All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
8-31-10
The hook...
Kudos bro... your presentation on the 'Disparities In Penis Length Between Sea Turtles from the Bikini Atoll and Sea Lions from The Black Sea' was probably the paper of the year on that topic.
Well, thanks very much. That kind of feedback is both flattering and reassuring, not to mention unexpected.
The line...
Unexpected? That's just not right! You're a specialist, and you deserve to know where you stand in your field of expertise
Well thankyou once again. Do I understand you to be saying that this paper is demonstrative of my being the top man in my field?
The sinker...
I'm not going to pretend to be qualified to make such a statement. However, I feel confident in saying that it's highly likely that you are, or soon will be, challenging the likes of Marlin Perkins.
You think?

 

by bigworm
9-01-10
Put your wrists up RIGHT NOW BITCH!
K already! What's wrong with you anyway?
Higher! Get 'em completely out of my way!
You've got me tied to a cieling joist for christ's sake, isn't that high enough!?
Now pull your pants down and spread your cheeks!
What do you say we turn the lights on and rehearse a little more?

 
by bigworm, 9-01-10

 

by bigworm
9-01-10
Yea, though he was God, he taunted the crowd like he was really just an insecure human... and even projected his tongue towards them, as if to say NAA naa naa NAA naa!
I don't need everyone to believe in me anyway... just enough to pay my bills motherfuckers!
But he was 'with it' enough to know that he had to say radical stupid things to attract believers from the well populated genus 'Philistinii'... and so he did.
"For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother,"
Hey! That's the kinda' talk I like! My genus and species is 'Philistinii bufooneronus'. Do I qualify as a slatheringly subservient sycophantic servant of your boorishly insipid, but wise sermons?
Throw in 'bent-knee slobbering ass-kisser' and you gotta' deal!
Oh LORDY...! I'll shake on that! C'mon now... shake it with me... *shake shake, wag wag, diddle diddle*, C'mon...shake it with me. Don't make me shake it all alone! There you go... now we're cookin'!

 

by bigworm
9-01-10
If my memory serves me correctly...
... I think I'm supposed to say...
...I'm curious.

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
So did you ask God that question for me?
Of course I did my little one.
Did he say that I have to keep doing it?
Yes he did, and he even told me to sing his answer to you in a special happy song, so that you would like his answer a whole lot!
Oh boy, I like happy songs!
It's because you love to suck my oscar meyer wiener, that is what you truly love to do-o-o, you love to suck my oscar meyer wiener, and eat the curd it shoots all over you.

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
Tha song about how I love to suck your oscar meyer wiener is proof!
Proof of what my little one?
That God needs to get his 'poetic license' renewed!

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
I'd like to thank the brave men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces who rescued me...
...albeit after my body was cut off.

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
You said a little while ago that you had fathered 3 children. I think you got your head up your ass!
What do you say everybody... has he been drinkin' too much?!!

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
Yes... are either of you presently in a relationship with any body?
psst! Is she as stupid as she sounds?
Who gives a fuck?!! Look at those knockers!

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
Turn around so I can suck the beg-bugs outta' your ass!
There you go, now let me set my beer down and turn out the lights.
*suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck* GOT ONE!!! *chew chew chew* Umm, that was good! *suck suck suck suck*
Oh yeh, like I don't know when he's lying!

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
m
You gotta' take your pants off... sit on it... spread your legs...
...and take both horns at once!
And that's just what girls all over the world have to do to stay on their pedestals.

 

by bigworm
9-02-10
Stephen Hawking's denying my powers of creation? That's bullshit!
I'm just telling you what 'ragu4u' told me.
I thought you were getting your information from 'bigworm'.
I was 'till you told me he was just a puffa' gas outa' Einstein's ass.
I meant the accumulated gaseous matter on 'ragu4u's' thighmaster.
At last... a comment with serious substance.

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
What the fuck?!!
Hi, my name is Spot! Would you like to kiss my head and play with my neck?
Beat it jerk! This is my territory!
Says who?!!
Says ME!
Alright, alright!!! I'm leavin' already!

 

Here little crabby, c'mon little crabby, crab crab crabby...
by bigworm, 9-03-10

 

OOhhh... such a long eel.. oh yeh... got fins on your head!
by bigworm, 9-03-10

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
You best be packin' up and...

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
I can't hear you!!! Can you com a little closer???
Is this close enough motherfu...

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
This is the Captain of 'Interplanetary Security Forces' speaking! Come out with your hands up, or we will open fire!!!
FIRE 1!!! FIRE 2!!!
OWW!!! That shit's burning my dick! I need medical attention!!! I surrender!
CEASE FIRE!!! Send in 'Interplanetary Medical Services' to apply bandages to the alien's penis, and tell him alien whores are on their way!

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
I'm here to apply bandages to your penis, and alien whores are on their way.
Who told you I was Mormon?!?
No one sir...please open your ga...
Fucking liar!

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
Are you ready for another night of marital ecstacy my little monkey bride? We're in this together! KILL THE BED-BUGS!!!
*suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck shwip pffftoooeee chew chew chewroo...* OH BABY, that was the biggest juiciest motherfuckin' bedbug I ever sucked outa' ANY monkey's ass!!!
*whew!* That there motherfucker done took it outa' me. Baby... did you get your nut, 'cus that bug done got mine!
He knows damn well that was a hemorrhoid!

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
I'm all beat up, look like shit, smell bad, whine about how bad I got it, I play the victim... and nobody calls me God!
Is it because I'm a chink?
Wow! You really are an academic.

 

by bigworm
9-03-10
So, Stephen Hawkings doesn't believe in me huh?
Yeh, and he's puttin' it in books too.
That kinda' guy is nothin' but trouble. I want you to go see 'ragu4u'. We need to know how far down the path of spiritual evolution this Hawkings guy is. We need to know specifically...
...if he's wise to 'Mother Goose' yet.

 

by bigworm
9-04-10
Well... what did you find out from 'ragu4u'?
Nothing! He's not talking. We need to re-group. We need to find someone more sympathetic to our cause.
Okay, here's the new plan... go get your computer...
...and google 'ragu4JEW'.

 

by bigworm
9-04-10
Who are you?
I am Interstellar Jesus... come to save you!
How do you plan to do that?
Lemon juice?

 

by bigworm
9-04-10
It's about time you got here! Now let's get down to inventin'!!!

 

by bigworm
9-05-10
What do you have to say about this next guy?
It's a tight call... I think we're gonna' have to go by the book, and let him tip his hand. You can go first.
Why do you think you should go to heaven?
Because I'm a priest.
You gotta' do better than that!
Because I like blow-jobs?

 

by bigworm
9-05-10
Man, when I was in college I was in the dorkiest fraternity of all.
Get this! We had a bowling team and I was the worst bowler on it. Man... I really stank!
Most 'frat-bowlers' do.

 

by bigworm
9-05-10
My fraternity was so poor we ate spam sandwiches mornin', noon, and night!
So I guess you know what my farts smelled like!

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
Why don't you belong in hell?
Because I don't dislike people.
What do you find that you don't dislike about them?
Blow-jobs.
Do you find that you don't dislike getting blow-jobs more from men or women?
I couldn't honestly say that I dislike your horns because they're unattractive, and your mouth is flat out hot!

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
I'm switching from bones to those leather 'chews'... specifically the dried pig ears.
My master is angry at me because he thinks I chewing them up way too fast...
...but really I'm making 'em into silk purses.

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
But I thought you couldn't make a silk purse out of...
SHHHhhh... just a minute while that pig walks by.
Howdy pig.
Howdy dog.
Ok... he's gone now.

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
So... how do you make a silk purse out of a sow's ear?
You don't... you get 'down' from an elephant.
*hic*
That's what I thought.

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
I don't know what to do with this guy... on one hand, he likes blowjobs. On the other hand, he seems to be a homo.
I'm not that clear on him. He tried to use flattery on me, but avoided answering my question on gender preference.
That's not okay! You have to get a clear answer. We need to get this guy processed.
I agree.
No more double negatives. No more flattery. Which do you prefer... men or women?
Little boys.

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
So what did you learn?
He likes little boys.
Well, that pretty much clears things up.
Heaven it is!
Somethin' ain't right here.

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
You cheated me outa' that priest. He's a little boy cocksucker/cocksuckee, and that's a sin of the worst kind!
He belongs in Heaven.
On what grounds?
Residential seniority!
But he's lived on earth his entire life!
But he's used to being in Heaven.

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
I just looked at the 'info' link on 'BRAD', this site's admin.
There are at least 70 strippers who have left comments there.
His butt-crack must be HUGE!

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
The 70 comments on Brad's 'info' page qualified him to become the first member of the '70 CLUB'.
Wow!
Who was the first cunt?

 

Jesus, will you save me?
Are you willing to jump up and down for joy?
by bigworm, 9-06-10

 

Sure I'll jump up and down for joy! I'll do anything to be saved!
Anything...?
by bigworm, 9-06-10

 

Let's start with the jumping up and down for joy.
by bigworm, 9-06-10

 

by bigworm
9-06-10
I've got to warn you that when I jump up and down, my big fleshy, puffy pink-nippled, highly squishable, and milky-soft suckable,
ultimately cock-fuckable, lovely and strokable doo-hickeys of love, tend to flounce out of my top, and slap me in my face and ankles!
Gee... and all this time I thought I was the 'Good News'!

 

Are you gonna' fuck me again tonight Daddy?
by bigworm, 9-07-10

 

Basically it's because when a bitch gets boffed, she becomes a slut!
by bigworm, 9-07-10

 

by bigworm
9-07-10
The final answer to this question is still hotly debated, but it is known to have been either of two methods...
...'Imaginary Artificial Insemination', or...
... a dildo full of jizz.

 

Yes, albeit a 'short-term', 'temporary' type.
by bigworm, 9-07-10

 

by bigworm
9-07-10
Yes... one time in college...
... but he didn't stick it all the way in.

 

by bigworm
9-07-10
We Mormons have 'Compound Sex'. That's where we do family members over and over inside a fence.
Your style of sex is very good, but we Catholics bung-hole Parish toddlers under the alterpiece.
We Mormons don't have to spend any money on prostitutes, 'cus we marry our favorite ones!
We Catholics jerk off in the communion wine, feed it to the parishoners, then take money from the basket.
The bottom line is... Do you get your own universe after living a righteous Catholic life?
No, but when you get caught, do you get shipped off to a brand new crop of juvenile pussy and cock?

 

How's about some '2-Bean Kosher-Frank' casserole?
Who's your Mommy?!!
by bigworm, 9-07-10

 

by bigworm
9-07-10
Megan please! Keep your voice down. My mother's hearing is quite good, and I'd rather she didn't hear you telling me everything you don't like about her.
She's upstairs, and I assure you, she can't hear us no matter how good her hearing is. I will grant you though, she'll listen if she can. Let's go in the kitchen.
*creak*
*scuff*
Shhh..Meg... Ma!
uhh...!

Showing page 11.

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