All comics by christopher7murphy

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Damn! The engine's cracked!
by christopher7murphy, 5-28-07

 

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Damn. I think we're LOST!
OooooOOOooo! Like the TV show?
.....................................................................
Can I be Kate?
Bye.

 

-sigh- Maybe I should go get him. But only if he stops all that TV show LOST crap!
Now promise. No more LOST. You are NOT Kate!
Don't worry. Lost had its season finale last week.
Good!
Have you ever noticed how Mary Ann and Ginger like sleeping in the same hut, Skipper?

 

...So he kicks me out of the moving car....
Just because you have a keen sense of Television Pop Culture?
All I did was refer to my self as Kate, Gilligan, and that crazy guy from the old "Vern" commercials. "You know what I mean?"
Some people just don't have appreciations for the classics and...HEY!
....I thought I always got to be Kate!

 

Ya know? This Stripcreator Travel Log series started out kind of cute...but it's gone on a bit far.
Yea. Strong first few episodes..but now...
I think it "jumped the shark" about the time we refered to an outside limited appeal pop cultural reference like the TV show LOST.
I think it was when I stopped to take a shit in episode three.

 

A three legged dog walks into a bar...
I'm lookin' for the man who shot my PAW!
That's an old joke.
...but wait, there's more!
A gay dog came in and laid his pa on the table.
I wanted his bone. Me-owww!

 

Paris Hilton spends her first day in jail for drunk driving!
Ms. Hilton? How do you feel about spending the night behind bars...
"Oh no, I can't go tonight...but thanks for asking."

 

Ms. Hilton? Do you feel that you were treated fairly?
"No, I do not! I tried to explain myself...but the judge threatened to throw the book at me!"
"Couldn't I just wait for the movie?"

 

THIS JUST IN! In a daring prison break, Paris Hilton made a get away from her prison cell!
In a hail of gunfire, Ms. Hilton ran down a dark alley. She was later apprehended when she stopped a police car to ask for directions.
Police were dumb-founded!

 

RUN!
DaaaAAAaaad? I'm bored! Can we go to the mall? I'm hungry...
Don't walk!
Can I get a belly button ring?
It's Take Your Daughter to Verk Day!
...everybody else gets to!
I shoulda had a vasectomy.

 

Doctor! That vasectomy you gave me didn't take!
Actually, being dead, I really didn't think you could make babies.
Fool....
I STAKED my balls on it!

 

Jesus, My Son...I have made you in my image.
Then you can walk on water, also?
Not only can I walk on water...
...I can do it backwards!

 

Shut up!
Why? You gonna put me in my place? Huh?
Yea! I'm gonna put you in your place!
GOOD!
My place has cable.

 

You've been looking for the rest of your body all year. Are you any closer?
No.
No matter what I turn up... I am at a loss. I've exhausted all my leads.
Frankly, I'm stumped.

 

So...um..that was nice. So...um..you're gonna call me...won't you?
Yea.
Well...um..ok then. Um...bye.
Yea.
And THAT'S how you make a baby!

 

Thanks to Kenny, you passed your Secret Shop! I am rewarding you all with a pizza party! Tell Kenny, "good job!"
Thank you, sir. I will pass this on.
Well, good news! Thanks to Kenny, our store recieved 100% on the Secret Shop. Our Distrct Manager is proud of us.
...but...who's Kenny?
Who the hell cares...for once the Secret Shopper screwed up in our favor.

 

-Electronic hum............warning beeps-
I'm here for my copy of Harry Potter number seven.
I'm sorry, but it won't be released for another month.
beeep, beeep, beeep, beeep, beeep
NO, NO, NO! I know it is out! You are wrong!
No, sir...it's not.
Frickin' Unreasonable Customer Knowledge Defense 2007: engaged:
What happened to the "customer is always right?"
What happened to the "customer is always right?"

 

Frickin' Unreasonable Customer Knowledge Defense 2007: engaged:
I know the new Harry Potter Book is out. Why won't you sell it to me?
I know the new Harry Potter Book is out. Why won't you sell it to me?
Frickin' Unreasonable Customer Knowledge Defense 2007: engaged:
Are you mocking me?
Are you mocking me?
Frickin' Unreasonable Customer Knowledge Defense 2007: engaged:
You are actually being a baby about this?
You are actually being a baby about this?

 

Frickin' Unreasonable Customer Knowledge Defense 2007: engaged:
All I want is the newest Harry Potter! Don't tell me it is not released yet!
All I want is the Newest Harry Potter! Don't tell me it is not released yet!
Frickin' Unreasonable Customer Knowledge Defense 2007: OFF:
Okay! I believe you! Can you call me when it is released?
Yes, sir. It will be released on July 21st, and I will hold a copy for you.
Thank you for using F.U.C.K.D 2007
That felt good.

 

...and over here is our newest...um...
uh, what do you do around here again?
Nothing.
...our newest supervisor.

 

...and over here we have..HEY, where did he go?
Here I am.
Where did you go?
I was taking a shit.
...our Vice-President of production.

 

Heya babe! I have a coupon. Is it still good?
Get lost...try the massage palor!
Well? If you WANT my business, you WILL honor the coupon!
Get lost...try the book store!
It says on the coupon...?
We DON'T have THOSE kinds of happy endings.

 

ARRRGG! Tobor CORNHOLE!!!
Stop that! Cut it out! That's disgusting!
Tobor sorry.
How would you like it if I took you to be "cornholed?"
Tobor get car keys!

 
Arrrrrrrrrg!
Perfectly good cornhole just tossed out with the trash!

 

God? There is a question...
Now, Son. You know I don't want you to call me by my first name!
Sorry, Sir.
Hey, Pop! Can I borrow the car?

 

So, Mr. Jones....your wife is definitly expecting.
Expecting what?
I mean she's in "the family-way."
um..still don't get it.
She's pregnant!
So it is the pitter-patter of little feet I hear?

 

Hey Shmuck! Give me a six-pack of beer, a carton of ciggies, and a copy of Juggs!
You little brat...get your father over here!
Ya? What did my son do now?
He called me a shmuck and then demanded beer, cigarettes, and a copy of Juggs!
Well? Are you out of 'em or somethin'?

 

Wow! How much for the parrot?
It's only ten bucks...but all it can say is "Bad-Dump-Bump."
I'll take it!
I'm a garbage collector that fell down at the job site.
Bad-Dump-Bump!

 

You remind me of the parrot I had as a small child.
I accidently flushed him down the toilet when I was seven.
His name was Rim-Shot.
Bad-Dump-Bump!

 

?
?
And you didn't even have the decency to save me a drum-stick.
Bad-Dump-Bump!

 

Welcome to McShmuckies!
Would you like to try our Patty Melt, today?
...um...okay...is she cute?

 

Psssst! Jesus is watching you!
What would Jesus do?
Don't like my driving, dial 1-800-Eat-Shit.
New bumper sticker? I like it.

 

Are you the Bunny-Fucker?
What? NO! I'm not the Bunny-Fucker!
Yes you are! You are the Bunny-Fucker!
Nope! No way!
Are you sure you never fucked a bunny? Not even a little?
Well...maybe just a HARE.

 

I come from a land down under.
Where beer does flow and men chunder.
"CHUNDER?" Man, I don't understand your language.
And that vegemite sandwhich you gave me sucked!

 

I see you have a State Quarter collection. But, where's the Hawaii quarter?
The Hawaii quarter won't be released until late 2008.
Aww, man! I'm always picked last!

 

Okay! I get California, New York and Montana.
That means I get Iowa, Rhode Island, and...and...um...
Haaha! You get stuck with Hawaii!
okay...I'll take Hawaii....sigh!
Awww MAN! I always get picked last!

 

Ya missed me!
Ya missed me again!
Arrrrg! Serves ya right! The Poop Deck is starboard!

 

Pirates Anonymous. How can I help you?
ARRRG! I can't stand that movie, "Pirates of the Carribean"...but I've seen it 72 times!
I just can't help myself...whats wrong with me?
Ahhh. You have a "Depp-Perception" problem.

 

It says here you carried the very cross you were crusified on.
Yes.
I guess that's where the expression, "The cross I bare," comes from. Huh?
Actually, that expression started out as, "The cross eyed bear."
That silly bear was always fuckin' up my expressions. Huh?
So, DID the Pope shit in the woods?

 

I'm tired of Dr. Bellows stealling all my good ideas at work.
Melvin!
Yes Master?
I want something that NO ONE will take from me!
Fine! -blink- You're constipated!

 

Melvin!
Yes Master?
How could you? The most important day of my life...and you made me CONSTIPATED! My date with Samantha will be a disaster!
-eeep-
She's sure to notice my irritable bowel! How will I keep from smelling?
No problem, Master! -blink- I removed your nose.

 

Melvin!
Yes Master?
Thanks to you, I'm constipated! If I don't blow soon...
-blink-
Very funny!
Now wait till the diareah kicks in.

 

Melvin!
Yes Master?
I can't stand it any longer! I'm sooo constipated! I'm gonna......
-blink-
OHHH YESSS! One more second, and I was gonna stick a pencil up my ass and work the Sunday Jumble.
Ewwww!

 

-murmer-murmer
flit-flit
murmer
twitch
---clicK---
In every nook 'n cranny! Yep. It's official. I have Cook-Roaches.
It's funny to see thier little legs kickin' as they rip under the fridge when the lights go on.

 

I defeated the Klingon Armada!
I gave the world E=Mc squared.
I slept with green women.
I got crabs from Marylin Monroe.
You win.
...served with butter!

 

I defeated the Klingon Armada!
I freed the slaves.
I slept with all sorts of alien women.
I married Mary Todd.
Wasn't she put in an insane asylum?
Well.....There ain't no Tang, like crazy Tang!

 

I command the Starship Enterprise.
I won the Heisman Trophy, starred in dozens of TV shows and movies, started my own production company, and was a major commercial spokesman.
I was top of my class at Starfleet...and I cheated on my final exam....AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT!!
Have you SEEN my movies?

 

I decided to put all my damn money in a fuckin' lucritive market.
No shit?
I'll be a rich sonovabitch in no fuckin' time!
Fuckin' hell, you say! What you puttin' the damn money in?
Swear Jars!
FUCK! Damn it. I wish I thought the hell of that!

 

Okay, Mrs. Jones...we're almost there...now...Push!
oh no.
Gadzuntite.

 

Do you want to have S-E-X?
-giggle- Oh, yes. Can I have it up the B-U-T-H-O-L-E?
Ummmm....Actually, there are TWO T's in butthole.
You Sicko!

Showing page 14.

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