i probably could have done more with this, but that'll give you guys more of a chance to respond.

Ten yards for piling on. by habnem 8-11-03

Hey, I was at the bar and I met this girl with a tight end. I figured I'd warm her up with a flea flicker, then get that backfield in motion... You know, pull an end-around, give her the ol' long snap and turn her into a wide receiver. I couldn't, though. Why not? She was in the red zone.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

I didn't get any of the football terminology, but it was still funny.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

My contribution:

Not For Long by kaufman 8-12-03

One giant leap for mankind. Like the Vikings, we jet across to parts unknown, like soaring eagles and Texan cowboys we ... shit, Dave, you've got red skin. You're hurt. Something ripped off my arm, a lion, a bengal tiger, a panther or a jaguar. You see hawks and falcons circling overhead? I'm gonna die. Nonsense. No need to have a cardinal administer last rites. Our chief concern is the bleeding. Luckily, I'm a good gauze packer. Can you steeler nerves and bear the pain when I ram it in? Are you stark raven mad? My arm's now turning brown. This world bucs oncoming raiders. Better pray to your patron saint; you're next. Come to think of it, I do now feel like I'm catching a colt. My bronco tubes are titaning up and I feel dolphinger pain. So much for our effort to repatriot the moon. And I always thought I'd live at least to 49er 50. At least now I won't have to pay my credit card bills (I'm a compulsive charger).

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

It's sad when a guy who has very little sports background tries to make sports jokes. Nevertheless, here's my attempt.

Fun with baseball terms by mmyers 8-12-03

I was on the deck of this clubhouse when I worked up the nerve to ask this girl out. She said she thought I was foul but she agreed so my batter was up. I tried to catch her with a double play, showing her my diamond but that I also play the field, but she wasn't impressed. Her ex was there. He was a Count. He wasn't very tall, so the Count was 3-2. I tried to show her the military units that I used to work at but the bases were loaded, we couldn't get inside. I was sure I'd struck out. I thought I'd maybe get to second base, but the next thing I knew, we were heading to my home base. I was trying to read her signals. She said she felt safe with me. So did you score? No, she asked if I was pitching or catching and I balked. She must have corked her bat.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

i know baseball thoroughly, and i think you did a lovely job (:

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars