Well, I haven't been posting much lately, so I figured I should keep myself in the limelight. That and since I've been so out of ideas, I'm really happy when I can think of something. It feels like I'll never get to 700 at this rate. Forget 800.

In the meantime, bull semen.

Sex Ed at the A&M by Scyess 1-14-03

All right, Jon. You wanted some sexual experience, and I'm going to show you how to get some. So stop yer bitchin', okay? Okay, Jim, but... All right, ready? Let's go through the checklist! Gloves! _______________ Instruments! _______________ Restraints! _______________ Protection! _______________ Semen! Rubber Gloves! Check! _______________ Long, metal dildo! Check! _______________ Lasso-rope, check! _______________ Helmet, catcher's pads, protective cup! Check! _______________ Bull semen, check! All right! Let's go artificially inseminate some cows. (I wish you would stop calling the inseminator a "long, metal dildo.") I wish you would stop calling artificially insiminating cattle "sexual experience."

'Cause Cow Hips are Bigger by Scyess 1-14-03

Damn, Jon, it sounds like you've really got the hang of this whole bovine insemination process. MOO!! MOOOOOOO!! MOOooooooooOOOO!!! Hey, you're not Jon. Jon went home. Now let me show you how bovine insemination is REALLY done. That's not very high tech. Besides, I kept getting thrown when I tried that. It's all in the hips.

At Least You've Got Your Literacy by Scyess 1-14-03

Hello, Bova, my darling. I got your note, but I couldn't read it. Moo! Translation: "It said I found out you were at the bovine insemination yard all afternoon with Jim, you illiterate pervert. I never want to see you again." Moo! Hey, who are you calling illiterate, Miss "Tries to Write a Note without Opposable Thumbs?" Hey, come back!

Poor Cowdjinn by Scyess 1-14-03

How DARE you not agree that my fingernail polish matches my hair elastic! GARGH!!! Ow... Hey, why am I stuck to the floor? Hi, Jon. My tube of super glue sprung a leak, so I emptied it into your shampoo bottle. I hope you don't mind. Damn! My woman caught me cheating with a whole stockyard of heifers, now I have to decide whether to dump her or apologize. Man, women are such a pain in the ass. Wow. You sure have it tough. Now be a friend and douse my head in turpentine, won't you?

Re Veal ing by Scyess 1-14-03

Cowdjinn! Remember me? Clara! We had that "romantic encounter" the other day. Well, we're going to have a calf! Isn't it great? What should we name him? How about "Veal?" What? You sick bastard! You knocked me up, and as the father you will take responsibility, dammit! Um, I knocked you up in the industrialized ranch where you are routinely inseminated to produce offspring for eating. *sigh* "Veal" it is then. So, before I call the ranch and report your whereabouts, got time for a quickie? *wink*

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"Old" is the old new.

I liked them

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Sex Piano.

Good work again Scyess, consider yourself basking in the chemical glow of the lime subliming.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

brilliant. im now going to go get a beer and prepare for your response towards MY weak offering. . .if you like even one i'll know i stand a chance!!!!! (although the subtle validation from file13 gives me some hope)