All comics by christopher7murphy

Profile

 

Well? What kind of clerk are you? Are you gonna assist me?
Sir. I keep telling you that I don't work here.
Don't give me those old excuses!
And that reminds me...I never got that pizza I ordered last night!
That was you?

 

So...you...um...really don't work here?
No. But that book you were looking for is on that table right behind you.
I'm sorry. I guess if I wasn't so self absorbed, I would have been able to see that and not have made myself look like a complete ass.
That's okay. It happens.
Excuse me...do you work here?
Yes mam..how can I help you?

 

ARRRRG! Now aint that cute?
Apple! Cherry! Lemon merange!
Banana cream! Chocolate!
Pie-Rats.

 

Mr. Clint, Good News!
That lump on your neck is NOT cancer.
However, one of your testicles has resended.

 

I'm going to the store...need anything?
Yes. I need some more pills.
I am NOT getting you those stupid pills!
And why won't you get me my stupid pills?
You're stupid enough already!

 

Captain, I'm afraid you may need to loose a little weight.
You're developing "man-boobs."
ARrrRRG! We prefer to call them our C-Ditties!

 

STARSKY BLOWS!
STARSKY BLO...!
-ehem-
ArrRRG! I remember that show too! But it's "Thar' she blows."

 

Hello, how can I help you?
I'm looking for a book written by Bette Davis.
Oh..she was such a great actress! I'll check the computer.
She's dead you know?

 

I checked for any books written by Bette Davis for you. Unfortunately, the only one I found is Out-of-Print.
The book store across town told me they could get it for me.
I wish I could help you get it. But none of my warehouses carry it. It is no longer in print.
So, you don't want my business?
She's dead you know.

 

So, the book I want by Bette Davis is out-of-print? I'll HAVE to go to your competition to get the book?
If they have a way to get out-of-print books, then I'm afraid you will.
I really want that Bette Davis book!
She's dead you know?

 

Um...I'm sorry. The Betty Davis book is out-of-print.
Okay. I'll go elsewhere.
Sorry.
You do know she's dead, don'tcha?
That fact is scaring me more than ever now!
Any books about God?

 

You know that ol' saying...?
If you put a number of monkeys in a room with typewriters for an infinite amount of time...eventually you get Shakespear.
All I ever got was more monkeys.

 

Hows that inconsiderate sex fiend of a husband of yours?
I fixed his wagon!
I intermixed a diahretic into his viagra- so if I see him take one, I roll over and go to sleep.
Does it help?
Either way, at least the toilet seat is always down.

 

Hey Chum, I've got a great investment opportunity for you!
OH NO! I remember the last opportunity....
They were called "April Poodles."
"The seasonal puppy treat. A meaty little sausage stuffed with a gel capsul full of jalapeno and Exlax."
Hey...I thought pet lovers WANTED to include thier dogs in the holiday season!
We're STILL getting calls from PETA!

 

Everyday I awkwardly pass Sister Stripcreator and we pretend not to see each other. -sigh-
I use to think she was stuck up...but now...she's a nun...for God's sake (literally)!
She's probably just shy.
Bitch!

 

Mr. Blue, I am collecting for Stripcreator Charities. Would you like your strips rendered by God?
Oh no!
Would you contribute to Save the Whales? Save the Snow Owl? Save your Soul?
I'd rather not.
Save Comic?
Oooo! And all I have to do is press that button?

 

..and thank you, Mam. You have a nice day.
Thank you...you are always so nice. Good bye.
-ehem- I see you have PLENTY of time to chat on the phone instead of waiting on your customers.
Sir, I was on the phone with a customer. A customer ahead of you.
You sure seemed interested in her personal life!
She was asking for a book titled, "So You Have Hemmeroids" by Lowel N. Glanz.

 

Hey...see that customer? He wanted to know if we had any books that helped with memory loss.
I told him that some diahretics improve memory AND stimulate the mind.
I figure by the time my advise kicks in, he'll forget where he heard it.
Do you even work here?

 

How's life, Chum?
Lonely.
I keep tellin' ya, animals help bring happiness.
But my landlord doesn't allow cats or dogs...
...and a bucket of chicken only brings so much glee.

 

Bones, I seem to have a weight problem. What can you do for me.
Well Jim, Scotty has found a way to tweak the molecues of a body while in the transporter.
You mean he can put me in transport and then I would reappear a slimmer, healthier person?
Yes. However, there is one problem.....
Damn you Scotty, and your Transporter Diet!
um...Captain? I'm Nurse Chapple.

 

Thank you for calling the Book Store. How can I help you?
Hi. I need some books. Let's see...I need THIS one, and THIS one, and THIS one. Did you get all that?
Sir? Are you pointing to pictures over the phone?
When will they be in?
Well...THIS book is out-of-print. THIS book was destroyed in a fire., and let's see...THIS book was just sold to a large orange man in a toga and brown socks.
Oh my. What were the odds?

 

Thank you for calling the Book Store.
Sheesh! -anyway- This is Jackie at RECOVERY! There...how does that sound? I know YOU are the Book Store! I called you.
?
Whenever you answer the phone with that "Thank you for calling the Book Store," you sound so pretensious! Did you wonder why I responded that I was Jackie at RECOVERY?
I was thinking head injury.
-click-

 

My husband dropped off our son for a hair cut, and I'm here to pick him up.
Oh, are you Conner's mom?
Yes. Please, I am in a hurry.
It will be just a bit longer. Conner is still in the chair.
Well...do you have any kids that ARE done? I'll take one of them.

 

A sloooow shuffle of feet on your front porch.
ooooo Spoooky!
Whispers and haunted laughter heard ...but only barely.
Stop it...you're scarring me.
GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME!!!
EEEEK!

 

What's wrong?
I told my folks I wanted a Wii for my birthday, but all I got was a stupid X-box!
Your folks are so "yesterday!" You should pitch a fit!
I did! I told them I want a Wii! I want a Wii...and I want it now!
So Dad wee'ed in my X-box.

 

I LOVE these pancakes! Mine was in the shape of the state of Iowa.
Mine is in the shape of Illinois!
Look! My pancake looks like Elvis Presley!
Mine looks just like a girraffe!
Back in the kitchen:
Wow! Great marketing idea. Designer pancakes.
Actually, I just never could draw a good circle.

 

Why does my mail always get returned as undelivered?
You never put enough postage on the envelopes, Mam.
I am NOT a Mam! I AM A SIR!
Sorry, Mam. It's hard to tell. You wear a girdle, a wig, and you dot your "I's" with little hearts.
Look, buddy! I'm not the one carrying a purse!

 

Hey...wait for just a sec, okay?
-snif- Mmmmmmm! Ahhhhhh.
?
Dude...what was that all about?
Somedays, you just have to stop and smell the roaches.

 

That one is of a Ford Pick Up.
This is very good!
That next one is of a Jeep with a trailer hitch!
You really are a very good artist!
Would you like to buy one?
No. Thank you. When I'm on the road, I've gotta be extra careful of Horse Drawn Vehicles.

 

Ahoy Ye, Book Lubber! Do you have anything about pirates?
Yes. I think they are kept under "P."
No -sigh- we just smell that way.

 

I'm lookin' for a book showing the dangers of self amputation.
Sir? Don't you know that self mutilation is unhealthy?
Oh...it's not for me. It's for my wife. She hacked off her own leg last night.
Her name is Peg.

 

Honey? I was folding the laundry and I'm afraid all of your pants are ruined.
Why?
I think our son left a box of crayons in his pocket. They melted all over your boxers, too.
Oh...no, don't worry. It wasn't a box of crayons....
I just cum in different colors.

 

So at my last physical, the doctor said I was getting man-boobs!
Did you to tell him there really isn't much to do when you're on the open sea.
Yes. All there is to do is eat and fiddle around.
Couldn't he tell the tips were carved from from little erasers?
My point exactly!

 

Hello, Book Store? I need to translate a lecture on "Common Curtesy and Exaggerated Expectations" into German.
No problem, we carry many brands of German/English Dictionaries in stock.
Are you ready for the first word?
Dumkoff.

 

What's the German word for: Tact?
Sir, I will be glad to sell you a German/English Dictionary so you can do your homework...
But I can't stop working to read a German Dictionary for you.
How about Spanish?
Baboso!

 

You sure were on the phone a long time.
Oh, I was talking to a customer. He needed help translating a speech into German.
WHAT? You can't spend half an hour with someone NOT buying a book. You could have spent the same time helping legitamit customers or restocking the shelves!
I couldn't resist. I told him the German word for "coffee" was the German word for "penis."
*= Translated from German.
*Fraulines of the Flower Garden Penis Club. I hope you enjoy my special blend of penis. And just wait till you get a slice of my warm penis-cake inside your tummy!
*None for me, thanks. At the end, it always goes straight to my ass.

 

You sure were on that communicator a long time.
Oh, I was talking to Spock. He needed help translating a speech into Klingon.
WHAT? You can't waste time doing Spock's job! You've got your own job to tend to!
I couldn't resist. I told him the Klingon word for "coffee" was the Klingon word for "penis."
*= Translated from Klingon, of course.
*Ambassadors of the Klingon Penis Club. I hope you enjoy my special blend of "loD Doch." And just wait till you get a slice of my warm "loD Doch" cake inside your tummy!
*None for me, thanks. At the end, "loD Doch" always goes straight to my ass.

 

You have the perfect face for radio!
You have a voice made just for comic strips.
Have you ever considered chalk drawings on the sidewalk?

 

Now, I need you to go into the kitchen and bring me my pills.
Ohhh, no!
When I turn around, you're gonna use that knife on me, aintcha?
Don't worry. It's not loaded.
Well...okay then.

 

Say? How's your Ninja lessons coming along?
Turn around and I'll show you.
Are you ready?
Tee hee! You can't see me. You can't see me.
-giggle-
Where did ya go?

 

Where did you go?
Here I am!
Wow! You are good!
Did you see me? I was under the sofa cushin.
That was you? I thought I was sitting on the remote.

 

Okay...now YOU hide, and I'll try to find you.
Alright! I'll take the knife and surprise you!
On second thought...you better get working on those dishes.

 

Why do you get a knife?
Cuz I'm Pre-Med.
Why do you get to wear the bunny costume?
Because with my ass, I'm the only one able to work it!

 

You know, I only agreed to let you stay with me because you pay half the rent.
And?
...And you do half the house work.
And?
...Otherwise you will sneak up on me in the middle of the night and gut me like a pig.
You'll thank me later.

 

How do you like the sound of a baked glazed ham with hot buttered parsley potatoes?
Like it? It sounds delicious!
Hmmm? Too bad I made fishsticks then.

 

I would recommend any of the Judy Blume books for your ten year old niece and....
NO! You do not understand. MY niece is VERY intelligent. What would you recommend for an ADVANCED reader? Tell me about this "Tolkien" person?
Well...She mayyy eventually enjoy the "Lord of the Rings" series...but it mayyyy be just a bit TOO advanced for any ten year old.
YOU don't know MY niece! She has an above average intelligence!
I bet she's even smarter than me!
Uncle Woodsy? I gots armpit juice on my fingers again.

 

Remember how we met?
Oh, yes! I followed you from school to your parent's house. You use to drive a Gremlin, remember?
Yes. Remember that cute little bumper sticker I had on it?
-giggle- yep!
I really meant what it said...you do know that?
=blush= Ohhhh you! I Heart/Stab you, too.

 

Well, once again I was able to get rid of that unsightly wart.
Thank you, Doctor. But I can't understand why I get them.
It's not that unusual to get a wart once in a while.
But I get one EVERY year about this time.
Quite simply...you have Annual Warts.

 

Do you have "The Trumpeter of Krakow" (sigh- PROBABLY not!)
Unfortunately, not in stock. But it is available to order. I could have it for you in about a week to ten days.
No! If you don't have it, I will just order it off the internet! Good day!
How do we order books here, anyway?
Through the internet.

 

Hey, you'll get a kick out of this!Something I've noticed since you started working here.
What do you say when a customer asks you who to address a check to?
I say, "We are The Book Store."
So that's why I run across checks made out to, " R The Book Store!"
What does the "R" stand for anyway?

Showing page 12.

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