All comics by Buttonman

Profile

 

by Buttonman
6-23-10
Hey Kris, how's things?
$@&%* @%##&% $#&#% wrestling $@&%*@%##&% $#&#%
$@&%* @%##&% $#&#% message boards $@&%*@%##&% $#&#%
OK if you say so.
What was THAT all about?
Fantasy just collided with reality. It's the perfect storm.

 

by Buttonman
6-26-10
So Kris Knight is going to call his wrestling organization, "Next Generation Wrestling."
NGW. Hmmm. It's got an interesting sound to it. Why, it's almost poetic.
Who are we kidding? It takes more than a snappy name to start a wrestling promotion.
He says he has the financial backing to make it happen.
He has said in the past that he was trained as a wrestler by Ric Flair.
Point taken.

 

by Buttonman
7-04-10
What do you get when a Tank Engine is murdered?
I do not know. Pray tell me.
A Thomascide!
That is the worst, most obscure pun I have ever heard.
How about now?
Simply halarious.

 

by Buttonman
9-02-10
Hank arrives at Kris Knight's house with a message. . .
I have a message for you from Queen Wendy.
What?
Get ready for a big wedding, with flowers and rice and all sorts of festivities.
I can't marry Queen Wendy. She's a "he."
It's OK. It will be a fundamentalist Mormon wedding between you, Wendy and Georgous Yvette ! It'll be marital bliss!
I think I'll give "bliss" a "miss." That's more androgeny than one guy can handle.

 

by Buttonman
9-02-10
Drag Queens, insane professional wrestlers who want to kill me, and now a cyberstalker named Hank. This is all YOUR fault!
How is it my fault. I am an icon of tolerance and patience, a symbol of innocent wrestling fandom.
Not true. You are a puppet for the Buttonman, one of the most prolific troublemakers in all of professional wrestling.
Dude, you just said "prolific."
See what I mean? It's Buttonman! He's typing dialog and making me seem smarter than I am. I can't TAKE IT! He is a fiend, I tell ya!
Man, you should chill. They make a pill for that, you know.

 

by Buttonman
9-12-10
Kris Knight in his back yard in Defuniak Springs. . .
You're new around here aren't you?
Uh, yeah. They call me the Law Dogg. I am a professional wrestler.
Really? I'm a wrestler too - Kris Knight 's the name. Beating people to a bloody pulp is my game.
I have heard all about you.
REALLY?
Yeah. Walon Barley wants to kill you. Joe Milo wants to kill you. The third grade at Defuniak Springs Elementary school wants . . .

 

by Buttonman
9-13-10
Kris Knight confronts the cartoonist, Buttonman. . .
See here, Buttonman, you HAVE to stop making cartoons about me!
Why? Will secret muslim assassins skulk through the night carrying Gurkha Knives to stab me with?
WHAT? NO! I mean, YEAH! I'm gonna go JIHAD all over you if you don't stop making fun of me.
You mean the way they do on the message boards? They're not treating you too kindly over on the AWF Board. I heard a rumor that MEDIC is "Hank."
I HATE Hank. He makes fun of me and argues with me and asks stupid questions and . . .
Sounds like MEDIC to me, or LAW DOGG, perhaps. Mmm Cherry pie. Yummy!

 

by Buttonman
9-16-10
HOWCOME Law Dawg gets his own message board and all I get is picked on in these stupid cartoons?
He asked.
What?
He asked Buttonman to make him a message board. Told him it would be good for wrestling.
Can I have a message board of my very own? It would be good for wrestling.
No.

 

by Buttonman
9-16-10
Kris Knight is a bit miffed.
I asked Buttonman if he would make me a message board. I even told him it would be good for wrestling.
What did he say?
He said NO.
I could have told you he would say that.
WHY DIDN"T YOU ? ? ?
You didn't ask.

 

by Buttonman
9-16-10
Kris Knight's Big Discovery
I have figured out who HANK is!
I'm Frank. What do you want?
I'm Hank and you're my new bestest friend.
I'm HANK and I've been looking for you. . .
I'm OUTTA HERE!

 

by Buttonman
9-17-10
I am going to write a book. I'm calling it"EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT PRO WRESTLING."
A one page book. That'll sell, for sure.
Now hold on. You are not being fair. I know A LOT about Professional Wrestling.
Really? What color were Rick Flair's boots in his debut match and who was he married to at the time?
You are a confidence crusher, do you know that?
Of course I do. It's a living.

 

by Buttonman
9-21-10
Here come the "Winds of Change. . .
Have you heard the news?
Nobody ever tells me anything. What's the news?
Dirty South Professional Wrestling will now be known as Impact Professional Wrestling.
Is it still going to be held in Brewton, Alabama in the National Guard Armory at the airport?
Yep.
Then I guess I will still be sweeping floors on Saturday night. I hate mopping up blood...

 

by Buttonman
9-25-10
The SPW HARDCORE Championship is up for grabs. I think that FANS ought to bring weapons. What do you think, Butch?
Ahhh...dahhh... Great Idea!
What are you going to bring?
Ahhh...dahhh... Something sharp!
Um. . . that's not what I meant.
Ahhh...dahhh... How about now?

 

by Buttonman
9-25-10
Law Dawg confronts Kris Knight on the issue of weapon toting fans. . .
So I hear it was your bright idea for fans to bring weapons to the next SPW show. True?
Yeah, what of it? The wrestlers can grab a weapon from the audience and "kill" the other wrestler with it.
And what if YOU are the "other" wrestler?
Oh, I would be the wrestler that grabs the weapon.
While the other wrestler pounds a mudhole into your head with the weapon that HE grabbed.
Shut up. You're confusing me.

 

by Buttonman
9-27-10
The Hardcore Champion BrianCaige is irritated. . .
Got my video deleted this morning by that DADBLASTED Buttonman.
What do you care? It's just a message board . . .
Yeah, run by an autocratic, self important, tyrannical, know-it-all smark dictator who never wrestled a day in his life.
He doesn't appreciate your unbelievable talent or dashing good looks does he?
He sure doesn't -- Say, wait a minute! Whose side are you on anyhow?
Whichever side wins.

 

by Buttonman
9-29-10
Who cares about wrestling anyhow?
Who's there? I don't see anybody.
I'm Sour Grapes, the Internet Message Board Buzzkill Guy. I hate everything and everyone.
I know you. You are that irrelevant guy that gets his posts deleted for being a twit. See ya. Glad I ain't ya.
Hey! Where did you go? Come back here and listen to me being negative! I have a RIGHT TO HATE EVERYTHING!!!

 

by Buttonman
9-29-10
Any wrestling shows this upcoming weekend?
Well, Ultimate has "Ecstacy Of Gold" on October 2nd with Bobby Doll, Robert Gibson and Uncle Jim. . .
Anything else?
All Pro is opening their new Sunday Night Series Oct 3rd with The Armstrongs and Polynesian Prince
How do you know all this?
Just think of me as your favorite Smark.

 

by Buttonman
9-29-10
Sperm Whales falling earthward from planetary orbit, have nought to do with pro wrestling . . .
. . . unless, of course they fall on Fabian . . .
His first hardcore match. Gravity wins.

 

by Buttonman
9-29-10
Hunny Bunny, my name is Wendy G. I know you, You're Steve From Chicago, the Jerry Springer guy. Luv the goatee.
What can I do for you Ms Wendy? Take your coat? Pull out a chair? I'm an "Old School Gentleman."
Well, Sweetums, truth be told, I'm looking for a place to wrestle. You see, I am actually a guy, dressed like a gal and people are sooo prejudiced . . .
You're a . . . guy?
That's right, my vanilla-flavored bodyguard. Completely equipped and ready to rassle.
You need to talk with Shane Misery. He's a booker. I'll see if I can find him. He's in Loxley, Alabama, I think . . .

 

by Buttonman
9-29-10
Controversey looms. . .
Dude, you went back and changed cartoon #323. Why did you do that?
Yeah. The wrestler, Joe Gibson pointed out that I used an offensive word to describe a message board troll. . .
So did you do that?
Seems that I did, though in fairness, the word had multiple meanings and I did use it correctly with no obscene intent.
So what have you learned?
That Joe Gibson reads my cartoons and carefully! How cool is that?

 

by Buttonman
9-30-10
Waxing nostalgic...
It's hard to find a wrestling cowboy anymore. Everybody wants to be a punk. . .
Whazit to ya?
or a psycho. . .
*burble*
Where have all the cowboys gone?
?

 

by Buttonman
10-01-10
Internet Radio just keeps getting better. . .
We're talking with the wrestler, Wendy G. Ms. G, I understand you graduated from the University of Alabama.
A lady never matriculates and tells.
Is it true that the proper way to address you is "Queen Wendy?"
Unless you are Joe Gibson. Then it's simply, "HELL-OO YOU REDHEADED MAMA!"
Is there anything you want to say to your Gulf Coast Wrestling fans?
Well, kiddies, I just want to say, take your vitamins, say your prayers, and grow up to be like The Great Hambino, my very special secret friend!

 

by Buttonman
10-03-10
I am the ghost of Kory Jackson .
OK. What did I do to get haunted by a the ghost of a wrestler who isn't dead?
Well, it's close to Halloween and I thought the new character would be thematically relevant.
You only get three panels, Kory.
Arrrrgghhhh! Why can't I get some respect? Listen to meeee! This Friday night in Loxley, I will be . . .
Sorry, Shooter. Out of time and out of dialog space!

 

by Buttonman
10-03-10
Announcer Tristan catches up with Little Shooter, Kory Jackson . . .
Kory, there's a rumor going around that you will be at the Loxley, AL Civic on Friday, October 8th. . .
That's right, Tristan
and that the illustrious TEX GALENTO will be your manager at SAPW's Loxley Lockdown . . .
Yup, that's true.
Yo! What's with the one-word answers? Are you sure you're Shooter Jackson?
Of COURSE, I'm Shooter Jackson! It's just that I am not wearing anything under this sheet and I'm FREEZING!

 

by Buttonman
10-07-10
Everybody keeps taking potshots at me on the Internet.
Ain't any of me, Wendy G., I just sit here and quietly act as the straight man (no pun intended) for the punch lines.
I don't understand the animosity. I am a drop dead gorgeous drag queen. I work in the movies and even win drag queen contests. Where's the beef?
I am sure I do not know. Much smarter people than me are just as confused as you are.
Keep her talking, Buttonman says to me. The sperm whale is falling from orbit now, he says. Not my fault!

 

by Buttonman
10-09-10
So, Tristan, you made your South Alabama Pro Wrestling debut last night How do you think you did?
Well . . .
Last night at wrestling. . .
Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair!
Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair! Tristan's got gray hair!
They were vociferous, to be certain.

 

by Buttonman
10-12-10
Dennis Love, everybody misses you. You were a great referee, y'a know?
I miss wrestling too. I miss seeing all my friends. Most of all, I miss hot dogs with onions.
DUDE! You just swiped my tagline! The onion thing is mine!
And you think you're the only one who likes onions on their hot dogs?
I definitely like onions on my hot dogs.
I'm telling Terry Allen Jones and Raine Quappone about you, pal. There will be blood!

 

by Buttonman
10-12-10
Uh oh. Lawyers are always the beginning of trouble. . .
I represent PETWP. That's People for the Ethecical Treatment of Wrestling Personalities. You in a heapo trouble, boy.
So, how do you pronounce "PETWP" anyhow?
It's pronounced "PETWHIP" but that's not important. Do you have any idea how NOT politically CORRECT cartoon #334 was, BUCKO?
"PETWHIP?" That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Who's the president of that organization, anyhow?
Kyle Sasso, if you need to know. Now can we get to the point? OFFENSIVE CARTOON! You in TROUBLE? You besmirched Terry Jones and Raine Quappone, big time.
What do you mean, "besmirched?" Raine Quappone HATES Rednecks, and Terry Jones hates EVERYBODY. It's a perfect match. That weren't no Jamaican under that klan hood.

 

by Buttonman
10-12-10
So, without admitting guilt, what would you like me to do?
Apologize for your irreverance and grovel.
Uh... No. Public figures are always available for legitimate satirical commentary. Besides, It was the klan guy I offended by suggesting that his racist views were punkworthy.
I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. . .
Apologize or get 12 in the belly.
Soooo sorry! Didn't mean to offend anyone. Everybody's first ammendment works but mine. Come on now, Sasso. Don't shoot. You know me. . .

 

by Buttonman
10-15-10
Sasso meets The Great Hambino. . .
I am the GREAT Hambino!
Why?
Why not? If I reveal my true name, I'll only be letting myself in for criticism.
And running around naked in a cartoon strip does not let you in for criticism?
I am not actually supposed to be naked. I am supposed to be wearing wrestling singlet.
Good luck with that. I was supposed to look like Brad Pitt.

 

by Buttonman
10-16-10
A scout from South Florida Wrestling visits Kris Knight. . .
So, Mr. Knight, I presume you got my email concerning your upcoming training in South Florida.
Oh, absolutely! I am ready to leave right now and begin my career as a superstar.
Well, fine. There's just a few things we have to clear up and then we'll get your papers signed and your training started.
Clear up? Like what? I mean - what's to clear up. I am the best wrestler on the panhandle. I beat my brother and I made faces at the Medic . . .
Ahhh, ok. I need a check for $8,000 in advance to pay for your one hour lesson with Jake The Snake Roberts and we need a background check to make sure you're ok with the Mafia and . . .
I'll be in touch! Watch for me on the message board . . .

 

by Buttonman
10-20-10
CSW has cancled their Mossy Head Show. . .
This is embarassing.
Our wrestling show had to be cancled due to plumbing problems in the Mossy Head community center.
The water just keeps rising and rising.
It's like a hundred year flood around here.
We searched everywhere for a plumber and when he finally arrived, first thing he did was hit me over the head with a plunger. . .
Everybody is a wrestling fan . . .

 

by Buttonman
10-20-10
It's that Halloween time of year again.
Pretty soon it'll be Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Before we know it 2010 will be history.
I wonder what 2011 will bring . . .
Speculative humor from The Great Hambino?

 

by Buttonman
11-30-10
On the Monday after APW Sunday. . .
Well, APW's Fan Appreciation Show is now in the history books.
It was standing room only - free admission sure does make a difference.
They were prepared though. Tiny's mom makes the best wrestling barbecue ever and they sold a ton of it.
And DDG didn't wrestle Cowboy Ray for once. It was a like breath of fresh air.
Y'know, this is pretty tame commentary for a Shoot Comic. We're supposed to be cutting edge.
It's been a slow gossip week.

 

by Buttonman
11-30-10
Why aren't we picking on Kris Knight any more?
Same reason we're not picking on GAWF or Tom Carter. . .
Which is. . .
They've all disappeared. Haven't seen hide nor hair of 'em in weeks. It's as though they were abducted by UFO's.
You cannot imagine all the snappy comebacks that just flashed through my brain.
Oh yes I can, and each one more controversial than the one before. That's why we're leaving it alone.

 

by Buttonman
11-30-10
Promoter Tom Carter is upset with the cartoonist. . .
What's this I hear that Shoot Comix won't do toons about me? It's an outrage I tell ya, an OUTRAGE!
Now, now, Mr. Carter. Don't be upset. It's just come to my attention that you are a bit sensitive, so we are cutting you some slack.
SENSITIVE? SENSITIVE? I'M NOT SENSITIVE! I CAN TAKE A JOKE. I HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO BE RIBBED! IT'S DISCRIMINATION! I'LL SUE! I'M CALLIN' MY LAWYER!
Just calm down, Tom. No need to get upset. You're going to blow a gasket. . .
Yagggghhhh! Bloody Message Boards!
He spontaneously combusted. I hate it when he does that.

 

by Buttonman
12-14-10
Honest Lee Joins the party . . .
So you're "Honest Lee." I thought you would be taller.
I am taller. You are just thinking small.
Say, didn't you use to be Canadian or something?
Kayfabe that, little man, or I will have to strangle you with my enemy's Mardi Gras beads.
Uhh.
Let that be a lesson to you.

 

by Buttonman
12-14-10
Off to the Complaint Department. . .
You better get a handle on your boy there, Buttonman.
Why, what's he done?
He's been hinting around at revealing my secret identity on the message boards. I da'wana have to stomp a mudhole on him, eh?
Well, I will certainly have a talk with him. Wouldn't want the little guy damaged or anything.
Guy doesn't have a clue who writes this mess, does he?

 

by Buttonman
12-23-10
Kris Knight makes it all the way to the North Pole. . .
What would you like for Christmas, young man?
Respect. Try as I might, I don't get no respect. People make fun of me and even bully me sometimes.
I respect you, Mr. Knight.
Really, Santa?
Absolutely. You are standing in waist deep snow in plate mail without even a shiver. That's awesome!
I'm awesome! That's a good start. Now about the wrestling training I asked for last year...

 

by Buttonman
12-23-10
So White Trash is the number one Independent Tag Team on the Gulf Coast today?
Yep. Sure are. They dominate everyone they wrestle and they keep the trailer park clean when they are at home.
You know what happens when you tell a lie in a cartoon strip?
My nose gets longer?
Nope. A sperm whale spontaneously appears in low earth orbit and falls directly down on your head.
Now he tells me?

 

by Buttonman
1-02-11
Say, who was that skinny little guy with the spikey hairdo that just got smushed by a falling sperm whale??
That was the wrestler Justin Overstreet.
Wait a minute. The same Justin Overstreet that got beat up by a girl in his debut match at SPW?
One and the same. Stomped into a poodle puddle by none other than Miss Fire.
Hahahaha! That's funny! Seriously though, Justin Overstreet doesn't have spikey hair and suspenders.
Well, not with a sperm whale laying on top of him, he don't, but otherwise, he do.

 

by Buttonman
1-02-11
I think I'm going to join the Wrestling Union this year.
You're not qualified. They won't let you in.
Why not? I had 24 matches last year and earned more than $200!
Thiose were all NON-union matches. To qualify for the union, you have to wrestle UNION matches at UNION events under UNION supervision and with UNION permission.
Go ahead and say "Union" one more time, bitch.

 

by Buttonman
1-04-11
So what kind of comix are you going to produce in 2011?
Oh, you know, cutting edge satire that makes wrestling fans scratch their heads and go, huh?
I see. And what else?
Jabs at promoters and individual wrestlers designed to tickle the funny bone and raise morale, plus. . .
Wait for it. . .
new adventures of Shooter Jackson, Kris Knight, J.T. Angel, and the Gang at IPW.

 

by Buttonman
1-06-11
Wade Garrett and General Payne are having a heart-to-heart talk. . .
So you are a terrorist.
That's right. I am a terrorist.
What kind of terrorist are you?
A terrifying terrorist . . .
Ahh. Hold up a second ! Can we get a writer up here. Like RIGHT NOW?
I KEEL you.

 

by Buttonman
1-06-11
Buttonman answers the call. . .
You requested a writer, oh extremely dangerous one?
OK smart guy.. I can see why I'm dressed in pink. It's an intimidation thing. But what's up with the Jeff Dunham dialog?
I just thought it would be an interesting way to introduce The General, since he actually wears cammies and don't look like a arab.
How many times I gotta tell you? It's not how you look that counts in wrestling. It's how you are perceived! Now how do you perceive me?
The low whistling sound of a falling sperm whale strikes terror into the hearts of most men. But not Wade Garrett . . .
I perceive you as a pancake, sir.
This is sooo not over, Bob.

 

by Buttonman
1-06-11
I'm looking for that insane cartoonist, Buttonman. He dropped a 30 ton sperm whale on top of me.
How did I get in the desert?
There are park benches everywhere. Talk to the prop department. Now, not to repeat myself. Where is Buttonman?
Last time I saw him, he was talking to Chris Black over at the Burger King. Please don't kill me.
If you see either of them, tell them I'm looking for both of them. Got it?
Got it. Now I'm going back to my stamp collection where it's safe.

 

by Buttonman
1-06-11
I didn't know they let you wear wrestling togs here at Burger King, Chris.
This isn't a wrestling gimmick, Buttonman, these are my street clothes. I am secretly a highly trained caucasion ninja!
I was wondering why we don't see you on Sunday nights at All Pro Wrestling? You held a belt there for a while. Weren't you having any fun?
Nah. I kept getting my ### kicked by Scott Armstrong. It was frustrating.
He's a heel now.
REALLY? Maybe we could form a tag team. He is a son of Old School, after all.

 

by Buttonman
3-02-11
Kris Knight! DUDE! Long time no see. What have you been doing all this time?
Well, I've been trying to find ways to make money, you know, so I can run my own wrestling show.
Why would you want to run a show? Wouldn't jumping off a bridge be a more humane suicide?
Vey funny. I have a perfectly good reason to want to promote a show.
So you can book you?
You got it right on the first guess, Huckleberry.

 

by Buttonman
3-02-11
Dennis Love, I got a question for ya. How much of a fan base do you have?
Uh, well, as a referee, I travel all over the Florida Panhandle and appear on many different shows. Why do you ask?
Well, I was thinking about putting your picture on some T-shirts, selling them at shows and keeping all the money while giving you none.
I don't think so, bucko. In fact, absoutely, positively No, no, no , no NO!
So you're down with it then. Cool. I'll get started right away. Your fans will be thrilled!
You better talk to Paul Bearer, son, becaus your skinny redneck butt is gonna need an undertaker!

 

by Buttonman
3-02-11
Announcer Triston here with a monumental announcement of utmost importance!
All Pro Wrestling has MOVED?
Ahem. Uh, YES! All Pro wrestling has now moved to the new Jackson Street Pensacola Wrestling Sportatorium . . .
Say, didn't you use to be the announcer for Ultimate Wrestling? I didn't know your hair was that gray.
I'm thinking I'll become a referee.
Y' know that vertical stripes make you look fat, don't you?

Showing page 10.

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