All comics by TheBlairZip

Profile

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
Good God, Man! What the hell are you doing?
Dude, there's a sale at Macy's!!!
LATER...
I wish I had an oil can.

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
One Autumn Day...
Excuse me, sir? Where are you going?
I'm looking for my next customer. Have you seen anyone that might fit my needs as a potential client?
Um...Nope.
Good girl...

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
The Next Autumn Day...
Pardon me, but you wouldn't happen to know where I could find my buddy JC, do you?
Oh, I think he's hanging around here somewhere...
*snicker*snicker*
Tee heehee he hee...
Nearby...
Bastards...

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
After Dinner...
I'm glad we had this time together, Marsha.
Me too. Gee, Chloe...will I ever be as big and pretty as you?
What do you mean 'big'?
I mean, look at that ass! WOO! Hopefully, I won't be quite the slut you are, at least.
..GGRRRRRR....
...angered Gods....MUST FLEE...

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
Awww...Hey there, little fellow...
Noooooo!
asshole

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
...and the time is right for love...
...I can't believe it's not butter!

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
Intrigue!
Oh, the Horror!!!!
Shocking!
The Insanity!!!
Painful!
The Power of Cheese.

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
The Day After That One Lovely Autumn Day...
I have been forsaken.
Me H Me

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
Our unsuspecting pal, Chippy, happened to look up at the wrong time.
Ooohhh...
His eyes had seen the glory...
...and then were melted into the back of his skull.
Ouch.

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
Our story begins...
Excuse me, miss?
...
Yes, you hot hunk of Man Beef?
Would you mind pulling this?
...and ends!
D'oh!
Pull on this, mahap? *zzziiiiiipppp*

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
JC in Trouble!
Well, old fiend...looks like your time is up. Heh heh hehhhh...
...help me...
Saved!
NOOOOOOOOO!
Uh oh...
Wow, thanks! Now, could you help me down...
Not so fast, stick boy...

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
Ha ha ha! Apocolypse is nigh, JC.
Damn you, Satan!
See the waste that I have laid upon your precious world?
You'll never get away with this, Satan! *poooooot*
HA HA HAAAaaa.... ....*SniffSniff* ....WOAH! Dude, weak!!!
Thank you, delicious tacos.

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
*THUMP*
Hmmm...I wonder what that was...
JOHNNY!
HOLY CHRIST!
Can we say "Bris"?
WHAT? *hic*
Mom, would you please go finish dressing...the rabbi will be here any second!

 

by TheBlairZip
8-18-01
*THUMP*
Hmm...I wonder what that was?
*THUMP THUMP*
HOLY CHRIST!
I couldn't resist!
Yes?
JC, would you please go finish dressing? The rabbi will be here any second!

 

by TheBlairZip
9-20-01
The Television
grab blab
Will Possess
skree skraw
Your Very Being
flizm gizm jazm
drool...seeping down ...chin...

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Hellzapoppin! Comedy Club
A funny thing happened on the way here tonight...
I bit off the head of a baby and spit it back in his mother's face! Ha ha ha!!!
...after 10 minutes of utter silence...
I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing...FOR NOW!
You're on your own, jackass.

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
The party begins...
Kicking Halloween party, eh Frank?
It sure is, Bob. Although, I must say, I think I picked the wrong outfit. Does this make me look fat?
...
Hmmm, let me see...
How about my ass? Is it sticking out?
...and ends!
Oooohhh, I love it when he looks at me that way...
You might want to look away, folks.

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
The binge drinking shall commence...
So, what kind of costume is that?
I am the Mighty Captain Morph McGuffin, sworn defender of the galaxy and father to many illegitimate children. I possess the power to fly, read minds, and X-ray vision.
...right about...
I see.
And what are you dressed as?
...now!
Jesus, who invited this chode?
What? What did I say?

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Hey, man.
Hey! Thanks for coming, dude. I thought that no one would show up since that rumor got out...about my arch-nemisis Satan showing up.
Well, actually...
Wha....?
HA HA HA! I fool you again, boy!
Dad-dammit!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Just when you thought it was safe
Dude, this party fucking rocks!
Hell yeah, man! WOO!
to start listening to Britney Spears
HEY! Keep it down over here.
Oh, sorry.
again.
Thanks, they were distracting me. NOW DROP 'EM!
Yes, ma'am! *ziiiip*

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
British humor.
Oh, bloody hell. That's almost as appalling as watching Winston Churchill at an all-you-can-eat buffet!
Hey, pull this...
American humor.
Huh huh huh....I farted! hee hee heeeeee......cool.

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
That's the night...
NEEEE HAAAAAWW! GOO GOO GOO!!!
that the lights...
Dude, great costume!
went down ON Georgia!
What costume?
....shit!

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Oh, the thrill of it all...
Oh my God, I saw this guy on the street, and he was like "Hey" and I was like "Hey" and I couldn't believe it...
the sound...
And then I stopped by the bank and was like "Hey, give me some money" and thenI sawthe chickfrom down weihji ohwoifhOI UH EOIU FHWO...
but no fury, really...
This is the last time I go to Shoney's.

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Senseless Violence
Hey, nice shirt......TO DIE IN!
Not again!
Later, after the hacking...
I hate it when he does this.
Hello, Clarice....
Woooo! Fire up the grill!
Oh, shit.

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Realizing the error of his agents booking...
Johnny was about to fully realize a red-ass beat down...
kill me

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
He shoots!
...asshole...
What was that?
He scores!
Nothing.

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Introduction
Hi, Chloe.
Setup
Hey, Joe. How are you?
Punchline
You are the biggest drugged-out cock-sucking whore since Courtney Love.
I'm just gonna go call my agent now...

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
But seriously, folks. I mean, what's up with these high strung bitches today?
I mean, what the hell does it take to get a fuckin' hummer around here, huh? HA HA!
Oh...sorry, Ms. Steinem...

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Never before...
I've done it! I've done it! I've created the ultimate Bio-weapon of mass destruction.
Way to go, man. Step inside the Champagne Room here to celebrate.
hum hm hummm hm...hee hee hee
....and never again.
Much better!
Shit! I've tampered in God's domain!

 

by TheBlairZip
10-27-01
Absurdity
Do you find this party satisfactory?
Yeah, but I think I ate too much before coming.
Level ================
Affirmative. Do I detect gaseous emissions?
Yup. I knew I shouldn't have loaded up on those burritos...oh, here comes another one...
Pi
...aaahhhhhh....
Holy sweet Christ! Did I forget to use my feminine spray?

 

by TheBlairZip
12-17-01
One dark and rather warm day in Hell...
Go forth, my minions, and spread the gospel...of PAIN! HA HA HA!
Speak up!
HA HA HA...ha.....ha.........uh.....hello?
Why not?
Oh, Jesus!
I heard that!

 

by TheBlairZip
12-17-01
Another wintery day in Hell...
Yo!
Alright, Clarence, listen up. We've got to get some fresh meat around here. Go out there and get me some fuckin' souls!
...doo dee doo dee doo....
...and this time, they better be HUMAN!
All Luci's chillun' got hooves
...alright, alright...
I'm serious! No pets allowed in Hell! How many times to I have to tell you? Ah, these damn kids today....

 

by TheBlairZip
12-18-01
Why Santa Screenings Are Important
Where are the kids?
Well, I'm sure that....
...Cause I'm getting kind of ANXIOUS here, if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
SECURITY?!

 

by TheBlairZip
12-18-01
Glopdar-8 thought the disguise would help hide him from dad...
Oh, shit!
...but that didn't stop Glopdar-7...
...and God Bless Us, Every One.
I warned you, son....no more neck ties!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
12-19-01
Well, there's another Christmas come and gone. How 'bout we head down to the pub and grab some egg nog, Rudy?
Fuck it. I'm going home.
Christmas: Leading cause of suicide in the U.S.
Can I come?
No.

 

by TheBlairZip
12-19-01
Another Day at the Mall...
I don't believe in you!
I don't believe in you!
...Merry Christmas to All...
Look, everybody likes me more than you, okay?! I'm more popular than you've ever been!
Oh, you are SO going to Hell for that one!
...and to All, a Good Night.
Hell, I say! HELL!
Hey, leave me outta this! Excuse me, miss? Where's the food court?

 

by TheBlairZip
12-19-01
Deck the Halls with...
...aww, fuck it!
Goddamn, Christmas sucks.

 

by TheBlairZip
12-20-01
I would like to apologize in advance
Please get you hand off of my ass!
Hey, sugar. *hic* Come on, give daddy some lovin'!
for the God-awfulness of this highly
How about a little Kung-Fu instead?
Sure! I'll show you the most effective spot for your Kung-Fu Grip! *wink*
cruel and unusual comic strip.
Hey, Glopdar-7...I think I got a live one here...
...excellent...

 

by TheBlairZip
12-20-01
Worst
My wife and I walked into a bar last night....
The bartender said, "We don't serve pigs here."
Cartoon
I said, "But I'm a dog," to which he said, "I wasn't talking to you."
...... See, he was indicating that my wife was a pig, not in the sense that....she actually.....is....a....
Ever
..........
I implore you, for the love of God Almighty....kill me.

 

by TheBlairZip
12-20-01
*insert drum crash here*
This is my 40th cartoon strip on this site. So, I thought I would celebrate.
*insert oxygen masks falling from overhead compartment here*
...gggnnnnngghhhh...
*POOOOOOT*
*insert applause here*
WHEW! Ahhh... Damn, that was nice. Well, back to work.

 

by TheBlairZip
1-17-02
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!
I was not looking for this complication. And pardon my brutal observation...
But you should have told me about your condition, which has left me crying, desperate, and wishin'...
...that, though it's gonorrhea we now share, Alas! I should never have rammed my rod up your ass!
Sorry, it's my first time.
BURMA SHAVE! Feel the difference, bitch. Moh.
I never loved you.

 

by TheBlairZip
1-18-02
A Lover's Quarrel...
You're crass and brass with no class, you ass! Don't sass me with your old bullshit!
But hear, my dear, a story so queer with which this balladeer shall try not to push it.
That was a stretch, you wretch, to fetch a rhyme to catch the judge's eye.
Your pardon, I cry! But why should I but try to fly away from the subject you deny?
Oh, speak, you freak, you meekish geek, what bleak tale do you spin?
I say, I pray, that I may sway you, much to your chagrin.

 

by TheBlairZip
1-18-02
The argument gets nasty...
I swear to God, you clod, I'll rip your cod sack from your groin!
Blow me wholly, thoroughly cornhole me, I tell thee, you shan't cajole me, mein freund!
I will not stand for any more of this asinine degredation.
How soon you forget, my dear, of my rudiment, "Self-improvement is masterbation"

 

by TheBlairZip
1-18-02
As the Night grows late, the lovers still debate...
Is it true? Are we through? The time flew when we were together.
Seems like a dream that gleems above the rest...when we met at that bar at the beach, Merriweathers.
It was you that I sought, so I bought you that shot and brought it to your table.
The band, the sand, a kiss of your hand...a dance, though I didn't think I was able.
We stumbled and fumbled and bumbled our way out on to the dance floor.
From the dance to your glance, a bulge grew in my pants. Then I knew it was time to score!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-21-02
It's Love...
Could it be that we were meant to be? Our love should we try to save?
If it's fate, let's not wait, time for you and I to mate! Let's celebrate with our favorite activity....
...or is it?
NIGHT SWIMMING!
BURMA SHAVE!!!
No.
WHAT? ------------------------------------------ My name is Crystal!
Ummm....Janine? --------------------------- D'OH!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-24-02
KILL ME!
FEAR ME!
BURN ME!
SUCK ME!
Worst production of "Tommy" ever.
BURMA....oops, wrong competition...

 

by TheBlairZip
1-24-02
I know that I have been used in sacrilegious ways in Zip's strips, but I'd just like to say that I don't actually oppose Christianity or any of its teachings.
I just find this extremely funny.
I hate Mondays.

 

by TheBlairZip
1-24-02
...Stay away from Ponce De Leon Avenue.
Where do I even begin?
Sucky suc......I mean....umm, gotta go.

 

by TheBlairZip
1-25-02
Anakin, you must forget these feelings for Amidala! A Jedi must never know Love.
Hey, Obi...blow it out your ass! I'm gonna do her and you can't stop me!
I think I know someone who might be able to talk some sense into you.
Where are we going? Wait a minute...
Inexplicably, in Cloud City...
...LANDO?
Don't hate tha playa...

 

by TheBlairZip
1-25-02
Come, Anakin. We must hurry.
Bite me.
Sorry, little Greedo, but we have to get by.
ALL YOUR BASE...
Where's my agent?

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