I have a list. That list says:

Shopping List
[list]
[*]Bread
[*]Milk
[*]Roofies
[*]Handcuffs
[*]Vaseline
[*]Yoghurt
[/list]

But you don't need to know that. I also have another list. On this list there are ten, that's ten, rules. Your task is to guess what they are from the series of strips that I am going to post. You can either post strips that you think comply with the rules, or you can state the rules outright, if you don't mind all the other entrants finding out as well.

Got that? Good.

Follows rules 1-5. Breaks rules 6-10:

Follows rules 6-10. Breaks 1-5:

Fully compliant:

Fully non-compliant:

Stop throwing those bloody spears by kramer_vs_kramer 1-27-02

God, I'm miserable. Maybe I should get me one of those recreational drug habits. But Mister! My teacher says all drugs are bad! That's so untrue, kid. Hey! Try some of these! That's it, I'm getting my daddy on you! Shit. You'd be the little girl's father then. Damn right, bucko. How dare you offer those drugs to my daughter? Have you any idea how much money it cost to put her through rehab the last time?

What are the rules to this contest? VI by Drexle 1-27-02

Are you a good girl? I know I am. I don't think so. I have a tendency to light people on fire. On fire? But how? You're not allowed to play with matches. I don't play with matches. I use the powers of my mind. Watch! Aaaaaah! I am dieing!

So, which rules do I have right?

Drexle - What are the rules to this contest? VI

Follows: 1
Breaks: 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

Almost followed rule 10, though.

Testing, testing

Kajun's sorry tail by skagg 1-21-02

I used to have a fich called "Fluffy"... ...until the other fish ate it Why are you staring at me?

I'm bored and I like this guy. Leave me alone by skagg 1-09-02

Honey? Are you still in there? The tables booked for six so you best hurry! Who's a sexy bitch? You are! Yeah.

simple forms by skagg 1-09-02

Oh my god! My exact Double! Oh my god! My exact double! Pull my finger Pull my finger Cool Cool

borderline by skagg 1-09-02

Hey I'm new here. Uh, where do I go? Oh right, yeah. Just find yourself a spot amongst the others. So what do ya think of them Rams this season? mmmeh

adjust by skagg 1-09-02

Hi, I'm new here. Evidently

I hope this pays off, in theory it should help but i doubt it will!

---
Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

How about this one?

What are the rules to this contest VI (2) by Drexle 1-27-02

I just noticed something. What is that in your hand? Oh, this? It's a honeycomb. I'm going to give it to a succulent succubus for her birthday. What? I know you didn't just take that from my hive! Deal, buddy. I've got a hot date tonight.

I forgot to put text in panel three, but I suspect one of the rules has something to do with actually *having* text there.

Skagg-
Kajun's sorry tail - Follows 1, 5,10
I'm bored and I like this guy. Leave me alone - Follows 1, 5, 7
simple forms - follows 1,5
borderline - breaks them all
adjust -follows 1,5,9

Drexle
What are the rules to this contest VI (2) -Follows 5

I have my guesses at two of the rules, and if this strip complies with at least two rules, I'll post what I think they are. Which rules does this comply with?

Hairy Pothead Reports to His Superior by fpd 1-27-02

Greetings, Hairy Pothead. What progress have you made? I am teaching millions of children to deride atheists and agnostics by calling them muggles. That's not quite the kind of progress I was hoping for, though we can work with it. What else? I am also teaching children that they don't have to get high on Jesus when they can get high on weed. Excellent, that's more like it. What else? I have a movie deal in the works. It will be called "Hairy Pothead: The Sorceror's Stoned."

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

What are the rules to this contest VI (3) by Drexle 1-27-02

Hey there, asiangirl2. Did you see Drexle's other two pathetic attempts at this contest? Yep, what a putz! Do you think he'll start breaking stuff in his house if this keeps up? Nah, his girly muscles barely lift his bookbag! Look, I've turned around! Check at my butt!

What are the rules to this contest? (4) by Drexle 1-27-02

I'm out of ideas about this contest... what about you? Yep, me too... Pull!!! *Whooooosh!* Wheeee!!! *BANG!*

What are the rules to this contest? VI by KajunFirefly 1-27-02

Hey Andy, uh, have you seen a hot chick with a tongue piercing go by here? There WAS a girl went by here with a tongue stud, funny she should walk around with her mouth open for me to spot that. A bit convenient don't you think? Which way did she go? She went past me and into that room at the back, I can hear loud music in there, it must be some kind of party. Wow, an all night orgy, I'm more excited than a Smurf at Easter!

---
Dad was flammable

FPD - Hairy Pothead Reports to His Superior
Follows: 5,7,9
So close: 10

Drexle - What are the rules to this contest VI (3)
Follows: 1,7
What are the rules to this contest? (4)
Follows: 1,2,5,9

Kajun - What are the rules to this contest? VI
Follows: 8,9
Foiled at the last minute: 1

I will post another compliant strip at some point today, and if I have time this evening I'll do one that follows all the even rules, and one that follows all the odd ones.

Moving House by kaufman 1-28-02

*Sigh* Why do I have to be moving my house when there's a new What Are The Rules contest? And to be off-line for ten days? How will I handle that? Ugh, my back is killing me. Just a little farther, honey, you're almost there ... Ok, put the house right there.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

God dammit, I don't have a frikkin' clue!

---
Dad was flammable

Pick your porn supplier by kaufman 1-28-02

Sucky sucky, only five dollah! It looks like you want to see some blue movies. how can I be of assistance? Why, hello, there!

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I expect that this one breaks rule #5. Other than that, I have no clue. Further analysis has indicated that my previous guesses at two rules were mistaken.

It never happens like this on soap operas by fpd 1-19-02

Hey, Jill, what's up? Who are you? Are you Jane's older sister? You look like her. I am Jane. I just turned 18. But you were 7 only yesterday. What happened? The doctor calls it SGS, Sudden Growth Syndrome. He says it's common among kids from wealthy, powerful families. Oh crap, I just turned 18 too. All my teenage years lost in a flash. I better see the doctor before I suddenly become an old maid.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Sorry about the delay everyone, I went out for dinner last night so wasn't able to post any more strips. Some will definitely appear today, though. Anyway:

Kaufman - Moving House
Follows: 5,7
Breaks: 1,2,3,4,6,8,9,10

Pick your porn supplier
Follows: 7,9
Breaks: 1,3,4,5,6,8,10
Iffy: 2

FPD
It never happens like this on soap operas
Follows: 1,9
Breaks 2,3,4,5,6,8
Almost: 7
So close: 10

To give you all some help before I do today's strips, here is a breakdown of the rules:

1 rule affects the title
1 rule affects the backgrounds
3 rules affect the choice of characters that may be used
5 rules affect the content of the dialogue boxes

Man, I've got so much fodder for the Crappy Comics thread now...

Drexlerific guess at this contest's rules VI by Drexle 1-29-02

Asiangirl2, did you see that? That was pathetic! Pathetic Indeed, Asiangirl1... The random "I've got no clue" Skeet Shoot comic got more rules right than any of his three honest guesses. Wait a minute... Have you noticed something? Something odd? There's something different here... You're right. I just can't put my finger in it... Wait... We're falling! OH HOLY SH... SCROE!

I hope "The comic must be funny" isn't an actual rule...

Based on a true story.

Drexle and the local prosletyzing Christian by Drexle 1-29-02

Hey there, Drexle. Do_you_believe_that God has a plan for your life? That God has a plan for everyone's lives? If_God_has_planned_out everyone's lives, then that means free will doesn't exist. Does that mean that everyone who sins and goes to Hell does so because god wanted it? Why would God want to do that? He's a kind and caring lord! That's the work off the Devil. So you mean to tell me that the Devil can subvert God's will? Doesn't that make him stronger than God? I mean really, if your God is such a pussy_then_why_are you worshiping him? Don't you want to be in the favor of the one with the *real* power?

The actual conversation started differently, and flowed differently, but my suspicions about a rule or two made me unable to faithfuly replicate the conversation.

Drexle
Drexlerific guess at this contest's rules VI
Follows: 1,7,9

Drexle and the local prosletyzing Christian
Follows: 1,3,9,10

Fully compliant:

Behold! They're coming back! by kramer_vs_kramer 1-29-02

That's odd, I'm sure I left my girlfriend around here... She went to the shops twenty minutes ago. She decided she needed some biscuits. Dammit! I'f I'd known she was going to the shops I'd have asked her to get me some pork scratchings. I'm hungrier than a shark at a tourist resort. Maybe I should eat the baby, I never wanted it anyway. Not so fast! I wish to sue your ass for slander. Now hand over the baby!

Here's my first official guess at a rule.

Rule #5 is "Use no characters from threereasons and none from dieselsweeties."

Here is my reasoning. Every script which breaks this rule has a character from threereasons or dieselsweeties, and none of these characters appear in any strip that follows rule #5. Most strips that break it include characters from threereasons. A couple exceptions include characters from dieselsweeties and none from threereasons. So #5 cannot merely be "Use no characters from threereasons."

One other possibility for rule #5 is "Use no characters from threereasons, dieselsweeties, or pennyarcade." So far, the data doesn't conclusively establish this or my other guess. I favor the other guess, because it is the simpler of the two.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Here's how I plan to get some clues on which rules are about what. Which rules does this strip follow?

Geekatron by fpd 1-29-02

I'm a geek. What about you? I like to mutilate cows. Wow, I'd love to see that. C'mon, I'll show you how it's done. Cow and Chicken, my dear children, I swear on your gravy, I mean graves, that I will hunt down your killers.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.