All comics by Dimebag_Darrell

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by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
Pff. I was wondering what the second "f" in "Pff" stands for.
Pretty Fucking Flower?
30 miutes later...
Did anyone see where Pigwater went. He just disappeared.
I remember him saying something about a flower and then heading towards that construction site...

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
On a messege board somewhere on the internet...
I'm bored. What can I do... I know! I'll start a topic! I'll call it "Pikadeth's Playhouse"
Inside topic...
Perfect! Now all I need to do is wait for someone to enter and post. I hope it's someone cool.
My name is Pikman.
DAMN!!!!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
My name is Pikman.
Hello, Pikman. My name is Pikadeth.
My name is Pikman.
Yes. We've established that.
My name is Pikman.
I think I'm about ready to boot this guy in the face.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
My name is Pikman.
I've got the point! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
My name is Pikman.
How could this possibly get any worse?
Hey.
FUCK!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
My name is Pikman.
Hey. My name Is DimebagDrl.
My name is Pikman.
Yeah. You just said that...
My name is Pikman.
Did someone drop you on your head or something?

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
My name is Pikman.
Yeeaaah..... I'm going to go talk to that guy now.
Hey. I'm Dimebagdrl.
Hi. I'm Pikadeth. This is my topic.
You must have been REAL bored to do such a dumb thing like this.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
My name is Pikman.
I will PAY you to say something besides that. SHUT UP OR DIE!
What did I do to deserve this? Isn't there someone out there who can save me from the stupidity?
Hello.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
Hi. I'm Pikadeth. Who are you?
I'm Rhystar. But most people just call me Rhys.
I'm so glad you showed up. Up until now I've only had those two to hang out with.
I see. what's so bad about those two?
The small guy won't stop introducing himself and the other guy seems to have an anger problem.
That might explain why he's trying to sneak up on the smaller one with the baseball bat.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
My... name... is... Pikman.
ARGH!! HOW THE FUCK DO I SHUT YOU UP!!!
You know, you shouldn't hit him like that.
You try talking to him!
10 long minutes later...
WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE!!!
Rhys, you should probably stop hitting him with that cane. I don't think it is normal for a person to bleed white blood.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
In the middle of all the vicious beatings, I never got your name.
Oh. Yeah. My name is DimebagDrl.
Hello, Dimebagdrl. Nice to meet you.
You can call me Dimebag or Dime.
Okay. Hmmm... You don't seem like a person with anger issues.
Stick around for a while. If that Pikman guy doesn't shut the hell up, you'll see the anger they speak of.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-17-04
So... What made you create this topic?
I was bored and had nothing to do.
Wasn't there anything else for you to do at home?
Oh. I'm not at home. I'm at work. I work as a security dispatcher at a college.
Cool! Do you get a gun to use?
No. I get a Walkie-Talkie. I don't need a gun anyways. My jobs is to tell the other security guys where to walk to while sitting at a computer.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
So, you work security?
Yes. I work the night shift.
Have you ever been shot?
uhhh....no.
Would you like to be?
Did you forget to take your Ritalin or something?

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
Meanwhile....
My Name is Pikman.
Ok. Can you say anything else?
My Name is Pikman.
What do I have to do to get you to never say that again?
^_^
Never going to happen.... EVER!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
My name is Pikman.
Your giving me a Headache!
My name is Pikman.
Is there any possible way to get you to say anything else?
^_^
O_O! You need professional help! Way more than I do, for that matter!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
My name is Pikman.
My turn... What will it take to get you to say something else?
^_^
I, um...uh.....
30 minutes later...
There! That wasn't so hard, now was it?
I feel so violated....

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
So, you'll finally say something besides "My Name is Pikman" now?
Yes. Here's something. Why the fuck are you talking to me?
I wanted to see if you knew more than four words.
Well, I do. Now either shut up or give me a cookie.
I think I liked you better when you wouldn't say anything.
Yeah, well at least people like me, you loser.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
Now, Back to my earlier request.
I told you, It's not going to happen.
What do I have to do to change your mind?
You are not going to change my mind.
How about for $20?
Hey, Dime! Yeah, could I borrow that baseball bat for a minute?

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
Man, That guy is annoying!
No kidding. He called me a loser for no reason.
Me tried to offer me $20 for sex.
You've gotta be kidding me!
I know! The nerve of that guy!
Yeah. I'd have offered you at least $300.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-18-04
I can't believe I let you do that to me...
You know you liked it!
No I didn't!
Don't lie.
If I did like it, why was I yelling, "PLEASE GET OFF ME!" the whole time?
I thought you were role-playing.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-19-04
Could you really be this annoying?
It's all relative. Can you really be that ugly? Could Pika really be that stupid?
What I wouldn't give for another girl to show up so I could have an intelligent conversation.
2 seconds later...
Hello.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-19-04
Hello, My name is Rhystar
Hi. I'm FriedMilk
You know, it funny. I was just hoping someone would show up and give me a smart conversation. I was hoping it would be a girl though.
I am a girl.
Then why are you a guy in this comic?
Dimebag_Darrell used the pics Toomy uses for the same people. I guess Toomy can't tell the difference between a guy and a girl.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-20-04
Thank you for shutting that guy up. Hey, how did you do to shut him up anyways?
You don't want to know.
Just tell me. I can handle it.
If you say so....
15 minutes later...
*Blargh* that was disgust...*Blarrg*
I told you you wouldn't want to know. I'll get you a mop to clean that up with.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-20-04
Hey. I'm Dimebagdrl.
FriedMilk.
What?
My name. It's FriedMilk.
Oh! Why didn't you say that to begin with. I though you were insulting me or something.
You're not exactly the brightest bulb in the box, are you?

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-20-04
...and so I though I'd come in here.
I see. Well this is definitely a lot better that what I was doing. I was....
...and then I thought it would be fun if I stuck a knife in the wound.
Personally, I would have poured salt into it and added water so it would hurt more, then...
And so it began....
This may not be as bad as it first seemed it would be. Yeah, this'll be good.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-20-04
*giggles* My name is Pikman
*Boots Pikman in the face*
OUCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?
It was my instincts responding.
Instincts? What the fuck were your instincts responding to?
I can instinctually tell when something annoying is coming.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-22-04
We'll be back after these messages...
I just haven't been able to quite get it working right, Toomy.
I know what you mean. But I found a solution.
Really, what is it?
It's Viagra, Pika. Before I knew it I was back to my old self again.
IBM PC Solutions. We can help you. With your Computer.
*O_O* I was talking about my crappy computer. It's got a virus.
Ohh....um....uh... Tell anyone about this and you DIE!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-22-04
Man, Downloaded Music ROCKS!
*pop-up* You have been caught illegally downloading music! Go to Jail!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!
The new Napster. Don't steal music. just pay the lousy dime a song and download it legally.
I ONLY WANTED THE LATEST MUSIC!!!!
Tell it to the judge, music theif.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-22-04
I was injured on the job. Everything happened so fast.
OMG! MY ARM! IT'S ON THE FLOOR!
And the insurance guys didn't do anything to help. He just wanted to make it my fault.
MY ARM! OH, MY GOD! MY ARM!
Your company insurance doesn't cover this. You fucked up. Your screwed.
But Jacoby & Meyer's Legal Network took care of everything and got me everything I wanted. Thank you Jacoby & Meyer.
That'll teach your ass to try and screw me over!
You didn't have to hire sumos to sit on my legs, you know. A letter bomb would've been enough.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-24-04
Uh.... I feel so sick. I shouldn't have had that extra helping of chili at lunch. My stomach hurts and I feel like I have heartburn.
Kage, you need some antacid medicine.
Ok, Red Maw. I'll try anything. What do you got?
I've got this tablet stuff. Here, it's supposed to cure upset stomachs.
Don't let this happen to you. Use Pepto Bismol. Sure to cure your upset stomach without making you puke like our competitor's crap will do.
BLAGGH!!! What was that!?! 10 minutes later and I'm throwi... BLAUGH!
It's Tums. It's supposed to help, not make you puke. Stupid crap.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-24-04
So.......hello.
Hey.
How you doing?
You have no idea what to say do you?
I am not good at talking to women.
That's nothing that changing yourself completely couldn't fix.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-25-04
......so I thought $20 would be a good amount to offer.
You Moron! $20 is chump change in America.
Then how much should I have offered?
At least $300. As a MINIMUM offer. Try again.
And so Pikman learns a lesson about placing trust.....
What were you guys talking about?
Dime was teaching me a lesson about U.S. currency. I'll offer you $300 for the first 30 minutes and an extra $25 for each 10 minutes after that.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-25-04
The Playhouse Exterior. And yes, Pika hired a crappy internal decorator.
DIMEBAG!!!
*O_O!* AAHH!!! Don't do that! You scared me half to death.
GOOD! That means I'm half way done!
What's the matter?
I'm not as smart as I think I am...
You told Pikman to offer me more money! THAT'S WHAT THE MATTER IS!
You got it all wrong. I didn't tell him to offer more money. I simply taught him how to make a offer properly.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-25-04
Can you believe the nerve of those two?
No. They definitely need help.
Of all the stupid crap to pull.
Offering you money for sexual favors? So retarded...
Milky's gonna kill me for this one...
How stupid can they be?
Seriously! I'd throw in Dinner, a Movie, and Flowers too.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-25-04
You look terrible.
I know. Rhystar beat the living hell out of me and Pikman. And Milky, a little
What the hell did you guys do?
You don't want to know.
You tricked Pikman into propositioning her again, didn't you.
Yeah... But Milky made her offer on her own. I just watched and dreamed...a lot. Good times...

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-25-04
*@_@* Ooouuuch! She beat me senseless.....
That's what you get for offering cash for sex.
Hey! At least I'm trying! I don't see you trying anything!
I'm retired. I'm an Old, Fat, loser and no one wants me..
That's the most depressing thing anyone can ever say about themselves. I've never heard anything worse.
Then you've obviously never heard yourself talk before.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-31-04
Do you realize you are the only one here who hasn't angered me?
Yup.
Why is that?
I don't think I can anger you?
And why is that?
Because unlike the rest of them, I tend to think before I speak.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-31-04
November 2001 : Pikadeth's Playhouse #1
LOSER!
You are so annoying!
That's because your a LOSER!!!
I don't think I'll ever meet anyone as annoying as you are...
Today : Pikadeth's Playhouse #1302
Beezle : That's because your a LOSER!!!
I don't think I'll ever meet anyone as annoying as you are...

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-31-04
Pikadeth's Playhouse #1
How about for $200?
I said No.
Pikadeth's Playhouse #650
How about for $400?
Pretty Flower (Pff) : I said No!
Pikadeth's Playhouse #1300 : Nezu Appreciation Edition
How about for $1000?
Nezu : I said No!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
7-31-04
Playhouse #1
Stop offering me money for sex!
Pikman : OOOOWwwww....
Playhouse #384
You'll never learn...
Pikman : No more clubs. PLEASE, no more clubs...
Playhouse #954
Why aren't you pissing me off today?
I learned...

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-01-04
Pikadeth's Playhouse #2
...So I said ok.
I see.
Hello all.
*Points* Look! It's the ugly one...
Today : Playhouse #1305 - I could almost cry...
Hello all.
Dragonis : *Points* Look! It's the ugly one...

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-01-04
...And then I'll stab you for the fun of it!
You'll never touch me. I'll defend myself!
Yeah. You and what Army?
THIS ONE, DUMBFUCK! *kicks Dime in the nuts*
*>_<*
Told you I'd defend myself. I just forgot to tell you that it would be with a pre-emptive assault!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-02-04
...and then tricked her into blaming Dimebag for it!
HA! That's so classic! It's hilari... Oh no!
What?
Run, Pikman, Run!
All I need to do is smash this bat into his head and it ends....
Why? What's the matter, Pika?

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-02-04
W-what are you gonna do?
Let's see. I've got a bat, I'm pissed off and I am about to take a swing at you. What do you think I'm gonna do?
Your gonna practice your swing so you can join a Canadian baseball team?
THAT'S IT! YOU DIE NOW!
!!!
GET BACK HERE!!!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-11-04
W...why?
*winded* Because you deserved it!
Now I have to get rid of this bat before anyone sees me with it...
A little to late for that...
H-how much of that vicious beating did you see?
Enough for you to pay me $5000 for my silence.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-15-04
Who the hell are you anyway?
None of your damn business!
How much do I have to pay you to get your name?
$50
Here. Now what's your name?
I'm Syxxcowz, but you can call me the guy who is robbing you blind.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-15-04
You're such a moron.
And why is that?
Because you thought I would actually give you money to get your name.
You did.
Take a closer look. THAT'S MONOPOLY MONEY!!!
YOU BASTARD! YOU OWE ME MONEY!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-15-04
Where did he go. Hey! You! did you see a guy run in here.
I'm not sure. I saw one guy run in here. Was he the one with the face and the eyes and the nose and the ears and the mouth?
You're mocking me, aren't you?
Way to catch on, Buzz Lightyear.
So you think you've pwned me by acting stupid and using a kids cartoon movie reference?
....um.........uh, that is.......uh......Shut up!

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-15-04
....So you are dead fucking WRONG!
I don't see how. A person is supposed to have a face, eyes, a nose, a mouth, ears, and such.
But the fact that you didn't actually describe any details about those parts means you ARE wrong.
BUT, you never asked for a description, let alone a detailed one, so I am right.
On the other side of the room
Didn't I tell you that this was worth the $20 for the ticket you bought, InvaderTak.
Yes, you did. I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-15-04
....so I am in the right and you are in the wrong.
Your a complete dumbass! Do you realize that made no sense at all?
He's right, you know.
No he's not. Wait. Who are you? Never mind. It doesn't matter. Now stay out of this, okay. You don't have anything to do with this.
My name is InvaderTak and yes, I do. I paided $20 for this ticket and so I do have something to do with this. The guy with the anger problem sold me this ticket and said this was an open discussion.
Damn you, Dime.....

 

by Dimebag_Darrell
8-15-04
Meanwhile, in other parts of the playhouse.
I'll give you my dog! PLEASE!!!!
Geez. What the hell happened to you as a kid to make you so damn needy?
Um....uh...Nothing!! Absolutely nothing...
Come on. Spill it.
10 minutes later.
*crying* ....and that's why I'm so needy.
Oh, you poor little thing. That's so sad. But the answer is still no.

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