This is a series about a misshapen family of innumerable delinquents and their two horrible parents. The whole idea behind it is to do the complete opposite to the Family Circus series witten by that semi-anonymous guy and the warry guy... or something. Starring Pete, Maura, and a collection of random cast members that usually involve their children, other children, and the people they screw over. My general rule when making these is to make at least one a day excepting moments when I don't feel quite all that in a heavy stripping mood. As such I neglected posting them in a showcase for a few days because I was waiting until I had made at least 5 for reasons that are probably obvious to anybody who does a lengthy amount of comic-posting on the stripcreator. So, without further ado:

Not A Family Circus: #1 by Beeko180 8-20-15

Why is the baby in the dishwasher? Baby? Dishwasher? In the Dishwasher? Why whatever could you mean? It's over Maura. You've had your laugh. It's time to put the joke to rest. I took it out. Just so you know. Why? Why would you do that? We were having so much fun with it. It was a really good anecdote! goo It's been 10 years. We need a new dishwasher. They have electronic ones now, Maura. Electronic ones. No need to feed them like the negro ones, Maura. There's just no need.

Not A Family Circus: #2 by Beeko180 8-21-15

I found the problem with the toilet. This was blocking the pipe. I still don't understand why you called the fire department to handle this. I'm going to have to report both that and animal cruelty. What animal? I think he means our old dishwasher. The nigger we have chained up in the basement. But we feed it kibble and water. It gets to go for walks around the backyard. We even bathe it once a month. I don't understand. You... keep a... chained... dishwa-nigger... what? If it's not the nigger what animal are you talking about?

Not A Family Circus: #3 by Beeko180 8-22-15

Quick, bum, I'll give you my coat if you can answer me this riddle correctly. How do I teach my kid how to shank a homeless man while he's looking the other way? You're not wearing a coat... SHANK MOTHERFUCKER! SHANKSHANK! Don't worry kid... you're still young. That creepy little stick-midget won't have much on you once you finally learn how to harness your goatly prowess and you will. Soon... Moo.

Not A Family Circus: #4 by Beeko180 8-23-15

Oh boy! Does Santa live here? Of course not you overgrown turdfucker. Santa is dead. He died like, hundreds of years ago. He's rotting in a ditch somewhere. I miss mummy... why did you kill her, rape her, harvest her for organs, and then go marry that red-haired girl? Kill yourself, whore. You won't miss her anymore... being dead and all.

Not A Family Circus: #5 by Beeko180 8-25-15

Oh, great, It's a fucking midget. You're not tall enough to ride the spooky coaster, midget. Go be a midget somewhere else. Sweety, be kind to the littlest fuck of fucks. We could really use a new bidet after the last one drowned itself in the toilet. CAN WE KEEP IT? CAN WE KEEP IT? Uh.. what spooky coaster? This is Rick Astley's house. Exactly. Once you go in he'll never give you up. Also, can we keep you? We really do need a new bidet. The last one quite literally drowned itself in the toilet- messy.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Not A Family Circus: #6 by Beeko180 8-29-15

Sir, firstly, that's not a rooster so your constant ordering of cocktails doesn't actually work as a play on... words or something. Secondly... KAH! KAH! KAHKAH! Ha, Ha! CHIRP CHIRP! *hic*KAH! KAH! *hic* MOTHERFUCKAH! KAH! KAH! Not only are you not allowed birds or minors in here, you're not allowed to get them shitfaced like they clearly are andWOULD YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING BIRD NOISES!

Not A Family Circus: #7 by Beeko180 8-30-15

I got a call about a noise complaint. Neighbour says they heard blood-curdling screams coming from inside your house. What's behind the door? A litter of pigs. I'M FUCKING STARVING! Pigs that speak English? They're english pigs. English pigs from England. Everything is english there.

Not A Family Circus: #8 by Beeko180 8-31-15

Ms. Maura, I'm afraid you have third degree sexually-transmitted super leprosy. Oh. That was the best sex ever. So how'd your appointment go, wife of mine? You find out why your snatch is extra pinchy like a nigger at a bicycle festival? The nigger that I stole my piss from for my piss test had third degree sexually-transmitted super leprosy so I was diagnosed with it. I spilt some on me before I gave it to him. You're gonna have to get tested for third degree sexually-transmitted super... oh. Ha, ha!

Not A Family Circus: #9 by Beeko180 9-02-15

Our toilet shat in our yard instead of the neighbour's yard again. Go belt it and pick up the shit with the shit shovel. It's a fucking nigger. It can do hard labour, Dad. It was like, born to do hard labour. They're made in factories in japan or something by other niggers. I'm not doing nigger work. Fuck off. Do you ever think that maybe we should be disciplining our children better? I mean, they won't lift a finger to do anything around the house. I used to think that. But then we found that foreign exchange student. And, well, you know... free foreign exchange student!

Not A Family Circus: #10 by Beeko180 9-07-15

MISSED CONNECTION: "They were filthy. I mean... the real dirty sort of filthy. I couldn't believe how dirty they were. I'm presuming that they were white or something under all that."... "Clothes... just as filthy. I mean, wow. Not that I have a problem with it. It's just- The fuck? STOP IT! STOP FLOODING MY EMAIL WITH THOSE FAKE MISSED CONNECTION MATCH ALERTS! I'M NOT DOING THE DISHES AND I'M NOT DOING THE LAUNDRY! MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP! Ha, ha! You whore...

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Not A Family Circus: #11 by Beeko180 9-08-15

Hello there newcomers! Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous! I am Father William. Let's start by going around the room and introducing ourselves. MY NAME IS ADOPTED, AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT MY PA SAYS. I'M AN ALCOHOLIC... PROBABLY. I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IN THAT STUFF. I JUST WANT FREE KOOL-AID. I'm addicted to drinking. I'm a heavy, heavy drinker. He is! But orphan tears aren't alcoholic, so... Where's my Guy Fawke's mask and how come I'm the only one drinking? I thought this was the Alcoholic Anonymous meeting.

Not A Family Circus: #12 by Beeko180 9-11-15

Let me out. Okay! Ha, Ha! 1 hour later... Sir, you can't do this. This is a police station. Surely there are other policemen who- Oh, they've already had their turn. What turn? There's a lot of money in pig meat, officer whatsyerface. A lot of it.

Not A Family Circus: #13 by Beeko180 9-12-15

Dishbot, do dishbot stuff. Dishbot can't do dishbot stuff right now. Dishbot is not permitted to do dishbot stuff with midget inside him. I don't like the new dishwasher. It won't clean the bidet. The bidet or the toilet? Either way you just need to be a bit more assertive with it. You know, a bit of a dominant touch. A bit of an overlording presence. Dishbot, do dishbot stuff. Yes, sir!

Not A Family Circus: #14 by Beeko180 9-14-15

I hope you enjoyed the service at Hulat's non-authentic authentic Peruvian restaurant. Where the service is as Peruvian as it gets! The service assists you in a workplace more dangerous and diverse in fauna, flora, and climate than the wilds of the Australian outback? I only pretend to listen to you. I know when the conversation I'm pretending to have with you is over when you give me the money. That will be twenty-five dollars and fifty-eight cents. So bustling with illegal narcotics rings that the borders are literally borders- ? Check please. No wait. I got this. Let me finish. I'm having fun. Your walls are lined with cocaine like the borders of Peru?

Not A Family Circus: #15 by Beeko180 9-16-15

As the school counselor, it's my job to inform you that your child is severely disturbed. She has a tendency to shit on other students. Oh no. This is terrible. I wonder where myself and my partner could possibly have gone wrong with our parenting. Hmm, yes. Sometimes it's not the parent's fault. Sometimes the child is just ill is all. Why, just last week in cooking class she attempted to shove a bowl up... Toa'to's... Oh... oh dear. Yes. It is quite disturbing. Yes, it is. I'm very sorry. She has this tendency not to rinse things before she puts them in the dishwasher.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Not A Family Circus: #16 by Beeko180 9-22-15

I want some! Buy me some! You can't even spell alcohol. I'm not buying you alcohol. Alcohol. Now give me some. Bartender give me your strongest bourbon. My son broke the fourth wall today. He is now officially a man.

Not A Family Circus: #17 by Beeko180 9-25-15

Sir, I must inform you, you are a monster. Not only is this one of the most vulgar things that I've ever encountered in my 20 years as a police officer, but it is the most grossly illegal thing- Last time I checked, according to the constitution, I have a right to bear arms. He's right. He's got you there. So we can keep them?

Not A Family Circus: #18 by Beeko180 9-28-15

Happy Thankschristerday, Dad. What did you get me? I aborted your baby sister. We're having her for roast this Thanksbirthmastday dinner. Oh no. Not again. Don't you give me that tone, young man. That bitch is full of protein. Eating my baby sister's fetus stuffed with your semen is gay. You're gay. Stop being gay, Dad. I'm too straight for this. I want an adoption. Another one? Surely there aren't more people young and stupid enough to make the mistake of adopting you...

Not A Family Circus: #19 by Beeko180 10-01-15

Good the drunk homeless fucker is here to pay me to fuck my wife because he's cheap, dirty, and lonely and likes to get drunk and do cheap, dirty, and lonely things. I'm right here, you know. How much you want? Who the fuck are you and why is your dick out? He's gonna get about fye dolla.

Not A Family Circus: #20 by Beeko180 10-07-15

Finally... it's done. It's put together. Why can't IKEA just stick to selling packaged goods? It's bad enough they have to do the whole DIY furniture crap. Now they're doing electronics. OWNER PARAMETERS SET. TUMBLR-B0R AGREE WITH STATED OPINION. So it makes fun of tumblr users? That's hilarious... I guess. I disagree with what you think of IKEA DIY furniture, though. I think it's great. Oh god... now you've done it. NEAREST LIFEFORM HARBOURING ALTERNATIVE OPINION TO PROGRAMMED AGENDA. ACTIVATE "PROTEST" MODE. RANTRANTRANTRANTRANT Ha, Ha!

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Not A Family Circus: #21 by Beeko180 10-24-15

I'd like to buy some drugs for my wife. You look like a nark. Excuse me? I'll split your fucking eyes in two and suck out your stupid little shitstain of a soul you filthy fuck. If you ever call me a fucking nark again- Okay, okay- jesus... you're not a nark, okay? Okay so, here's what I got on me. I got weed, smack, crystal, ice... YOU'RE UNDER ARREST, FUCKERS!

Not A Family Circus: #22 by Beeko180 10-26-15

Wh-huh? Where the fuck am I? Gee- dad was right about you guys, huh? You don't remember? N.. no. No I don't. Where am I? I just told you just then. You don't remember again? Wh... what? What's going on? I really don't know. I just saw that you were a hungover homeless person and considering the frequency at which you fuckers develop mental illness, I figured I'd make you think you have Alzheimer's.

Not A Family Circus: #23 by Beeko180 10-29-15

Who's the black fellow? Oh, that's Lenny... he's our slave. We feed him cotton candy! I love black comedy! It's my favourite kind of comedy! Though I'd prefer it if my diet consisted of something a bit more nutrit- FUCK UP, WHORE! NOBODY TOLD YOU TO TALK! Good golly that negro humour really is spiffy ol' chaps! I say, what a hoot it is to be around such lively fellows!

Not A Family Circus: #24 by Beeko180 2-21-16

I'm not having outdoor sex with you. Why the fuck not? You had outdoor sex with Pete. You're Pete... It was worth a try.

Not A Family Circus: #25 by Beeko180 3-26-16

Son, the time has come for you to go out into the world and get a job. And not just any job- a man's job. A job you can be proud of and happy to have. Sure, whatever. Son... what are you doing? It's amazing isn't it? An hour of scouting and handing out resumes and I land a job earning 60k+ a year testing video games. Our son is a pussy. I think you're just upset that he makes all those years of giving him pocket money feel like robbery.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll