All comics by Spankling

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by Spankling
8-29-03
Ensign Takeabullet, go behind that rock and see what that strange noise is!
Siege Heil Captain!
AAAAAHHHHH!
Ensign Takeabullet's life signs have secede, Captain.
Just as I thought. Let's go the other way.

 

by Spankling
9-08-03
They'll never get past my dust bunny defenders!
Have you seen Spankling?
Not since we tried to have sex last night. He came before he could get his pants off. What a mope.
Oh no! you didn't laugh did you? you know how fragile his ego is.
Hey! The sight of him going off like a party favor 5 minutes before the new year was better than having sex with him anyway!

 

by Spankling
9-12-03
Babe I'm Gonna Leave You!
How Many More Times?
Since I've Been Loving You In My Time Of Dying I Can't Vrooom Vrooom!
Hey Hey What Can I Do?
I'm Gonna Crawl! Sex, Sleep, Eat, Driven To Tears... I Can't Quit You Baby!! [Groon]
Thank You Lucky Man In A Suitcase.

 

by Spankling
9-19-03
Sigh...
Troubles Rex?
Someday a hairy little omnivore will use my discarded mortal coil in some disturbingly frivolous way like blowing leaves around. How depressing.
Stop whining already! We rule now. They rule then. Get over it!
... ...... ...... I'm... ... I'm going to eat you now.
Talk to the horns thalidomide boy.

 

by Spankling
9-22-03
So... Did you win?
Sigh... no.
2nd place... Honorable mention... booby prize?
no... no... no.
Back to sucking are we?
Why don't they use rabbits in pregnancy tests anymore?

 

by Spankling
10-02-03
Nice rack on the fairy, by the way.
*sigh*

 

by Spankling
10-03-03
C'mon baby! I've blown my weeks pay on you and I haven't even gotten a hand-job for it!
I really don't feel like it tonight. Maybe some other time...
*sniff* If I don't cum soon I'm gonna explode!
*sigh* Fine. Follow me.
You got no ass!
I'm gonna go down on him and bite his little pecker off.

 

by Spankling
10-03-03
The party is in 10 minutes! Where is your costume?
This is it.
That's it? What's the joke?
No joke. I just feel like getting laid tonight.
Either put on a costum or I'll have you riding this broom!
Is the handle well sanded?

 

by Spankling
10-06-03
I'm looking for a kinky island resort where a leftist cat like me can get the attention he desires. Know what I mean? *wink*
I'm afraid I do sir. Let me turn off the adult content filter and check around for you.
Haven't I seen you naked somewhere before.
Purhaps in your dreams, sir. OH! I've found the perfect spot. I'll book you right away!
Prisoner Spankling! What are you doing out of the brig? I'll have to chain you up until we reach the island!
If you had bigger breasts, this would be perfect!

 

by Spankling
10-07-03
Here we are, your new living space at Guantanamo Bay.
You wouldn't happen to have a big sister and a few yards of velvet rope by any chance?
You give me the creeps. Your interrogator will be here soon.
Room Service? YES!
It is time for the questioning, traitor!
Uh... Did I mismark the box for sexual orientation again?

 

by Spankling
10-07-03
*pant* *moan* You really know your stuff, big guy. But why can't you send in a woman?
This is getting nowhere. Maybe we DO need to try another approach with this guy.
*moan* Finally! [grovel] I was about to call the manager!
The only thing you'll be calling for is mercy, terrorist!
Ahh! GOD HELP ME! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Jesus! That scream makes my blood curdle.
Fuck that. It was the way he kept licking my boots that freaked me out.

 

by Spankling
10-07-03
You were magnificent. Thanks for taking me off my leash long enough to enjoy this walk with you.
Hey, any man that can take a beating like that and still not confess to anything I tell him to is a special kinda guy. *wink*
I only have a couple more days left before my vacation package expires. Promise you won’t give up trying to make me confess...
I promise.
[grovel] blub blub [grovel]
Maybe I should walk out of the water before he drowns.

 

by Spankling
10-07-03
So that's why you never confessed! You're just a tourist, not a terrorist.
Sweet cheeks, you're the terrorist in my book. *wink*
WHAT? TAKE THAT BITCH-BOY!
OOOOCH!
Our hero gets up a bit stunned...
I think you were misunderstood, Spankling.
You and me both, Tit-fuck fairy.

 

by Spankling
10-07-03
*sigh* Goodbye Bay of my dreams.
Are you telling me you're going to miss Bella the Brawler?
Miss her? Her crushing thighs are a work of art! Every salty breeze reminds me of her sweat trickling into my mouth.
*gulp*
I wonder if I can get my girlfriend to bulk up.

 

by Spankling
10-07-03
Absolutly no refunds...
Refund? I can't thank you enough! I could lick you all over for having sent me there?
You liked it? But didn't they beat, rape, abuse and torture you?
Please... I'm longing for it enough all ready.
I gotta tell you, a chance to do this to an annoying customer doesn't come along every day.
Show me your worst! I promise to be a loyal patron!

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
I can't believe I fucked up so bad! How could I not see he was trying to catch that ball!
Knock Knock
*sigh* Hello?
There are 4 generations of Cub fans out here that would like to talk with you for a sec.
Wow! You guys are great! You've come to cheer me up!
uhm... yeah. And we brought bats signed by the entire team to give to you.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
oooch. You guys are mean.
Forgive my pals. They got no manners.
*groan* Could you help me up?
Just a sec. My bladder's goin into extra innings over here.
Jesus! You're not going to pee on me are you?
Could you open your mouth a bit more? I'm not such a good shot.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
What a day. How can the world blame me for 95 years of Cub crap?
You mean you were the guy?
GAH! Down Rex! God damn it, you're my dog!
ooooch. And here I thought I had already reach my low point.
Not yet. After I bury your feemer I'm coming back to hump your ass.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
And there you have it. Now the world blames me for the Cubs blowing it.
Baseball? Is it over yet? Can we get back to having sex again?
You're the best, honey. You still love me don't you...
So can we make with the sex? It's been since spring training.
Actually I'm feeling pretty down...
Screw it. I'm going to find a book worm with a libido.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
Damn! The world hates me. My dog kicks my ass. And now my girl is gone!
The blonde chick left? Crap! I've been humpin' her while you were at work!
Can you tell me one good thing about my life right now? Please.
You're rich for one thing.
Rich?!? I'm afraid to leave my apartment! I can't even get to work! How could I be...
Sell the ball on eBay, fuckhead.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
Sell the ball! You are the best dog ever!
That's what the blonde always said.
Say... just how long have you two been...
Let's see... Was it the All-Star break of '97 or '98?
Who cares! I'm rich!
You mean we're rich. Cut me in for half and I'l let you know where I buried it.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
I've got 4 guys competing for the ball. The price is up over 50 grand. You got the ball?
Nope. All I could find was your feemer. I'll keep looking.
One of the guys says he'll throw in a TV show deal!
What company?
Something called the WWF. Ever heard of it?
I'll pack your bandages... I mean bags.

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
You got the ball, so where's my money?
Right here. And don't forget the WWF contract. Let me introduce you to your first match.
Are you a Cardinals fan?
BASEBALL! NOW TOBOR PLACE YOU! TOBOR CURSE-HOLE YOU!

 

by Spankling
10-16-03
So... do you like the Cubs?
I prefer more mature mammals.
Good answer. Can you get it up after all those beers?
I'll make you peak more often than the Yankees.
[grovel]
Do they still play the blues in Chicago...

 

by Spankling
10-17-03
Okay. I have the kiwi. Spankling told me your supposed to bend over now.
No way! Doesn't he have his quota of pervo comics yet? Don't come near! I got claws!
Maybe it's a public service thing. This could help you void.
No doing! The last time he had a chick with a mettal glove shove fruit up my ass it took an x-ray to find it!
You better cooperate pussy-girl, or I'll shove this thing so far up your ass you'll have to cough it out with your next hairball!
ZOOM

 

by Spankling
10-17-03
hmmmmm.
There must be, like, 12 state and federal laws being broken by the thoughts running through your head.
I make it 9, but I'm tired today.

 

by Spankling
10-18-03
Has Spankling had you over for one of his gay little grovel sessions?
No, but he tried to get the valkerie to fist fuck me.
Fist... Fist fucking! You mean that shits for real?
Oh yeah.
So did you do it?
Just off camera. And I warmed up her mitt in my cleavage first.

 

by Spankling
10-18-03
Yes?
*gulp*
Spit it out already!
Could I warm up that glove for you?

 

by Spankling
10-18-03
What do you want new-boy? I'm just trying to earn a living!
You make me sick.

 

by Spankling
10-21-03
I don't know if I'm ready to live Eternal Complete One! Don't make me go! AHHHHH!
The wheel has turned. Your time has come. Ride down to Earth and to your loving mother who awaits.
Embrace existence. You will be returned to us when the time is right.
FUCK THAT! HOW AM SUPPOSED TO FIT MY HEAD THROUGH THERE?
Shit. What is this? Iraq?
Praise Alah! You may be ugly like a marine that raped me, but you are my first born.

 

by Spankling
10-21-03
Now where did my mother go? Out to tempt some new GI no doubt, the fucking slut. Doesn’t she know I need her tits more than he does? I’m starving over here!
YES!
Fear not, child. I come to release you from your mortal coil.
Now to join the Eternal All once more! This individual mind crap rots!
What makes you think We want you back?

 

by Spankling
11-07-03
Excuse me sir. I think I dropped my contact lens down my panties. Would you please help me find it?
Of course, you poor dear. Anything to assist. Let me just warm up my hand down my pants first.
You're so kind.
Dum - dee -dem... No luck... Maybe it slipped around back.
Did you find it?
Here miss. And I suggest you get that mole checked by a dermatologist. By the way, sorry about the cum all over your feet - mea culpa.

 

by Spankling
11-18-03
HP: Val: 666 -- Spankling: 69
Stand aside, mortal! My quest lies beyond thee!
Yeah well, my quest lies behind thee and up that cute lil skirt of yours *wink*
HP: Val: 666 -- Spankling: 69
You dare to flirt with the mighty Thigh Mistress?!?
Dare? I'm paying $300 and hour for the privilege. Right Tit-fuck Fairy?
HP: Val: 666 -- Spankling: 0 -- Fairy: 16
Oops. Me thinks I bludgeoned him too hard.
You big stupid oaf! You could have strung him along all night! We would have been rich!

 

by Spankling
12-06-03
This isn't what I had in mind.
What! I'm not good enough for you?
When I said I want it doggie style... I meant...
OH! You wanted a bitch?
Well... kind of. I like humans. But thanks for stopping by.
So long as I get paid.

 

by Spankling
12-31-03
Dear god help me.
2004! The last year of the Bush regime if there is a god!
Bless my labial folds, he's distracted by politics! Maybe I can slip...
Hello ewe sweet thing. What was your favorite part of 2003?
Uh... contracting mad cow, gonorrhea and AIDs. Yeah... and rabies.
Then you're... experienced...

 

by Spankling
12-31-03
I hear you got cornered by Spankling last night. Are you all right?
Sure. No problem. He never touched me.
Really? How did you manage that?
I told him if he wanted some of me he would have to contribute to the re-elect Dick and Bush fund.
And that did it?
Yep. He just licked my back hoof for a while, cried and crawled away.

 

by Spankling
1-02-04

 

by Spankling
1-12-04
Gah! Dad! But... but... you're dead!
Good call, son. And now that I'm dead I am omnipresent. I see everything.
Everything?
Much to my dismay.
... SO... How 'bout those cubs!
What? You do animals too? How did I miss that?

 

by Spankling
1-12-04
Jeeze dad, this is kind of awkward. I thought I was free of this kind of guilt now that you were gone.
And I thought I would be free of hemorrhoids. What are you gonna do?
This is worse then when you found my stash box under my bed when I was a kid.
Stash box?
Kazoontite.
What?

 

by Spankling
1-12-04
In a way this is your fault for shoving me into the arms of that hooker when I was a kid, dad.
Hey! I thought you would just lay down and get it over with! How did I know you were an artist!
... Artist?
You make me proud, boy.
Sniff... Thanks da...
Now... could you stop taking recreational enemas in the shower? Please? The other ghouls laugh at me.

 

by Spankling
1-14-04
GAH! Dad! You gotta stop showing up like this!
And you gotta stop sucking.
Sucking? I was on the list!
So you made the short list of rejects. I should smack you with this arm!
Sorry dad.
Sorry nothin. By the way, I barfed in your enema bag.

 

by Spankling
1-15-04
When republicans band together it is seen as a show of strength, good management, and patriotism.
When democrats band together it is seen in a completely different light.
Must be the liberal media telling us how to think.
Democrats kill puppies. And now more on Bush's vision for America moving forward.

 

by Spankling
1-19-04
I hear you got no cock.
That is essentially correct, young man.
So... what else you got? I mean... is it like, a hole or a puffy slit or...
Go away, please.
Maybe just a warm wet fold that...
You are getting very very limp. You want to eat tofu and take a cold shower. This is not the eunuch you are looking for!

 

by Spankling
2-02-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Dan? You want me to play "Boss?" What haven't you done? Are you OK?
Wow. That had to be the most boring acid flashback of all time.

 

by Spankling
2-08-04
Just get back from lunch? How are you, Steve?
I'm feeling kinda noonie.
And I know just the thing! Follow me!
Now I'm all sticky and I smell like fish. You?
Hungry. Think I'll grab another sam-ich on my way back to work.

 

by Spankling
2-11-04
I'm a hair stylist. When I sneeze hair comes out of my nose.
Really? Mine too.
uh...
Oh... You mean...
Ewwwwww!
That's sick!

 

by Spankling
2-13-04
er.......
RAPE ME!!
um....
RAPE ME MY FRIEND!!
I just didn't know what to think. How could I explain to him that rape cannot be consensual?
He probably didn't have ESP so it didn't matter what you were thinking. By the way, have you seen my gun?

 

by Spankling
2-13-04
It looks like you want a date for Valentine's Day. Press [OK] to run Microsoft Matchmaker
Success! Your perfect Valentine's date is all arranged.
I can't wait.
February 14, 10:45 PM
That was less than perfect. Just for that I'm switching to the fucking cat avitar!

 

by Spankling
2-13-04
I got sheep at home that smell better, charge less, and don't complain when I donkey punch 'em.
You get da 5 dolla?
No. He ran off.
Well, there's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

 

by Spankling
2-14-04
you need to branch out, Spankling.
Sure. I need more kinds of things to write about.
Like?
Like politics! I wish I was clever like you so I could raise the rabble with my writing I could be a... a...
Another Thomas Pain?
Exactly.

Showing page 12.

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