All comics by Bottlerockett

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by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
So, babe, you wanna go in the back and screw like lemurs?
Huh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
I said : Wanna screw like lemurs, babe?
I'm a dude.
The problem with stick figures...
Oh god!
I'll let it slide this time.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
In the Roman's workshop.
Hmmm.. Looks like I'm following the plans right...
If you let me down, I'll show you the "True Path".
One last nail and I can go home!
Ok, I gave fair warning, now you incur my wrath!
AAAH! Jesus this hurts!
Don't even start..

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
Man, this is the life! Cruisin thru the cosmos, plenty of space-food and space-beer...
You said it, homie! All the free Earth-cable we can handle...
It seems we're missing something though..
You're right again.. Hey I got it!
Anal probe, anyone?

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
...
...
grrr...!
guh!
Whoever designed these new pony-rides is a genuis!
Put in another quarter!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
Have you noticed the stark decline in the quality of "The Simpsons" cartoon lately? Actually, I can't say lately, it's been going on for the past 3 seasons.
uhh
I mean, it's like they're hiring bums to write these shows! Every new episode is less entertaining than watching a dog crap!
Don't you ever shut up, I mean, it's just a cartoon!
And have you read those "Life in Hell" strip latley? Jeez! Matt Groenig must have sold his soul to the Censors, because: Pee-yew!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
I've been going through a lot of porn sites and I've come to the conclusion that pop-up windows are pure evil.
And you bring this up in casual conversation all the time?
All I'm saying is when you go to a site like www.hotchicks.net, you want filthy pr0n, not the "Pop-up Window Close-out Challenge"!
Why do I hang out with you?
Look, if I want to make a game of clicking my mouse, I'll just shove the plug up my ass so I can carry it around all day!
I think I can arrange that...

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
I just got out of the shoot for Madonna's "Don't tell me" video and boy, is my groin tired!
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Wait...
*drool*

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
Hi, this is Bottlerockett! I just wanted to say how much fun I've had in the past hour making all these little comic strips!
That's right, you made all 7 of your comics in the span of an hour, you lazy bastard!
PSSSHYEEEEWWW!!!
Look at us fly!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-14-01
JESUS! IT'S YOUR DAD.
*ring*
Oh, hey Dad.
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE! YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING ALL DAY! YOU JUST SIT THERE HANGING AROUND!
Uhhh...
HAHAH! I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU, SON!
christ...

 

by Bottlerockett
1-15-01
Sweet! New characters to play around with!
Hey! I'm new too! Looky that!
I- I think I'm going into seizures! I mean, think of what you can do with a whole new category of characters!!
I think I know wherre this is going...
Think about it! there's at least 100 more Jesus jokes and sexual metaphors you can get outta this! Holy fuck!
OK, I'm outta here.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-15-01
Dude, what's up with your hair??

 

by Bottlerockett
1-15-01
*shudder*

 

by Bottlerockett
1-16-01
You wanted to talk to me about something, sweetie?
Yes, Maura. I can't see you anymore, when we make love I want to say it feels like screwing a leather saddle..
Waah! jerk! I hope you rot in hell!
I'm sorry, but It's just that it's no good anymore.
Don't knock it 'til you try it, jerkface!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-16-01
I think...
Will you have sex with me?
NO!
It's time to...
Will you have sex with me?
NO!
Retire this gag...
Will you have sex with me?
YES!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-17-01
You'll need the japanese script to read it.
Go to any site ending in "www.yahoo.co.jp" and download it when it asks.
Go get to babelfish.altavista.com to translate if you dare!
‚ ‚È‚½‚ÌŠî”Õ‚·‚ׂĂ͎„’B‚É‘®‚·‚é!! ‚ ‚é!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-17-01
Pathetic...
New frgrance from Calvin Kline.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-17-01
I apologize for the mess that was "ANIME EXPLOSION ICH-NI-SAN-JO!!
It wasn't even very funny to begin with and the text I grabbed from babelfish didn't work.
So here's what I wrote before I translated it.
All your base are belong to us!!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-18-01
Holy shit!
I can turn around now!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-18-01
Wanna head down to the fishin' hole later?
Shore! We can go down to Old Man Eddie's and get some worms!
You see that new-fangled car comin' down main street earlier?
Whoo-ee! I'd like to get under the hood of that thang!
I really feel for my dead nigga Biggie...
Yeah, we oughta pick up some 40's for him and 2pac ...

 

by Bottlerockett
1-25-01
Click!
"Are you looking for hot hardcore porn?"
Yes!
"Well I have just the place for YOU! Go to www.____.com, and fulfill all your wildest dreams!"
Yes!
Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click!
AAAHHH! Pop-up window hell!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-25-01
Grah! I can't wait for the Apocalypse! When I come to Earth, NO ONE WILL BE SAFE!
WTF? Who the fuck are you?
I'm Cthulhu: Evil Incarnate!!
Yeah, well, I'm the Devil: Satan, Ruler of Hell!
Oh yeah? Well, I'm Death: Taker of Souls!
What the crap am I doing here?

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
Hewwo, I'm just a wittle girl.
All the Wowpass Witews wite me sooo cute and innocent.
Listen, B. This just isn't working. I need some motivation, for Christ's sake. I'll be in the lobby takin' a smoke brake.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
Hewwo, I'm just a wittle girl.
All the Wowpass Witews wite me sooo cute and innocent.
Listen, B. This just isn't working. I need some motivation, for Christ's sake. I'll be in the lobby takin' a smoke brake.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
Hey, baby. What's your sign?
I'm a dude.
She' playing coy.
Why does this always happen to me?
You sure got a purty mouth.
I think i need to stop wearing my mom's mascara...

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
Knock knock.
Who's there?
God.
God who?
Ba-dum-bump-ching!
God damnit! Why do I get stuck with all the shitty jokes?!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
Haha! What a great costume!
Yeah, I got a good deal on it too...
Sweet, this one came pretty cheap too.
Man, don't you just love Halloween?
Halloween?

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
*hack hack.. ach-em*
*skreek skreek*
*hurmmmm hurmmm*
*eeeeeeee*
~Mooo-ooon Riiiverrrr~

 

by Bottlerockett
1-28-01
Hey yo Dr. here's another proper track and it's phat Watch the sniper, time to pay the piper
And let the real shit provoke See you's a wanna be loc and you get smoked
and I hope that your Fans understand when you talk about preyin' me The same records that your makin' is payin' me Muthafuck Dre, Muthafuck Snoop, Muthafuck Death Row Yo and here comes my left blow

 

by Bottlerockett
1-29-01
Guh!
*Spittoo!* Ok, That's $50.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-30-01
*hhmmmmmm*
*hhmmmmmm*
*click**click* *click**click*
*click**click* *brrr-urrnt bbbraa-a-aaat-tt*
*Was it good for you too?*
*My hard-drive will never be the same again..!*

 

by Bottlerockett
1-31-01
Oh boy! Buckingham palace! Look at that funny looking guard over there, Maura!
No no, this is the White House, Clango.
Huh? But there's a guard right behind you!
All the guards here wear dapper suits and spiffy sunglasses.
George W. Bush gets no respect.
That's not a guard behind me.

 

by Bottlerockett
1-31-01
That things huge!
uhm...
Are you doing anything later tonight?

 

by Bottlerockett
1-31-01
BBBZZZZNNNNNNNN
What the.. Where am I?
You are on the mothership. Prepare for initiation!
Huh?
Five minutes later...
You didn't have to probe me so hard!

 

by Bottlerockett
1-31-01
Let's go to Mars and be down with the martian bitches.
No! We must bring Adrian Viedt to justice for killing the Comedian!
And away I go!
Damnit, Osterman!
Rorscach finds Viedt in his lair...
You know I can catch bullets with my ass cheks as well as my hands... big boy.
*whimper*

 

by Bottlerockett
2-01-01
I wish he'd fucking hurry up...
Where the fuck is he, I'm double parked!
About fucking time! Your Dad was never this late!
Sorry, I had to help Bill pack.

 

by Bottlerockett
2-03-01
Hello, little girl. What can I do for you?
Jesus, I am smitten by your pain threshold.
Anyway...
Well, Lord, as you can see, I have contracted a bad case of gonnorhea. Can you help me?
So you have a burning bush..?
Was that a pun?

 

by Bottlerockett
2-07-01
Advise removal of account from collections logs.
Advise noted. Account removed and credit report updated.
What do you advise for a choice of lunch?
I advise Chuy's or Taco Cabana.
Advise noted. I advise you stop pointing at me.
Advise noted. Pointing terminated.

 

by Bottlerockett
2-09-01
Waaaaaatusi!
(sings music) Ba-de-baba-dabba-baa-baa!
Uuhh huhuh. Huh huh.
Huhhuh.
Are the shrooms doin' good by you yet?
Who are you! Back off! Fugckfdmef mmmnmnmgmg

 

by Bottlerockett
2-09-01
In order this to be translated by the Babelfish, I swear that it is plotting the Bench.org of substance.
You to want to look at the power where I who how that work am new?
It is, I believe demonstration being order.
As you feel the burning mark, look at the fire!
The sound which the very hot fire makes.
Your basis everything belongs to us, it is.
It is good. Thing I where the Fucking squirrel goes always am delightful, me him who is hated.

 

by Bottlerockett
2-10-01
So this is Japanese porno?
Uh huh.
2 Asian girls can being struck the donkey.
Feel the bend and my holy grip fist!
Compared to strike me eagerly with the open hand! Correct with the donkey!
What the fuck?
Dude, I'm tellin' you, just keep watching!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-10-01
Ooh.
Ooh.
Aah.
Aah.
Gmf!
Gmf!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-11-01
No.
Come on...
No! I'm still mad at you for what you did at that LAST party!
What!? That was...
So.. Is it true what they say about BULL elephants..?

 

by Bottlerockett
2-13-01
WTF.
I just went to the salon with my girl...
Uhhh...
I got two words... Oreo. Facial... mmuthafucka.
Is that a cucumber, or are you just... nevermind.

 

by Bottlerockett
2-14-01
And this is how the dialog went...
Riggs! You crazy son of a {gun} you almost got us killed!
Oh stop it, Rog! It was all a big {darn} misunderstanding!
Well, {shoot}, I don't want my {tail} getting {messed} up like that again!
All part of the fun, Rog! Lighten the {heck} up!
Not a one {darn} {swear} word in the {film}!
Your {mother father} crazy {butt} {antics} is gonna get us {friendly} fired!
Aw, Rog, your {mother father} {stuff} is gonna get me into {an old folks home}!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-14-01
Man! It looks like the 40 day flood out here!
How you holdin' up buddy?
Thank Dad for Sealey's Water Seal (c)!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-14-01
Me chinese, me play joke! Me go pee-pee in your Coke!
*spffffpptftttt!!!* Disgusting! *spittoo!*
Or so the story goes..!
I'm only kidding! I'm not chinese!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-15-01
Earlier...
Goddamnit this shit's tearing me up!
But It's so goddamn good!! I think I got another twenty on me...
Later...
Back for more of that "white horse"?
Nonono. You know I need that "wooden badger". Shit, you tryin' to throw some jive at me?!? I'll cut you!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-15-01
BOOM BOOM BOOM-BUHBOOM BUH-BUH-
Hi.
Hi.
BUH-BOOM BOOM B-B-B-B-BOOM BOOM
So... this place is pretty nice... uhmmm.. uhhh...
Uhhh.. yeah.. Look, do you want to dance or something?
BOOM BUH-BUH-BUH BOOM BOOM BOOM
You're so hot you scare me.. I'm gonna go stand against the wall now..
Weirdo.

 

by Bottlerockett
2-17-01
When I first encountered the "dogonball" I was confused.. FRIGHTENED even, but not impressed.
I even made a strip about the two characters at Lowpass I hated. Dogonball was one. Then I went to threereasons.com and read all the strips.
Now I can't stop saying...
MY DIZZACK!!
MY BIZZALLS!

 

by Bottlerockett
2-21-01
As wirthling bears the flag of hate across the Lowpass fields...
Why do I want to say "worthless" whenever you're around?
Don't hate tha playa, hate tha GAME.

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