All comics by ClashTheStampede

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ClashTheStampede Presents: The Steps of an Argument with Artoo... Step 1 - Sarcastic Confusion
I can't understand why you think that way. It was my understanding that my point of view is not only correct, but also common knowledge.
Part 2 - Angry Criticism
You are just unable to accept the fact that you are wrong! Face facts!
Part 3 - Grudging Acceptance of Mutual Differences
Fine. Be that way. You're Right. You're always right.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/220799
OK. I'll grant you that you make Kate Moss look like Jabba the Hutt.
All right. Now admit that I look damn sexy with this beard, waistcoat, and pocketwatch.
Dude, you may have the stunning good looks of Marty Feldman, but you have none of his class.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ Interlocking_Man/220811
The Amish don't have mustaches. I, however, have a small mustache, if you'll notice.
Hmmmm... There appears to be some mistake, then. Well, if you aren't supposed to be here, then who...
Not so fast...
Crap.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ Interlocking_Man/220821
All my life, I was a good Catholic! I followed every rule! How could I wind up in Hell?!
Catholic? That was your first problem, there. You could at least have tried a decent religion, like Mormonism or Scientology.
Somewhere in Utah...
You need to get married to do a three-way now?! What a difference 75 million years inside a volcano makes!

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ Interlocking_Man/220825
Hello? Is anyone going to send me back? Adult Swim is on in, like, fifteen minutes...

 
Our Protagonist learns the meaning of life.

 

Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/221013
Yes. Ok. Now I'm ready for the second riddle.
Second riddle!? I haven't even asked you the first riddle yet.
You asked me if I was ready for "Question the first?". Technically that's the first question.
Hell, no. You missed the point, my waif-like friend. Just give me a moment to think of a good riddle...
Hours Pass...
Look, I thought I came here for three riddles!
Oh, I'm sorry, this is abuse.

 
You seemed a little off-balance along the line there. You have anything you want to tell me.
My first margarita in a million years... I swear to the elder gods that this happens every time.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part I
Did you just?
So Thursday, then?

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part II
Hey there, handsome! How would you like to go out with me?
Um. I'm sorry, but I'm not homosexual.
What are you talking about? I'm a woman! Can't you tell by how beautiful I am?!
You wouldn't happen to be from Ohio, would you?
Akron. Why?

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part III
Excuse, me, miss.
Now you show me yours.
Look, all I said was...

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating - Part IV
I would like to make this dating service video to tell the women out there what a great guy I am.
And it doesn't make me a loser because I have to pay someone to set me up on a date.
It makes me a whore.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part V
I'll be forward. I have a degree in Economics, I'm bi-lingual, and I have a great sense of humor. What will that get me?
Hold on, while I think about it.
Hours pass, then Suddenly...
Hi. I'm Becky. I'm Julie's stand-in and occasional stunt double.
Fine. I'll just be gay. I think I have a latent homosexual attraction to Johnny Depp, anyways.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating - Part VI
Computer dating has really opened doors for me! There are a lot of good-looking women on the Web!
I'm a 22 year old woman. I model swimsuits. Here is a photo of myself.
Hmmmmm... It looks like she sent me a picture of Petra Nemcova... Oh well, she's probably shy about her looks. A chick is a chick, right?
So, tell me about yourself...
900 miles of fiber optic cable away...
Oh, yeah... That's what papa likes!
Well, I like to watch movies...

 

Who would believe you were a beauty indeed? When the days get shorter and the nights get long!
When you're old, nobody will know that you were a beauty! A sweet, sweet beauty!
I'm so hot for you, and you're so cooooooooold!

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part VII
Do you want penis enlargement? A home loan? To meet hot singles in your area? A deck of Iraqi war criminal playing cards? Ink Cartridges?
No. No. No. No. NO!
"Free" video games? Meet your old classmates? Get your high school degree online? Low-priced medications? See Paris Hilton in a "treeway"? or play casino games online?
No. No. No. No. No! and NO!
Wait. What was that first one again?

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part VII
I think I'll just give her a kiss goodnight.
I might be making her breakfast.
I swear I'll never freebase again.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part IX
What are you doing?
I think there's something very wrong here. You don't seem to have a...
Look. I'm a woman. I don't have one of those.
Ah, I see.
Are you some kind of wierdo?
Captain's Log. Supplemental. Not only does this strange creature seem prone to lose valuable things, but he also appears to be easily agitated.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part X
Stacey, now that the Apocalypse has come, I think it is our duty to repopulate the earth.
Actually, I think it would be a greater evil to allow mankind to continue. Besides, all the breath mints were destroyed in the first wave of nuclear blasts.
Hold it right there! I can't allow this cartoon to continue! This is your TENTH little strip on this same inane subject! Why do you feel compelled find a girlfriend, anyways?!
I want free back rubs.
Then turn up the bass, and lie on the stereo, you loser! If you aren't rich, you'll die alone!

 

We can dance if you want to! We can leave your friends behind!
'Cause your firends don't dance! And if they don't dance, then they ain't no firends of mine!
We can dance!
We can dance!
It has come to my attention that we haven't been doing our best to make your stay an unpleasant one.
And SING!

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XI
Do you ever think about what our future together will be like?
Of course I do.
Her Imagination.
Isn't it great what a wonderful marriage and family we have?!
Of course it is! I love you more than ever! Have you lost weight?
His Imagination.
May the grace of the Bomb Almighty and the fellowship of the Holy Fallout descend upon you all!

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/222788
All right! I can see you mean business! Therefore I'm going to have to refer you to a higher authority.
I suppose you mean G-d?
Guess again, wiseass.
Third question, eh? Howzabout this one - Where can I get a good martini in this state? Then get your thetan ass in a convertible, because we're goin' to VEGAS!
I don't care how many planets he's destroyed. If he doesn't like gin martinis, I'll kick his ass.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/222810
A squirrel? What the heck is that supposed to *mean*, anyways?
Well, the first mirror reveals one's "spirit animal." It defines who you are. A squirrel means you're nuts, or you like nuts, or you like to hide your nuts.
Maybe it means I have really *big* nuts!
You sad, pathetic little man. May God have mercy on your soul.

 

And so am I reveng’d.–that would be scann’d: A villain kills my father; and for that,I, his sole son, do this same villain send; to Heaven
I’ll be your foil, Laertes; in mine ignorance; Your skill shall, like a star in the darkest night, Stick fiery off indeed.
You mock me, sir.
O, I die, Horatio;The potent poison quite o’er-crows my spirit: the rest is silence.
Now cracks a noble heart.–Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

 

Inspired by a true story. The names have been changed to protect Mark.
... and that's why the growth in private-sector investment is not sustainable in the long run.
I just ate an entire canister of crescent rolls.
Eight of 'em in all.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XII
Will you go out with me?
Ewww! NO!
Why not? I'd really like to know what goes on in your head.
I bet you would.
UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
I bet you would.

 

Dude! Passion of the Christ opened my eyes in a way that actual religion never could! I mean, it is truly amazing to think that Jesus actually died like that!
Yes, but you realize that, like all blockbusters, they left the ending open so they could bring Jesus back in the sequel.
What is the sequel gonna be about? Is Mel gonna be in the sequel? I missed him in the first one.
You've got a mind like a steel trap, don't you?

 

Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season!
Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season! Duck Season!
Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season!
Honey, why are you watching cartoons?
I'm not. This is the presidential debate. I think the Duck guy's winning.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating - Part XIII
Oh, look! A little squirrel!
You remind me of my boyfriend! He's cute just like you. He's loveable, just like you. He makes me happy, just like you.
And he spends all day playing with his nuts, too.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XIV
Aw, hell, I'd better not. She'd probably want a commitment afterward.

 

Continuing from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/223192
Apparenly he is mocking us in this strip.
I guess there's only one thing we can do about that...
This is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me.
Did somebody say something?

 

What happened? Where am I?
You, my skinny thetan friend, are dead.
Dead! that sunnovabitch! I'm gonna haunt him! Or at the very least, make sure he gets bad TV reception!
Don't worry. I'll send you back. Your singing caused more destruction than even I could have hoped for. Keep up the good work. You have to do me a favour, though.
A-a-a-I'm!
Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!

 

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/sabuwolf/223140 R2 and Xenu search for some wheels...
You know, you don't seem anything like the ultra-evil bastard everyone makes you out to be.
Oh, well, I can explain that whole crazy mess. You see, I used to be a benevolent galactic dictator - loved by all.
Then, I took a hit of some funky shit while I was watching "You Only Live Twice."
Next thing I know, I'm building a volcano lair and trying to destroy the world...

 

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ClashTheStampede/223322 R2 and Xenu continue their search for a car...
So what is it like to be dictator of the universe?
It's great, but it comes with a lot of responsibility. When you make any decision, there a lot of people out there that you have to consider.
Fairness and justice always come before personal interests. Which is why you have to be a leader with the highest moral sensibilities!
Quick, give me a coat hanger! I want this BMW!

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ sabuwolf/223388
You maggots better have some money!
Why certainly, sir!
AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!!!
And while you're here, enjoy this lovely dose of gamma radiation!
Did you have to burn him alive?
I'm sorry. I forgot to let you get in a shot with the shiv, didn't I?

 

continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223406
Hey, I think something just fell out of your pocket.
Really? What was it?
Um, I'm not sure. What are these? Postage stamps?
Um.. Yeah... Postage stamps...
Hey, if the cops come around, those belong to you, OK?

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XV
Hey, whatcha got there?
My list of eligible women. Now that she's single again, I'm adding Rebecca Romijn to the list. I'm also putting Victoria Beckham as a "maybe".
Hey! Wait just a minute! Why is my wife's name on that list?!
Wha-? Oh...
Consider yourself served.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to make a heartfelt apology for the previous comic.
I was wrong, and I have learned an important lesson.
Jokes about Rule 4 of Federal Procedure are never funny.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223572
Whenever the Scientologists try to kill us tomorrow, they'll find this decoy of me! We can escape in the chaos when they barge in!
The weather on Teegeeack is da bomb! [beep] But seriously folks...
That decoy looks nothing like you. The whole point of a decoy...
Hey! Trust me, thetan! Those damned Scientologists have no idea what I even look like! They're just looking to kill an alien and his skinny human friend!
Um... Why doesn't the "skinny human friend" have a decoy?
Didn't they teach you about "the law of diminishing marginal returns" in college?

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223580
Jenna, efore you kill me, I would like you to have these.
Um, Thanks, I think. What are they?
They're... Um... the lost writings of L. Ron Hubbard! I took them from Xenu.
Wow! Let me see: "Eat one of these postage stamps to attain the highest level of Scientology."
I can't believe she fell for that! But she believed in Scientology, didn't she?
Wait 'til Travolta tries THIS!

 

R2 conuinues his high from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223605
Wow... this is...
... so trippy.
Meanwhile...
Greetings, Xenu! I, Tom Cruise, have waited a long time to destroy you!
Did I say Thetan? [blip] I meant Cretin! [breep]
Quickly, while he's distracted! SHIV HIM! SHIV HIM!
Is the shiv an extension... of me?... Or... Am I... an extension of the shiv?

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/223740 Matt wanders through the Hall of Mirrors
Whoa! Who are you?
Me? I'm you in five years.
Holy crap! I must really let myself go in the future!
Actually, no. I'm what you'll look like if you excercise, eat well, and keep clean?
And what if I overeat, oversleep, and overdose?
Then you'll look like Travolta back there.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen... I present you with the following story... Demographic.
You should really change your argument there. When you're up for appellate review, you should argue about how the trial court got all the facts wrong.
That argument you made about an "Unconstitutional shifting of the burden of proof necessitating reversal of the trial court"? That argument's a dead loser. Never bring that up on appeal.
Explain to me why I'm paying for this class?

 

Another day in school...
Young man, I don't think you provided adequate, authoritative support for your definitions of these legal terms!
I can't imagine why. I quoted the proper dictionary.
Really? Which one? Black's?
Ambrose Bierce.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XV
I want to ask Jenny to marry me. Ever since I first saw her, I can't stop thinking about her.
I've been going steady with her for the past five years, and I even lost my virginity to her.
It sounds like you're head over heels for her.
G-d, I'd love to finally meet her.

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XVII
Hey, you remember the French professor we had in college? She had a nice ass! Oo-la-la!
You heard me!

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/223751
I can't wind up looking like a fat version of R2 in five years! Is there any way to keep my trim figure and sculpted ass?
Hmmm... Well, I don't think so. But if there is a way, the Oracle might know. I did enjoy having that cute ass. If there's at least some hope, then I wish you godspeed, lad!
Matt goes to the Hall of the Oracle. Along the way, he fights and beheads the seventeen-headed hell-beast. It was a vicious battle. Much blood was spilled, but Matt emerged victorious.
Finally, I found you! It nearly cost me my very existence, but I made it!
Waitaminute? Did you come here across the Pit of Evil and through the Valley of Infinite Darkness?
Yes. Why?
Why didn't you just use the moving walkway like everybody else? It takes you on the scenic route, past the lake of fire, the whirlwind of the lustful, the unguarded exit to hell, the dark tower...

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XVIII
There's this girl I really like, but I can't talk to her. I just get so nervous that I can't think of anything to say!
That's not a problem at all! You obviously have a lot you want to tell her... so just tell her. Just say the first thing that comes to your mind.
The first thing that comes to my mind? That just might work!
Later...
BOOBIES!

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XIX - The Truth Revealed! Women Take Note!
What is it with men? Why do they like breasts so much?
It's quite complex, actually. The answer deals with men's innate economic sensibilities.
First, economics states that we have unlimited wants but limited resources. Thus, because I do not have breasts, I have a natural desire to see them.
Second, there is a fixed, infinitely inelastic supply coupled with a fixed, infinitely elastic demand: I want to touch them, and you won't let me.

 

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224171 - R2 Placates the Guard Dog
If the other dogs can unionize, you can, too! "Beagles of the world, unite!", and all that!
It's not all that easy! There are logistical problems as well as the fundamental difficulties of union dues, etc.
And, um... Don't tell anyone I said this... but...
That bitch Snoopy is a HUGE scab.

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