Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair... covered the emptiness of my hand...

Clementines are to oranges: as Blu Ray is to Beta Max by UncleTerwilliger 1-16-11

Who bee that? That's Jamal...he's cool. Nah...I heard he bee stupid. Maybe bees haven't all dissapeared...they've just been watching reruns of The Fresh Prince.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Two and a Half Men is an ironic title now by UncleTerwilliger 2-28-11

Jesus Christ...will someone just get Charlie Sheen some help?!

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Million dollar idea: Fried Vitamins by UncleTerwilliger 2-22-11

Sir, is this your cat? Hmmm? Ummmm....yes? You paused for a while, sir. Are you sure this is your cat? Yep, that's him alright--little ...Mengele. Mengele.---------- You named your little grey tabby kitten...after the Nazi serial killer doctor Josef Mengele? Serial killer?--I killed thirty people yesterday just waiting in line at Chipotle. --------Does he look more like a Himmler?

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie?Bust out da Cool Whip. by UncleTerwilliger 2-27-11

What you got to do fresh meat...is not let this shit get yo' fine trick ass down. Yo ass may be decayin' and shit...but you know they got to be some sort of sick fuckin' bastards that are just waiting to get all kinds of nasty up in a mother fucker's exposed arm socket.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

That's a big cock by UncleTerwilliger 2-22-11

Oh yeah!...I'd love to dip Jeff in that whore by the salad bar. I've got something creamier than that Thousand Island for YOU, baby. You named your penis Jeff? Yeah. Don't you have a nickname for your penis? Not really.--Well...Worm, I guess. Why worm? Around feeding time, I bury my lower half in dirt and...well, chicks dig worms.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

I assure you...I DO know how to spell.

I hear hell is nice this time of year by UncleTerwilliger 2-27-11

Storing Big J.C. in here is going to keep employee copy room time productive. This should cut down on lollygagging and ball faxing. This is new...Just look at those rippling abs... Everybody come quick!--it's a miracle! The Crucifix in the copy room has started crying milky white salty tears!

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

We're assholes by UncleTerwilliger 2-28-11

Are you by any chance, a golden voiced drifter whom I can put on Youtube casting a ridiculous amount of media attention on... ...temporarily allowing the masses to forget about all of our massive problems in this country for a few weeks... ...but then ultimately knocking you off a pedestal that you didn't ask to be on when we find out that you are a human with problems and not a Disney movie---and then completely forgetting about you? Sure. Do you have a three dollars so I can get a McGriddle?

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Winter's Bone

$150 fine, as large carrot Proboscis ...reminds me of my own glaring masculine shortcomings.

by UncleTerwilliger, 2-27-11

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Sometimes I feel Tom Cruise quietly judging me by UncleTerwilliger 2-27-11

Stellar show Rexie, old boy. I find your use of the color red to be a jarring Amuse Bouche for the senses. You are as M. Night and Pollock's bastard love child...and I'm hard as a rock. Thanks. Not to be indelicate...but how do you paint with your wee little useless arms? Well, you'll notice that we're standing on a blank canvas...and...well...come closer and I'll tell you...

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Remember to have your LOL cat spayed or neutered by UncleTerwilliger 2-21-11

I can haz cheezeberger? Aww...that's so cute!--he thinks he's people and he wants a cheese burger! "Cute" isn't really the word I would use...a "Cheezeberger" is what the Taiwanese shemales down on third street call a dirty rim job.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Is she really going out with him? by UncleTerwilliger 2-21-11

What's the matter?--we've been on five dates now...don't you want me? Of course I want you, baby. It's just...I need this kind of weird thing to get excited is all. I've done kinky stuff before, Kevin--you can tell me. Okay...um...could you chase me through the house screaming that I'm "gross" while you try to hit me with a phone book? Maybe you should just fuck me in the ass. That could work too.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Barn Raiser II by UncleTerwilliger 8-23-10

This is much different than the Amish Arcade. What's the Amish Arcade? It's basically a barn full of butter churns.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Try to ask for the check without doing that hand thing by UncleTerwilliger 2-28-11

Damn it! Where the hell is our check? It took 20 minutes just to get a menu--and then your fries were cold when we finally did get our food... It's okay, honey. Servers have a hard job and.. No. No! Fuck that. I have a hard job too. But even I'M not as good at sneaking around without being seen as THIS bastard. Just... calm down. And I'll tell you another thing too...I bet this sort of thing doesn't happen to the WHITE ninjas.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

72 white raisins by UncleTerwilliger 3-09-11

Maybe you should cut down on the raping part of raping and pillaging...it's just not that cool these days--or, ya know...ever. Yeah, I think you're right. It always sounds like it's going to be more fun than it is. Tell me about it.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Hoboken by UncleTerwilliger 3-01-11

I've lost my home, my wife and my youth all down this bottle. I've squandered everything for the temporary high of Thunderbird and a toothy B.J. from a bag lady who is high on airplane glue. Then it's another night on the cold, unforgiving ground. Yeah...but at least those hipster beards are popular right now, so you could pass as just a self important, douche bag and not a hopeless wino. Thanks, man.--you always know what to say. Hey! I'll bet if you still had legs you could fit into a pair of those "skinny jeans" those self sucking pricks love!

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

God save the Queen by UncleTerwilliger 3-09-11

So you DON'T want to act out the end of 'Sid and Nancy'?! I thought you were into role playing?! Last week when you asked me to pretend to be a principal without morals to your wayward school girl--I did it! This is a little different.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Ain't I a stinka? by UncleTerwilliger 3-09-11

What's up...Dick? Oh Jesus. Oh God. I shouldn't have weturned to the scene of the cwime. I should just confess...it was self defense after all. Alright, Fudd. I'm taking you down to the precinct now. You have to understand...he was an evil abuser! He has been pushing me and pushing me since the early 1940's! I just snapped!

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

The Cooler by UncleTerwilliger 3-11-11

Wow, the water cooler! So this is where Dad spends most of his time at work. I'm going to hide behind it and see what grownups really talk about. Hey, Maurice. Have you seen that little goon-faced, troll daughter of mine anywhere? You mean the really unmolestable one? No. --Thank God.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/UncleTerwilliger

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

I hear the Grasshopper by UncleTerwilliger 3-14-11

Remember...you must be like water. Yeah...you keep saying that... and I get it and all... ...but what if I was more like an Appletini or a Rum and Coke? Whatever helps you shut the fuck up.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

These are amazingly good. I think I may hang it up for a few days. The one with Jesus was outstanding, pathetic, and genius.

Thank you kindly. I appreciate the stuffing out of your comments--especially the part where you called them genius--but also the part where you called one pathetic. Uncle takes what Uncle can gets.

On with the pathetic...

Wide Stance by UncleTerwilliger 3-16-11

What is this shit?! You call this an art opening?! I've been in better openings in Minneapolis! Look...outsider art ain't cheap, Eduardo Corrochio. Besides, unlike your bathroom glory hole experience with Larry Craig...I have the God damned common courtesy to look you in the eye when I fuck you. Hmmm, good point. -------I'll take the blue one. Meet you in the bahtroom in five minutes? Make it two.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Say Goodnight, Goochie by UncleTerwilliger 3-18-11

I heard that what you call sex organs says a lot about your personality. Do you prefer the term cunt, pussy or vagina? Pussy...cunt is just too harsh. Hmmm...true. Do you like penis, dick or cock? I prefer Dick. That's what I heard! Burns and Allen it ain't...but I DID walk right into that one.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

These comics are wonderful, but would it kill you to stay and cuddle once in a while?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Always up for some spoonin' and forkin'.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?