ok , i confess, its another cheap Matthew Kelly gag.

Bars in their Eyes by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 1-15-03

Hello Folks. My names Matthew Kelly , and Tonight , im going to be ....... Arrested.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

More Socio-Political Commentary ..... by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 1-15-03

Welcome to Stars in their Eyes Kids Edition. Tonight , we have 9yr old Timmy Gregan. So , what are you going to do for us tonight Timmy. Well Tonight Matthew , im going to be giving evidence to the Jury through a secure video link.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

That reminds me, I'll need to get to work making a sequel to my Pete Townshend strip.

These comics practically write themselves these days by andydougan 1-15-03

Yet another celebrity has been arrested on account of he touches up wee boys. Allegedly. Ha ha ha! Brilliance! How can you laugh about such a horrible crime? Who is it this time? Matthew Kelly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ive been laid up with the flu for the last 72 hours, hence i havent made a single Pete Townsend strip.

If youre already on the case, i shall leave it in your capable hands.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Stars In Their Eyes by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 1-15-03

Hello and welcome to Stars in Their Eyes. And tell me , who are you going to be tonight? Well Matthew , tonight , im going to be ..... Gary Glitter.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Note to self: combining two topical jokes often doesn't work all that well...

#That deaf dumb and blind kid# #Sure has a mean set o'balls# by jes_lawson 1-14-03

So Mr.Rafiq, how do you explain the prescence of the illegal toxin Ricin at your flat? "I was only using it as research in order to write a book on terrorism" Come on! That excuse got Pete Townshend off the hook! Fart the tune to "Won't Get Fooled Again" out of your arse and I'll think about it...

Oh and the Bay City Rollers old manager has been arrested as well on similar charges dating back twenty years.

Hmm...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

More socio-political satire by jes_lawson 1-16-03

Int: Pop Music Industry HQ, 1974, where the first boy band is about to roll off the production line... Just do what I do, and the Bay City Rollers will delight millions of kids the world over. You'll be where I am in 30 years! Magic! What did you say your name was? Jonathan King!

That took 5 minutes and it shows. We could go on all day at this rate...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Another Appeal by TheGovernor 1-16-03

Hello Im Judi Dench, and Im here to ask you for £2 pound a month or whatever you can spare to help celebrity kiddie fiddlers get off scot free Just £2 a month will allow celebrities like Mathew Kelly to hire ace legal representation and publicity to quash the allegations so that his reputation is not ruined £5 a month will allow celebrities to buy fake credit cards and not have to use their own whilst perusing peodofile images on the internet. Please help them. Thank you