All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
4-07-04
Back to back, the President cracks.
Aw hell, that whole on all fours thing was just a joke, y'know?
There's no power left in the old white shack, it's the same.
Dagnabbit, ANOTHER BLACKOUT!
New Washington, Red button. One push and the whole world is gone...
I reckon I'm just glad that Genesis isn't still around to make a sequel to the Land of Confusion video. I wonder how goofy my mask would look.

 

by niteowl
4-07-04
NHL playoffs. Detroit vs. Nashville.
Dang! Lookit that! They got roadkill on the ice!
Why in the heckfire would they scoop it up like that with a blasted shovel and then throw it away?
Get out the Crock-pot and toss that darn stuff in there! That's good eatin'!

 

by niteowl
4-08-04
Comedy Income in 90 Days
Training required.
Oh yes, training! I'll get to learn how to recycle jokes over and over again! Yay!
Are you funny?
Not funny enough, or else I would've had a job in the humor industry already.
The Corporate Market needs you!
Corporate whores unite! Sell your soul for an easy buck!

 

by niteowl
4-08-04
666! The Number of the Beast! Hell and fire was spawned to be released!
OH YEAH! Work it! I said, WORK IT GIRLFRIEND!
Torches blazed an-

 

by niteowl
4-08-04
Ooh, you drive me crazy...Baby, you're the one.
I just want to rock-and-roll you woman, until the night is gone.
Who says quoting lyrics from a Rush song won't get you laid?
Hey baby, it's a quarter to eight...I feel I'm in the mood!
This guy is dreamy!

 

by niteowl
4-08-04
I've got six broken soldiers in the trunk of my car...
Two of them speak...
Four go to bars.
When is this fool gonna let us out of here?
When those other 4 pricks sober up.

 

by niteowl
4-08-04
Welcome to Der Weinerschnitzel, may I take your order please?
Yeah, I want 2 large Cokes, 2 large fries...
...Chili-cheese dog, large Dr. Pepper, Super Deluxe with cheese and tomato.
You want BILL sperm with that?
NO! I'll take Monica's blue dress though.

 

by niteowl
4-09-04
I miss Drac's Transylvania Twist.

 

by niteowl
4-09-04
You're still half asleep, turd.
Meow.
Did you have a bad dream?
Actually, yes. I dreamt that my litter box was so full I could barely get in it, and that my food dish was empty.
Thanks for making my dreams come true. Asshole.

 

by niteowl
4-10-04
Hi Jesus.
Hey kid, how's it going?
Good, how are you?
I'm great, just looking forward to the big easter egg hunt.
By the way, there's a pair underneath my loincloth if you want to get a head start.

 

by niteowl
4-11-04
Inspired by another wacky Google Ad.
Have you tried that Boudreaux's Butt Paste on little Steven yet?
Yeah, that stuff really works!
It does work, but I'm really concerned because you know how kids like to eat paste...
I wouldn't worry about it...
Mmm. Chocolatey.

 

by niteowl
4-11-04
In the dark: I saw you trembling. In the rain: I saw you crying.
Life withering away, you called out..."LOVE! Why doth love abandon me?".
Yo...you silly cracka, are you gonna read me my rights?
But fear not, dear man: You will find love where you are going.

 

by niteowl
4-11-04
This comic has been edited because quoting Chappelle has become passe'.
Yes, it's a funny show, but haven't we heard enough of that "I'm Rick James, bitch!" stuff already?
All your overused quote are belong to us.

 

by niteowl
4-11-04
God, who's gonna win the election?
It'll be Kerry by a Botox injection!
*DRUM ROLL & CYMBAL CRASH*
God, are you writing jokes for Jay Leno again?
It's that obvious, eh?

 

by niteowl
4-11-04
Oh My God, can you believe that Amelia came back from the dead AGAIN?
I know! I mean, what a shocking twist!
Yeah! She's only came back from the dead 8 times this year! What's up with that?
Coming back from the dead is exhausting you know!
I'm sure it is!
Amelia's parents' bank account is exhausted too, with all the coffins they have to buy!

 

by niteowl
4-12-04
True story from 5 minutes ago. Just pretend that my girlfriend is talking on a cell phone.
Hello?
Yeah, is Kelly there?
NO! Kelly is in rehab and has been told not to talk to her former friends.
*CLICK*
If she calls back, I'm gonna tell them that she has her mouth on someone's dick and can't talk right now.
*RING RING*

 

by niteowl
4-12-04
Someone different calls this time...
Hello?
Is Kelly Kristofferson there?
No, she is in rehab. Thank you and goodbye.
*CLICK*
At 25 cents for every call received, you're damn right I'm going get my kicks out of this.
Next time I'll identify myself as Nurse Ratchet.

 

by niteowl
4-12-04
Hmm. I think I'll just look up the number online at one of those Reverse Phone Directory sites and see who was calling...
Search Results : Prudential Real Estate, Poulsbo WA.
I wonder if she was trying to buy a house. Maybe they were trying to call her back to let her know she got it! If she's in rehab...oh no, what have I done?
Fuck it. They woke me up from that nap I was taking.

 

by niteowl
4-17-04
More Google Ad goodness.
"Save Canada's Wilderness"
"Save our frozen ponds and rivers so that we may be able to skate and play hockey all year long..."
"Support Nuclear Winter! Support the return of the Ice Age!"

 

by niteowl
4-17-04
They don't take advantage of you. All they ask for is food, a little love, and the occasional litter box cleaning.
MEOW!
Cats don't ramble on and on all day about bullshit you couldn't care less about.
Blink 182 rules! The Apprentice! What a great show! Look at all the exclamation points in this panel!
...and cats actually pay attention to YOU.
meow. *purr*
Did I forget to clean out the box again?

 

by niteowl
4-18-04
DEAR DIARY: RAAARRR! TODAY I MET NICE YOUNG GIRL!
RARR! WOULD YOU LIKE TO CORNHOLE, FINE YOUNG SPECIMEN OF HU-MAN FLESH AND BONES?
Cornhole? Do you mean, like, go out on a date?
HU-MAN WAS QUITE BEAUTIFUL BUT VERY OBSTINATE.
NO! NO DATE! CORNHOLE!
You're very rude!
NATURALLY, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. SHE GAVE IN AND GAVE ME HER DIGITS! RAARR!
GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO I MAY CALL TO CORNHOLE YOU AT MY EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.
It's 1-800-FUCK OFF.

 

by niteowl
4-18-04
Dear Diary: Today I continued my training for the Dog Log Rolling World Championship.
All this work is really paying off. I've improved so much in the last few weeks.
I hope they don't test for steroids, I'll be screwed.

 

by niteowl
4-18-04
Dear Diary: It's been a busy month. A lot of death lately. In other words, business is good.
Still, I find myself longing for a different job. I do like what I do, and the power I have...but it can be so damn depressing...
...like when Jesus leaves nasty comments about my posts. I've had it with that fucking guy!
"LOL! U SUCK REPER AND I ROOL! Sincerely yours, Jesus."
I hate you for inventing internet message boards, Satan.

 

by niteowl
4-19-04
Dear Diary: Today, I killed 150,000 people. I also gave another 250,000 people cancer.
But I don't care. Nobody ever thinks about what happens to me!
I'm the one who turns into a pile of ashes, with only my butt surviving after a mere 10 minutes!

 

by niteowl
4-19-04
Journal Entry; Monday, April 19, 2004.
Today, I read my dictionary for 11 hours, 4 minutes, and 27 seconds.
Later, I masturbated with a fury unmatched by the average white male to the Table of Contents of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. That is all.

 

by niteowl
4-19-04
Captain's Log, Stardate 34512.9:
I am hopelessly lost out in deep space.
And the radio is on the fritz. AGAIN.
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
For the last time, Tom is on channel 21! Christ, I hate CB radios.

 

by niteowl
4-19-04
Dear Diary: No matter how much I try to change my ways...
I don't suck anymore.
Yeah, right.
...things just stay the same.
It's true!
Seriously? You've stopped sucking?
I hate kids.
That's right.
You know what? You suck even more because you don't suck anymore!

 

by niteowl
4-20-04
Dear Diary: I, uh...hmm...well, uh...um...
And Colonel Gadhafi made the decision, and rightly so, to disclose and disarm for the good of the world.
Uh...hmm...well, uh...um...
By the way, they found, I think, 50 tons of mustard gas, I believe it was...
Turkey and Mustard. Yummy!
...in a turkey farm, only because he was willing to disclose where the mustard gas was. But that made the world safer.

 

by niteowl
4-21-04
Dear Diary: I've decided to become a nicer person.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, eh? Great book.
Why, yes it is!
Help my fellow man.
I'm collecting for the homeless. Would you like to donate?
Do the homeless like Beer Nuts?
And even attempt to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.
He's so sensitive! An absolute dream! No more Clango for me!

 

by niteowl
4-21-04
Hi honey, I'm home.
Did you wear your seatbelt today, you old fart?
No.
Why not?
I didn't feel like it. Besides, what if I was suicidal and wanted to kill myself by crashing the car into a tree at 70 mph? I sure ain't gonna wear a seatbelt then.
You better not get in an accident, I want that Yugo when you die.

 

by niteowl
4-21-04
I don't know about this new guitar player, he kinda stinks.
That's because it's a cardboard cut-out I stole from the music store.

 

by niteowl
4-21-04
*unzip*
Is that a Vienna Sausage in your boxers, or are you not happy to see me?

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
MikeyG
**** ****, **** **** *** ***************** !
Rabid and dcom
I can't believe Brad filtered out Wangs and Dongs.
My alter-ego.
You should've picked a nick without a swear word in it.
Shut up, smartass.

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
Nice table.
Thanks, wanna break it in?
*wink*
You know how much I hate being tied up on wooden things.
Sorry.

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
We've got one roll left. Should we use it on this one?
Nah, the flower pattern would clash horribly with the black vinyl siding.

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
Hello Matt.
Hello Father, you wanted to see me about something?
Yes. I need to ask you a question, but I ask that you try not to be offended by it, okay?
Alright, what is it?
Just how many Lite-Brite pegs did you use in that picture of the cross behind me?
Nice try, Father. A true artist never reveals his secrets.

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
Having sex with a seaman in a life boat increases your chances of getting sea sickness. Trust me, I know.
Dude! DUDE! You dropped the roach!
I get a little nervous when I encounter bugs.
"The all-new Honda Accord. Yes, this commercial has nothing to do with the car, but take our word for it, it's a great car. Go buy one."

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
Dear Diary: Ivytopia today declared war on Stripcreator for failing to add the Ivy character.
*knock knock*
No casualties on our side were reported...
Hello Ivy.
Hello Brad. I'm here to kill you and take over Stripcreator.
...but I can't say the same for Brad's side.
Yeah, ok, sure, whatever.
Prepare to taste the wrath of my 4-wood.

 

by niteowl
4-23-04
So how many times did you masturbate today?
Six.
You should just go down to the sperm bank and donate. Think of all the money you'd make.
Yeah, but what about all the money in child support I'd have to pay for the children I father?
Um, you don't have to pay child support to those women...
Oh no...Don't tell me that I have to marry them!

 

by niteowl
4-24-04
You've been standing there playing that game for 12 hours. Why don't you sit down?
I can't. I think my legs are permanently locked. Say, think you can carry me to the bathroom?

 

by niteowl
4-24-04
How long have we been playing for now?
37 hours straight. New record.
So, are you gonna call in today?
Yep. Pause it so I can smoke 10 cigarettes in a row to get my voice rough and sick-sounding.

 

by niteowl
4-25-04
Dear Diary: Another day of chasing that Road Runner. I expected my package from ACME to come today, but it never showed up.
Actually I'm glad it didn't. I'm tired of the chase. I'm beginning to think that I'll never catch that damn Road Runner.
And it saddens me because...I can't hide it anymore, I love that damn Road Runner!
Sigh...Come back already!
BEEP BEEP!

 

by niteowl
4-26-04
The water tastes funny today.
Yeah, it's got a kick to it.
Ewww! This water is gross!
Word!
This stuff is good!
Finally, a discerning taste.

 

by niteowl
4-26-04
Alright, Timmy...you're next to give your oral report.
Why me...WHY ME!
Looks like I'll be shelling out $5 this time.
Anything funny happens while I'm giving my report, and off with her head.
Man, I hate Sex Education.

 

by niteowl
4-26-04
Hey, c'mon inside...we're having a party!
I don't know...
Oh come on, it'll be fun. You'll really like the new look of the old barn.
Well...ok.
This is a trip.
Just wait 'til we get the disco ball in here next week, then this'll be off the hook!

 

by niteowl
4-26-04
Stripcreator got new backgrounds...cool!
Yeah, and some new characters too!
Imagine how many great ideas for comics you're gonna get now!
No kidding. This oughta prolong my stripping career for at least 100 more comics!
Moh.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by niteowl
4-26-04
You were watching porn again, weren't you?
Yes, but it made me think...You've got the fluffers, right? Those chicks who warm up the guys before they hit the set.
And since these guys go limp in almost every porno you see, why don't they just have the fluffers in front of the camera since they're so good at keeping them up?
Why do you care if the guy goes limp or not? I would think you'd be happy to know that you're not the only one it happens to.
If you would go to fluffer school, maybe there wouldn't be a problem.

 

by niteowl
4-26-04
You sure have been making a lot of comics about sex lately.
Well, they say that people who talk about sex a lot don't get it very often.
You could try helping out more in that department.

 

by niteowl
4-27-04
Hey, you're late! Get to your desk, NOW!
But I...
I don't wanna hear it! You're always fucking late, you just come strolling in here whenever you feel like it...
But...
Enough! Now get to work!
Will you shut the hell up? I'm a salesman from the water cooler company, you prick.

 

by niteowl
4-28-04
dear diary, today, I read all the issues of Scientist Today from 1998-1999, I ate ham and potatoes for dinner, went to the gym,
and then proceeded to masturbate at a rightous fury unmatched by any male to the first 6 chapters of Encyclopedia Brittanica.
Marijuana: It makes a rip-off of your Dr. Pedantic Livejournal comic seem semi-funny.
They used the wrong background. Heh heh.

Showing page 13.

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