After seeing primerAL's comic (below), it occurred to me that it's about time we had a sports-related thread here...

NBA: What opponents talk about after the game by primerAL 6-04-01

Dikembe Mutombo, your team just waxed our asses in the Eastern Final... we suck! Sam Casell, it ees okey. If joo pley wid heart, yoo are de winner Our team sucks because we tried to play rough but we just couldn't hang yo. And I even tried to trip Iverson on the 7th game. Yeah, that ees de reason why you guys lost. It's becoos yoo SUCK A FAT WAD As a madder oof fact, yoor goonna peh foor yoor entire team's shittiness. Coom here yoo ball hogging crack beby, I'm gooing to slap yoor manboobs until dey becoome swoollen! DARR!!!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

More fuel for boorite's theory... by wirthling 6-06-01

...and now, on the breakaway, only Eric Snow stands between Shaq and the basket! RAAAAR!! SHAQ WILL CORNHOLE YOU! I am definitely toast... ...and Rick Fox passes to Kobe, who steps on Iverson's head enroute to a 360 degree, twisting, reverse somersault dunk! Damn. Rick Fox is super-fine! I wish HBO would hurry up and give him a full-frontal nudity shower scene on "Oz"! Oh crap. I just said that out loud, didn't I? I'm not gay! Really! Don't sweat it, dude. I wouldn't kick Rick Fox outta bed, either!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Zen Master P... by wirthling 6-06-01

Listen up, Kobe - I have a book I want you to read... No offense, Phil, but if I wanted to read books, I would have gone to college... But this book will teach you important lessons about teamwork and combining diverse talents to reach a common goal... Coach, we're the defending champs, we're winning, Shaq's getting double-doubles every game, I'm averaging 30 points, and I'm just getting warmed up. Bite me. I gotta tell ya something, Bill - that Phil Jackson is some kinda coaching genius! Boy, that Phil Jackson is some kinda coaching genius!

Yeah, I know Kobe looks a lot like Eric Snow in this second strip, but whadda ya gonna do?

And yes, I should be sleeping...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Ripken's Gehrig's Bitch by ObiJo 6-06-01

Yesterday's Radio Ty Cobb's rounding third, and OH NO! His leg bone just burst through the skin! He's still going, collides with the catcher and JARS THE BALL LOOSE! TIGERS WIN! Cobb, you magnificient bastard, you! Today's TV Kevin Johnson, with a bruised shin, will be out two to three weeks. Three weeks for a bruise? Tomorrow's Holovision Unnecessary Roughness. Mussing the hair. 15 yard penalty. First down! Open your eyes, ref! That was Intentional Grooming if I've ever seen it!

Some say comedy flows from tragedy. I not only believe this but ascribe any comedic talent I may have to the fact that I've been a Cubs fan since I was 9. The loveable bums.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Does this count?

World's Stupidest Movie Critic #1 by kaufman 5-18-01

This week we're discussing that so-called classic, "Pride of the Yankees," starring Gary Cooper. "Today-ay, I consider mysel-elf ... Cooper plays Lou Gehrig, a baseball player who gets sick and dies of, *SURPRISE*, Lou Gehrig's disease. The luckiest ma-an I mean DUH! The audience is going to see that coming a mile away. Give the guy another name, for crying out loud! On the face of this earrtth."

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Or this?

Admit it, it would be so cool! by kaufman 6-06-01

And so, overshadowed by both the US and Great Britain in many respects, Canada struggles for its national identity. Now class, do any of you have any ideas about what Canada could do to be taken more seriously? ... Yes, Alan? Uh, replace the Maple Leaf in their flag with the Stanley Cup?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Credit where credit is due by boorite 6-06-01

Alan, congratulations on your great season. I just want to say I love my teammates and especially Coach. We're practically queer for each other. But I really owe the Eastern Conference championship to my lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. Bullshit! I had money on the Knicks!

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What others say about boorite!

Wirthling sez:

Horry is cuter.... bitch!

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What others say about boorite!

here's an old one

NBA Superstar Sightings Gone Sour by primerAL 5-30-01

OMG!!! It's Sam Cassel of the Milwaukee Bucks!!! dammit, my cover is blown Are you Karl Malone from the Utah Jazz? Are you another illegitimate child of mine? Jason Williams of the Sacramento Kings??? What are you doing in that trashcan? I fucked up in the playoffs... so I'll just wait it out until the 2002 season

Not exactly sports-related...

Interview with Ken Griffey, Jr. by wirthling 6-06-01

How are you dealing with the pressures by your team, your fans, and the media, Ken? Hold on a minute here - we're getting tired of you all using the same token black character to represent every black athlete! What, do you think we all look alike? Oh, uh, no. Sorry. How about this one instead? I can't believe this! Is this african mask guy supposed to mean that we're all junglebunnies running around the rainforests of Congo hunting antelopes?! OK, fine. Here ya go... Very funny, asshole.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Y está no solamente para los gringos ... Aquí está una historieta sobre fútbol.

Meanwhile, Satan's doing hockey games in Prague by kaufman 5-18-01

Hey, do you mind calling our soccer game for us? Huh? I've got important business on this earth. Come on Jesus, your name's Mexican, obviously you can help out. Well, OK. Off the free kick ... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! And while you're at it, can you heal me?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Blasphemy! Jesus has ALWAYS been a Knicks fan! Statues of Jesus wept when they traded Ewing!

But he does watch the Food Channel during roundball droughts....

Jesus, Food Network Fan by boorite 6-06-01

In the wake of all those Lakers sweeps, JC takes in some cooking shows We're gonna kick it up a notch! BAM! I made this Viking helmet out of pumpkin rinds. And that's a good thing! IRON CHEF! Whatever the hell they're saying!

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What others say about boorite!

Two-Guard Monte by boorite 6-06-01

Keep your eye on the MVP Hi, Allen! Hi, Eric! Ready to play Game 5 with the Lakers? Game 5 with...? Oh, I get it! Hahaha, good one, Eric. Wait, wasn't I Allen? Shit, I can't tell. Damn Lowpass!

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What others say about boorite!

Casting Call by boorite 6-06-01

The Lowpass bench proves not very deep... I guess I can be Iverson and/or Snow and/or Kobe. And I can be the big white guy who nobody remembers his name. For some reason, I have been cast as Mutombo. And I'm Rick "FOX." What a stupid pun. OK, who gets to be Shaq? How about me? I've got the height. Special appearance by Sodomy Donkey in a cameo role: Marv Albert! YEEEEESSSS!

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What others say about boorite!

To continue where boorite began ...

Jocks Trapped (part n+1) by kaufman 6-06-01

You think you've got it bad, Griff, look at me? I throw the first no-hitter of the season, and what do they do to Hideo Nomo? Huh? I see what you mean. And how's this characterization? Just because he's wearing the swoosh, he gets to be me, Tiger Woods! Quit your bitching, Tiger, at least you don't have the big mustache Rollie Fingers was notorious for, Secretariat? John Elway?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

The alien character is Sam Cassell, for obvious reasons...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

By the way, "Two-Guard Monte" is brilliant.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Why don't we talk about a real sport?

Bocce Mania by gabe_billings 6-06-01

Cripes. The 2001 World Championships were weak. Who would have thought the Canadians would dominate? You're telling me! Cordano was rolling like a bitch. He might as well have rammed the pallina up his ass. He royally screwed Italy. Lanzetti made a pretty good showing. I hear he's ranked eighth in the world now. He might bring South Africa out of the shitter. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my ass. South Africa's always gonna be in the bottom ranks. You think they figured out yet that I don't know shit about bocce ball? Could be. But do you really care?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

The alien character is Sam Cassell, for obvious reasons...

Oops.

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What others say about boorite!

kovy, it's like this:

{comic}246810{/comic}

Substitute square brackets for the curly braces.

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What others say about boorite!

http://www.stripcreator.com/comiclist.php?sort=date&o=2&author=Kovyfan27

OK, for some reason, none of my shit works from here, so please check out my two sports comics, as well as all the others.

On the Cart Path.... by Kovyfan27 6-07-01

This week at the British Open Hey Tiger, so you ready for the big tourney this weekend? who the fuck is this I'll be riding my cart around the course this weekend man, I'll be seeing you on Sunday Seriuosly, who the fuck let this psycho onto the course. Hey Casey, who you talking to? Tiger Woods man, he looked scared, I think he fears me!

ahh there we go, thanks!!

Thanks, man. For anyone else who cares, and is too lazy to follow links:

Hating the Flyers by Kovyfan27 6-04-01

Dude, I hate the Flyers! Damn, man, I'm sick of all these people jumping on the 'I hate the Flyers' bandwagon! The have that Lindros queer, Man, I've been hating the Flyers since '88 I hate the Primeau bastard, and Fedoruk, argh, he makes my blood boil. I'm old school hating the Flyers!!

No. Sinner.

Anyone ever see that old SNL skit where there's one of those lumberjack sporting compettitions? The winner comes over and says to the reporter: I'd like to thank Jesus for this win, he was chopping really good today. He got a little tired towards the end, but stuck to it and won this for me. And then the loser comes over and says: Bob's hogging Jesus! or some close approximation. One of my favorite skits.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.