About 7 months ago, I wrote these...

Prelude: A new hero is born... by Drexle 8-10-02

On a day not unlike any other, Drexle was surfing the internet as usual. "Vesicovaginal fistula?" This is a real medical term? Wonders will never cease... But what started as an ordinary day soon became a day that was to make history... ...Wait, what's that sound? The sound was of a small meteor, hurtling through the cosmos, and straight onto our protagonist's noggin. (**THUD!!!**) OOoooowww FUCK!

Prelude part 2 by Drexle 8-10-02

As our hero lay upon the floor, bleeding profusely from massive head trauma, there was but a singular thought in his mind... ... certain of his demise, he was overtaken by an all consuming desire to return to the living and spread terror to the world... ... and forever would he be known as the enigmatic dark lord... Count Vaginal Fistula!

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 1 by Drexle 8-10-02

And so our protagonist sits perched atop the city's tallest building, surveying those on the streets below... searching for prey... Hey, I can see my house from here! Suddenly, his eyes alight upon a hapless female, foolishly walking the streets alone. Now is his chance to swoop down upon her! (**Swoop!!!**) Sadly, our hero neglected to realize that he can't actually fly... (**CRUNCH!!!**)

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 2 by Drexle 8-10-02

Even when things look bleakest... ... Groan.... Oh my God, are you alright?! Say something!!! ... our hero, Count Vaginal Fistula... Ugh... c-come closer... Oh my... this is horrible. I can't believe you're still aliv-- ... thinks only of one thing. ha HA!!! AAAaaAAAAAHhhH!!! What the fuck are you doing?! You monster!

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 3 by Drexle 8-10-02

In times of great physical distress, our hero must turn to his one true source of immortality... (*Squish, squoosh, squish!*) Ah, Ah, AAAH! AAARGHHH!!! With his infernal thirst quenched, his broken body is once again rejuvinated. And his powers now hold sway over his new willing ghoul... Come, my pretty... we shall stalk the night, spreading much angst and pretention in our wake. Yes, SIR!

[Click to view comic: 'The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 4']
[Click to view comic: 'The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 5']

Now I've written these:

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 6 by Drexle 3-24-03

Later, at The Institute for the Annals of Improbable Research... Excuse me uh... Dr... uh... Mine name ist Dr. Kokenbals. Yeah, uh... Dr... Kokenbals... we just recieved a fascinating report of Vaginal Vampirism. De vomen alvays find new vays to suck de life out off you. It's not quite like that sir... Dey are all de same! You'd vant blod too iff you bled voor days on end!

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 7 by Drexle 3-24-03

No, Doctor. Appearantly, a ghoulish looking adult male attempted to leap to his death from a tall building earlier today. A young female rushed over to his shattered carcass to offer help, whereupon he thrust his hand up between her legs. During the course of the assault, he was said to regain his health completely. He shortly left the scene with the victim, who reportedly went willingly, and smiling. Vat nonsense vere you going on about? I vas busy looking voor mine Kokenbals. Haw_haw! Sigh... some freak tried to kill himself, survived, then brutally shoved his fist up a girl's twat and made her like it. Wanna investigate? Und dis ist improbable how?

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 8 by Drexle 3-25-03

How can you say that, Doctor? I mean, the spontaneous healing I can believe, but the fisting? In my country, ve haff old stories about dis creeture. Ve call it "Count Vaginal Fistula!" You see, dere vonce vas a very eeevil man named Fistul. Iss name strach terror into de hart off de people. My God! I think I hear him coming! He's not the only one coming from the sound of it... I always thought Krista would be a screamer. His tvisted desires gave birth to a certain sexual technique. And duss vas his name to be known forever as... Gasp!!! Count Vaginal Fistula!!! It's time to pay your taxes, wench! Now, where might you be hiding them?

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 9 by Drexle 3-25-03

His reign lasted voor years, und in de meanvile de people seemply suffered under his rule... I know you've got something illegal up there!!! YeeeeaaaaAAAAAaaaahh!!! Until vahn day, ven a noble Red Knight came trough de countryside. He challenged de Count, und vanquished him. Red Knight will vanquish you!!! Aaaah! I am dieing! Und duss, his reign came to un end. Hooray! The Count is dead? Isn't this great?! Uh... yeah. Great... I guess. Sigh...

The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 10 by Drexle 3-25-03

De story doesn't end dere, dough. It is said dat de spirit off de Count comes back efery handred years to spread eeevil, and vomen's legs. Ooookay. I just have one question for you. Vat iss it? What the Hell country does that accent come from? I don't knoooow.

[Click to view comic: 'The Adventures of Count Vaginal Fistula: 11']

Maybe we'll find out what happens to Sara and Zoe in another 7 months.

NO! Continue this series soon!

I remember reading the first part ages ago, I think, maybe, dunno, part 10 was my favourite.

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Dad was flammable

would count vaginal fistula be susceptible to monistat 7 the way regular vampires succumb to holy water?

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Just watch out for "Preperation H" from the Planet Uranus.

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not_Scyess ate my Sig.