All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
10-23-14
Welcome to God's butthole.
I swear, Bryce Kain runs into this gag so many times, he should make up a comic set entitled God's Butthole.
And if you turn to your right, you will see God's massive white-headed buttplug with specialized kung fu grip!
So God can go fuck himself?

 

by brycekain
10-23-14
Excuse me, Santa. But I think you're in the wrong place. No one here celebrates Christmas in Iran.
Ho ho ho! Why it's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! But tell me: if we're in the desert, why are you freezing cold?
I've got NPH.
What?? And just what the hell have you done with Neil Patrick Harris???
North Pole Herpes. I did, however, contract them from Neil Patrick Harris.
I thought you said there were no gays in Iran...?

 

by brycekain
10-23-14
Welcome to Buckethead Chicken. May I take your order please?
I'll take a bucket of your McMotherfucking Cocksucker SHIT!!!!!!!!
Um, excuse me?
FUCK YOU, YOU NO GOOD SACK OF CAT FARTS!!! I PISS FUCKERS LIKE YOU OUT MY ASSHOLE FOR SCIENCE!!!!
Ooooooh. You must have Tourettes.
I've never fired a gun in my life, thank you very much.

 

You just had to read this thing, didn't you?
See? They don't listen to me either.
by brycekain, 10-25-14

 

by brycekain
10-28-14
Ok you can open them now. SUPRISE!
You got me a stupid toilet for my birthday?
Well if you don't like it, you can just use the old one.
Please don't make me poop on Mark Zukerberg anymore! His boner looks like a dashboard Jesus!
You get in there and PRAISE THE BOARD, MISTER!

 

by brycekain
10-28-14
What are you doing?
Sitting in a trashcan.
That's stupid.
What should I do?
Watch Roadhouse.
RASTHAUS!

 

by brycekain
10-28-14
Slowly.... quietly...... I will sneak up....... on this squirrel....
Butt herpes.
AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

 

by brycekain
10-28-14
Is this the company that makes that Triviador game?
What are you, stupid? This is where the latest ebola outbreak occurred!
Well you don't have to be so rude about it.
Blow me.
LALALALALALA!!
Did NOT see that coming.

 

by brycekain
10-31-14
Happy Halloween, everybody!
Gareth died like a little pussy.
Yes. A hot, succulent looking pussy.

 

by brycekain
11-02-14
I am going to be conducting a test.
Ok?
If this comic publishes without errors on Strip Creator, I will let you go free and spare the elderly illegal immigrants who are being held hostage in the back of this adult learning school.
That seemed long winded, but ok. And if it doesn't publish?
Hot beef injections for everyone!
Voy a estar cerrando mi culo ahora!

 

by brycekain
11-02-14
So people can MAKE comics, but they can't READ comics.
Correct.
And the problem is being fixed by a little whiteboy stuck in the corner of cyber space trying to make a difference?
Correct.
So BradSucks is really NEO??
Stupid crackers.

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
As your newly re-elected president, I humbly thank you for your kind and generous votes.
There was only one name on the ballot!
I know my competition put up a strong and spirited battle, but in the end, the truth was on our side.
Competition?? The only guy who ran against you was Eunice the Goat Fucker!
I'd like to think that the display of our political system, as seen here today, rings true for other planets' political systems as well.
You have no idea, jerkoff.

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
Prepare yourself, Mr. Bed. I will tame the wild beast within.
But I'm a floor.
Look, if you're going to over analyze this thing, I'm out of here.
Back to the Briar Patch?? But that tar baby* is back there! And he's the one who turned you into a tranny hooker to begin with!

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
Oh. My. God.
Isn't that model hot?
And all that junk in the trunk!
Excuse me, maam! I'd like to buy what you're selling!
Yes, maam, I'd also like an iPhone 6 Plus. Actually, make it two. I've never been with twins before.

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
I'm sorry, son, but there is no way any mortal man can fight his way out of Madonna's vagina. It's like a venus fly trap. Why do you think I'm stuck standing like this?
Isn't this like the 5th or 6th time we've done a Madonna-vagina-long-hallway joke?
Are you trying to get us killed?
Sucky sucky, five doll-PLANET WHAT THE FUCK???

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
*huff* *puff* *pant* Your burger will be just a few minutes longer.
Ey, laddie. Then I'll stand here and play with me bag 'til the flesh becomes firm.
NO! NO! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! GET AWAY! NO! NOOOO! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫
Order up! And thank you for choosing Soylent King!
Wait a second. What's in this? Better not be haggis!

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
So this is Santa's workshop?
Sey.
Huh.
And tell me again how exactly the learned people in your culture hold this magnificent structure up with steadiness and virtue?
Straf eixip!

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
Is this the line to the sickle cell clinic?
♫♫ Ebony.................. and ivory........ ♫♫
Oh no he DIDN'T! Someone hold my baby!

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
I'm Justin Beiber! I'm a bad boy!
No you're not, sir.
I spit on my fans and egg houses and cause trouble all across America. And everybody thinks I'm awesome anyway! Hell, I'm not even an American citizen!
Sir, that just makes you an obnoxious douchebag.
The best thing is: no one will ever look past my macho bad-boy image and see a hurt, scared, raging homosexual trapped in a Gucci-lined closet.
Very good, sir! And will his majesty be having his next delusion immediately? Or will we be blessed with another round of pickle fucker at the usual burping and naptime?

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
Quick! Get in!
I can't! There's only half a car! You get out!
I can't! There's bombs everywhere! You get in!
I can't! There's only half a car! You get out!
This is about my mother-in-law visiting, isn't it?
PUT THE WHORE IN A MOTEL OR WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED!!!

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
They're about to arrest you! Quick! Get in!
Are we... are we really doing this? You just did this joke in the last comic.
Sir, Planet WTF believes in recycling. Speaking of which, want to make a run to Soylent King?

 

by brycekain
11-04-14
What are you looking at?
The next comic that's coming up. Dude, that's just FUCKED. UP.

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
Before you lies an office chair and a toilet. While you were unconscious, you were force fed 300 maximum strength laxatives and 42 diuretic pills. I'd like to play a game, Mr. Jefferson.
Wait a second. Why aren't there any white boys trapped in here with me??
I'd like to play an affirmative action game, Mr. Jefferson.
That's better!

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
Yes, sir. I can definitely confirm that one!
And the line to the clinic is over here?
I believe so, sir.
Poop your back off, too?
Indubitably.

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
I'd like to play a game, Mrs. Johnson.
I'm on my period.
Hello?

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
I wonder what's in the basement of that old building?
DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT, STUPID WHITE BOY! THE KILLER IN THERE!
Would you assholes please shut the fuck up so I can finish up my part in this movie?! Jesus christ! Why do you people always have to shout at the movie screen anyway? It's fucking ANNOYING!
Now where was I...?
Basement looks cozy to me, boss.

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
No. I'm not doing it.
Oh come on. It's funny.
Nope. I refuse.
Come oonnnnnn.....
Yeah, I'm getting a little tired of the Madonna-Vagina-Hallway joke, too.
Uh uh.
Let's make Fish Mooney jokes!

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
Focus, grasshoppa.
You have achieved fart-vana.

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
AAAAHHHH!!!!
AAAAHHHH!!!!
WHAT'S THAT SMELL??
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
They say that when a Maura flaps her cheeks, it can be smelled around the world.

 

by brycekain
11-05-14
Halt! Who goes there!
Gary. I'm a little lost here. Who are you, little boy?
Mark Zuckerberg!
That................ actually makes perfect sense now that I think about it.
WHAT! I UNFRIEND YOU!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
One in the pink, one in the stink.
HUH???
That's my new emo-core screamo band. We're also Trekkie-sexuals.

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
Damn lactose intolerance.

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
With quiet grace and years of mastering the cunning ways of the feline, I slip in unsuspecting... and the genocidal mad scientist is now mine...
What? You expected him to kill me instead, like some M. Night Shama-lama-dingdong twist?? I'M A FUCKING NINJA!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
AHHHHHH!!!!!!
No one knows what happened to Bill that fateful and deadly night. One can only assume that it had something to do with splinters and appendages.
I discovered a new fetish!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
Ok, while the power is out, let me take roll and make sure everyone's here in class...
Oh HELL NAW! This BETTER NOT be some kinda racist black joke!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
You'll have to excuse Bobby here. He's been a little backed up lately.
Did I just crap boulders?

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
So I want to know just what you intend to do about this?
Do about what?
The dead body on the golf course??
Oh THAT. I'm almost done with Kurt Cobain's anal cavity, so I'll toss him in the pond by sundown.

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
I want to thank you, Mr. Koshur. Without your generous donation, none of this would be possible.
It just makes me cry even thinking about it.
No no! You are a kind and generous ham! It's not everyday that someone would donate their testicle fat for surgery.
*sniff*
Go ahead, honey. Let it all out.
YOUR HONKERS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
Wait, what did he say about us?
'MERICA!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
Ok, doc. I'm ready. Let's do this.
I am not shoving my hand up a cockroach's butthole while floating in outer space. I will NOT DO IT! No one here can make me.
Ok, that's good. Thank you. Next!
This is the weirdest rendition of Cats I've ever tried out for.

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
uhn
uhn uhn
SWEET HOLY JESUS!
Would you stop feeling up the gingerbread house!

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
The joke in this comic is soooo obvious.
I don't even have to say anything and you'll get it.
I haven't thought of a punchline yet.
God! Get a MOVE ON, WOULD YA?

 

by brycekain
11-06-14
I am outraged!
Why?
The next comic!
What about it?
I don't know if I'm in it yet or not. ARRRGGGHH!!! Let me look!

 

by brycekain
11-07-14
"I named my abortion Jesus and I nailed him to a tree..." That was the beginning of a poem I wrote back when I was fifteen or sixteen years old.
Let that shit sink in for a minute.
ROADHOUSE!

 

by brycekain
11-07-14
Ok, Miss. Drop trow.
Drop what?
Drop trow. You know. Like drop your trousers? Take your pants off? Just please get undressed, Ma'am.
I would but you keep staring at me like you're being groped by a walrus.
Sorry, guys. I tried, but I can't seem to get "medicated" enough to come up with a decent punchline for this comic.
Preparation H?

 

by brycekain
11-07-14
Yes, sir. I can definitely confirm that one!
And the line to the clinic is over here?
I believe so, sir.
You an emo-goth douchebag, too?
Fuck you! I'm Morrissey!

 

by brycekain
11-07-14
Hilary Duff Signs New Record Deal (PopCrush) Mar 28, 2014
See, it's shit like this that pisses me off. Heavy metal artists like myself would never become a soulless, tit-sucking demon riding on a wave of superficial, thoughtless music!
Your Music on a TV Campaign! A popular retail chain is seeking lighthearted, fun, energetic music that promotes holiday shopping, good times and generosity. Pays up to $3,700.00 USD per track.
Honey? What are you doing in there?
Thinking about selling my soul to the devil...

 

by brycekain
11-07-14
♫ Stayin' alive!!!!! Stayin' alive!!!!! AH! AH! AH! AH! Stayin' alive!!!!! ♫
Not if you open that window.
♫ Stayin' alive!!!!! Stayin' alive!!!!! AH! AH! AH! AH! Stayin' alive!!!!! ♫

 

by brycekain
11-07-14
Ok, we're alone. No one can hear us or see us. Now what was so important that we had to come in here, turn on that loud-ass copy machine, and lock both doors?
AND THEN HE ATE MY FUCKING ABORTION!!!
Um..... you do realize you're in a Chik-fil-A, right?

 

by brycekain
11-09-14
So, what do you do for a living?
Mostly acquisitions and axe murders,
What's going on?
I guess the power went out.
Excuse me, I'm looking for my horse.
He died from alcohol poisoning, but I beat his corpse to a pulp anyway. Welp, gotta go.

Showing page 12.

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