All comics by primerAL

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by primerAL
5-29-01
all online auction junkies start off thinking they're badasses
okay, 1 minute left on the eBay auction... I'm gonna bid $125 max and that's it!
C's Short Shifter - high bid at $75
you have been outbid!
WTF??? I gotta have this shifter, gotta put in a number, not...enough...time...to...think...
So I heard you bought a C's Shortshifter on eBay for $1765
I'll be moving away for a little while

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
trying to get chix
WHAT IS GOING ONNNNN!!!
oh my...
. . .
. . .
this is a terrible situation for me
. . .

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
I am Kerpal and your daughter kicked my dog
WTF are you talking about? Let me get my little girl
You kicked my dog, I am going to kill you
What? I'm gonna tell the police what you just said
No no no, I'm just kidding
Go to hell

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
Everybody likes me in person, it's just my 'Internet Persona'
Didn't you make an idiotic joke about large women on the SE-R List causing you to get Newbied?
But people like me when they meet me in person. Harold says he liked me
SE-R Harold says he has never met you, and that you are mistaken
Oh nevermind, that was Harold from www.ScatLover.com, I frequent that website and go to all of the conventions in Kali
He personal hygiene sucks and is uglier than I originally thought... I better not mess with him because his homeland now has nuclear arms

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
4:54 pm ... the dreaded closing time network outage
It appears the Proxy Server is down again
Shit, it's almost time to go home!
Seems like a couple of users were complaining about their Counter-Strike connectivity. Isn't that one of our financial apps?
oh... Boss, this is a serious outage. I will need all IT personnel working on this and a couple of days to beta test. This could mean a lot of overtime
LOL, this beats playing at home on 56k. I'm even getting paid for this

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
Oh my God, it's N'Sync!
Fuck, the fans are everwhere. There's no escape!!!
Can you sing me a song?
Bye Bye Bye!!!

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
OMG!!! It's Sam Cassel of the Milwaukee Bucks!!!
dammit, my cover is blown
Are you Karl Malone from the Utah Jazz?
Are you another illegitimate child of mine?
Jason Williams of the Sacramento Kings??? What are you doing in that trashcan?
I fucked up in the playoffs... so I'll just wait it out until the 2002 season

 

by primerAL
5-30-01
Kevin Bacon's character is performing the transphase experimentation on himself
DARRRRR the pain is searing through my veins... aieeee!!!
later that day, knowing that he cannot be seen, he sneaks up to fulfill his carnal fantasy...
sweet, no one can see me...
where the hell could he be?
hey did you hear something?
no, did you just fondle my manboobs and pinch my buttocks?

 

by primerAL
5-31-01
Mother teaches daughter about the birds and the bees...
... and on the 9th month a new little boy or girl is born!
ooh wow!
armed with this information, the little girl is ready for the real world
Now go make your Grampa proud and tell him what you know about the birds and the bees, honey
sorry, I couldn't find any old people so I'm using this robot
... and when mommy was 16 she lost her virginity to a horde of frat brothers, Grampa!
I'm having a heart attack!!!

 

by primerAL
6-03-01
Situation: you just spent the family's vacation money on car mods. How to be a winner?
I just installed a nitrous oxide kit in the station wagon, honey
you did WHAT???
Here's what happens when you provide a good, solid bullshit answer:
I was thinking of you, sweetie. You need it for the freeway onramps, and for getting the tykes to soccer practice on time
Oh you're so thoughtful, lemme give you a big hug
DARR!
Babe, I get sick of being taunted by high school kids in their sports cars... this way, I'll spank their manboobs reaaaal good
The kids and I are going to mother's

 

by primerAL
6-03-01
Ryu is at 1/2 health with Blanca just crouching, waiting to pounce at the right moment
Ryu, I will stun you and then electrocute you... BACK - FORWARD + FIERCE PUNCH AAARRRAGH!!
Blanca's doing his Rolling Barrel move, shit... FORWARD - DOWN - QUARTERCIRCLEFORWARD + FIERCE PUNCH ... hurry up you goddamn kid at the controls!
Ryu performs his Shoryuken too late!
You are no match. My moves are cheap and the kid who's playing my character exploits them
I wish the less skilled kids would choose a character other than myself
Dhalsim must stand and watch poor Ryu get KOed before he can step in to help... the horror
Dhalsim, hurry... this is a tag team match!
I am sorry my friend. That dumbass kid at the controls does not know how to switch fighters my friend.

 

by primerAL
6-04-01
Well shucks sheeeit. I cayn'ts gets none milk outta this here goat
I better gives Bobby a call, I reckon he cayn help our itty bitty situation
I's be in dire need for milk, Bobby. This be life or death, son
I told you, these are MANBOOBS. They DO NOT produce milk

 

by primerAL
6-04-01
Dikembe Mutombo, your team just waxed our asses in the Eastern Final... we suck!
Sam Casell, it ees okey. If joo pley wid heart, yoo are de winner
Our team sucks because we tried to play rough but we just couldn't hang yo. And I even tried to trip Iverson on the 7th game.
Yeah, that ees de reason why you guys lost. It's becoos yoo SUCK A FAT WAD
As a madder oof fact, yoor goonna peh foor yoor entire team's shittiness. Coom here yoo ball hogging crack beby, I'm gooing to slap yoor manboobs until dey becoome swoollen!
DARR!!!

 

by primerAL
6-04-01
BLADAW!!!
BLADAW!!!
*sigh* I need a girlfriend
BLADAW!!!

 

by primerAL
6-05-01
Grandpa, you have the time to talk?
zzzz... oh hey there boy
I'm worried about my penis size. I'm already 16 and it's only 3". Will it get any bigger?
Well son, you are out of luck. It's hereditary, you will grow up to be...
theeeees small.

 

by primerAL
6-05-01
Grandpa, do you have a second to chat?
zzzzz... oh sure boy, what's on yer mind?
I'm worried about the size of my... wiener. I'm already 16 and it's only 4" long. Am I destined for Smallville?
Son, it's hereditary. You will be....
Theeeeees small

 

by primerAL
6-07-05
Helpdesk, sup
Ok, looks like you bought your system with a discount. Sounds like you've got a low-priority issue.
Here's what you do: Hangup and call back after midnight so the India Helpdesk can help you out. Ok bye.

 

by primerAL
6-07-05
As your boss, I'm giving you a promotion for your outstanding service!
I'm kinda busy right now, actually. Need for Speed Underground owns my ass, werd
Is that a fixed up Civic? Are those neons and that hideous koi fish front bumper?
Yeah . . . I just installed NAWS
You're fired.

 

by primerAL
6-07-05
Being undead is gettin kinda old. I need a challenge
Same old crap everyday. People all taste the same ... wtf
Hey bitch, get off my turf
Oh, pardon me

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