Panopticons! 0000 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-29-18

Hello, this is Brad Mr. Bezos? As in the Jeff Bezos? What can I do for you, sir? Did I hear you correctly? Did you really just say...

Panopticons! 0001 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-29-18

Mr. Bezos, you are thinking of buying Stripcreator.com? You're clearly a discerning businessman. You have some questions first? Shoot.

Panopticons! 0002 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-29-18

How does the site scale? I assure you Mr. Bezos, Stripcreator.com never has to worry about scaling problems. How many monthly active users does the site have? More than you'd believe, and growing every day.

Panopticons! 0003 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-29-18

So you want to send a representative to see our site in person? You want to come tomorrow? Umm... Who doesn't suck dick now, crabby?! Does that red rust bucket with the telescoping phallus still work? HEY BRAD! WHERE'D YOU PUT THE SEX TOYS?! How's 10:00am?

Panopticons! 0004 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Hey everyone, we've got an important guest from Amazon coming by tomorrow. Let's be on our best behavior, okay? All the way from the Amazon? I love those firey Latin chicks. Look, I'm not putting on pants unless Kajun has to put on pants. Then I'm never puttin' on pants ever again. Brad, for you I'm always on my best behavior. I can give them my KevinKeegansPerm buttplug as a present.

Panopticons! 0005 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Maybe it's time to gentrify? I wonder what the others are up to.

Panopticons! 0006 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Hey guys, there's an important guest from Amazon coming tomorrow and... Do you think they'll like my fan service? It's got nothing on my fan service! yuo want me to NALE TEH FUKIN BICH?! Never the less, woof woof.

Panopticons! 0007 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

If we had guns in Canada, I'd skeet shoot every last one of you. PULL!

Panopticons! 0008 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

So you're auditioning for what now? What's my motivation in this scene? Is this one of those corporate stock photo type gigs? Remind me again how much this pays? My Patreon is a little short this month, but I promise you after this is done, I'm giving each of you OVER 9000!

Panopticons! 0009 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

The next day at 9:57am Can you stop hammering that nail into your head just once?! Yes spankling, I promise I'll give you your favorite suppositories tomorrow. M2A just like the old times. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK SHIT! IT'S THEM! WOULD YOU FUCKERS HIDE THE WEED ALREADY?! It's quite alright, we smoke it legally in Washington.

Panopticons! 0010 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Good morning, you must beeEEE AAAAGH!!! No, I'm Mr. Audrey of Amazon. You're Mr. Brad Sucks, I presume? I am Mr. Sucks. I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting a... well... A what? On second though, I guess a giant carnivorous plant would be well suited to corporate acquisitions. In every stereotype, a seed of truth, eh?

Panopticons! 0011 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Welcome to the seat of the Stripcreator.com empire, Mr. Audrey. This way to the server room. I look forward to it, Mr. Sucks. My reports show that you've run a steady business for almost 2 decades, is that right? That's right. It's taken careful planning and daring action to reach this point. Well, here we are in the server room. The brains of the operation. *Cough Cough!!!* Mr. Sucks, it's a bit dusty in here. What's all the paperwork? I don't see any servers here. Oh, that's not paperwork. These are the nightly backups.

Panopticons! 0012 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Inkjet? Your nightly backup is printouts on an Inkjet? Isn't that a bit old fashioned? It's cutting edge Inkjet. It was the top of the line. The best that money could buy. When was that? September 24th, 2002. At least tell me this is automated. Of course. I outsource this part of the operations to Scotland.

Panopticons! 0013 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Scotland? What are the cost efficiencies realized by farming the work out to another developed nation? Scotland is a developed nation? OCH! BRAD, YA WANKER! I GOT THE NIGHTLIES! Is that foul mouthed man in a kilt your "outsourced" help? Well, we keep him inhouse. His wife actually pays us to keep him out of her hair. These backups don't all look like stripcreator.com comics. Yeah, Kajun replaces all the newbie and non-donor comics with pictures of sheep fucking. It's funnier than what they wrote.

Panopticons! 0014 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

I must say, your logic is... impressive. I've never seen an operation like this before. Sillicon Valley is on notice. Maple Valley is going to put them in a sticky situation. Let's head to the Stripcreator War Room. This is a big day, You're the first outsider to have access to the War Room. It's an honor. What are your security protocols? The War Room is its own security protocol. Only the initiated really want to be in here. I must say, I like the scent of fertilizer in the air. It's a nice touch.

Panopticons! 0015 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Now that we're in private, let's get down to business. Indeed. Mr. Sucks, I'll be frank. A company like Amazon has a lot of options. Your job today is to give me faith that Stripcreator's interests aligns with our interests. I see a lot of synergy. Our interests mainly revolve around the intersection of technology and sodomy. What in the world do you mean by that? Just how does Amazon's focus revolve around sodomy? Is there another word for what Amazon did to Borders Bookstore?

Panopticons! 0016 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Speaking of sodomy, what do you call your wages and benefits? Or your culture of burnout and paranoia among the engineering staff? Efficient.

Panopticons! 0017 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Mr. Sucks, do you know why we're even talking to you today? I'll admit, I was hoping you'd tell me. Simply put, we are on a mission to destroy all our competition. And that would be...? Everybody.

Panopticons! 0018 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

To that end, Mr. Sucks, it is our plan to take the fight to Social Media. You could just make a Twitter account and troll everyone. It works for POTUS 45. We don't own Twitter.Yet.That's why we want to purchase our own Social Media empire. Well. In that case, you really don't have any other choice. You have to buy Stripcreator. Nonsense. You're not so special. We have plenty of options we could court. Name one.

Panopticons! 0019 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Friendster It's a laughing stock. Tribe.net You'd get nothing but San Franciscan Polyamorous Sapiosexuals. Myspace After Rupert Murdoch put his crusty devil semen inside its every hole, it'll never be clean again.

Panopticons! 0020 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-30-18

Kongregate Flash games. I'd rather take Rupert's Semen. We all would.

Panopticons! 0021 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-31-18

Regardless, you must know that with the resources at Amazon we could simply create a network of our own. I wouldn't advise that, Mr. Audrey. Oh? Why not? Remember Google Plus? Google What? Look it up on Bing. Pretty sure there are more active users on Stripcreator.

Panopticons! 0022 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-31-18

I think I have all the information I need to relay a full report to headquarters. Are you sure? Would you like to have a stop at the wet bar first? It couldn't hurt. Where is it? Right there. It's in the toilet. Help yourself! You are a disgusting human being, Mr. Sucks. I can spike the drink if you're used to stronger stuff back home. **ZZZZIP!**

Panopticons! 0023 by ZarkMuckerberg 8-31-18

Well, before you go do you have any questions? Just one. Do those people we just passed even work here? Oh, them? Of course. been here since the beginning. I just looked at some of the comic strips here. I think I've learned a lot. Me too, Isabella. For example, "wehn a man loves a women..." AH! POLEECE!! 🍅 SPLAT Which department are they in?  HR

Hold on.  We have a carnivorous plant character?

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

evil_d

You just found your new stand-in for Putin, didn’t you?