All comics by jestercomics

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by jestercomics
7-22-02
Tristan on a Friday Night...
If I call her, she'll know that all I want to do is drop Mescaline and fuck all night...
YOU WILL CALL HER! HAIL SATAN!
The Story Continues...
I knew I should have called her BEFORE dropping the Mescaline....
SEE IF SATAN HELPS YOU AGAIN!

 

by jestercomics
7-22-02
Just another day...
It's simple. God is Love. Without God you'll always be alone
But.. I don't want to be in a relationship.. yet alone love!
OW! OW! OW! OW!
Later that night...
YOU OWE ME, MORTAL-BOY!
I could have handled this on my own...

 

by jestercomics
7-22-02
So, since I inherited thst Satan-posessed phone from Jester, life has been ...Hell. It keeps trying to have sex with my computer and has knocked-up my hard drive!
YES. BUT YOU LIKE THE ENDLESS SUPPLY OF RITALIN IN MY RECIEVER!
........
OK.. so it's not ALL bad.
HAIL SATAN! NOW, PUT YOUR COMPUTER IN THAT SEXY BIKINI AGAIN!

 

by jestercomics
7-22-02
Wednesday night in Tristan's room...
THE MORTAL-BOY IS AT GOTH NIGHT! LET'S GET IT ON!
b.u.t. -w.h.a.t. -a.r.e. -w.e. -g.o.i.n.g.- t.o.- d.o.- a.b.o.u.t.-t.h.e-. b.a.b.y.?
WE CAN FORMAT YOUR HARD DRIVE!
w.o.n.t. -t.r.i.s.t.a.n. -b.e. -u.p.s.e.t.?
EITHER THAT OR I CAN SHOVE MY RECIEVER UP YOUR *C* COLON!
...f.o.r.m.a.t.t.i.n.g....

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
I'm you from the future, Tristan. i'm here to prevent you from becoming me!
So I become a loser with a bad haircut.. Great. Can you at least tell me next week's winning lottery ticket?
Sure.. it's...*URK* OW! OW! OW! OW!
Later that Night
I don't know whether to thank him or disconnect him...
GO FIX ME A TURKEY POT PIE!

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
Never listen to the Fat Man when he's giggling...
........
I knew rectally inserting Sweet-Tarts wouldn't have the same effect as Ritalin...Fat Man Must Die...

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
The REAL reason Tristan goes to the Fat Man's house...
I'm telling you... the Sweet -Tarts would have worked if you had properly lubricated them! blah blah blah...
Oh god.. here he goes again..Gonna tell me something stupid will be fun...
...so Arn and I were tripping one night.. and then the aliens landed...blah blah blah...
Every time he does this my brain secretes a chemical called Bullshitophrene... I swear there's enough in my head to get high off of...
...And after the one girl went downstairs, she told her friend to come upstairs, and hey.. she wanted sex.. what was I to do? blah blah blah...
Wait a minute....! This explains EVERYTHING!

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
It's Wednesday again...
So tell me again why I go to Goth Night? I'm a Pink Floyd fan, I'm not bisexual, i'm too young to buy a drink...
...when I feel the snakebite enter my veins..
Our Hero ponders his situation...
all this place is a drama sinkhole...
So after I take over Rocky, I'll take over here...then I'll make a porno! Yeah, that's it!
And the truth hits him like a wet herring...
I can think of a thousand things I'd rather be doing...
Wanna drop Mescaline and Fuck all night?

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
How Todd accidentally saved the day...
Todd, I need you to go and crash on the couch tonight.. I got this girl from Goth Night here... and..you know...
That might not be the coolest idea.
Should I begin dreading the answer to that question now?
Um...dude.. I kinda ejaculated all over your bed watching horse porn...
Lovely night to sit in the park isn't it?
Does he know that I have a penis?

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
HI! I'M MEL, THE SATANIC-POSESSESSED PHONE! I'M HERE WITH AN IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!
CONTRARY TO THE STORIES FLOATING AROUND, TRISTAN IS *NOT*, I REPEAT *NOT* GAY. HE LIKES WOMEN! I SWEAR THAT TRISTAN IS COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL!
BUT THEN AGAIN, I AM THE PRINCE OF LIES....

 

by jestercomics
7-23-02
Tristan has a Josh kind of day...
I met this guy who said he'd pay me $10,000 for one of my testicles.
And you told him to fuck off, right?
I told him I'd think about it.
WHAT? It's your goddamn nut for Christs sake!
He said he'd only give me 10 dollars for another body part...
Lemme guess.. your brain.

 

by jestercomics
7-24-02
How to spot a woman who likes women
I don't really like penises. Think it's a side effect of being from Canada.
Damn! I need pussy! It's been so long! Grr! Worship me! I'm cute!
How to spot a woman worth sleeping with
I've had 11 years of gymnastics and have no gag reflex.
You'd be amazed what I can do with a loofa and some duct tape.
How not to get laid by anyone worth sleeping with
Hey... wanna be in a porno?
I'm a lesbian with a six-inch clit. And i'm an expert leg-humper!

 

by jestercomics
7-24-02
Television is bad for you. It rots the brain and programs you with the twisted values of a fucked up society.
There's NOTHING worth watching even with cable. Now we have 300 channels od crap.
But.. I kinda like this show...
*...Pop-Up Video!..*

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
Divine Intervention in our group has .. different meanings...
What's the difference between a Bowling ball and Menstrual blood? You can't gargle with a bowling ball!
Laugh or eat him.. Laugh or eat him... Decisions, decisions..
Please.. let me be your Padawan Learner...
Repeat after me... I got a one armed bitch that'll give you a hook-job!
I sense a running gag here...
OF COURSE YOU SENSE A RUNNING GAG! LOOK WHO'S WRITING THIS STRIP! AND WHERE'S MY TURKEY POT PIE!

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
The Secret Life of Tristan's Roommate...
Dude, I really need to get laid....
Um... I gotta like, wash my hair....Bye!
Thank God she's gone... I have calls to make...
Shadow Government post 23 reporting. My cover is secure, Mr. President...
*Excellent, Todd. Oh, the Vice President says Hi! How goes the surveillance on that commie Tristan?*

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
So I've been reading Calvin and Hobbes a lot, and decided to make a Transmogrifier...
No good can come out of this, dude...
Time to try it, wish me luck! ZAPPP!
Oh the fun I can have with THIS!
There are Two of them! Gotta contact the President! Defcon 3 at least!

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
Tristan decides to take his new 'body' out for a test drive.
So thanks to the Transmogrifier, now I look like Jester! Wait... he tends to get laid a lot.... Oh boy!
So.. uh.. when do I get to get you half naked and covered in oil?
Mmm... sounds like fun... meet me in like 20 minutes at my place. I've got a full length mirror over my bed.
...Shit.. I gotta see Jester naked now!

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
The Next Day...
This sucks! I've got a craving for cloves, I've gotten laid so much that my dick almost fell off, and I've had to see Jester naked 7 times!
Well, why don't you turn into someone else?
Right Right.. a Brilliant Idea! Here we go again! Wheeeee! ZAPP!!
I am The Destroyer Of Worlds! MwooHaaHaa!!!
Hmm... a radioactive Tristan with atomic powers and a desire to destroy the world... Reduce to Defcon 4

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
A week later...
I have evolved into my final form. I can destroy mountains with a thought! I'm basically God now. Hell, I can destroy the entire world!
Hmm.. destroying the world just isn't as much fun when you can put it back together at will.

 

by jestercomics
7-25-02
All great things must come to an end...
Being God is pretty cool. I know everything. I can do anything... but I don't really believe in God.
........
Somehow I knew I'd fuck this up....

 

by jestercomics
7-26-02
Tristan sober...
Hello Mr. Prime Minister... Hmm.. wait.. that sounds GAY!
Tristan after a few drinks...
ImNotTristan: Whee! RightRight! I'm snoockerd...we should go do something.. like eat mushrooms off cow shit!
Jesterx523: Um.. you go right ahead and do that...
Tristan shitfaced...
Dammit! Hump my Leg, you sexy dog you...
Arf! (Translation: Shit.. not again!)

 

by jestercomics
7-26-02
How Tristan deals with cops
Can I see some ID please?
Officer. I respect your authority. However, if I am not, in fact, accused with a crime.. I am not required to present ID.
How Todd deals with cops
Can I see some ID please?
I'm Not Giving you my ID! I'm Not going to Jail! EEP! I just pissed my pants!
How Josh deals with cops
Can I see some ID please?
Uh... um... heh... shit... I need a bathroom to hide in, like QUICK!

 

by jestercomics
7-26-02
Why crackheads shouldn't have computers...
Im Not Tristan: We should do a lot of drugs, wear necklaces made out of slimjims, and brainstorm ideas for this comic!
Like I need drugs to come up with cracked out memories of you!
And now a Public Service announcement
Remember kids! The actors in these cartoons are PROOF that drugs are Bad, Mmkay?
That's right! Drugs are... oh, gotta run. Here comes Troy!

 

by jestercomics
7-26-02
Ever since I turned 18, I've been having an identity crisis. I'm no longer a boy genius.
Now i'm just a genius. and that's not nearly as exciting.
I mean, I used to be known for being Tristan, the Boy Genius. It was cool.
And then there's this whole British thing. Prime Minister, leg humping, bad teeth...
And now i'm hooked on ritalin and have a guy who jerks off to horse porn living in my room.
I think my inner child is a sadistic bastard.

 

by jestercomics
7-26-02
Just another day...
This damn thing just keeps staring at me...
Maybe if I ignore it it'll just go away...
Ya know.. this didn't work on Gumby either...
Make ONE move, and I'll eat your fucking eyes...

 

by jestercomics
7-29-02
whatever happened to Saturday night...
I haven't slept in days... and then this fat fuck comes over and says we're leaving the state.
.. so we're gonna go to Ann Arbor and end up at a huge party..
So here I am at a bonfire in a thunderstorm, stoned out of my mind, and still no sleep.
Hey, did you see that girl.. I'll bet she wants you...
.... but free hallucinations.... I guess that makes up for it.
Duck Duck ... GOOSE!

 

by jestercomics
7-29-02
So I decided to make a killer robot to take care of my enemies and get me things when I'm stoned.
It's got eye-mounted lasers, a particle accelerator, and a built-in fridge to keep my supply of ice cream bars frosty.
i'm debating where to put in the drink fountain, though...
Shit.. he's gonna do it.. I just know it...

 

by jestercomics
7-29-02
When the crackhead's away, the Robots will play
Tristan is at work. You're going to steal his credit card and order me memory upgrades and ammo online!
Dude.. I can't steal Tristan's credit card! He's my friend!
*Engaging Eye Lasers. Setting: Testicle Burn!
Man.. this is not fair, Tristan will ki... Oooh! Horse Porn!
www.animal-sex-beastiality-bestiality.com

 

by jestercomics
7-29-02
The truth behind Todd's haircuts
Oooh yheah.. do it, Trigger... Time to.. mount her!
www.barnyardsex.nu
Todd.. have you made the orders yet?
Um... yeah...uh... well... no
Engaging Eye Lasers... powering up...
I DON'T NEED TO SHOW YOU MY I.D.! I DON'T NEED TO SHOW YOU MY I.D.!

 

by jestercomics
7-29-02
Robot.. I understand you've been zapping off Todd's hair, making him steal my credit card, and generally being a doodiehead.
Yes. Yes I have. And there's nothing you can do about it! Ha! Ha! Ha!
.........
See? There's nothing you can say to spoil this Glorious Day for me!
My computer has been cheating on you with the telephone.
But.. she said I was the ONLY Hard Drive for her Floppy Disk...

 

by jestercomics
7-29-02
REAL Cybersex
How COULD you! You said I was the only one for you! That my RAM Disk was more than an installiation procedure!
Your processor is too fast. You've downloaded before I'm through booting!
I can downgrade!
I didn't want to say this.. but you've backed me into a firewall here.
I'm sorry. your Input device is insufficent for my SCSI drive.

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
An average day in Tristan's life...
Yeah.. I had to dismantle Robot. He got all manic-depressive when he found out my computer broke up with him.
Damn, that sucks. I was gonna offer him a memory upgrade to be in my next porn.
Really? Wow...
Yeah.. was gonna call it 'Star Whores, the Anal Intruder Strikes Backside.. get it? Well, gotta go make stickers, bye.
... and people wonder why I do drugs...

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
This is how bad weeks begin...
Hey Mel, can I ask you a question?
SURE! BUT IT'LL COST YOUR SOUL! ...UNION RULES AND ALL.
Fine. I'm not using it anyway. .. Of all the things Satan can channel through, why a telephone?
SIMPLE! JESUS GOT ALL THE GOOD FORMS. WAS THIS OR AN ENEMA BAG. NOW HAND OVER THE SOUL!
Um.. I lost it at a party. It's in a soda bottle somewhere...
OOH! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW! PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF AT&T...UM.. HELL

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
The workday blues...
Great... here comes the boss...
Mr. Lear... why are you placing nude images of the Queen Mum on everyone's desktop?
Um.. to improve morale?
And why does the surveillance tapes show you having a conversation with your penis. which according to the tape, was SMILING at you..
I can explain that.. see, I was on a couch playing musical penises with my friends and...
OK. We're just going to nail you to your desk here...

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
A Hard Day's night...
PrimeMinister523: Damn.. nails in the feet fucking hurt.. No wonder Jesus hasn't come back...
Jesterx523: That fucking sucks.
PrimeMinister523: Do you know anything about tetanus, lockjaw and that kind of shit?
Jesterx523: Um.. not really.. why? You OK?.. well, besides the nails, that is.
PrimeMinister523: Well, i'm hoping that I get tetanus in my peepee. Perpetual hard-on... hell yeah!
Jesterx523: i'm logging off now...

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
You know he's thought of this at least once
Damn my feet fucking hurt. Never offer your soul to a telephone when you already gave it away.
Um.. I told your mom that we were having sex...
...............Why would you do that?
I was tweaking on some mushrooms I found in your backyard.. and it semed funny at the time.
Let me get this straight.. he was running down the hall with a pair of scissors and tripped.. falling on them..
Yeah. 47 times. It was really odd...

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
Hi.. what's your name...
Emily...
Hell, I don't even need to write dialouge for this one...

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
Meanwhile.. high above the Earth...
We've been monitoring the Earthling Tristan Lear for a year now as our sample human for the invasion.. what have we learned about humans?
Humans cannot take medicine the right way.. Rectally, crushing it up their noses... they cannot apparently utilize their mouths correctly...
And they seem to pretend they're from countries they are not from. As well as spending days defending their sexuality.
And the enjoyment of dancing on stages wearing feather boas.. even in restruants. and his computer records show a lot of cross-species sex activity.
So.. is your disguise prepared for the invasion, Zorqual?
Yes, Barbunod. I'm going as a gender confused, pill snorting drag queen zoophile. I'll blend rught in!

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
Onboard the Dominion Flagship...
So.. are you all set for being the Point Man for the invasion?
Yes. I believe I got the costume perfected. I'll blend in perfectly. No one will suspect... Take a look!
PERFECT! You, Zorqual.. are an Artist!
Thank you, Thank you...

 

by jestercomics
7-30-02
Down on Earth....
I need to get laid.. I need drugs.. I need to get laid.. I need drugs.... wait.. what's that?
I sense a disturbance in the Force....
Either that or the craving for Horseporn has overtaken me agian...

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
The Invasion Commences!
Excellent.. the insertion is complete. No human suspects that I am actually Zorqual, Master of disguise!
.......
And then hits a sudden snag...
Alright... where the fuck am I? This does NOT look like Washington D.C.

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
How E.T. gets a ride
Terran.. I mean... Hey, buddy. I need to borrow your car.
Uh...no. Give me one reason I should let a complete stranger borrow my car.
The keys are in the ignition.

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
The following comics are filler while Zorqual drives to Toledo
My life has gotten so dull lately...
I really gotta do something new...
Ah.. that's betterl.

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
Zorqual is somewhere near Boston...
When you're a kid and you wanna go 'Wheee" but you ain\'t got drugs yet...
Wait.. I DO have drugs! Bye!
That's it! I'm eating his eyes!

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
By all that's Unholy, I summon Thee. Allow me vengeance on mine enemies so that I may eat their Eyes! I summon Thee! Cthulhu Fthagn! Ia! Ia!
Mental Note: never buy your witchcraft books at Waldenbooks...
YOU RANG? HA! I CRACK ME UP!

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
A deal with the Devil...
So let me get this straight. You LIVE with the little bitch and you're gonna help me eat his eyes!??!?
YES! I AM SATAN, AFTER ALL!
So.. tell me about your previous job history...
REFERENCES? I'M SATAN!
OW! OW! OW!... Impressive resume...
I'LL NEED PAID VACATION TIME AND YOUR SOUL AS A DOWN PAYMENT...

 

by jestercomics
8-01-02
Zorqual is on the Pennsylvania Turnpike
So let me get this straight.. you want to eat my eyes because ...
..............
You know, I really have no fucking clue why...
Wanna smoke a joint?
Sure!

 

by jestercomics
8-02-02
These are Actually Tristan's words...
okay. close the email/website NOW and place your LIPS ON THE BONG SIR.
...eat your eyes...
i'm appointing myself as the pot police ... if someone is getting cranky or seems upset or is about to get in an argument, i'll just like, put on some police hat, take out a bong..
...eat your eyes...
And people wonder where I get the ideas for this strip
Mam, I'm afraid you are going to have to place your lips on the bong" .. and if they protest, radio for backup.
...hit the bong...

 

by jestercomics
8-04-02
We Interrupt this Storyline for this Important Interlude
Friday night, Mr. Tristan, Matt, and I, your faithful storyteller, drove to Columbus to visit a good friend of mine, Zamion
Great.. the Fatman has put me in his damn comic.. no god can come of this...
Obviously, the limitations of this wonderful site cannot demonstrate fully who Zamion is.
Why Jester.. whatever do you mean?
Let's just say Tristan now fears hot pink riding crops
Oh yes.. don't forget him trying to fuck my knee!

 

by jestercomics
8-04-02
All good screwings need a lubricant...
Welcome to Columbus! Want something to drink?
Sure.. what you got, Zamion?
Everclear
Um... that might be a little strong...
...and fruit punch
Bring it on!

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