[b][i]Colostomy... is such a lonely word
Everything just smells like poo
Colostomy... I stink just like a turd
People smell me and they say "pew!"[/i][/b]
-- Sung to the tune of Billy Joel's Honesty

Since my surprise winning entry in the last competition was a bit of a song parody, it seems only fitting that the next competition be much the same:

The rules: Parody the lyrics of a famous song. You can do a recognizable snippet in a single panel, or a larger portion (a whole song? you masochist!) in a series.

There are two variations of this rule. You can modify the lyrics to suit your twisted mind or illustrate the original lyrics in such a way that you give it a whole new, bizzare (but funny) meaning.

Deadline: Friday night or thereabouts, sc time.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Did somebody say Sound of Music?

The Sound of Stripcreator by kaufman 9-23-02

TO-bor wants to fill your ass! GABE: The biggest geek for years! KA-jun wants to smoke that grass FUCK: The rappist with big ears.

Sung to the Tune of Do Re Mi by kaufman 9-23-02

RO-tor turbines will not work! BOB: What he sings we don't know! TI and biscuits while we jerk... And that brings us back to TO....

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Sing a Song of Evil by itsclark 9-23-02

"A horse is a horse, of course, of course. And noone can talk to a horse of course!" "That is, of course, unless that horse is the famous Mr. Ed!" "Go right to the source and ask the horse. I'm certain he'll kill you without remorse!" "He represents an evil force. Run from Mr. Ed!" Which of thier childhood memories shall we desecrate next? "Who can turn the world on with a smile?..."

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Don't know if this counts or not.

Tom "Petty" by itsclark 9-03-02

NO YA DON'T, HAVE, TA LIVE LIKE A REFUGEEE!! But Mr. Petty, my sister and I ARE refugees. We have NO CHOICE but to live in grinding poverty. Oh. BABY EVEN THE LOSERS, GET LUCKY SOMETIMES!!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

One is the loneliest number. But five is homoerotic fun!

CC 143: Stand the Joker By Me With Homoeros by akirajim 9-23-02

You have the smallest wang that I ever did see. I really hate these leeches. So naked, so free! Fuck, fuck, oh fuck! I'll be washin' all the time (to clean this shit off)! SCHWING Relax, baby, you look damn good in grime.

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~But now you realize / He's not selling any alibis~

Nobody's Default but Mine by kaufman 9-23-02

Sung to the Tune of John Cage's 4:33

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Probably not rules compliant. Yes, those are real lyrics.

The Wedding Sing-grrr by itsclark 9-23-02

"I'll see you die at my feet! Eternally I smash your face! Facial bones collapse as I crack your skull in half!" "Created to kill, the carnage continues! Violently reshaping human facial tissue!" ----Snif!---- "Hammer Smashed Face" by Cannibal Corpse... a sentimental favorite! Yours is the best wedding ever, DX!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

I will flood this contest.
Flood it with evil.

It's Just a Joker by itsclark 9-23-02

Some people call me the butt cowboy! Some call me the ass wrangler of love! Some people call me Maurice...

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC 143: Garfunkeled by kaufman 9-23-02

Hey Leon, got any roofies I can buy? Sho' thing, my man! Sam, buy that lady a drink. And will you drop two of these in? Here's a fifty. For fifty, you've got it, JC. o/` Now here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. Jesus loves you more than you will know... Did I really sleep with my clothes on? And why does my cervix feel like a carpenter's been pounding on it?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 143: Retrospective by kaufman 9-23-02

In comic 2525, Donkey's barely alive. In space he must survive with cowboys. Kill me now.. In comic 3535, Little girl is set afire By a robot red and mean, Horny and nasty is that machine. Yes. I am Bonk. Master of the World. All young children shall give me head. In comic 4545, Maura cheats on husbands, Clango on wives. He has found a better lover in the nozzle of an old Hoover... I cheated on you with the vacuum cleaner. Well I've got news for you...

Retrospective part 2 by kaufman 9-23-02

In comic 5555, The army's forced into a backward drive. Private Ryan has taken a hit and the enemy's attention span is shit! Ok troops, the enemy is currently distracted by Ryan. In comic 6565, a fellow deals with rejection slip jive, With his employment hopes so dead, hammers a nail into his head. Your submitted resume has been disgarded, set on fire, cut into pieces, and used to wipe the ass of our CEO. In comic 7510, characters seem to have gone on strike again. One panel with anything, only three words. Many of these comics are simply turds ... WHAZAAAAAAP? AYE CARUMBA!

Retrospective part 3 by kaufman 9-23-02

In comic 8510, a coherent word shows up every now and then. If you read on beyond panel two, You'll find out who all your base are belong to. A/S/L? AHHHHASDkljdhdskjdsffs!!! In comic 9595, The Jesuses don't have very long to stay alive. Nailed to the crosses, they can't walk or dance. But those fellows can still wet their pants whoa-oa. Ha ha, you pissed yerself! Shit. Now it's 90,000 strips. Drexle stands with hands on hips. Dinosaurs walk this earth. And caffeine, there is no dearth. But every single night, Newbies discover this site, It will be very soon... ...When donkeys again walk the moon ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Woops. Apologies for inadvertently (& badly) ripping off Akirajim with my previous entry.

Kaufman's on fire!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Franks wild years. If I wasn't so lazy I would do this one right.

Never Could Stand That Dog by Spankling 9-23-02

Well Frank settled down in the Valley and hung his wild years on a nail that he drove through his wife's forehead. oops... Idiot. His wife was a spent piece of used jet trash made good bloody marys kept her mouth shut most of the time. How 'bout a drink. And just the right time of the month for the blood, too. One night Frank stopped at the Shell station, he got a gallon of gas drove home, doused everything in the house, torched it, parked across the street, laughing, watching it burn, all Halloween orange

The Gal Who Invented Kissin' by Spankling 9-23-02

I love The Gal Who Invented Kissin’, I don’t recall her name, But I do believe that gal should sit high in the Hall of Fame. I think I've hit on something here. Wanna try it? I'll try anything once. She showed the girls how to pucker up and roll their pretty blue eyes, She showed them how to kiss hello and how to kiss goodbye. Fuck goodbye. Show me how to kiss hello again! Okay! She taught the fellows how to smooch instead of holdin’ hands; She showed them how to steal a kiss like they do in foreign lands. Steal nothing mister! No money, no kissy!

My secret shame is that I enjoy yodeling cowboy music.

http://www.wylieww.com/

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

The Anti-Kaufman takes on Kip Adotta by kaufman 9-23-02

It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown Augusta. My Pinto was in the shop so I was in a rented Porsche, and it was overheating. So I pulled into an Exxon station They said I'd blown a gasket. I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?" While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the buffalo bar -- a real pit. But I knew the owner, he used to play for the Giants. I said, "Hi, Gus!" You have to yell, he's a bit deaf. Think I had a wet dream cruisin' throught the Gulf Stream, Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Wet dream!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Tribute to Fuck by itsclark 9-23-02

wehn a man loves a women Cant kepe his mind on nutihn else Evil rapper? Are you feeling OK? He'd traid teh world, for a gud thing hes found ...  ??

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

I spent A LOT of time on this...
Entry #1:

CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 1 by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

Sung To Billy Joel's Piano Man: It's 4:20 in the afternoon, everyone's feeling shigrin. Cuz nobody has any weed to smoke or a bong to pack any in. But then he appeared sort of suddenly, and calmly as the wind blows.

CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 2 by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

with stuff sticky and sweet that packed like concrete and it smelled as fresh as a rose. la dah dah deedee daah...la dah deedee daaahh dah.

CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 3 by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

Pack us a bong, you're the reefer man! Pack us a bong tonight. Cuz we're all in the mood for some killerweed and your stuff is lookin' alright!

CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 4 by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

Now we packed up some weed in a bong of mine. He said "these hits are on me" But we paid him some cash cuz we smoked his whole stash. We were lit up like a christmas tree.

CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 5 by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

I said "Man I believe this shits killing me!" As a smile stretched across my face. and I thought that I then saw a shooting star, but the room was just spinning in place.

[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 6']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 7']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 8']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 9']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 10']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 11']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 12']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 143: Dr.Dick, on His Magical Maryjane, Takes the Mic 13']

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Contest 143: Billy Joel? I can do that! by il_schmucko 9-23-02

Well, she benches three-fifty and stands up to pee... Her zipper distends when she sees Gena Lee... And she watches the NFL voraciously... Yeah, she's probably a guy but she's always a woman to me... OOOOOOH, I take care of myself! *hic*

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

Entry #2:

CC 143: Cutting Crew and Boy George...A Winning Combination! by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

I can sing you a song to prove my attraction to you! Alright, lets here what you can do. I...I just died in your arms tonight. Musta been something ya said... I shoulda walked away!

CC 143: Cutting Crew and Boy George...A Winning Combination! by punkrockskaboy 9-23-02

That bad huh? In a word...yes. Do you really want to hurt me? Dear lord Do you really want to make me cry? Move slowly toward the door

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

CC 143: Ass by not_Scyess 9-24-02

Oh du Ukko högste skaparn / äldsteman bland alla kloka / Spänn nu för din bäste fåle / kör med bästa bruna hingsten genom märgen genom lemmen / rakt igenom fasta köttet / bringa kämpen till att lusta / tänd en eld av älskogslågan You don't actually expect to win this contest by singing Hedningarna lyrics in Finnish, do you? Oh, I'm sorry -- I suppose I could do another fucking Billy Joel entry for you. Ass.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

CC 143: Cowboy Feelings by not_Scyess 9-24-02

o/~ Physics... nothing more than, Physics... Trying not to forget my... physics... Physics, for all my life I'll feel it. I wish I've never met you, gravatrons; you'll never come again. o/~ What the fuck are you talking about?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

The Laziest Man In Stripcreator by israphael 9-24-02

I AM THE ASS RAPING ROBOT! I AM HERE TO PROTECT YOU FROM THE TERRIBLE SECRET OF SPACE!

Right Said Med by israphael 9-24-02

I'm too sexy for my lab coat, too sexy for my lab coat! So sexy it hurts! I'm too sexy for my gloves, too sexy for my gloves! Latex and Nitrile! I'm a doctor, you know what I mean! And I do my little experiment on the lab bench! Must find death ray!