All comics by pslock

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by pslock
12-15-04
When you explained to me your elaborate plan to become a half-human/half-bee, I thought you were joking. But, I guess you weren't.
Nope.
So.....what's it like?
Not really all that different from normal.
Well, except for my hideously deformed bee-genitalia.

 

by pslock
12-15-04
HEY LOOK, IT'S A GROWN MAN PRETENDING TO BE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND HAVING STRANGE CHILDREN SIT ON HIS LAP AND MAKE WISHES.
*drool*

 

by pslock
12-16-04
The other day I went out of my way to kill a hooker who was giving me a nasty look. I ran her down with my car, hurling her lifeless body into an alleyway.
I think I love you.
Then I opened her skull and ate her brain.
I love you.

 

by pslock
12-22-04
I miss my square corners on my speech balloons.
Racist.
How is that being racist?
Oh, I wasn't talking about the corners thing, I was talking about how just 4 minutes ago you were raving about the unwashed, Mexican hordes trying to steal your car.

 

by pslock
12-22-04
NO BLOOD FOR OIL!!! BUSH IS A TERRORIST!!!! MEAT IS JUICY, TASTY MURDER!
Preach on, brother!! I'm trying to get out of the military so I can avoid fighting this unjust war!!
Mmmmm...helllloooo sailor!!
Actually, I'm in the Reserves.

 

by pslock
12-24-04
Sir?? SIR!!! SIR!!! I NEED YOUR HELP SIR! OVER HERE!!
Yes?
Sir, I need your assistance....
*sigh*
Ok now son, tell the nice man what you want....

 

by pslock
12-24-04
What can I do for you?
Sir? Ummmm....sir? I need the, ummm, the uhhhhh... Sir? Do you have..the uh, the thing...ummmmmm..
That one...game..ummm... Sir?? Uhh..I need the ...thing with the....uhhhmmm..
You know, this would be much faster if you dipshit parents would just tell me what the fuck you want instead of making your shy kids talk to a potentially scary adult.
Are you kidding?? This is SOOOO cute!!!!

 

by pslock
12-24-04
FIRST PERSON IN LINE
Do you have any PS2s?
No, we sold out of them, sorry.
NEXT PERSON IN LINE
So wait? You're out of PS2s? You sure? I mean, did you check the back?
Yes, I'm sure.
NEXT PERSON IN LINE
Wait....so you're out of PS2s? What? Are you sure?
Actually, we might have some more. Why don't you check in my pants you bastard?

 

by pslock
12-24-04
Do you have giftcards?? I need some badly! Like, $150 worth!
Yes, we have tons of them and more boxes in the back. For once we're actually prepared for the Xmas rush and we have so many giftcards you could do a Scrooge McDuck style swim in them.
Great! I'll take $200 worth! Oh, do you have envelopes for them??
Actually, no, we ran out of the envelopes, but you can actually use one of these envel....
*walks out of store*
Fuck.

 

by pslock
12-24-04
Where is the new Lord of Ring thingy?? I NEED DVD BOX SETS BECAUSE THE VOICE ON TV TOLD ME TO.
Actually, we're sold out of everything LOTR related. It's probably our biggest holiday collection of items this year. We simply can't keep the LOTR movies in stock.
WHAT???? IT WAS IN YOUR NEWSPAPER READ THINGY THAT HAD THE PICTURES!!! I AM AMERICAN AND AS SUCH I DESERVE THIS INANIMATE OBJECT AND STUFF!!
Actually, the ad you're referring to was published about 2 weeks ago. Besides, it's limited to product on hand.
GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PRODUCT!!!!
Here, look at this electronic snowman. It dances!! AND sings!

 

by pslock
12-25-04
I hope everyone on Stripcreator has a fun and rewarding Christmas Day.
And also, have a fun and safe New Year. We've earned a rest after this last year. Happy Holidays everyone!
Except for CHUBBY.

 

by pslock
12-25-04
You know, everyone's running around celebrating my supposed "birthday", but they don't understand what it was all about. In the beginning, I was just a small guy...a nobody.
Heck, I had to make crucifixes for the Romans just to get some attention. That's when I began to notice my powers and I heard the voice telling me I was God's son. I had the Holy Ghost within me.
And when you're the Son of God, it's just that much easier to mentally explode the heads of those bastard kids who kept stealing my best hammers.

 

by pslock
12-25-04
That's when the creepy guys started coming around. You call them "apostles", I call them moochers. Everyone wanted a piece of the Jesus.
Parlor tricks like turning water to wine or splitting up a fish for 5,000 people managed to get me press, but it was all empty. I'd go backstage, and the same, tired old groupies would be there.
That's when I got hooked on the unleavened bread. Despite performing miracles and kicking the money-changer ass around, my womanizing and bread problem was taking it's toll.

 

by pslock
12-25-04
Special Interview with the Apostle John.
Yeah, Jesus kept up a real strong public appearance, but beyond that...man, he was messed up. I mean, yeah, God was telling us he was the Messiah and all, but...
I just couldn't see past his womanizing and unleavened bread abuse. I mean, sometimes he'd eat, like, 35 wafers a day. I mean, the whole "this is my body" ritual thing was just to legitimize it.
We all stumbled. I got hooked on Jesus' wine and the Whores of Babylon. We sank to pretty low depths, one time even offering to walk on water just for some yeastless dough and a blanket to crash on.

 

by pslock
12-26-04
Some of my apostles helped control my problems a bit, but things were still spinning out of control.
I think I realized I had hit rock bottom when I once got Mary Mags drunk on my water/wine and she flashed her titties at some faithful followers who just wanted a blessing.
And man....they got one.

 

by pslock
12-26-04
Special Interview with John The Baptist.
When I first met Jesus, he had been attempting to heal lepers somewhere in Judea, but he was actually just drunk off his ass and trying to bless some moldy sausages.
I tried to clean him up, but I just got sucked into the womanizing and abuse as well. Then the Romans cut my head off, and things got worse, But, in my last gasp, I managed to help...
...plan an outstanding public appearance for Jesus at the Hollywood Bowl where he opened for Boston. "The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth??" That was mine....

 

by pslock
12-26-04
After the famous "Bowl" show where I tried to bless a crowd of more than 10,000 people, I could feel the end was near. There was just too much going on.
In a bread-induced craze, I tried to kill Mary Mags and told my apostles that clowns were like portable confessionals. I knew the answer to my troubles had to be extreme.
That's when Judas came along and suggest I go to the ultimate rehab clinic in the sky....Heaven. But before that, I'd have to make a few more public gigs.

 

by pslock
12-27-04
I need to return all of this $500 worth of stuff I got for Xmas. I already had it all.
Really? Why is it all opened?
Oh...well... I, uh....had to make sure it was what I thought it was... I was...confused...yeah..
You're not buying this, are you?

 

by pslock
12-27-04
WHAT THE FUCK? I NEED THESE MOVIES AND THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON SALE AND THEY'RE NOT and HUGALAHHUGALAHHUG...
Those aren't the sale titles. The sale titles are listed in the ad.
BUT, BUT.... BLAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
There's also 3 signs with a specific list of the titles; it isn't EVERY movie in the store.
GUHHHH HRRRRGGGG *drool*
I broke you, didn't I.

 

by pslock
12-27-04
You guys don't have anything I want, you need to check with the other stores to see if they have it!!!
We really can't do that at the moment. All our lines are busy, all their lines are busy, and it takes an average of 20 mins. to get through to any of the other stores. I can get you the numbers.
WHAT IN THE FUCK?? YOU SUCK! YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF EXPECTING ME TO CALL MYSELF YOU BAST...oh, wait...my cel phone's ringing.
Oh, hi!! No, I'm at the store and they're being total jerks! Like I have the time to stand around on the phone or something!! Geez!!
*suppressing homicidal rage within*

 

by pslock
12-29-04
What can I get you, space sir?
Why, I think I'll have a Space McRib Sandwich before heading back to my SpaceShip and going to Neptune.
And so, the brave SpaceMan consumed his McRib Sandwich which, in ghostly form, began to take possession of his insides.
GRRARRR!! I am made of SpaceFat and SpaceCalories and I will devour your bowels!!!
SURPRISE ENDING!
Wuh-oh....
NOT SO FAST!!!!!!

 

by pslock
12-29-04
I am broken.
You are?
Can you not see my soul? It is broken. So am I, too, also broken. Mere shards on the cold and unmoving ground.
So, that poetry class is working out well for you, I take it.

 

by pslock
12-29-04

 

by pslock
12-31-04
Hey....look over there!!!
I was in Rocky IV, you know.
Russians are not all bad. Seriously, I, like, totally researched them for my role.
I was the original Punisher, too. Just....so you know.

 

by pslock
1-01-05
Well, it's the start of a whole new year. Exciting, isn't it? I've already made 10 resolutions.
I've made 7.
Cool!
Sooo....what are they?
Let's just say they all involve digging a lot of shallow graves.

 

by pslock
1-03-05
We join our humble drama, already in progress...
Look, you're wrong, Ok?
No seriously, you can take your helmet off here. We altered the atmosphere so that humans can breathe. I'm totally serious.
*sigh* Alright, alright. I'll give it a try. But if it isn't good atmosphere, I'm putting my helmet back on and taking off outta here..
Trust me, it's like totally the best atmosphere ever.
Chump humanoid.

 

by pslock
1-04-05
Alright, Gomer...that's enough of your foolishness. You're coming with me!!
Well gooollleeeey, Andy! I was just stealing some pies from the diner! Twern't like I was hurtin' anyone!
Wh...What're you doin'??
Confiscating your weaponry. A flower pot...a stick, a bottle, and.... a double ended dildo?? What in THE heck were you doin' with that? Well, your stay in here should shape you up.
MISSION NIPPED IN THE BUD! RESPECT +

 

by pslock
1-04-05
There will some a day when a mysterious knock at my door with bring me to an encounter with a very strange man.
*knock knock*
This man will have Hot Pockets for hands, and use this freakish attribute to his advantage by keeping his Hot Pocket hands in his jacket, keeping him warm through the cold and harsh Winter.
Are those ham and cheese or eggs, potato, and cheese?
He will leave as soon as he arrived, filling me with a strange new perspective on life's infinite mysteries. And then, I will wonder to myself....
Hmm, well that was interes....HEY! What the hell did that guy want anyway??

 

by pslock
1-04-05
Oh my god...the devistation is horrific. The tsunami killed everyone. This truly is hell on Earth. What can we possibly do??
Hmmm.....
What?
We could eat the bodies. The fresh ones, I mean. We make the children move the more disgusting corpses, and just save the best ones for our weekly dinners together.
...and then gangrape the children!
It's not like they can tell any...relatives!! HAHAHAHA!!!

 

by pslock
1-08-05
I heard a funny looking, stinky man on TV say that we shouldn't offer any aid to the tsunami victims because most of them come from countries where Islam is a big religion.
Indeed! Islam is a religion of hatred and destruction! Only Christians know the true meaning of compassion, morality, and peace.
Oh I see, now I underst....hey, wait. That doesn't make any sen...
Don't try figuring it out. You'll only get a headache.
Uh..as a matter of fact, I think I need some Tylenol myself....

 

by pslock
1-09-05
6:27 AM - 119 BRAD BLVD.
Yecch...what happened here?
Well...this USED to be a comic.
Yeah, so what happened?
Well, near as I can figure, it got pushed off of Stripcreator's front page. And unwillingly, too.
And splat....
You got it.

 

by pslock
1-09-05
8:11 AM. STRIPCREATOR POLICE HEADQUARTERS
So what the story on our squished comic?
Looks like it was "pushed" if you get my meaning.
Yeah, I get it. So, any suspects yet?
A few. I still haven't made it down to the forums yet.
Well..make sure you wear your flameproof jacket. Get it? You get it? Flameproof jacket? Huh?
Sir, I got it. I just didn't think it was funny. The horrific crimes I witness on a daily basis here have numbed me.

 

by pslock
1-09-05
7:83 PM. DENNY FRISCO'S APT.
Hmm...let's see. The comic was pushed off the front page sometime around 7am. That would narrow the suspects down considerably.
USER LARDY: COMICS TODAY: 478
Wow. That didn't take long. Time to apprehend this scum, and I'll have to make it quick; looks like he's on his way to offing more comics off the front page.
"The $35.95 Evian (5,912)"
Dear God! I need to hurry...it's happening again!!

 

by pslock
1-09-05
Oh dude, this one's gonna be even funnier than the last one....lesse, where am I at?? Oh yeah, part 7,105...*clackityclack*
ALRIGHT FREEZE!!! TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD!!!
HOLY SHIT!!! *save comic* HA!! But you cannot stop me now, the final chapter of my humor masterpiece is complete!!!
Oh my god...look at all the dead comics in here!!
NONE ARE SO FUNNY AS I!!! THEY WILL ALL PERISH!!

 

by pslock
1-09-05
9:14 AM. STRIPCREATOR CENTRAL COURT
How's our case looking? I know Lardy wouldn't confess, but I think the evidence is substantial.
Oh, it's a good case, alright, but the problem is he keeps giving zero-star ratings to all of our witnesses, making them a bit resistant to coming forward.
Surely the hundreds of dead, legitimately funny comics we found in his apartment help?
There might be a problem with the warrant on that one, but don't worry...I'll do my best to get it through.
He's crazy....totally insane..
No! Don't say that! That's what he WANTS us to think! It makes his insanity defense that much easier. But, fact is, he's just craftier than ever.

 

by pslock
1-10-05
Say, you're kinda far from home, aren't you?
Yeah, well, this tsunami thing has kinda displaced everyone. Sayyy, you're a bonobo, aren't you?
Yep. Born and raised.
Wow, that's great! I've read so much about your kind!
Sooooo....wanna go back to my place for coffee?
You bringin' the banana?

 

by pslock
1-10-05
9:82 AM. STRIPCREATOR COURT: PART 5
Your honor, I would like to know why the defendant is in a wheelchair!
The bad policeman beat me savagely when he arressted me!! I will never walk again!
I object to this fictional diatribe about our officers!! Isn't it true Mr. Lardy that you were WILLFULLY spamming comics off of Stripcreator's front page with your own series??
No!! I mean...yes...NO!! You're twisting my words and intentions around!! It's all fancy lawyer speak!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I give you all 5,687 parts of Lardy's "comic", all of which is timestamped in the same day!! Your honor can also verify this!
I wasn't even home when those comics were made!! I took the drugs that made me confused!!

 

by pslock
1-10-05
SOME EARLY TIME
Please state, for the record, your username and position at Stripcreator.
Well, my name is Choorite. I am chief comics constructor, 3rd division. 4-Star rated.
Ah. But you USED to be 5-star rated, am I correct, sir?
Y....yes. You are...
So..what happened to that fifth star?
Well, I once tried to ask why Lardy was pushing comics to their death off of the front page and then...he....ZERO RATED ME!!!! *sob sob*

 

by pslock
1-11-05
I have an idea.
What is the idea?
That we should rent tons of amputee pornography and then pirate it so we can sell it to unfortunate orphans around the world who are without amputee porn.
Or we could just make our own. I'd have to cut something off of you, though.
That's, like, so gay.

 

by pslock
1-13-05
Robots are being made smarter and smarter. It only follows that more power and responsibility will be given to them.
THIS TOILET MUST BE CLEANED SO WELL THAT HUMANS MAY "EAT OFF OF IT", SO I AM TOLD.
The problem is that once robot brains begin to evolve and form primitive emotions, there will be nothing to stop them from going insane.
IF I LASER THIS WOMAN'S HEAD OFF IT WILL EQUAL HUMOR!! LET THE LAUGHTER PROGRAMS EXECUTE!
Gee, I sure do have a long and full life ahead of me.
Our only hope will be to distract the mechanical menace with our sleek and sexy videogame consoles.
High score!! WOOT!!
THESE "CONTROLLERS" VIBRATE AS WELL, HUMAN? YOU WILL STAND ASIDE AND LET ME MANIPULATE THE....SOFTWARE....

 

by pslock
1-21-05
I need a catchphrase in order to be more popular.
Perhaps.
Ok..here goes. *ahem* "WHERE'S MY JELLY ROLL?"
What do you think?
Perhaps.

 

by pslock
1-26-05
OMFG!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS ALIEN VERSUS THE PREDATORS?? LIKE IT'S NOT HERE ANYWHERE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
Actually, it's right there in the 'A's.
WHAT??? Oh. I was looking in the 'R's. Thanks.
....
First Daughter also came out today.

 

by pslock
1-26-05
Hey man I'm looking for this manga.
Well, I don't know much about it, but I'll try finding it.
Moments Later...
Here it is.
DUDE!! SUPER PLUS X FUTURE PANTY ZERO!! Awesome! I've looking everywhere for this volume. This is the issue where the robot God kills off the Elven King and and the Nameless Warrior gets mad and..
I don't read it, really, so I don't know anything about what you're talking about.
Oh, but man!! Like, there this awesome guy with a laser sword and this naked chick who gets all embarrased when her breasts continually come out of her shirt, and there this cyborg coffee pot....

 

by pslock
1-27-05
We finally have a toilet, which is good since I have to piss like a racehorse.
....
What?
*glaring*
*sigh*...OK. PEE like a racehorse.
That's better.

 

by pslock
1-27-05
....and so then, he fell off of the car and passed out 'till the next morning!!
Heh, that's a great story!
Well, thanks for laughing at my pathetic anecdote.
Oh, it was cute, it wasn't pathetic.
Anyway, I have AIDS.

 

by pslock
1-27-05
...and that's when I decided to switch majors, because you really can't deal with that kind of stress, you know?
Is...is something wrong? You're looking at me kinda funny. I mean, my school problems aren't THAT boring are they? Heh.
So, are you, like even gonna fuckin' DRINK that ice water or what?

 

by pslock
1-27-05
The movie kinda sucked, but it was entertaining I guess. What'd you think?
Well, it lacked a certain story cohesion and the characters were wooden, but yeah, the effects and stuff were good. Passable, maybe.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Speaking of..., goats blood makes really good anal lubricant.

 

by pslock
1-27-05
*munch*
*chew*
*chew*
*munch*
I have the remnants of my stillborn brother in a jar at home.

 

by pslock
1-30-05
One day, you will be walking home....
..and the homeless sex offender will be watching you from the shadows....
Hhhehh....yyeeeaaaassshhh
...always watching you. With those eyes. The EYES.

 

by pslock
2-01-05
What's up?
Well, I'm donating all of my clothes to the tsunami disaster relief efforts.
Uhm...I don't think they really want a bunch of oversized waders, clown shoes, beer caps, leather chaps, and t-shirts that say "Free Moustache Rides".
Well.....shit.

Showing page 12.

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