All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
11-01-05
Marry me?
I thought you'd never ask!

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
... and the sex-murder duo known as the Little Asian Girls are still at large. In other news, scientists reveal that bacon grease is an excellent oil subsitute.
In another unrelated story, Congress declared war on Iraq's neighboring nation of Baconovia, claiming it houses terrorists..
NOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
Dude, it's a VIDEOGAME.
You're obsessing over that which is NOT REAL.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play Dungeons and Dragons. Without my barbarian, my mage and bard companions will surely perish.

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
People back home often ask me what the worst part of being deployed is.
I tell them that it's not the lack of sex or alcohol, because I often lack both while at home...
It's the fact that at home I can still get either one if I really want them.

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
We found out that right before we arrived in country there was a big protitution ring that got busted here on base.
And I could have been here early if I'd volunteered. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
Our replacements are here even though we still have more than a month left in country.
If they can catch on quick enough, we get shorter hours. Except that mine isn't that bright and my job is moderately complicated.
:'(

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
2002-2003
Mr. President! What is the reason for invading Iraq?
WMDs?

 

by HCRoyall
11-01-05
Dick? How come people still don't support the war and claim it's all because of oil?
Liberal Media?

 

by HCRoyall
11-02-05
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Rape-O-Gram!
Fuck Off!
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Rape-O-Gram!
I'm calling the cops!
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Rape-O-Gram!
Score!

 

by HCRoyall
11-02-05
Some people wonder why I hate fast food workers so much.
That'll be $14.95.
It's not because I'm full of myself or think I'm better than them...
Hey Sarah! Can I get some fives from your register? I need to give him change but I'm out of fives!
It's because I've never had the pleasure of encountering an intelligent one.
Why don't you just give me five Ones?
I don't understand.

 

by HCRoyall
11-02-05
... so then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
Arts and Crafts time! Get our your scissors and gluestick; we're making snowflakes!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

You guys are SICK! Why the fuck did you wait until AFTER I frenched him to tell us we're siblings?!
Much Anger I sense. On the Rag, are you?
by HCRoyall, 11-02-05

 

So what makes you the big Master guy anyway?
ABE VIGODA I AM, BITCH!!
by HCRoyall, 11-02-05

 

by HCRoyall
11-02-05
Harriet Miers?

 

WHAT'S MY NAME, BITCH!
by HCRoyall, 11-03-05

 

by HCRoyall
11-03-05
I can't believe they're making us take this class. DTAS? I heard that shit don't work!
So why'd they make you come here?
I'm here to train you on how to use DTAS.
Oh...

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
I'M YOUR NEW COMMANDER, BITCH!
AAAAAAAHHH!
*poof*
Oh, God... it was all just a horrible dream... I'm not really deployed and Abe Vigoda isn't my commander...
*poof*
Wake up, soldier! No sleeping on duty!!
GOD DAMMIT!!

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
Okay, Scruffy. I've got a special task for you today.
If it involves peanut butter, you're in for a world of pain, mister...
Now I know you've been difficult lately so I've decided to make this worth your while...
Unless I get to savage your blowup doll and piss on your porn collection, I seriously doubt it.
So find me a set of hot blonde triplets, and I'll point you in the directions of some lady dogs in heat.
And Man's Best Friend is on the job!

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
Okay, let's try to teach you a few tricks, Scruffy.
Speak!
I hate you. You are a pathetic excuse for a human being and I absolutely LOATHE you.
That was remarkably articulate, but you were supposed to say "I Love You". Bad dog, Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.
Grrr...

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
So they installed wireless internet in our barracks.
Just in time for us to leave. Fuckers.

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
All right Scruffy. Shake!
Woof.
Where are you going?
I said "shake"! Not "the Shakes"!
I just need a coffee man seriously just some coffee coffee really need some coffee...

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed that all the new people that had just come in were all flaming homosexuals. I wasn't sure how to act...
Because they were agressive in their sexual advances and I didn't know how to shoot them down without coming across as a gay-basher.
And then I almost got in trouble this morning for walking around with my hands placed protectively over my ass.

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
You know what I think would dramatically improve our government?
What?
If all of our politicians were thrown in prison upon election and for the duration of their term.
I guess that would deter them from committing crimes in office and would lead them to understand better the social problems of our society.
I was just thinking the threat of frequent ass-rape and beatings would deter them from passing idiotic laws.
That too.

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
How can I get rich quick?
ROB A BANK.
Without getting arrested.
WIN THE LOTTERY.
You aren't very good at giving advice.
WAIT, YOU WANTED ADVICE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST THROWING STUPID QUESTIONS AT ME.

 

by HCRoyall
11-04-05
Umm...
Take me to your leader. I have come to negotiate peace and bring gifts of advanced technology.
Don't you guys ever receive our television broadcasts?
Constantly.
And you STILL want to give more power to our leader?
Yes. We believe the one known as Dr. Phil to be wise enough to use our gifts properly.

 

Cunnilingus.
Rimjob.
by HCRoyall, 11-04-05

 

The Sex Life of Programmers
Set: Status = Horny
Set: Reply = Headache
by HCRoyall, 11-04-05

 

Says...........................................Means
I just don't feel the same connection to you anymore.
You're lousy in bed.
by HCRoyall, 11-04-05

 

Says...........................................Means
It's not you, It's me.
It's so totally you.
by HCRoyall, 11-04-05

 

My actual answering machine message.
*BEEP* Please leave your name, number and a brief message. If you are a telemarketer, include your home phone and time you eat dinner or watch your favorite tv shows. Thank you. *BEEP*
by HCRoyall, 11-05-05

 

Thank God for Bird Flu. I mean, the media almost started focusing on the war in Iraq again!
by HCRoyall, 11-05-05

 

by HCRoyall
11-08-05
She came into my office, looking for help.
Please, you have to find my friend, littleasiangirl1! She's gone missing!
She wasted no time showing me to her friend's favorite places, hopefully to find some clues. But something told me these two were more than just friends...
Or maybe it was just my underage lesbian fetish acting up...

 

by HCRoyall
11-09-05
::sigh::
Okay, Scruffy. For the last time...
When I send you out to fetch women, Anime conventions are off limits!
Kawaii!

 

by HCRoyall
11-09-05
Oh, what a cute little doggy!
Normally I'd try and chase you off, but not even that sicko would try and take advantage of an old lady.
Oooo! Aged to perfection! Excellent job today, Scruffy!
Well, shows what I know.

 

by HCRoyall
11-09-05
My dad called me up the other day.
He said he just wanted to check on me and make sure I was still straight.
What a guy, my dad. Always keeping his eye on the important stuff.

 

by HCRoyall
11-09-05
One day at the ranch...
...so then biped says "There have to be two panels with dialogue and one without."
Ha ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by HCRoyall
11-09-05
Scruffy ran off the other day. It left a void in my life, my partner disappearing.
I tried to fill the hole with this jack-o'-lantern, but it's just not the same.
Although I did find out the eye holes are just the right size...

 

by HCRoyall
11-10-05
Look, this Baconman guy... He's just not pulling his share. We've got to let him go.
You sure?
Let's face it. He just doesn't have the humor value Stripcreator needs.
All right, I'll tell him.
How can I put this? I raped and murdered your son. Oh, and you're fired.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

by HCRoyall
11-10-05
Well, it doesn't look good.
You don't mean...?!
Yes. Is he still outside?
Yes Doctor. I'll show him in.
Well, sir, I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this. The tests came back and well... you're delicious.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

by HCRoyall
11-13-05
I don't know... Should I go to college straight off the bat and take out student loans, or should I work for a little while first?
Personally, I think you should stop talking to yourself.
That's it. I'm going home.

 

by HCRoyall
11-13-05
I just got tickets to an Ashlee Simpson concert. You wanna go?
I'll take that as a "No".

 

by HCRoyall
11-13-05
We are currently having technical difficulties. We apoligize for this inconvience and have our top men working on the problem. Your comic will be up shortly.
...and THAT'S why we had to give your husband a sex change.

 

by HCRoyall
11-14-05
Seriously, why the fuck are you staring at me like that?
You drugged me and sewed my eyelids open.
Oh yeah.

 

by HCRoyall
11-14-05
...so then she's all "Have you no heart? Have you no conscience?"
But I wasn't really listening because I was trying to get the chainsaw started.
But afterwards I couldn't help but wonder: What if I hadn't squished that talking cricket guy who kept telling me not to do things?
Deep.

 

by HCRoyall
11-14-05
So you're saying blasting country music while I kill a homosexual victim will enhance the experience?
It's all about atmosphere, man. What would a gay man fear more than a zealous redneck with a grudge?
I... guess that makes sense...
What about that Jewish family I kidnapped last week?
I would say build a big oven while they watch, but that's just not PC.

 

by HCRoyall
11-14-05
I am fully in support of harsher penalties for criminals. Death penalty as a mandatory sentence for all violent crime!
Doesn't that screw you over in the long run?
What are you talking about? It's just no fun to murder people when all I can expect is a slap on the wrist!

 

by HCRoyall
11-14-05
Seriously, what's wrong with Ashlee Simpson?
What ISN'T wrong?
Oh, like Mariah Carey's any better.
At least Mariah doesn't have to piggy-back on her sister's career in order to be famous!
You mean Miss "Oh, look at me! I'm rich and famous, everything I've ever wanted! I think I'll attempt suicide!"
Why must you trivialize my idols?

 

by HCRoyall
11-15-05
...so then I said "Those co-eds aren't going to murder themselves!"
Ha ha!
Wait, what the fuck are you---

 

by HCRoyall
11-16-05
One day at the ranch...
...so then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
Who the fuck are you?

 

by HCRoyall
11-17-05
One day at the ranch...
...so then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
You didn't say "Ha ha."
Whatever.

Showing page 12.

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