A Downturn For Alan by biped 7-28-07

Sir--please assume your crash position as you were clearly instructed to do mere moments ago. Well, that's just about the sorriest excuse for a crash position I ever saw. Hey, everybody--check out this loser's shitty crash position. Sorry, no job openings for you at this time, Mr. Splet. Or should I say--"Mr. Shitty Crash Position."

Alan Doesn't Work Here Anymore by biped 7-14-11

I need some legal advice. My stewardess union is considering a class action suit against--oh, it's you. But, Mr. Splet is a model employee with impeccable credentials. May I ask why you want another lawyer? Beat it, Splet. Or should I say--"Mr. Shitty Crash Position."

Crouching Alan, Hidden Crash Position by biped 7-15-11

Well Splet, I don't see how you having a "shitty crash position" should affect your job as a janitor. Here, you can start by mopping up my piss splatter. Vomit clean-up on aisle--oh, my god! You were the "shitty crash position" loser on doomed Flight 409! LOOK, EVERYBODY!!! IT'S "MR. SHITTY CRASH POSITION" AND HE'S DOING HIS SHITTY CRASH POSITION!!!

No Country For Alan Splet by biped 7-15-11

Mr. Splet, we'd like to interview you about how having a "shitty crash position" has ruined your life. Your plane fare has been arranged. Sir, you'll have to assume your--oh, it's you again. Well, don't bother. You can serve as a negative example for everyone else. And you were the only survivor? My god...the guilt must be unbearable.

The Silence of the Splets by biped 7-15-11

Class, Mr. Alan Splet has agreed to teach us all the new "Splet Crash Position", which recently saved his life during a terrible air disaster. ...and, since the adoption of the revolutionary new "Splet Crash Position", air disaster fatalities have increased a whopping 100%. Whew...sounds like they should call it the "Shitty Crash Position", ha ha. And in a related story, Alan Splet has disappeared and is hoped dead. It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the--WHOA! Aren't you the "shitty crash position" guy?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

You make the best characters, biped.  The best characters ever.

 

EVER.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I'll always treasure that comment.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.