Boinky and I were joining forces on a script for a movie but broke up becuase of creative differences. We are now working on two similar, but competing, movie scripts.

Mine is called "Quick, Hide the Broken-Off Dick"
and his is "Dude, Where's my Cock"

May the best man win.

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

the guy is loading up this mob bosses car and his dick breaks off in the trunk
* Sseycs sits in his room and plays with himself all day.
the mob boss finds out and puts a hefty ransom on it
so he and his asian buddy Joe go out to get his dick back
he and joe are not friends at first but they learn to love eachother at the end
mines about a wealthy millionaire who is frozen
and they battle a giant rat....they defeat it by throwing it on the sidewalk
and two bumbling idiots have to transport his frozen body
and they accidently break off the dick
I think King Missle already did a song about that, boink.
....
too bad
hence the title, "Quick, Hide the Broken-Off Dick"
it's a wacky comedy
and there are zombies
robots
about cock
lesbians
fire
bob saget
wow
titties
* dcompeezyfosheezy 's pants blow up
Oh yea
and he kills the mob boss with his own broken off dick at the end
keep talking.......
pretty fucking sweet, eh?
How does he keep the dick hard while it's broken off?
Oh yea
he puts viagra in the wound
Oh yea
just inserts it
Product placement. You've thought of everything.

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

it's now "Quick Hide the Broken-Off Dick Before we Get in Trouble for what we Did"
....
my idea is better
mine has funding
so does mine
10 dollars
and ive cast steve buscemi as the broken-off dick

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

My idea needs some work, but it is much better than yours.

I casted Scyess as the exploding dinosaur
right?
* Sseycs explodes.
:)
along with boinky's dreams
you can have a part in my movie boinky
no
the starting of my movie is good
you can be the boy who carries around the bucket the director pees in when he's too busy to make it to the bathroom
but the rest need some work
btw i am the director
bye
I'm going to write my movie

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

quote:

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my idea is better
mine has funding

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RAAARRR!!! TOBOR LIKES THIS IDEA!!! TOBOR GIVES MANY PUNY FLESHLINGS AN INNER COCK!!!

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RAAARRR!!!

OK, wait, I know why the wife keeps the chopped off dick instead of putting it down the insinkerator like a normal wife would. It's because the dick is magical, or maybe scientific, I don't know, but it starts to generate another Guido. The wife wants to sell the cock to science or a freak show or something (SEE THE INCREDIBLE TALKING COCK). And while Guido is chasing after his cock, he notices he's becoming... different. A gentleman. And he gets even more freaked out when he discovers his estranged schlong is growing a copy of himself. Don't you see the LITERARY IMPLICATIONS here? In a sense, Guido IS his dick! His quest for his penis is a search for HIMSELF, and he's not sure he likes what he finds! In the end he discovers new meaning or insight into life or some shit. Call the picture Who's the Real Dick and send me a big fat check.

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What others say about boorite!

This is why I haven't been to a cinema in three years.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

I thought it was because of the Polaroids of you marked DO NOT SELL THIS MAN A TICKET posted in every box office in northern Ohio.

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What others say about boorite!

This is a buddy-buddy, comedy clearly it is funniest if they break off the cock by accident themselves.

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

Comedy, tragedy, whatever-- this accident thing makes the characters passive. You don't want characters that things happen to. You want characters who do things. Characters with desire and passion. Morons hiding their mistakes from the boss is a premise fit for a Stooges short or a Lucy episode, not a major motion picture in the 21st century. What a waste of a chopped-off cock.

Stop thinking Wayne and Dude and Dumb and Dumber. Think DeNiro and Grodin in Midnight Run. Think Trains, Planes, Automobiles. Those were Olympian fucking characters right there.

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What others say about boorite!

This is a Dumb and Dumber kind of movie with a broken-off dick

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

Tell me something I couldn't see from low Earth orbit.

And let me ask you-- how many "Dumb and Dumber kind of movies" do you see, outside of the franchise? None. And only one other inside the franchise. And it was 9 years between them. There's a reason for that. Did you see how Dumberer debuted at #6 then plummeted out of the rankings like a wounded duck? Most plexes have dropped it and it's only grossed $27 mil. And yet you want to pitch your dick movie as a dumber Dumberer? Why not just write FAILURE in red Marksalot on the title page? No, the dick has to be chopped off on purpose. I wouldn't lie to you.

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What others say about boorite!

I would just call it "Surprise! You're Missing a Penis!" and it would be a street-smart lawyer battling a multi-government conspiracy (mostly the U.S. and Japan [for the ninjas]) involving alien robots from the future, all so his client can get off again.

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

I'm not feelin' it, dawg. What would Uncle Sam and the Yakuza want with some guy's weenie? You can't untangle a plot just by throwing robots at it.

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What others say about boorite!

I think this movie war is now a three-sided battle. I think the first non-credit-card funding might just go to boorite.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Heh, Heh....dick....

[Click to view comic: 'A scene from: "Dude, Where's My Cock?"']

I thought it was because of the Polaroids of you marked DO NOT SELL THIS MAN A TICKET posted in every box office in northern Ohio.

Boorite is a cunt.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

For some reason, Boorite's idea reminds me of "How to get ahead in advertising".

Two words: "The Penix"

Our hero discovers that in the real world, there is no dick. In the 21st century, all men's dicks were taken away by their wives and girlfriends. As the women soon discovered, however, dickless men won't do squat around the house. Thus, the women decided to create The Penix to give men the illusion of free will. That way, the men would continue to take out the garbage and mow the lawn without ever realizing that they never had a choice about it. Our protagonists "jack" into the Penix to fight for the return of their dicks and their free will, but, alas, they eventually discover that their mission is fruitless--it has been tried before but it always results in the women crying until the men give in and once again relinquish their dicks.

No, wait--this isn't a movie...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

You are all over-thinking this. I am working on an ethnically styled variation of the movie called "Aw No, They Done Stole My Dick Off"

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Vote Jeb Bush 2008

On the strength of that extract, Boinky, here's $6 million dollars and my first born son.

It reminds me of an idea I had for a similar film:

"Dude, Where's My Anus?"

In which two likeable but not so bright "dudes" wake up to find they've lost their sphincters. A hilarious chase across America involving biker gangs, bikini girls, Bob Hope accidentally getting tripped out on LSD, a loveable Wall Street trader chimp named Mr.Chimpston, a pie-eating contest, and Max,a jazz-lovin' dope smokin' ethnic type and owner/operator of "Max's Laxative Saxophone Taxis" as our anti-heroes race against the implosion of their own rectal walls.

Feel free to use any of those concepts, my only price is I get to play Max.

And the soundtrack should have Group X doing a cover of "Chop Off De Cock"

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

It's fun to retitle movies to "Dude" titles. Observe:

The Matrix -> Dude, Where's My Morpheus
Daredevil -> Dude, Where's My Sight
Batman Returns -> Dude, Where's My Penguin
Spider-Man -> Dude, Where's My Sewing Kit
The Hulk -> Dude, Where's My Other Shirt
Dark City -> Dude, Where's Shell Beach
Dr. Strangelove -> Dude, Where's My Bomber
Basic Instinct -> Dude, Where's My Sausage (It's hidden, get it?)
The Terminator -> Dude, Where's John Connor
Finding Nemo -> Dude, Where's My Son
Star Wars -> Dude, Where's My Death Star Plans
Raiders of the Lost Ark -> Dude, Where's My Ark (Duh!)
Highlander -> Dude, Where's My Head
Back to the Future -> Dude, Where's My Existence
Titanic -> Dude, Where's My Lifeboat?
JFK -> Dude, Where's My Cuban Connection

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.