It doesn't matter who I am, whether you like me or not, or even if you read me. The forum is here, so I post. All you need know, is I'm an analyst for a newspaper... and this is just my way of blowing off some steam.

So, enjoy my first or not. Whichever.

Welcome to the White House. 1. by TheAnalyst 8-12-02

The Press: Mr President! With the current state of the war on terrorism, how likely is it that the US will be mobilised for war against Iraq? President: I and my staff are, of course, in full consultation with Congress and we will have an answer on that by the end of the week. The Press: What is your response to Senator Carl Levin's hypothesis that should the US go to war against Iraq that Saddam would use weapons of mass destruction, having nothing to lose in such an act? President: With all due respect to the Senator, I think he is very wrong. If we strike Saddam where it hurts NOW then it reduces the risk of such retaliation. Of course, Saddam is watching this, too.. The Press: Is there anything more you can give the American public, perhaps to encourage them in these times of continuing trouble and strife, to boost public spirit? President: Yes. I would like the world to know that all their base... Okay, which wiseass wrote this speech?

Welcome to the White House. 2. by TheAnalyst 8-12-02

The President of the United States and the Prime Minister of Great Britain. Prime Minister: H-hello, Mister President. I do hope you're... well. I'm just calling to... discuss... the latest agreement between... our countries. President: Is there something wrong with the agreement, Minister? Prime Minister: W-well, no. Not as such... it's just a few details that are still a little... hazy. President: Hazy? I'm not quite sure I'm with you there, Minister... you'll have to explain some more. Prime Minister: There are some... p-places in the agreement that are a little... strangely worded, shall we say. Are you quite sure it's the... same... agreement as always? President: Of course it's the same damn agreement. We say jump, you say how hi. What's so hard to understand?

These are fine but you don't need to identify who is talking in every dialouge box. Try identifying people more naturally, through the conversation.

The first one was funny, though.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I would protest about the second one, but Blair is a spineless poodle.

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Absorbed directly through the skin.

Welcome to the White House. 3. by TheAnalyst 8-12-02

Mister President, the corporations backed you, and now it's time to give back to them. But I think something a little more subtle than this is in order. This is, simply, preposterous. Why not? It's the perfect solution. Make medical records available to the pharmaceuticals so they can market their drugs to a more appropriate social strata. I don't see the problem here, Dick. The problem lies not with the pharmaceuticals, but with the public. Medical records are intended to be private records for doctors, not marketing tools for corporations. So what am I supposed to do here? I have people to satisfy, promises to keep... I have to keep -some- of my election promises, or they'll think I'm incompetent. Too late... The key is to make it seem like you're doing the public a favour, while helping out the corporations that sponsored you. How about weakening the Department of Health and Human Services... ... to let medical records be appropriated by the insurance industry without the patient's signature. Perfect! That's one sector, now let's talk military contracts. How's Iraq looking these days...?

Very interesting...

...but it needs more sodomy.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Sorry... I don't do sodomy. However, I do do this...

Welcome to the White House. 4. by TheAnalyst 8-12-02

Yes, Mister President, you wanted to see me? Yes, please have these memos faxed secure to the CIA, NSA and FBI. I want to see proof of receipt, too, signed by the directors themselves. Yes sir, will there be anything else? Yes, please also have the first proofs of the Kyoto agreement and the ABM treaties sent in. I want to begin a full briefing and analysis with the cabinet this afternoon. Of course, Mister President, anything else? Do you smoke cigars?

How can you say these terrible things! Don't you know Tony Blair is the greatest statesman the world has ever seen?! He thinks about things really deeply, you can see it in his frown! He singlehandedly crushed the forces of godless fundamentalist terrorist communism!

Great news...if you're Satan by andydougan 3-25-02

George Bush, former president Up you get, boy. My folks've written you a speech to keep them idiot voters supportin' our war. Aw, dad! Do I gotta? I was hopin' to meet the guys for a line today! An' I never even wanted to be no president, anyhow! Up! No boy of mine lazes about when he could be committin' mass murder and settin' back the progress of the world! No fair. After his tongue was surgically removed from the president's anus, Mr Blair said he stood shoulder to shoulder with the US government. All goes well on earth...

3 thumbs up.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Great stuff all round.

Bugger sodomy.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Welcome to the White House. 5. by TheAnalyst 8-13-02

Mister President, could you summarise the thoughts of your administration after Mister Schwab's warning that the recent slide in share prices has taken its toll on investors? Well, of course we are deeply concerned, but I am still confident that these comments will not dent the hopes of a full economic recovery. How do you respond to allegations made by Democratic representative John Spratt that by limiting the seminar to like minded participants, you are protecting your policies from scrutiny? With all due respect to Mr Spratt, that is utter hogwash. The Bush Administration has always been, and will remain, open to scrutiny in its policies and practises as is the right of every citizen. If that is the case, Mr. President, how do you respond to critics of Operation TIPS and its negative press of being an anachronistic throwback to McCarthyism, rewarding citizens for spying on peers? That is all for this evening, no further questions.

I prefer Dougan's political satire, his comics have colourful characters, and they usually have a punchline.

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Dad was flammable

The punchlines (yes there are punchlines, I can see them...) are a little subtle, but the setup and observation is something I certainly appreciate. I like. And I'm not at all influenced by the fact I'm on his favourites list... ;)

/benny/

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My metaphors are metafives...

I like these very much Analist.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

I hope that's just a typo!

/benny/

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My metaphors are metafives...