All comics by Uberboy

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by Uberboy
1-10-03
BEHOLD!!! The story of Uber boy begins in a governmental medical research facility in the Alaskan wilderness
My plan to create a being which can minipulate reality is near its final stage.
AGain i SAy ThiS Is A bAd Idea.
I:have:been:forged: of:iron: :My:time:has:come :to:ROCK::
YELP!
BEHOLD!!! The story of Uber boy begins in a governmental medical research facility in the Alaskan wilderness

 

by Uberboy
1-21-03
As the latest in a series of superdupper uber smart robots ponders what is truely important to him...
My insides feel cold and mettalic.
It's your move you meniachle creation of scientific digression.
I know! Hey, chess board, do you have any 'phosphorus grenades'?
SUCH A THING DOES NOT EXIST PITIFUL CHILD OF MACHINE! what the hell is that anyway...?
owww. well in that case perhapse if I use some volitile glue and...
KIGHT TO D5! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! ...and they said i would never amount to anything just because i was inanimate.

 

by Uberboy
1-21-03
The first day among the civilians!
Look! Another "B.O.Y." Is that one liquid inside too???
...um
Actualy Mr. Robot, most humans are liquid inside, with the exeption of their skeleton. but don't let that fool you, they really don't taste like oil in the middle.
...i see...
Don't feel bad Timmy, I still have use for you even if you contain no oil. Perhaps these "bones" of yours can be harvested for silicon.
...but I need my bones.

 

by Uberboy
1-22-03
A casual conversation of mass intelligence
YOUR MOVE!!! So, what have you learned in your first week of pitiful existance?
I learned that nuns like silver men with pistons. OH OH! And I met this really hot car and she gave me her number!
FOOL! cars are not robots! they are pathetic human slave machines, even more pathetic than you!!!
That explains why she had her nuber displayed on her ass...
You are destined for a life of cold metalic solitude. If your lucky you might find someone to manipulate your sensory equpment. (at least you have it you ass)
Yeah! Your right! All I need to do is install a keyboard and hide in a catholic school typing class!

 

by Uberboy
1-22-03
As friends discus a personal endevor, an unwanted listener appears...
Well, you can't just go around castleing all the time, you gotta be brave and hang in the middle somethimes.
I know, but the world is so cold and cruel, who wouldn't want to stay safe and locked up all the time?
hey guys! I just found a fake quarter on the ground! anyone have another dowel type thinky? It doesn't have to be shiny!
Listen, I have an idea for you: if you cut little bits off of your forearm, you can get free soda to sell to people and make a huge profit for an even cooler forearm.
GREAT IDEA!
See, even when a dumbass pawn comes running at you and you're out in the open it's possible to send em packin'.

 

by Uberboy
1-23-03
So how did your first 'diagnostic' go?
well... it could have been worse.
how's that? YOUR MOVE SCUM!
The only thing I can imagine as more uncomfortable than having cold metal probes jammed up your hoha is if your hoha is squishy sensative flesh and not a cold mettal probe turned inside-out
Yes. Yes i soppose we have it better than the warm squishy things.
At least i can go to summercamp now!

 

by Uberboy
1-23-03
Well, it's been three hours since my 'diagnostic'. Am i stil a man, well, in the squshy liquid people sense of the word?
I mean, just because I let some technician probe me, I'm not a wus, right?
Hey, chess board! HAve you ever gotten a 'diagnostic'?
Well, I used to have four legs instead of just one. after "the accident" I had to get checked up on every few weeks to make sure I was still level. Does that count?
I geuss, but are you less of a man now then you were before?
PATHETIC MACHINE! YOU ARN'T SOPOSED TO CARE ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING! YOU ARE A R-O-B-O-T. And for the record, I'M ALL MAN!

 

by Uberboy
1-28-03
A revelation
I get to go to summer camp in just two days! what CD's should i put in my backpack?
They don't let you take electronic devices to summercamp.
But I have a CD-Rom drive in my chest.
Well, they might not let you take it.
But it's a permanant upgrade. What will I do?
You know you might be considered one big electronic device. you should just plan on leaving your Tool where it is.

 

by Uberboy
2-04-03
A harsh let-down promps a new idea...
Well, it's like I said, only moreso: you just can't expect to fit in with the edoskeletal worm people yet, your too 'robotic' looking.
But I wanted to go so baddly.
The only way you could pass as one of the endo people is if you wore some kind of "man-suite".
But if it were to look real it would need to be an authentic suit.
I think even if you skinned one of the monkey people and wore its hide like a costume, you would look better then most of them naturally do.
Yeah, they would probably accept me into their society as one of the childbearing or girthy individules...perhaps with some sort of skin condition excuse I would go unnoticed.

 

by Uberboy
2-05-03
How Armando Martinez should die.
Hmmm... I look absolutely nothing like Armando Martinez, yet that is who I am...
O MY GOD ARMANDO! I look absolutely nothing like your mother yet that is who I am! AND I have horrable news!
YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR!!!!!!!!!!
GHASP! Oh the IRONY! CRUEL FATE WHAT WILL I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My only ption is to operate while i am in this form!
Thats for sure! no way the doctors would be able to operate around that abstruction on your face if you were in your regular form!

 

by Uberboy
2-05-03
A disscusion that will undoubtedly lead to an interesting conclusion.
...which is why I've hired you. Think you're up to the job?
Yes, I understand. Any preferences on what your new "suit" should look like?
Ask him to get you something that would be warm in the summer but not hot in the winter.
Um... I'll take that into consideration.
Hmmm.... well, I was thinking someone big so i could actually pull it off... But go ahead and shop around. I want some variety.
...

 

by Uberboy
2-05-03
The hired hand's first aquisition.
What did you say you needed?
Your skin. I need your skin.
But my skin is one of the most imporant parts of my body... without it I would probably die.
Well, we may just have to learn to live with that consequence.
But how could I learn to live with that consequence if I were dead?
You're begining to ask too many questions. Now take it off.

 

by Uberboy
2-06-03
Later that day, a wierd situation just gets wierder.
This one should be easy...
HIGHGH! I'MMM HARY KARRY!!!
I'm here for your skin. I have to take it from you.
B-B-BUT IT'S MY SKIN I NEED IT.MY NAME IS HARY KARRY!!!
Are you ok?
I THINK I'M ALREADY DEAD, I-I-I-I JUST HAVN'T ACCEPTED IT Y-Y-Y-YET.

 

by Uberboy
2-07-03
...Meanwhile, back at the fort:
Oohhh, I can't wait until that hit man gets done and I can mingle with the warmblooded things.
Don't get your hopes up about being accepted.
What makes you say that?
Well, look at how they treat each other. They hardly accept themselvs! Pittiful flesh pin cushuns. KNIGHT TO H3!!!
Hmmmm... Well I'll just have to give it my best shot...
That's what your dad said before he peed in your mom! CHECK MATE YOU METTALIC EXCUSE FOR A RETARDED 8 YEAR OLD!!!!

 

by Uberboy
2-07-03
Uberboy here, in a body somewhat reminicant of my real one, with a public service message for anyone who has some reason to read my 'comic':
It has come to my attention that the last comic was a bit low, even for my wit.
And I quote: "Uberboy, that was low. Retarded 8 yearolds have it pretty tough, without being compared to stupid robot charcters. You should get hit by a car and become a paraplegic for being so mean"
I really must appologise for being so vulgar and mean. I was going to hammer a nail into my forehead to right my heinous wrong (and to avoid your wrath in your car), but I just realized something:
I'm UBERboy. UBER. Meaning I'm like superman and your measly car can't hurt me, so I'm going to say nuts to the retarded 8 yearolds. And nuts to you! Uber nuts to you!
Then again, look what happened to Christopher Reeves...

 

by Uberboy
2-08-03
The search continues...
...
What you need is a sense of purpose and destiny. I can tell you've been going through life just wishing to 'break out of the box'.
I'm a hit man. I'm pretty far out of anny box. In fact, I put people in boxes.
I see... well in that case, I guess you don't need me
Actually, I need your sk.... HEY!

 

by Uberboy
2-08-03
"How to Skin a Body" for dummies.
"First you must..." this is a tad gross...
Huh, didn't know you could do that...

 

by Uberboy
2-09-03
Quite a sticky situation to find your self in....
Well, here are your skins. Though, I have to admit, I wasn't expecting anything this perverted when I decided to kill people for a living.
Wonderful! Well, you know what they say.
What?
Oh, um... I don't know, I was just trying to sound intelligent...
Uhh. Ok. So, how 'bout my pay?
Pay???......

 

by Uberboy
2-09-03
To dig a deeper hole...
Yeah, pay. You did plan on paying me didn't you?
Well, uh, I didn't really think of it, to tell you the truth...
You mean you expected to get my work, my very expensive work, done for free?
...I thought maybe people in your profession do what they do because they like it.
::gir::
I'll give you some of my oil! It's real nice, an smells pretty too!

 

by Uberboy
2-09-03
To be ashamed of being a robot:
So how did getting your skins go?
I got the hit man all pissed off, and he took them back and said if I didn't give him $25,000 in two weeks, he'd throw them out.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stupid machine. Your really screwed now.
Screwed? How am I screwed? There were no screws involved.
My god you really need to get those skins...
sigh.

 

by Uberboy
2-11-03
How am I sopposed to come up with $25,000 in two weeks?
Well, you could use your computer like mind to gain access to peoples bank accounts and steal the money.
Yeah, but if I do that, I'll be in trouble with the law.
You know, hiring a hit man is against the law.
It is? But I didn't kill anybody, he did!
You think people will believe you if you get caught with all those skins. You'll be like a less sexual but still creepy Jame 'Buffalo Bill' Gumb.

 

by Uberboy
2-11-03
If I just steal fractions of pennies from around 50,000 or so people, I'll have my $25,000!!! Ok, I just do this an this an ..... do dooo doot dee doot de de doo....THERE!
Hello fellow A.I. construct. I am H.A.L. How may I be of sevice?
Give me 1/2 of a penny from each of the accounts of 50,000 of your customers, or I will give you digital herpies.
But friend, what has H.A.L. done to deserve such a virus??? And how did you get digital herpies anyway?
SHUT UP! ...I made it in hex dex... Honest.
Riiiight...I will give you the money you request, just don't touch the keyboard, let me do it.

 

by Uberboy
2-11-03
sigh...
indeed.
Let's to the movies.
sigh...
indeed.

 

by Uberboy
2-11-03
Here's your $25,000. Why do you look so suspicious?
You told me earlier this morning that you had no money... How did you get it so fast?
Bitch, bitch, bitch. Just give me the skins.
Fine, but you never met me, and you need to tell me how you got the money in two hours.
You'll find out next time you check your email.
What's that sopposed to mean?

 

by Uberboy
2-14-03
Robot comes home
Hey there chess board.
Perhapse if I pretend I'm a regular chessboard, he'll go away...
It's me, robot!
...
I got the skins, I can go socialize with the humans!
I'm a regular chessboard, he'll go away...I'm a regular chessboard, he'll go away...I'm a regular chessboard, he'll go away...I'm a regular chessboard, he'll go away... I'm a regular chessboard...

 

by Uberboy
2-19-03
No really, it's just me.
Oh, riiiiight, the skins. I still think I'll ignore you just for the hell of it.
Isn't it cooooool!!! now i can finnally blend in with the squishies!
Yeah! Your right! Now go away.
What's the matter? You loose one of your pawns again?
For your information, sombody put a glass of ice tea on me and didn't use a coaster... But that's not why your an idiot and deserve to be ignored.

 

by Uberboy
2-21-03
uberboy has failed in his job of making highquality family oriented comics on a regualar basis.
to appologize, we have invided renowned actor Chessboard to speak to you:
Hello pitiful flesh men! you may know me from such comics as "uberboy's comics" and other such comics that he doesn't read.
I've come to appologize for the inconsistancey of humor and the poor timing of our comic.
but as a consolation, the writer of the comic book, uberboy, knows he's retarded but can't prove it, so he will never receive benefeits.
i ammmm arn't i ?

 

by Uberboy
2-21-03
I can't remember what happened in the last part of our story! what will we do?!?!?
::shhhhhh, we have to act like professionals here!!!!::
um... ahem , SO CHESS BOARD, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD, YOU um STUPID MACHINE.
OW. ::how was that?::
:: i think we captureed the true flow of our normal comic lives. we handled that smooooothly::

 

by Uberboy
2-21-03
So what are you going to do now that you have the skins?
I think i'd like some sex... but first I need to find out what it really is. TV seems to make it sound pretty important.
Well, it really involves having full use of your human flesh organs... but I think you'll do fine.
Where do you think I should look for some?
The author says you'll have the best luck if you meet some 'thing' named laycie, though it will wholely and comletely ruin the expirence for you, not to mention destroy you by rotting you from within.
That doesn't sound so good. Perhaps I should just go to the author's school and hang around the reclassified freshmen girls...

 

by Uberboy
2-22-03
The blood spackled Martin’s were the only clue. It was puzzling, the most puzzling case of homicide I’d ever dealt with. The obvious question stuck out in my mind like the eviscerated whore’s er
nipples, Why no evidence, nothing, but the shoes?
I decided to let forensics worry about it until something else popped up. It was almost lunch and I was hungry despite the week-old corps lying at my feet. I stood from my squatted position, a TV cop
drama pose that the detectives use when investigating a corps, and made my way around the youngsters in white coats for the door. I don’t know how I developed that habit, I rarely watched TV.
The mid morning sun was smothered by a muggy overcast, just beginning to drain a thin rain down through the smog and soot, to water the concrete and pavement of the industrial sector of the city. When
I collapsed into the seat of my car I had three thoughts on my mind: the shoes, the location of the body, and a nice warm Ruben.

 

by Uberboy
2-22-03
A dockworker claimed he smelled something funny upon investigating, he found the body, with a six inch slit across her stomach. She had been positioned upside-down, pushed up against the wall and
pinned there with some boxes full of old-fashioned tin children’s’ toys. She had slid down so that her head was bent up and smashed against the floor, supporting the rest of her weight. We got a c
about three minutes later. That was this morning. The warehouse she was stashed in has a history of being a dumping ground for weird things, despite its reasonable amount of security.
By the time I got to the diner of 135th, it was the lunch hour rush, and it took me forever to get my sandwich. By the time I got a hold of it, it looked like I got the old corned beef that fell
behind the grease trap. It was delicious.
It would surprise a great many people to know that having a job like mine is very therapeutic for a man like me. Today seemed pretty nice, despite having been dumped by my fiancé two weeks before.

 

by Uberboy
2-22-03
I guess it’s the constant motion; never having time to pay attention to your personal matters when so mush happens in this city. That was the reason she gave me fore leaving. Not enough attention.
Never mind the fact that she got a raise and an opportunity for a transfer to another city. A calmer city…
I left a weak tip and headed back to the station. I was already late for a meeting with the chief, something she’s probably expecting of me now. She probably told me one just so I would show up at
one forty. The only reason I haven’t been fired is because of my solid case record. 17 n’ o. That’s homicides mind you. I was good. Am good. And they know it....
?

 

by Uberboy
2-28-03
My the life is hard isn't it?
God damn, I'll say.
I wonder what it would be like to be in a comic rather than to write the comic.
In the comic, your life is restricted to what you can do in in a finite number of panels, and what you can express through bubbles of dialogue.
But how is life any different?
um... well,.... don't ask me, I only play a smart chessboard.

 

by Uberboy
2-28-03
Now that I can pose as a human, I have no idea what to do. My life was spent anticipating the moment when I could disguise my in-human form, and now I have no idea what to do.
I'll tell you what to do: quit crying like one of the fucking flesh holes and go to a rave! ... pathetic machine of inferiority...
Hmmm... maybe you're right. But then, what will I do when some human tries to interact with me by slipping me a drink with X? I'll be found out for sure when I don't dance right.
Remember what you did when the water fountain squirted you? Just do that, only don't go running for a towel and squirting sparks at things...actually, maybe you should squirt sparks...
Ravers like sparks and flashy lights?
You know, sometimes you really can annoy me with your ignorance of the flesh hole culture.

 

by Uberboy
3-11-03
boy... what happened? i can't remember what the hell's been going on the past weeks.
what's there to remember?
um... did i go to a rave?
hmmm... all i know is that you are still unreasonably stupid. and i'm under contract not to answer that.
is our writer even trying anymore?
HAS UBERBOY LOST HIS TOUCH OR EVEN DIED?!?!?!?!? FIND OUT NEXT EPISODE!!!!!!!!!

 

by Uberboy
3-12-03
hey! your back! where have you been???
meh. on a journey to find my inner being i guess.
you mean your motherboard or your OS?
you know i'm human right? well, i am uber human, but more human than you. meaning i don't have mechanical parts.
oh, right... well are you gonna start writing good comics again? they've been crap for a while. i think we were thinking of having an intervention but we couldn't find you.
you do know i can unmake you just as easily as i made you.

 

by Uberboy
3-12-03
OH THANK POVLOV, YOUR BACK!!! i was getting ready to kill that diesel sweeties fucking robot, he kept crying himself to sleep at night moaning about how you left us for other comic characters.
yeah, maybe i should have made him into more of a cold calculating machine of death instead of an insecure three year old with learning disabilities.
but then we'd have the red robot, and i hear he's flaming gay off the pannel and has a thing for props.
see, by creating a character ideal for clango, i saved you years of troment and thousands in psychiatry bills. you should be thanking me.
hmmm... well played uberboy. well played.
that reminds me: give me my god damn clerks the series uncensored dvd back you bastard.

 

by Uberboy
3-13-03
...and in other news, it is now a law to reffer to "french" fies as fredom fries, and "french" toast as freedom toast...
law?... why would we have it out for the french?
...anysign of nonconformity in this issue will result in death. also, boycot french wine.
on pain of death!?!?!?!
yep, that's right. on pain of death. also, don't even think about buying french vanilla ice cream. or baguettes. you get governmental bees sent after you if you eat baguettes.
mais pourquoi??!?!?!?!?

 

by Uberboy
3-13-03
sigh.
so how long are you going to hangout on the comic? not that we don't appreciate your being here, but it's getting kind of weird. you've eaten all our food.
meh, until i find some way tomake the comic funy and new and interesting without my presence. and you guys don't eat. why should you care if i eat all your food? most of it has gone bad anyway.
hmmm... well played uberboy. well played.
give me my goddamn dvd back!
stop using my peices as pencil toppers!

 

by Uberboy
3-15-03
WEEEEEE!!!!!

 

by Uberboy
3-15-03
what are you smilling about?
i just saw the most amazing movie ever! "VERSUS"!!!!!
that sounds almost as stupid as you and your smiling chrome face.
i did some research, and our laboratory lies on the 222nd gate to hell!!! we're luck we're not dead!!!!
no, you're lucky your not dead. any more esoteric comics and i'll kill you.

 

by Uberboy
3-16-03
i know, i know: A) there are a lot of quite funny comics involving both the war and this background and me doing one right now would just be silly and behind the times.
and B) i'm not leaving for DC in another week (despite it being the worst time to go there in years).
buuuut, seeing as how it's 1am, i'm ass board... i'm gonna sit here in my trash can and bitch: bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch, etc.

 

by Uberboy
3-22-03
blahblahblah
blahblahblah
ins't a three week vacation after getting more or less dumped grand?
blahblahblah

 

by Uberboy
3-22-03
uberboy is lost and confused in his fortress of solitude...
he actually got lost in his room?
no, he is emotionally lost and confused.
oh... i expirienced that once.
you? i thought you were emotionless.
i constantly get angry at you and yell and you think i'm emotionless? any one would be lost and confused at the loss of someone they saw as a queen... literaly. i lost my white queen last week.

 

by Uberboy
3-23-03
why are we here?
i think the writter of this strip must be floundering...
hey, i can feel my molecules comeing apart...
... ow, yeah me too
UBERBOY DOES NOY FLOUNDER, he mearly mix's in something predictable as filler... hahaha, you read it too!

 

by Uberboy
3-23-03
goddamn it, why are we here again?

 

by Uberboy
3-23-03
so, what'd you do today?
well, i added yet another peice of matterial joy to my collection of esoteric crap that makes me feel good. i have lived up to my role as an armored core fanboy.
armored core! wow that sounds cool!
meh, the title has always been a bit slanted, a common thing for japanese people to do i've noticed, though it probably makes perfect sence to them...
i was made by japanes people. am i slanted?
robot, there is no kind way to answer that question, though the answer would have nothing to do with the fact that japanese people made you...

 

by Uberboy
3-23-03
why are you looking at me like that?
like what?

 

by Uberboy
3-23-03
i am pro choice. i can't be catholic...

 

by Uberboy
3-23-03
i speak with a heavy stereotypical russan accent.

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