits in Copenhagen is topless. Do you know why the Disney version of the Little Mermaid wears clam shells? No? She has an algae bra aversion.

... and I've just completed my second standup performance in real life. I've looked at the material, and I'm at loss how to convert it to comics, so that may never happen. 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

So. Just got back from my third time. Is going to try out a new venue for the next time.

This is a reworked joke from today because the original is worse in English than this one: 

The lukket standup show - And they suck by lukket 5-05-10

I don't really understand what vacuum cleaners are for. According to wikipedia a "vacuum is a volume of space that is essentially empty of matter" What is there to clean?

 

---
troelsea at gmail dot com