An interesting attempt to clasify all types of noobs and "The Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts" from somethingawful.com... http://www.somethingawful.com/guides/forums/index.htm
I'll just post relevent ones for us
quote:
*********The Confused Newbie
The Confused Newbie displays the actions and coherency of somebody who just finished drinking a 12-pack of Shlitz and stumbled into an unmarked room full of nude Satanists. All posts as the Confused Newbie should be somewhat offtopic and adhere to no particular topic or mindset. The only real rule in being the Confused Newbie is that there is no rules. Post whatever comes to your mind whenever it comes to your mind, and then proceed to act shocked if somebody flames you for starting 40 topics an hour and going on and on about God knows what.
EXAMPLES. The Confused Newbie will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "Hey guys, what other games do you guys play? I play Quake 3 because I love the net code on my 33.3 modem on my mom's computer! Is Counterstrike a game like Quake 3? Will I like it? thanks a lot guys!!!!! "
Star Trek forum: "My friend Maria told me to post here. Maria, are you here? Maria? Hello? Plz reply if you're here! DOES ANYBODY KNOW MARIA HERE? how do i chat on this?"
Honda Civic forum: "What music do u guys listen to? I like Marylyn Manson! I hope u dont like the backstyreet Boys LLOLOLOLOLOLOL "
********** The Flamethrower Clone
A great choice if you don't have anything of substance to contribute, you really want people's attention, or you simply can't write 10 words without referencing homosexuality / bodily functions. Your posts should vaguely address the subject at hand (copy and paste a random word from the original topic into your post), but it must be cleverly hidden behind a slew of pointless profanities and other remarks which will make you appear to be a rabid 12-year old with Attention Deficit Disorder. Try to flame anybody and everybody; if somebody ever agrees with you, hold off flaming them at least until they post their next message. It's only common courtesy!
EXAMPLES. The Flamethrower Clone will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "You fucking faggots don't know shit about Counterstrike you puke lapping shitheads. If you did, you retarded idiots would realize the game fucking sucks gay balls you faggot ass queer homosexuals. Go ask mom to buy you a new game, fag shitheads."
Star Trek forum: "Fuck Star Trek, you cocksuckers. All you science fiction geeks are too busy masturbating to 7 of 9 to hold an intelligent conversation, you moronic queer gay fuckers. Go hump a ball for Odo, you stupid queer fags."
Honda Civic forum: "HONDA CIVICS ARE FUCKING GAY CARS FOR QUEERS"
**********Mr. Aggressive
Mr. Aggressive is the perfect personality for anybody who is attempting to get over beatings they suffered from school bullies during 5th grade. By acting like an all-out asshole and threatening physical violence on people you'll clearly never meet, you can benefit from a wonderful stress reducer! Plus people will think you're a tough guy, and they won't be aware you're actually an anemic 14-year old who has to be home schooled because you have a phobia of sunlight and trees. When posting, it helps to remind yourself that you're hidden behind an IP adress and Hotmail account, and nobody's ever been able to track down somebody online because it's nearly impossible thanks to tools like Norton Crashguard and Microsoft Notepad.
EXAMPLES. Mr. Aggressive will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that Desert Eagle up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Star Trek forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that phaser up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Honda Civic forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that Honda Civic forum up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
*********** Cute Gurl v2.0
By donning the mask of Cute Gurl v2.0, one is given the freedom to write whatever they like while avoiding all traditional forms of grammar and punctuation. Cute Gurl v2.0 is best not used on forums inhabited by males under the age of 20, or else other forum members have a high chance of changing into Mr. Aggressive when responding to posts. Use of emoticons and other ASCII art is highly encouraged, as is the act of referring to everybody as "hunny", "sweetie", and "cutie." In other words, try to be an online slut who's entire diet consists of pig troughs full of sugar. Whenever another Cute Gurl v2.0 comes online, the sheer idiocy in the forums will increase at least twelvefold. The Cute Gurls v2.0 should greet each other with outrageously annoying phrases like "hey baybee!!!!!!!!" and "luv u hunny!!!!!!"
EXAMPLES. Cute Gurl v2.0 will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "hey whats this game how do i install it thx allot bye!!!!! : P~~~~~~~"
Star Trek forum: "u ever see the one with the Tribbels? they were {{{{{{{{{{SO CUTE}}}}}}}}}}} can i get those anywhere like stuffed animals or something?!? love ya thx, bye!!!"
Honda Civic forum: "do the cars come in red??? thats my boyfriends color and weve been going out for 2 months now hes so cute his names Jeremy and he likes Slipknot!!! thx bye!!! :o)"
********** Ravey Davey
Ravey Davey is into the electronic hip hop techno d&b rave scene! He's an aspiring DJ and attends all the cool warehouse raves with his fellow friends, like hApPy-SaRaH and KANDYKID1241! He knows the difference between dark techstep and goa trance, but he can't really explain it so anybody else would understand. This may or may not be due to the fact that he's been popping acid and ecstasy like aspirin for the past three years. All other forms of music are inferior to the kinds of happy hardcore he spins, and he prides himself on the fact that the list of "artists" he listens to aren't known by anybody else, even their own mothers.
EXAMPLES. Ravey Davey will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "No but what Im saying is that the maybe the guns should be less poewerfull becuase if yo can take more damage then you will want to play longer/ its not like goseman dosent know what hes doing but maybe he should experiment a bit more with different things or maybe ask peopple what they want instead of doing what he doing now becuase I dont think its workiong?"
Star Trek forum: "No thats not what I meant I didnt say that so I dont know why you you thought I did let me say it again: I think that Dep Speace 9 was good but it didnt have it lacked the characters as Voyager and thats its not on anymore and now mayeb they should open their minds up a little bit and realize that they need to be more open minded understand ?"
Honda Civid forum: "if anybodys selling good 16 inch subs for under $150 a pair let me know. IM spinning tonight at Incestuous Paradise rave in Cleveland so I wont answer until tomorrow or later if I get the peach e ^_^"
********* The Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts*********
Many scientists can't quite figure out how the Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts finds time to respond to every single thread while still being able to eat and sleep. In addition to being able to post his opinions on every single topic that enters the forum or newsgroup, the Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts is able to insult all newbies and people with less posts than him (ie, everybody else). You see, a true measurement of how cool you are can be linked to your bulk number of posts, not the quality of those posts. Plus, nothing says "hip dude" quite like somebody who spends all their day refreshing a forum page and posting one-line replies just so they can watch their post count increase.
EXAMPLES. The Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "Oh great, another NEWBIE IDIOT."
Star Trek forum: "LOL"
Honda Civic forums: "Sure. : )"
