All comics by UnknownEric

Profile

 

by UnknownEric
11-04-05
Ha ha! A bird cage can't keep me from the delicious taste of Hostess Fruit Pies.
Stop right there!
Captain Homosexual!
Some assholes will do anything for a goddamn fruit pie.

 

by UnknownEric
11-07-05
Honey, I have something to tell you that may disturb you.
I have crabs.

 

by UnknownEric
11-07-05
Man, I hope the doctor can do something about this burning feeling in my anus.

 

Here's 10 bucks. Thanks for a good time, baby.
by UnknownEric, 11-07-05

 

So, do you see the gerbil?
by UnknownEric, 11-07-05

 

by UnknownEric
11-07-05
Thanks for coming to this press conference. I have a statement I'd like to read.
I am fucking awesome. I am not only the greatest player the NFL has ever seen, but the greatest human being in history. God should kiss my feet.
That is all.

 

by UnknownEric
11-08-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
I SAID, RAAAR, TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by UnknownEric
11-09-05
Alright! Who here is ready to rock?
Anybody?
Give us a few seconds, we're getting ready.

 

Seriously, I didn't know the pussy was underaged!
by UnknownEric, 11-10-05

 

by UnknownEric
11-10-05
Neener neener
neener neener
Neener neener
neener neener
BAT!
MAN!

 

by UnknownEric
11-10-05
Hey!
I asked for three hos, where are the others?

 

by UnknownEric
11-14-05
For refusing to generate gravitons as long as McNabb is the quarterback, we're benching you for the rest of the season.
Ha ha!
What the fuck are you talkin' about, Andy Reid?

 

by UnknownEric
11-15-05
Whoo! You want fries with that shake, baby!
Damn! I wanna tap that ass all night!
Yaar! I'd like to take that booty and bury it on a deserted island where no other pirates will dig it up and plunder it.

 

by UnknownEric
11-15-05
Me not love you long time.
Ha ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by UnknownEric
11-15-05
C'mon, my fellow Rotor Turbines, I can't play "Gravitons" by myself.
Ha ha!
How the fuck does it start?

 

by UnknownEric
11-15-05
is THIS the END of Batman's turd?
Will it EVER come out of his ASS?
Find out tomorrow... same bat time... same bat toilet!

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
No, you won't.

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
You're a fuckin' asshole.

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
How bout a nice blow job instead?

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
I hate my life.

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Fine.
Listen, do you have any lube?

 

Yep, looks like you've been corked.
by UnknownEric, 11-18-05

 

by UnknownEric
11-21-05
What's wrong?
Our friend, the internet addict, died in a horrible fire this morning! His roommate just emailed me and told me his last words!
What were they?
"omgwtfbbq!!1!"

 

by UnknownEric
11-22-05
I wanna buy these shooooooooz, for my mamma pleeeeeeeeeze...
What for?
In case mamma meets Jeeeeezzzzussss toooooo-nite.
Why would Jesus care about her shoes?
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
You bet!

 

by UnknownEric
12-03-05
I'm not sure I can write this speech by myself, Dick.
Don't worry, George, you have aides!
I do?
Sure thing!
My fellow Americans, I have AIDS.

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-05
Hi, I'm Bill O'Rly and welcome to the O'RLY Factor. Tonight I'm going to talk about the War on Christmas.
After all, we all know that spending ridiculous gads of money on pointless things that have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus is pointless unless the checkout lady wishes you a Merry Christmas.
By the way, Santa, if you're watching this, I still want two whores under the tree.

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-05
It is a time for wanking, so let's get spanking it soon
C'mon, it's lovely weather to fill a tissue with goo
Giddy up giddy up giddy up, let's go... just look at that ho
I'm totally gonna make sticky snow
Giddy up giddy up giddy up, it's grand... just using your hand
I'm gonna keep going till my palms are all hairy, man!

 

by UnknownEric
12-20-05
O RLY?
YA RLY!
NO WAI!
BUTTSECKS?

 

by UnknownEric
12-27-05
2032.
And so on this new year's day, 2032, we remember that on New Year's 2006, the antichrist was born.
Unknown Eric's bedroom, circa 2006.
Honey! Read said his first word!
What was it?
Destroy!
Sweet!

 

by UnknownEric
12-27-05
Help! Help! My cat is stuck in a tree!
Will you help me, lady?
My pussy is tight.

 

by UnknownEric
12-27-05
Give me all your money.
HELP!
Stop right there, cretin.
And what, pray tell, are you going to do to me?
Make you smell like the seafood section at Giant.

 

by UnknownEric
12-27-05
I've been lost in this desert for weeks. Won't somebody help?
I'll help you, miste...
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Was it something I said?

 

by UnknownEric
12-27-05
Whoa. Where'd I put my keys?
I'll help, kind sir.
I gotta say... this is the GREATEST acid flashback I've ever had.

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-05
I'm Dick Shank.
And I'm Betty Humpter. Welcome to the New Year's Day news.
In exciting news, every person who owns a Limp Bizkit album mysteriously died in various wheat threshing accidents around America.
That's right, Dick, and this was topped off by a suicide pact between Fred Durst, Scott Stapp, and Mark McGrath.
In other news, MTV has been shut down for failing to provide truth in advertising by claiming they play music.
And in pop chart news, Pere Ubu has the #1 record in America.

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-05
Ooooh yeah, baby... I 'm likin' what I'm seein' here... Oh God, oh God, this is hot! Ahh! Ahhh!!!
Hey Joey, Mom said to HOLY CRAP JOEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?
Jesus! Uh, Sally, this isn't what it looks like!
I hate it when they disconnect in the middle of net.sex.

 

by UnknownEric
1-03-06
Hey, Butch... oooh, what's in the box?
I'll show you what's in the box if you show me what's in the bag.
Deal!

 

by UnknownEric
1-25-06
*fussing, fussing, fussing*
*FART*
zzzzzz
Yep, that's my son.

 

by UnknownEric
1-25-06
Stephen Stills! What the heck are you doing here, buddy?
Hey, it's my old friend Mike Love! I wonder who invited us to this deserted warehouse?
Now to track down James Taylor and Fred Durst...

 

by UnknownEric
1-26-06
Well, today's my last day working here.
I'm sorry.
What for?
That I never got between those creamy thighs.
ow.

 

by UnknownEric
1-26-06
Hey, babe?
Yeah?
How long has Read been nursing?
Over an hour.
Yep, that's my son.
It's starting to chafe...

 

by UnknownEric
1-30-06
The only way they're going to make that first down is to keep slamming that hole.
See, watch the way the tackle opens the hole so wide.
All the running back needs to do is slam it, hard!
I'm starting to get a stiffie.

 

by UnknownEric
2-03-06
Ooh ooh ooh, Sarah Sarah Sarah! A Spider-Man toilet seat! We have to get that for Read!
He's only two weeks old!
But he'll think it's cool someday!

 

by UnknownEric
2-15-06
I just bought a baseball team, Stinky, but I gotta warn ya... players today have real strange nicknames.
Oh yeah? Who's on first?
Buttplug Jones.
You're kidding.
I woulda put him at shortstop.

 

by UnknownEric
2-21-06
Elspeth, I have a confession.
What is it, my dear? Am I not sexy to you?
Well, the only way I can get an erection is if I'm going to rape someone.
Then rape me, big boy!
Eh... if you want it, it's not really rape, is it?
Umm... don't rape me, then?

 

by UnknownEric
2-21-06
Oh, dear. Grendel is even uglier than I thought. I'll have to distract him.
Look, it's Phoebe Cates taking her top off.
Where?
Score.
I don't see shit.

 

by UnknownEric
2-21-06
*gurgling noises*
Sometimes I wonder what you're thinking about, Boo.
Nipples.

 

by UnknownEric
2-21-06
Exposition
RAAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Development
RAAAAR! TOBOR WILL...
Listen, TOBOR, you've cornholed me every single day since we've been on this island. Wouldn't you like a change? Aren't you bored with your regular routine?
Recapitulation
RAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!

 

Sake, sake, fie dollah.
by UnknownEric, 3-02-06

 

And if you don't finish your appetizer, you will be murdered in Allah's name.
by UnknownEric, 3-02-06

 

What do you want for your main course, you capitalist pig dog?
by UnknownEric, 3-02-06

Showing page 14.

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