All comics by Injokester

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by Injokester
4-27-06
Day 44.
The military has now successfully purged the zombies from over half the country.
For all those still in the infected areas, rescue is on the way.
I'm really lovin' these hunger hallucinations.
Upon rescue all survivors will be presented with a harem and a million dollars cash!

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
Alright Achmed, here's what I want you to do. Are you listening?
Uh... yep.
Now take your phone,
Okay.
And just hit yourself in the fucking head.
Ow.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
So I got fired again today. It was a bit unfair.
The policy only stated anything in the fridge must be labelled.
It's not like I'd made a habit of storing corpses in there.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
I don't think my neighbour likes me. He's always rude, and never wants to talk to me.
Maybe it's because of that time I stapled his kids together.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
I got a ticket today because of my dog.
Apparently they still expect you to clean it up if you hold him out the second floor window until he goes.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
I love the way I can maximise the space in my apartment by hanging stuff out the window in bags.
Now I also know not to trap a small child and a terrified dog in a small space.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
I can't belive the nerve of that asian woman, claiming that I'm a racist.
It's ridiculous.
I spit dog urine at everyone.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
I'm really starting to miss my rolex.
It should pass through my system in a day or two though.

 

by Injokester
4-27-06
Y'know, they say good fences make great neighbours.
Jim, put your pants back on and get out of my yard.

 

by Injokester
4-30-06
My taste includes both snails and oysters.
Yeah? Well I like it when women poo in my mouth.
Dude...

 

by Injokester
4-30-06
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
While you were asleep I put a nest of spiders in your cunt.

 

by Injokester
5-01-06
My marriage isn't going well. Our sex life is practically non existent. Any advice?
Hire a gang of ninjas to slice out her vagina.
Really, it's all you need.
Yours too then?

 

by Injokester
5-01-06
She was all like "No! No! Someone help me!" and I was all like "Do it! Do it! Pleasure that monkey with your strap-on!"
And then a siren went off and I won a dishwasher.
From now on, all my holidays will be in Japan.

 

by Injokester
5-01-06
DodgyPhone directory.
Uh... hi.
Can I help you with something?
Uh... can you find me a number?
Sure. Would you like one in particular or would you like me to pick one at random?
Uh...

 

by Injokester
5-01-06
DodgyPhone directory.
Yeah, can you find me a listing for John?
What surname please?
I dunno. Do you need that?
It does speed things up a little.
Oh.

 

by Injokester
5-02-06
So apparently I'm going to hell when I die.
And I didn't even get to finish dry-humping the popemobile.

 

by Injokester
5-02-06
So I woke up this morning to find that I'd done a shit in the bed last night.
I probably should start getting up to do that.

 

by Injokester
5-02-06
I decided this morning to build a robot. Voice activated, full automation with laser guidance systems.
In the end I just wedged some batteries in my dog.

 

by Injokester
5-02-06
Well McDonalds and I reached a compromise.
From now on I get free upsizing.
And in return I stop gluing clay penises with little red wigs to their Ronald statues.

 

by Injokester
5-03-06
Stupid Fed-Ex, they lost my package.
Somewhere out there, there's a bag of ferrets getting angrier and angrier.

 

by Injokester
5-04-06
So my neighbour had a barbeque and didn't invite me.
I felt a bit left out.
Maybe I shouldn't graffiti his dog so often.

 

by Injokester
5-04-06
I hate people who let their phones ring in the cinema.
It really throws off my rhythm when I'm whacking it into the cup holder.

 

by Injokester
5-04-06
I love going to the cinema.
Mainly to throw food at the people necking.
Those rock-hard icecreams work a treat.

 

by Injokester
5-04-06
Happy Star Wars day Gene.
You mean because of that "May the fourth be with you" thing, Abe?
No, I mean because I'm your father.
Really? You're my father?
Nah, probably not. But I did fuck your mom.

 

by Injokester
5-04-06
I was thinking of trying out for the olympics to compete in the hammer throw.
With a good tail wind I can fling a toddler on a leash a good thirty metres.

 

by Injokester
5-04-06
I just accidentally poured hot coffee in my lap and burned my crotch.
Alright, maybe it wasn't an accident.

 

by Injokester
5-05-06
This sucks. I didn't win at the science fair.
That stupid volcano was nowhere near as interesting as my cross-section of a real kitten.
Perhaps the 'making-of' DVD was a mistake.

 

by Injokester
5-05-06
Black Ninja! You're pretty sneaky. How do I stop my girlfriend from finding the porn on my computer?
Run it through compression software, change it to 'hidden' and 'read only' and relocate it to a windows root directory.
That sounds too complicated. What else you got?
Learn to jack off to clip art stick figures.
I like it.

 

by Injokester
5-05-06
Hey, you look cute in that pink sweater? Do you have any fwuffy little bunny in you?
That's adorable! But no, no I don't.
Well, would you like my cock in your ass?
Uh...
It's not what you think, I'm talking about a chicken.

 

by Injokester
5-05-06
Today is my two year anniversary on stripcreator.
In that time I've made almost twenty two hundred comics, putting me at number two on the most comics list.
My comics are number two!

 

by Injokester
5-06-06
I haven't pooped in 11 days now. Another 3 days and I'll have set the record.
Then you can have your king back, Talkie-Chess 3000.
Bishop to Queen 3.

 

by Injokester
5-06-06
Well Talkie-Chess 3000, we're taking on water. As tradition dictates, it's the Chessboard's duty to go down with the ship.
Is it not the captain's duty?
Yarr. But I don't want to.

 

by Injokester
5-06-06
Yarr, I've got good news and bad news Gene.
The bad news is that we're going to make you walk the plank.
Oh. Well what's the good news?
There are sharks about. That always makes it funnier to watch!

 

by Injokester
5-07-06
You have crabs. I don't date people who have crabs.
Oh.
People just don't understand our friendship.
You're ditching me again aren't you. It's just like that time in Reno.
I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about that again.
She had a penis Jim. A penis.

 

by Injokester
5-07-06
You have crabs. I don't date people who have crabs.
Oh.
People just don't understand our friendship.
I told you we should have gone to Seafood Shack.
Don't start this again.
They have lobsters Jim. Lobsters! That's like a trophy wife to my people.

 

by Injokester
5-07-06
You have crabs. I don't date people who have crabs.
He just likes to watch.

 

by Injokester
5-07-06
You have crabs. I don't date people who have crabs.
Alright, fine, you made your point, I'll do it.
But I'm not cuddling afterwards.

 

by Injokester
5-08-06
Tell me father, is it gay if I have a sex change so that I can have hot lesbian sex with other women?
Well, that depends.
On what?
Can I watch?
No.
Then yes, it's gay.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
I love using my jacuzzi, but I hate cleaning it.
It's a real bitch to get a human finger out of the heat pump.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
Well, I got kicked out of another Denny's.
I guess there's only so many times they'll let you run naked through the kitchen coughing blood on the food.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
I got into a fight with a bum earlier today, and the bitch stabbed me.
On the upside I can now pee out of my stomach.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
I got arrested today for impersonating a gynecologist.
Alright, maybe I just tried to yank out a pregnant woman's baby in the park.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
Hey, BigFrank's going to fight DragonXero! Who's your money on?
Hmm. They're both pussies who fight like girls. One hit and they'll drop, and I doubt either of them will want to get close enough to land a blow.
I'll take DX.
BigFrank's more likely to accidentally hit himself in the face.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
Poor BigFrank. The operation didn't go so well.
Maybe next time I'll take him to a cosmetic surgeon, instead of trying to fill his chest with silicone using a caulking gun.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
Well, in for a penny in for a pound.
And now I know you can't turn a penis into a vag using a broom handle.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
I've been trying to get this chick to go out with me for ages. I figured I'd try a love potion.
I didn't know how to extract pheromones though, so I gave her a little bottle of armpit sweat.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
I've never understood the phrase "like flogging a dead horse".
'Cos I've been watching Bunnyman force BigFrank do just that for the the last 11 hours, and damn is it funny.

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
What's the difference between BigFrank and Michael Biehn's character in the first Terminator movie?
Michael Biehn travelled through time to save humanity,
While BigFrank will fuck a pig for four dollars.
SQUEEE! SQUEEE!

 

by Injokester
5-09-06
I had steak for dinner last night.
Alright, maybe it was a dead possum I found in the trash.

 

by Injokester
5-10-06
Well the sperm bank told me to go away.
Apparently I'm not the first guy to try and sell dog sperm.

Showing page 10.

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