All comics by Ekirh

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by Ekirh
3-23-05
Tyler Duren in Chicken Run
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
Cluck?
Tyler plays Dungeons and Dragons
I DM like you want to DM, I roleplay like you want to Roleplay, I even have a girlfriend!
I'm so my fucking Khakis... if I was wearing Khakis....
Tyler Durden stars in "The Passion of the Christ"
Only after disaster can we be resurrected.
Damn, the temple is going to fucking split in two what more do you want!

 

by Ekirh
3-23-05
Tyler has gotten pulled over for going 80 in a 35 lane.
Do you have any idea how fast you were driving?
First rule of speeding is I do not talk about speeding.
Could you please just answer the question.
Second rule of speeding is.... I do not talk about speeding.
I'm too old for this shit, just leave.
Although one of the rules is you're suppose to be shirtless, for you I think an exception is reasonable.

 

by Ekirh
3-24-05
Tlyer decides to bitch.
Hey you! The guy who writes this strip. I know we are only three in but I got some problems I want to address
You see, this strip needs a Marla bad. I mean come on, can't a guy get himself a Marla?
Ask and you shall receive.
Hey there, I'm Marla, I want to have your abortion.
Okay First, that's not right and second the abortion line was edited out for theatrical release you dumbass

 

by Ekirh
3-24-05
Oh, Come on, you wouldn't be the first human to do me Tyler Durden.
Okay, I know I'm going to regret this. Who was he?
Ummm well, he didn't have a name.
In Beastiality, we have a name. What was his?
His name was Robert Paul....
I refuse to fucking finish this strip.

 

by Ekirh
3-25-05
Tlyer Durden decides to get a job at Wendy's.
Tlyer, A certain problem has come to my attention.....
Okay, you know what I did it! I have been jerking off in the frosties!
It seems that one of our customer's found a finger in her chili, I just want you to be on the look out for who could've done this.
Umm sure, noooo problem, you got it.
Wait, you've been doing what in the frost....
Woah look customers, and they all want frosties, let me go get some ready. Nice talking to you.

 

by Ekirh
3-27-05
Happy Easter Tyler Durden.
Yes it is indeed Easter time, and this year I decided to do something nice.
I held an easter egg hunt for the children of our community this year. I hid eggs and each egg had a surprise .
Mr. Durden, Mr Durden..... there's an eyeball in my egg.
Woah, you found the easter bunny's eye. I punched him hard enough to cause that to rip out of his socket!
MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Ekirh
3-29-05
Tyler did you do work for the Democratic Party?
Okay here is the deal. Yes I admit, I indeed edited advertisements for the Democratic Party during the election.
Tyler, you're suppose to be unbiased!
I know this has caused me to lose some fans, and some of you thought I sold out by doing this. However, I assure you, it was worth it.
I have a bad feeling about how.
Watching young liberal girls cry because of spliced split second images of Michael Moore's sweaty hairy ass, yes it was worth it.

 

by Ekirh
3-30-05
Are you ready Tyler?
You know it, I didn't expect you down on your knees so quickly.
Oh Tyler, it is so long, wide, and has a cream filling?
Umm Girl, That's not me, I'm over here.
Tyler, why does your dick taste like a twinkie?
Note to self, next time you pay for hooker, make sure she's not blind.

 

by Ekirh
4-02-05
Tyler just beat up some punk who thought he was hot shit.
Okay, I think you've learned your lesson.
You bastard, you broke my arm.
Correction, that's a fracture! If I wanted to break you're arm I would...
Yes I know, you're going to say "I would do this" and then do it. You're so fucking predictable.
Actually, I was just going to say it, but I like you're idea better.
Ahhh Fuck.

 

by Ekirh
4-06-05
So Tyler did you watch that tape?
That depends. Which tape are you talking about? Cumalot? Tale of two titties? Lost in Masturbation perhaps?
No, the one that kills you in seven days!
Oh that one, I solved it. I taped a gay porno over it.
Do I want to know.
Lets just say whatever opening she tried to come out of, she kept on getting pushed back in!

 

by Ekirh
4-19-05
Tyler you don't look so happy with me.
You're right, I'm not fucking happy. You've gotten lazy. It's been over a week man!
Tlyer I've been busy, please don't tick me off.
Pfft, oh I'm scared of the author. I'm Tlyer Fucking Durden! What can you do!
Well, I can do things like this.....
Hey, I'm your new love interest for this strip!
Nothing fucks me up the ass! Except my phone company.

 

by Ekirh
7-03-05
Tlyer Durden is back!!!!
Sorry for the long wait folks. I've been on business. Yah that's right business.
When your Tyler Durden you are a busy man, a respected man. . . and. . . and. . . .
Ahhh fuck it, I've been masturbating continously for the past three months. Did you expect anything else?

 

by Ekirh
7-03-05
Hey there hot stuff.
Ummmmm, hi.
Do you want to come with me and earn some sex education credits.
Sorry, but I don't take beginner courses.
Cheesey pick up lines deserve cheesey put downs.
Last time I borrow this outfit from my brother.

 

by Ekirh
7-03-05
Father, I wish to speak to you. I need to confess my sins.
Tyler, you're not even a Catholic.
Your point? Is this not God's house? Am I not permitted to enter.
Not now Tyler. It's time for communion I need to get the bread and wine.
Well if the wine taste a bit like piss, don't say I didn't try to confess.

 

by Ekirh
7-04-05
God bless the internet and the vast information it gives us all.
Then you push this lever. . .
Such as video files that demostrate the mechanics of certain amazing machinary!!!
WOAH. . . look at that fucking sqiurrel go.
Who knew a squirrel could be catapulted such distances.
HOLY SHIT. . . right into the wood chipper.

 

by Ekirh
7-06-05
Heh, what an ass.
That so wasn't worth the wait.

 

by Ekirh
7-14-05
Father, I got a very important question to ask you.
Yes my Son, what do you need to know?
Well, I feel kind of embarassed asking this.
Do not feel embarassed. In God's house no question is ignored.
All right, do Catholic Priest get free NAMBLA memberships?
HOW DARE YOU ASK THAT! Futhermore we only get a ten percent discount.

 

by Ekirh
7-15-05
The White House is like a naked woman.
It is much better without bush.

 

by Ekirh
8-09-05
You know, you need to stop bragging about having such a huge dick.
Why should I consider such advice?
According to women I have talked to, it only takes two inches. The rest is fucking useless!
So I see, my dick has extra baggage. So in the case of your dick. . .
Look bitch, the penis extensions take a week to deliver. I'll be pleasuring women in no time.
Heh I rather have extra baggage compared to not being fully packed.

 

by Ekirh
8-11-05
We can no longer just sit here while the Republicans and Democrats ruins our country.
WE MUST TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK! WE MUST SHOW THEM WE HAVE THE INTELLIGENCE AND THE WISDOM TO OVER COME THEIR TYRANNY!!!
Of course, if I actually faced the microphone. . . I wouldn't be exposing myself for the fucking idiot I truly am right now.

 

by Ekirh
8-14-05
Being Tyler Durden is a burden. You get a huge assortment of fan mail. In fact. . . I like to read you some of it.
I would like to read some of it but I sadly cannot.
The fact of the matter is. . . I ran out of toilet paper and since my ass is worth more than your opinions. . . sacrifices had to be made.

 

by Ekirh
8-15-05
All Mighty Goat, may I ask you for your wisdom.
Merrrrr
All Mighty Goat, I need to know what my purpose in life is. . . why am I here. . . do I serve use?
Merrrrrrr
Damn it Goat, there has to be more than Merrrrr
Your talking to a Goat, what else do you expect? Um, I mean Merrrrr

 

by Ekirh
8-15-05
Ummm Can I help you?
Yah, I'm looking for some pants.
Yes Obivously, but this is the shirt department.
That'll work, anything to cover up my erection right now.
Why aren't you even wearing pants in the first place.
It ripped right through them.

 

by Ekirh
8-17-05
Glad you could join me tonight Cindy.
Brandy, It's not Halloween why are you dressed as a witch?
Because I am a witch, and I'm in this graveyard tonight to perform a blood sarcarfice to the dark one.
Wait, your not sacrificing me are you?
Of course not, your my best friend. I'm using your boyfriend.
JEFF! You can't kill Jeff! Well, I was going to break up with him, this is easier.

 

by Ekirh
8-28-05
Well Death tonight sure has been a good time.
Sure was, I didn't think you were going to go through with it.
I know, I drank the entire cabinet of liqour.
Well I got to get going.
Wait you said my time had come!
Nope, I just said that to get you to drink all that alcohol . . your going to want to die in the morning though.

 

by Ekirh
8-30-05
All Mighty Goat . . . I would not be disturbing you at this moment woud I?
ANGRY MERR!!!!!
Okay I apologize. . . wait why did you say Angry before you said Merr?
EXPLANATORY MERR!!!!!
Woah, that makes sense.
THEN FUCK OFF MERRR!!!!!

 

by Ekirh
9-05-05
I'm in here for illegal drug testing on cows. You?
MERRR!!!!!
I see, I don't think we can get along. I don't particular care for Goat Worship.
Merrr Merr Merr.
I guess you could change my mind. Can I stroke your horns?
Merr off you Merrring Pervert.

 

by Ekirh
9-06-05
PREPARE FOR COR. . .
Don't you even start with that. As your creator I demand you put an end to it now.
WHA! YOU CREATE ME!!!!
Yep I admit it, I'm responsible . . . I made you for good. . . but you've used your powers for evil!
Ummm, how can cornholing be used for good.
Okay I lied, I created you to be an ass violating in joke. I just say I created you for good so I can actually sleep at night

 

by Ekirh
9-06-05
I have been told you know a million sexual positions?
Merrr chica bow bow!
Ohhhhh talk dirty to me goat. Talk dirty to me.
MERRRR MERRR FILTHY MERR!!!
Ugh, too dirty, too dirty!
HORNY MERRR heheheheeh

 

by Ekirh
9-12-05
It is a battle of wisdom!
CLUCK!
MERRR!!!
The Wise Chicken debating the Wisdom of the Goat
CLUCK CLUCK!!!
Merr? MERR!!!!!
What amazing areas of thought must be explored by these two.
And that is why we cross the road. . .
Woah, people who say "to get to the other side" just really don't get it. ..

 

by Ekirh
9-17-05
Damn who knew Sonic the Hedgehog could be such a bitch.
Up, Down, Left Right, A B Start... takes you to level select
HOLY SHIT, I can just go to the final boss sweet!
Merrrr
Now if I can only remember how to get unlimited lives in Contra. . .
MERR!!!! Memorization of that is like video gamer law. . I'm afraid I'm going to have to horn you in the ass.

 

by Ekirh
9-17-05
Hey Little Girl, have you helped the Katrina victims?
No Mr. Durden. I don't have enough money to do so.
You don't just need money to help. You can do other things as well.
You mean like donate blood?
Exactly, now are you going to volunteer or do I have to beat the blood out of you.
I like beatings, Dad says they build character.

 

by Ekirh
9-19-05
Thank you, now for my next trick I will turn the dog back into a girl!!!!
Although once she's human again she'll still be a bitch.
And I still plan on marking you as territory either way.

 

by Ekirh
9-22-05
Please. . . finish the job.
This is what happens when you disobey "THE ARTIST" Vigosone
Why . . Why. .
You knew the penalty of betrayal was to be "RUBBED" out.
Please. . . spare me the puns.
Be at peace, soon you will be ERASED from memory . .

 

by Ekirh
9-23-05
I advert my eyes from you goat . . .
Merrrr
Because in your eyes I am not worth looking at.
Merrrrr!
Wait, did you just compliment my ass?
Lusty Merr hehehehee.

 

by Ekirh
10-07-05
It was quiet at the Old Mcdonald farm. . .
It has been many years since the barn animals snapped. . . and killed Mcdonald along with themselves.
They say there are still ghosts though . . in fact you can hear an oink oink here. . . and an oink oink there. . . not to mention the farmer's fateful cry . .
E. . .I....E...I...Oooooooooooo

 

by Ekirh
10-22-05
Woah . . . the colors
I should've injected myself with this shit weeks ago . . .
Granted I'm going to die due to massive blood loss but. . . damn such fucking great colors.

 

Remember ladies, if you ever go down on a two dollar lesbian hooker. . . please take a breath mint or two . . . lives depend on it.
by Ekirh, 10-22-05

 

If you guys only controlled your respective religions better. . . for shame.
by Ekirh, 10-29-05

 

Yes, it happened. . for once the cornholing was on the other end . . .
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Sad, Sad Day for in-jokes.
by Ekirh, 10-29-05

 

HA HA BEAT YOU TO IT!!!
Awwww Shucks.
by Ekirh, 10-30-05

 

by Ekirh
11-16-05
Merrrrr
I don't care if people considering you a god.
MERR!!!!!
Look you have to wear yoru seatbelt like everyone else.
MERR!!!!!!
Look buddy I tried lamb last night, don't think your too far away from my dinner plate.

 

The local store was sold out of turkey. Bugs Bunny decided to take drastic measures.
Come on, do we really need to do this.
Look we don't have a Turkey for thanksgiving . . . so if Porky hasn't made peace with God . . . he better start now.
by Ekirh, 11-16-05

 

There was no witnesses Tweety's dissappearance. Shortly after Tweety's roomate Slyvester the cat left town.
by Ekirh, 11-16-05

 

by Ekirh
11-16-05
Dear, nail in the head guy . . you ever thought life would improve if you stopped doing that. . .
Yes, I have thought about it.
Sadly I think I've done enough damage that I can't rationalize a good reason to stop.

 

I forgot, never use the expression "Hit the nail on the head" when around you.
NOW YOU REMEMBER!
by Ekirh, 11-17-05

 

You know he's plotting your demise.
Mmmm, Avacados
by Ekirh, 11-17-05

 

You know what the sad thing is? He started out leaving the house last week.
by Ekirh, 11-30-05

 

by Ekirh
12-10-05
Yesterday I saw a guy building a dog house. I asked if he needed help.
He said sure and ask me to lend him a hand.
BOOOO! BOOOO!!!!
I didn't get to the part where I beat him with it and then turned him into a zombie. Your so getting your ass bit bitch.

 

What you see below you is a man realizing the whore he walked up to was his sister.
Well, that was akward.
by Ekirh, 1-08-06

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