All comics by TheElPaso

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by TheElPaso
11-24-01
The bad day begins....
Oh no, this letter has anthrax spores on it! It also warns that the White House will be blown up!
John's such a joker. I bet it was talcum powder this time. Nah, powdered sugar.
BOOM!
Oh no! What will my wife and kids do?
Wow, John does good sound effects.
The aftermath
Holy crap, there's Afhgans in that burning plane!
And the special effects. I'd swear he was friends with Speilburg. Say, is it hot in here?

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
How to write total crap! Narrated by Chicken, acted out by NailHead.
Step 1: Have the characters name methods of awkward sex positions.
I like anal sex, and rolling around in crap.
Step 2: Repeat step 1.
Animal sex is pretty cool, but I still like oral too.
Step 3: Reveal the character to be in an awkward sex position other than the ones listed.
YES! I'M MASTURBATING!

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
You know, it's not a good idea to hang out in this alley. There's muggers here.
Psshaw. Muggers, here? Yeah right. Even if they come, I can transform into a monster.
Monsters? This kid is probably on drugs, which means he's so retarded I'll just steal his money and...
I also have telepathy.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Well, let's see how AIM's working today.
Attention: AIM is not working today.
DAMN!
However, in response to users, we have set up a new "AIM 5-day forecast".
Tommorow there is a 40% chance of downtime, but Monday is definitely clear.....

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
AIM may be down today, but our hero will still get on...
I'll just load up ProHacker256 and I'll be on AIM in no time.
Attention: Hack failed.
However, the fine folks at "America+OnLine" would like to send you fifty dollars for your amusing try.
Wait just a second...
Insert credit card number here:

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Ah yes, my friend was right. Chinese hacking programs are so better.
Loading HackerMaker
Ah yes, don't I feel smart now. Now I can get onto AIM guaranteed, even if it is down.
Running HackerMaker
On the other, hand, there is one small detail I forgot about...
Welcome to AIM - There are currently 1 users online.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
The next day...
Welcome to AIM. What would you like to do today?
How about "Long-Time Relationships" chat room?
Loading room...
SluttyStacy:fuckme SexChick:fuckme BigPeter:fuckme

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Wow, I'm gonna meet a chick tonight!
ILikeSex has sent you a personal message. Would you like to accept?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
ILikeSex: hey lets meet in the park tonight
Sigh.....
ILikeSex: oh yeah forgot to tell ya im a man, u a chick right?

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
So you wanna meet in the park tonight?
Susan483: Hold on for a sec.
Susan483: Sorry, my mom says I'm too young.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Would you like to go out with me at the park tonight?
HipKim: Oh sure. In fact, how bout we bring a tent and spend the night there?
I don't think that's legal.
HipKim: Then can we sleep in a hotel?
There haven't been any vacancies since the festivals.
HipKim: ALL RIGHT I'LL SLEEP AT YOUR PLACE OKAY? COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST ASKED?

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
So Boozer finally met Kim (Indy Pete) at the park.
Hey, Kim. It's nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too. You look, uh, a bit shorter than I would expect.
Yeah, that's cause of all the booze.
Oh man, not a boozer!
You do drink booze, right?
Um, no. I'm a chick. I'm not allowed by law to drink crap.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
OK, so I drink booze. You're not gonna say no to me just cause of one trait, are ya?
Yeah, I suppose that would be unfair. I'll also see how good you are at dancing.
What kind of dance?
Oh, surprise me.
Ten minutes later.....
You're lucky we got here in time. Next time be more careful.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
So, Dr. Garfield, will Kim be all right?
No. You killed her.
Anything else I should know?
Yeah, you've been charged with murder. Seems you're gonna get life.
Damn. Any good news?
Well, gas prices went down today!

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Well, sir, you're going to be placed under arrest.
Alright, but do I at least get a cellmate?
Oh sure. We just got a new guy in the other day. He's right behind you.
Gee, I hope he's really nice.
Gulp!
Obey me!

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Well, nice to meet you, Satan. I hope we have a nice stay here in jail.
OBEY MY EVERY WORD, YOU PUNY MORTAL! IF YOU DO NOT YOU WILL SUFFER MOCKING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN AN ETERNITY OF HELL!
So, uh, how'd you smuggle your pitchfork in?
It's a trident.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Tell you what. I have a plan for breaking out of here. You distract the guard, and I'll use my diabolical powers to kill everyone else here.
Wait, other way around.
I was gonna say...

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
WHAT!?! Parole? Are you crazy? I told you earlier you got life without parole.
Well, let me think, I don't recall that.
What an idiot. He should know there was no parole.
What an idiot. He should know this is a trap to have Satan blow up the place.
Great, now he's going to mock me.
Oh yeah, that's right, there is no parole.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
So how much do I owe you?
1000 dollars.
Shit, I only have 998. But I know how I can make a quick two bucks.
Make it fast.
Kids can be SUCH suckers.
I'm selling a copy of "Tribes".
For only two dollars? Cool!

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
So how much do I owe you?
I charge 666 dollars. What did you expect?
Shit in a hat, I only have 500 dollars.
Get the rest of the money fast. In fact, I order you to stoop to the lowest level possible to get the money as punishment for making me wait.
Sure, I'll pay you 166 dollars to watch you sit through 12 hours of "Tribes".

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
And thus, our hero had to play "Tribes" for 12 hours.
Who wrote this junk, anyways?
The same guy who writes Al Gore's speeches.
And the jokes go on and on and on.
Why was this game created?
It was the best cure for insomnia ever.
And on.
Man, I wish I was the guy who hammers a nail through his head.
Yeah, but we had a deal.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
The "Tribes"-fest continues.
Why'd the background suddenly change?
I think it's a pun. This is, after all, the "hell" background.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
The twelve hours of playing "Tribes" comes to an end.
Praise the lord! It's over!
Considering the punishment I just put someone through, praising the lord probably is good advice.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Hey Jesus, I just paid someone to play 12 straight hours of Tribes, and now I'd like to ask for forgiveness.
Well, according to our new "eye for an eye" policy, you also have to play 12 hours of Tribes.
I think I'll burn in Hell instead.
Serves him right.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Hey Jesus, you know that kid you condemned to Hell for forcing the boozer to play 12 hours of Tribes?
Yeah, what?
You're gonna have to find a new place to condemn him to, because we're not letting him in Hell.
Why not?
Even our toughest murderers fear that kid. There would be an uprising.
And I can't sue him for breach of contract, either, because Heaven doesn't have any lawyers.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Make sure to accompany your mom to the store if she's a total dumbass.
You smell like crap.
Damnit, Mom, stop forgetting to buy deodorant.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
People are not as gullible as you think they are just because they're on the Internet.
HotAssChick: I have really big boobs.
BigJake420: so you got any pix of ur big boobs?

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
Watching television does not make you a copy of whoever you're watching.
And now, MTV's "Jackass".
This hurts more than on TV.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
With any luck, this will be the 44,100th comic.
So?
Yeah, that isn't much of a milestone.
No, one out of every hundred comics is a "hundredth comic".
Oh well. 44444 is soon. Maybe I can take that.
I don't understand what this excitement is all about.

 

by TheElPaso
11-24-01
And, action.
Cluck, cluck.
Hey, you retards in the back! Note the white long thing on my head! Nobody's gonna believe any chance of me being the Cadbury bunny!

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Do I look like Weird Al Yankovic?
No.
But the fact that this is the first comic that the name appears in, now that bothers me. You?
I'll agree with you, just to avoid once again being placed in a trash can, lit on fire, or nailing my head with a hammer.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Man, drugs are cool.
Oh yeah, that's so true.
Hey, you know what the best drug movie for kids is?
No what?
Harry's a Pothead and the Sorceror's Stoned!
And I thought it was Dopesters, Inc.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
I think that all strips that are being added just to go to one's "strip total" should be deleted.
Yeah, that's good, but...
But?
But there'd be one complication.
What is it?
This strip would be deleted.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
We're sorry, but this comic can not be
located. We suggest you try refreshing
your browser. It's CAN'T be our fault.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Say, why are we the default characters in a comic strip?
You know what? I think it's cause Brad thinks we, as Asians, need to be first in order to be in more strips!
Or maybe he wants the majority of retarded newbies to post repititions of us!
Yeah! Brad's a racist! Down with Brad!
Unfortunately for the girls, Brad treats unfair criticisms against him with rage. Hopefully, I don't need to mention Brad's put down of the "White Wall Rebellion".

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
So what I'm saying, Brad, is that I want to quit because I'm tired of being put in homosexual sex with humans.
But a third of our viewers need you! It's the losers that make this comic so funny!
Nice knowin' you! Drop me a line!
More bandwidth for me.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Ah yes, the examination of human tools will help me to learn more about them.
Word: Loading Clippit.
Some sort of writing mechanism. Interesting.
It looks like you're writing a letter.
About ten seconds later:

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
My first adventure onto the Internet. How exciting!
l337h4x0r 0\/\/|\|$ j00!!!!1
Man, isn't there anything in English?
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
Stripcreator.com sounds like an English site.
TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
You know, all the awkward sex on this site is starting to ruin it. Isn't there ANYTHING else funny we can do?
Guess not.
SLURP

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
You know what sucks? The people who've been here a long time have taken all the good TOBOR jokes. There aren't any left for the newbies.
And this is bad how?

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Thank you, Brad, for making this site possible.
Thank you, Dexx, for drawing so much art for the site.
Now get your asses back to work or I'll condemn you to an eternity of Hell.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Pay you a buck to hammer yourself in the head.
Are you crazy? That's not worth a buck!
OK then, but you won't have enough money to buy cheetohs!
Bitch.
Actually, that's not funny anymore. Light yourself on fire then you can have the buck.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
And then, building 5 backups of TOBO
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
R wasn't such a good idea. The evil d
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
octor was cornered by his own error.
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
Wow, another female! I'm not trying to get penises to suck on for once!
Nope, this is a lesbian sex strip.
Couldn't I at least have gotten to do it with a chick with big tits?
You're not exactly Pamela Anderson yourself.

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
The Rock is going to layeth the smacketh down on your candy ass!
What?
The Rock says The Rock is going to layeth the smacketh down on your candy ass!
What?
The Rock says The Rock is going to layeth the smacketh down on your candy ass!
What?

 

by TheElPaso
11-25-01
What's the point of the rating strips feature? The results aren't there.
Yeah, most people just ignore the feature.
RATE THIS STRIP A TEN OR ELSE!RATE THIS STRIP A TEN OR ELSE!RATE THIS STRIP A TEN OR ELSE!RATE THIS STRIP A TEN OR ELSE!RATE THIS STRIP A TEN OR ELSE!RATE THIS STRIP A TEN OR ELSE!
RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10!RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10!
RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10! RATE THIS A 10!
That was disturbing, but I have a feeling that...
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE THIS STRIP'S WRITER!

 

by TheElPaso
11-26-01
Say why aren't there any war characters or backgrounds on this site?
Why do you ask?
Some newbie user wanted to know.
Oh. I guess they're not there cause nobody drew them.
Meanwhile.....
Hey comicboy, look at us! We're in the "kofightclub" category!
And this spiffy background behind us is called "bunker"!

 

by TheElPaso
11-26-01
King of the Hill: A panoramic view
Now was I supposed to clean up the house or cook dinner? Oh well, guess I'll do both.
What the? This beer was made by the Soviets, or as they prefer, "Russians". It has tracking bugs in it!
NowwhattheyeahIagree there'stoomanyofthem therebugsinallmybeer yeahmanlikeonceIdrankabeer withatrackingbugsittook fourweekstogetitoutofme.
Yep.
Now hey there. You shouldn't be talking about made up conspiracies, you should be buying propane and propane accessories.
Hank! I can not believe you would tell your friends to constantly talk about what you want.

 

by TheElPaso
11-26-01
Kajun has suggested a "newbie team batttle" or something to kick out some of the newbies.
Well why can't we kick them all out?
Oh the pain!
You dumbass, we're being created by a newbie.
OK, kick everyone else out and leave this guy in! Just don't set me on fire!

 

by TheElPaso
11-26-01
Wow, this newbie team isn't fair. All the semi-good people are on one side and all the total losers are on the other.
Hey, give the other side a break here!
Sigh.
You'd think you'd have learned from your mistake by now.
I quit. Have TOBOR fill in for me.

 

by TheElPaso
11-26-01
Remember, newbies will be reading this, TOBOR. Please try to avoid cornholing them.
Oh, what the hell. Like anybody cares about the newbies.
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE NEWBIES!

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