All comics by Speez

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by Speez
9-10-03
The Power Rangers are on. Man, I haven't watched that in years. I wonder what kind or rangers they are now.
Welcome to Power Ranger Ghetto.
The Ghetto Power Rangers?
Whenever The Man strikes these five young black teenagers whip out their bling bling and call out their Ranger names.
I am speechless...
Those names are Forshizze, What the Dilio, Cracklelackle, Homie and Word.

 

by Speez
9-14-03
So, you are a college boy like me now CP. Are you ready to basically do nothing but play video games and go to party for the next four years.
Yep, but with some time to study in there?
Study? Hmm, I never heard of that word.
You know, you go to classes and you have to study for them.
Classes? Dude, this is college, not school.

 

by Speez
9-14-03
Dude, I don't get why you are so into anime.
Because it is anime man! Anime! ANIME!
But they just sit around and talk for like 25 episodes and do nothing.
Anime is full of symbolism and you have to dive deep into the story to figure out the deeper meaning.
Symbolism? What kind of symbolism does Love Hina have?
Uhhh,well, that hot girls like to take baths in hot springs three or four times a day.

 

by Speez
9-14-03
Your watching wrestling again? Jesus, you like to look at sweaty men in tights.
Dude, I am not watching it for that. I watch it to see people fall off twenty foot ladders and land on three stacked tables which are on fire!
Yeah, you watch it for the sweaty men. I am leaving.
No one watches it for the sweaty men! You are just homophopic.
Did I miss anything while I was gone?
Nah, you just in time to see it. Man Ian, I never pictured you as a wrestling fan.

 

by Speez
9-29-03
Ace and Speez go out clubbing.
Dude, isn't that the women you have had a crush on? Go talk to her.
Alright...I can do this.
Excuse me. When I look at you I get a woody. WAIT, I mean I want to suck you nipples. NO, I think about you while I whack off.
So, how did it go?
Uhh, I was too good for her...

 

by Speez
9-29-03
Oh yeah. I like it like that. Oh yeah, bend over for me.
Speez, you know you are looking at Final Fantasy X-2 movies ,of girls, on the computer. That even worse than looking at porn on the computer.
But just watch Paine change into another costume.
Wow...I mean, just wow. Ok, carry on.
I got movies Dead or Alive Volleyball. Can anyone one say Venus?

 

by Speez
10-01-03
Hey, is that the new DDR song for Playstation 2?
Yeah. They play the real music video to some songs in the background. I am doing "Love at First Sight" by Kylie Minogue.
*MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS* *MISS*
Dude, you have to look at the screen AND press the arrows. Not just look at the screen.
What? Oh yeah, the arrows.

 

by Speez
10-02-03
Oh no, someone has vandalize UBCS.
They drew a giant penis on the wall. I have to report this to CP!
CP, I just saw a giant penis.
What have I done wrong to deserve this God?

 

by Speez
10-02-03
So, that is the giant penis drawn on the wall everyone is talking about.
Well, I am going to get some stuff to clean that off.

 

by Speez
10-02-03
Captian Pringle, you are under arrest.
Crud, the annoying cop. Ok, what did I do wrong now.
You have several giant penises on the walls around UBCS.
Yeah, someone put them there. I was going to get cleaner to get rid of it.
I don't like your tone of voice. You're getting broomsticked.
Man, God hates me today.

 

by Speez
10-02-03
Our top story, a man, dubbed "The Dong-Art Bandit" is lose is UBCS writing giant penises on walls. For having graphic pictures on his wall, CP, the owner of UBCS, was arrest.
Also, there are reports of a ninja that will appear out of nowhere, kill you, chop you up into little pieces and disappear into the night. There have been five such cases so far.
This just in. Make that six cases.

 

by Speez
10-08-03
The new Govenor of California, Arnold, makes his first speech.
As your govenor, I will do a good job at everything. Now do as I say!
Men, form a line on my right so I can kill you with my bare hands. Ladies, line on the left so I can grope you.
WHO IS YOUR DADDY AND WHAT DOES HE DO?

 

by Speez
10-12-03
Come on Ace, we are going to stake out tonight to try to catch the Dong-Art Bandit.
Do we have to?
No, but I am sure CP will like us to do so.
Screw it.
Screw it, I will do it my self you selfish bastard!

 

by Speez
10-13-03
I can help you find the Dong-Art Bandit!
Uhh, you aren't wearing pants.
Why must it always come back to the no pants thing!

 

by Speez
10-13-03
Wait, there is someone writing something on the wall in the distance!
And he is writing a pecker!
Speez runs over to the area.
Oh my god, it is you!

 

by Speez
10-16-03
My god, Jennifer is the Dong-Art Bandit!
Tat's right, I am drawing penises on your walls because I am still mad that my copy of UBCS was shut down.
You are a dumbass. Get out of here.
Ok, I will be going now then.

 

by Speez
10-16-03
So, the Dong-Art Bandit was that crappy guy Jennifer all along.
So, what did I say or do that made you think I cared?
I have this sinking feeling we forgot something.
Whatever, let's go to the prono bush.
Meanwhile, in jail...
Hold tight CP. You know that the UBCSers are doing everything to get you out of this jail with Bubba.
Are you ready for more lovin bitch?

 

by Speez
10-18-03
CP gives a message to all of the UBCSers
Ok, Halloween is coming and you know what that means...Psyco killers on the loose. There is a few rules everyone needs to follow.
Don't ever say "I'll be right back." Do not take more showers that are necassary. If you a virgin, stay a virgin.
Darn, I was hoping to get laid this week.
No you weren't.
I was, err, I mean, umm, stuff.

 

by Speez
10-18-03
Ok, don't ever say "I will be right back", do not take more showers than necassary and do not, I repeat, do not engage in sexual activities.
CP, do you really want us to believe that there is going to be a killer loose on halloween.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Don't worry, I won't.
Meanwhile, outside UBCS...
Oog

 

by Speez
10-18-03
In Speez's room...
Ohh yeah, I just hit you with a fireball.
Uhh DJ, I am playing Final Fantasy 7. You are holding your own blunt thinking it is a video game controller.
You are just mad that I killed you.
Yeah sure.
Oh, I got to pee. I will be right back. Uhh, where is the bathroom?
Down the hall the hall and to the left, and don't come back.

 

by Speez
10-18-03
Man, I am so stoned. Where is that bathroom.
Ahh, there you are.
Oog
Oh yeah, that feels so good! Ah yeah, I can see the steam come off it.

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Hey look, DJ is all bloody and is on the ground screaming for help.
Thank god you came by CC16! Some big guy with a knife attacked me. I need help!
I have the urge to "Do the Dew".
I have this knife wound that goes in the chest and out my leg! It's that deep!
Come back! And bring a nickel-bag with you!

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Hey baby, I just had a Dew and I am horny.
But CP said we shouldn't get it on around Halloween.
Screw that. Let's do it like bunny in the spam in Games.
God idea, no one will find us there.
Oog.

 

by Speez
10-31-03
So far CP, DJ was brutally attacked after saying "I will be right back." He will surive.
How bout CC16 and Pokemaster San?
They were killed after having sex near a giant block of spam. Someone pushed the block of spam over onto them crushing them.
My god, no one is listening to the obivious warning of the authorites.
We have also warned people not to enter the abanded amusement park and refrain from skinny dipping.
I hope we can stop whatever is doing this.

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Hello? Is anyone around?
I'm am going to get naked and take a shower!
These people make it too easy...

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Damnit, I lost the airhead girl. It's not right if I don't kill the airhead girl.
Howdy! I am LadyMage! I haven't been seen in the comic for like two years.
...close enough.
Where did you get that knife from?
A monsters life is so hard. Nothing gets a blood stain out of a shirt.

 

by Speez
10-31-03
OOG!
No, I thought I was forgotten! Don't kill me!
OOG!
Not Bigred!
Oog?
Hello silly goose! How are you!

 

by Speez
10-31-03
CP! I saw the guy killing everyone!
What? Who is he?
His name is Oog! He is in his mid twenties. He likes Jello, long walks on the beach, talking and cuddling in bed.
...what?
Him and I had a deep emotional talk. If he wasn't a crazy killer I will like him to back that ass up...
STOP! TALKING! NOW!

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Ok Speez, here is the plan. We are going to have Oog be tricked into going into the Games forum. We then close down the forums and delete it forever killing Oog.
But how will get Oog in Games?
Simple. Oog hasn't killed the cutest UBCS member yet. We will use him to led Oog into Games.
But CP, who are you talking about?
ILC, UBCS needs you.
Hold on, let me put my nuts away.

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Hey you stupid ass pysco killer! Come get the small woodland creature!
Oog!
After a thrilling chase, ILC gets Oog in Games ILC contacts CP over the radio.
Alright Pringle, we are in Games, you can close it down.
But how will I escape if Games is closed down?
Crap, I knew I forgot something!

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Speez, this is CP! Whatever you do, don't delete games yet! ILC is trapped inside the forum.
*FLUSH*
Damnit, I was on the john. What did he say? He probably say I could delete games.
Argh! CP, why did you delete games! It burns! It burns!
Dang...

 

by Speez
10-31-03
Man, I will miss ILC, but he gave his life to save other UBCSers.
Yeah, but we couldn't find Oog's body. Whatever, I will be right back. I have to take a leak.
Magi! Look out behind you!
*CRACK*
Damn, I didn't know that part of the body can break off. Hey, Oog is running away! Woo! No more killings....for now...

 

by Speez
12-08-03
Because I am cursed with a sexy ass, I must tell everyone to reframe from grabbing it. That is all.
Oh god, I looked at it when he walked away.

 

by Speez
12-08-03
Man, that has to be one of my favorite episodes of Senfield. I love the episode about the bet.
Yeah, but I would win that easy.
Bull. You would be out within five minutes.
I can out last you "Great" Speez.
You on!
Bring it whore!

 

by Speez
12-08-03
Man, I am so ready to beat Speez in this bet and take his money.
Hey...is that the porno bush?
That was evil to put the porno bush in his path.
Well, I play dirty.

 

by Speez
12-21-03
There you are you little bugger! Prepare to get owned by the sack of knobs!
Please, wait Ace! Christmas is just around the corner! You should pratice good will to your fellow man this time of year.
Yeah, maybe you are right. I really should have good will towards men.
So, you aren't going to beat me with the sack?
I said good will towards "men" you woman! Be prepared to be sacked!
Not the face!

 

by Speez
12-21-03
After the beating...
This sucks that Ace always beats me. And everyone else hates me. Sometimes I wish I was never born!
*POOF*
Mother of god! The ground in front of me caught on fire!
Do not fear me.
My god, a naked man wearing only a towel holding a sword came out of the fire! Sweet Jesus.
Yes, I know Jesus. He does taste sweet.

 

by Speez
12-21-03
Who are you? Why are you here?
I am the angel sent to all people around Christmas who want to kill themselves. I am here to change your mind.
Uhh, why are you wearing a towel.
Hey, heaven is ontop of clouds. Clouds are made of water. You are always wet up there, so we all just wear towels.
And how do you know that Jesus taste sweet?
We all went to a bar, got drunk, and began to play "Lick the Holy one".

 

by Speez
12-21-03
Well, good luck changing my mind about me killing myself. My life sucks more than a New York hooker.
Well, I haven't lost one yet. And I am trying to break the old record of most sucesses in 100 years. If I can change your mind, I will be the record holder.
Sorry to disappoint your, but I am going to end it now.
I will take you to a world if you were never born, just like you wished. Ok, now for alittle magic.
ARRGG!!!!
Oops, that was the spell of "Horribe death by internal organs bursting into flames" not "See what it is like if you were never born" spell.

 

by Speez
12-21-03
Ok, this isn't good. I just killed him. Oh my Boss! I wonder if this will count as an unsuccesful mission! Not good!
Hmm, I will cast the spell that always things that normally couldn't speak to be able to.
ARGH! I can't feel my legs! or see them! Arg, I can't see anything! Where is my spleen?
Man, for a pile of ash, he doesn't shut up.

 

by Speez
12-21-03
What, you accidently turned me into a talking pile of ash? Change me back!
Ok, ok keep your pants on...or ashes together. Whatever. Here we go.
There we go...I think.
Uhh, I think you are alittle off.
Yeah, just a tad.

 

by Speez
12-21-03
You turned me into a woman!
Uhh, yeah, sorry about that!
How could you turn me into a women with nice big breast! Nice...firm...breast.
Yeah, I will turn you back to normal in a second.
Hold on. I never had the chance to pleasure a woman and probably never will. Let me have fun with this body for a little bit if you know what I mean.
That is wrong on sooooo many levels.

 

by Speez
12-22-03
You finally got me back in my own body. At least now when Ace says I have never touched boobies he will be the one who is wrong.
Sorry about that. I always get my spells mixed up. From turning objects into other objects to putting myself into someone's body.
Wow, you can take control of someone's body?
Of course, all angels can.
So, if you controlled a girl's body and made her masterbate, is that rape?
I don't want to talk about this any more.

 

by Speez
12-22-03
Ok, now to take you to a world where you were never born.
Hey wait. Is this going to burn, or make my spleen explode or give me boobs?
Uhhh....no, nothing will happen.
Ok, let's do this!
I hope this doesn't burn his genitals off.
Argh! My left nut is burnt!

 

by Speez
12-22-03
Oh man, my head hurts and I don't think I have a testicels anymore.
Maybe I was just having a bad dream.
Well, at least things couldn't get any worst.

 

by Speez
12-22-03
Argh! Don't beat me Ace! Please do not pour the beaker of acid down the front of my pants again!
My balls where already burnt to a crisp! Please god let me keep the wang! Let me keep the wang!
Dude, stop being a pussy. This is a world where you never existed. He can't hear you.
Oh yeah. Of course. I knew that.
Yeah, and you wet your pants just because you felt like it, huh?

 

by Speez
12-22-03
So, I can walk though walls and no one can see, hear, touch or feel me?
That's right, you don't exist. Now I am going to show you the world where you were never born.
I have someone we should go. It's...uhh...very important.
...
So, why must you stand in the locker room for the high school girl's swim team again?
Trust me, it's very important for me not killing my self and stuff.

 

by Speez
12-22-03
Man, he's been in there for like four hours. I got to get things moving. That's it, I am going in.
Screw you kid. I can care less now after what I just saw.
You misunderstand! I didn't know it was senior night! I had my pants down because I thought I was going to whack off to some nice teenage potang, not that!

 

by Speez
12-25-03
That's it. I draw the line when you masterbate to seniors!
But, what about helping me not kill myself?
Screw you, you sicko. Screw my record. Back to your world.
But...argh! It burns!
Back in the real world.
Man, I really am a loser.

 

by Speez
12-25-03
I am such a loser. Not even the angel sent to show me how great my life is show no reason to help me. Maybe I should kill myself.
Hey TAS. It's Christams, so I got you a present.
DON'T BEAT ME...wait. You are giving me a present?
Yeah, I know I give you a hard time, but I am just kidding man. Uhh, are you crying?
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't wet yourself. Don't cry.

Showing page 13.

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