All comics by niteowl

Profile

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
Almost there kids, thank God we made it back ok through this war zone and- AAAAAGGHHHHH!
Lost another one.
Yep, that makes 15 teachers gunned down this semester.
It's a new school record! Our class rules! Run guys, before we're next!

 

by niteowl
6-17-04
I cant stand my father, he is SUCH an asshole!
Oh goodness, i know! Just last week he got me whipped for playing grab-ass with the angels!
I wonder what Satan thinks about my dad, I mean he can't still be sour at him for the whole "eternal damnation" thing
Hmmm...
Hey, I can see my house from here.
...and it's on fire.

 

by niteowl
6-17-04
I cant stand my father, he is SUCH an asshole!
Oh goodness, i know! Just last week he got me whipped for playing grab-ass with the angels!
I wonder what Satan thinks about my dad, I mean he can't still be sour at him for the whole "eternal damnation" thing
Hmmm...
I bet him 10 bucks he couldn't make the world in less than 10 days, and he sends me to hell. Cthulhu molests angels daily and gets a slap on the wrist. What kind of fucking justice is that?
You stiffed him on the 10 bucks though.

 

by niteowl
6-18-04
So Madonna changed her name.
Yeah. Just a ploy to keep her in the spotlight.
What did she change it to again? I forgot.
Esther.
Man, that's hot.
True, I can't help but think of Sanford and Son whenever I hear it though.

 

by niteowl
6-18-04
Mom, I'm having trouble with my homework and-
What's the matter?
I just can't get started.
Oh no, I think you have ADD!
No, Mom...I'm just lazy.
They really need to invent a drug to cure that!

 

by niteowl
6-18-04
Hi, I'm Tom, the new hire. I'm supposed to report to you.
I know. You don't remember me, do you?
No, can't say I do.
I'm Dan Smith. The one you and your idiot friends used to torture every day of our senior year in high school. And now I'm your boss. I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
Oh shit.
Speaking of shit, your first duty will be to clean the bathrooms. The toilet clogged up and flooded the whole bathroom. Whoo, nasty!

 

by niteowl
6-19-04
*knock knock*
*knock knock*
*knock knock* Ow! My knuckles!

 

by niteowl
6-25-04
Is this a great game or what?
Yeah, too bad I gotta leave soon.
You can't leave, we've almost finished it! Where do you gotta go?
I've got some important business to take care of...

 

by niteowl
6-25-04
"...and he's in the rough."
"He's already had a couple extra strokes on this hole..."
"..he puts it in the hole, and heads for the back 9..."
Best. Porno. Ever.

 

by niteowl
6-25-04
Good afternoon Gabe, how's it going?
Not bad.
Why are you sitting here on this park bench? Don't you have anything else better to do?
No, not really.
You are a true friend, coming down to the park to hang with your bestest buddy in the world.
Actually, my PS2 is broke.

 

by niteowl
6-25-04
♫ I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train! ♫

 

by niteowl
6-29-04
Well hello sailor.
Good afternoon.
Hows'bout a date, big man?
No thanks.
I'm offering up my luscious body, and you refuse...how dare you!
Geez. Talk about having a bad hare day.

 

by niteowl
7-02-04
Any terrifying monsters under my bed tonight?
Yep, we're here.
Good, I'll need you guys tonight...
We're here for ya, buddy.
Monsters under the bed are a great excuse for me to stay up all night playing video games! How am I expected to sleep with all the scariness going on in my room?
Make sure you bring us some Oreos later, ok?

 

by niteowl
7-03-04
God, have you seen Fahrenheit 9/11 yet?
No. Why do you ask?
Because I'm going to see it later today and I want an unbiased opinion on it.
I'm not sure you should see that, I heard it's pretty violent.
Darn it. Maybe I'll just stay home and watch the news instead...
Hold on a second! There's no need to take such drastic measures!

 

by niteowl
7-03-04
Hi. I have a 10:30 appointment.
Whas' crackalackin' mah nizzle?
I cracked a tooth and need to get it fixed.
Sheeit mang, we'll hook yo ass up! Will dat be cash money, o' plastic, mofo?
Um, can you put it on my tab?
Back the fuck up, cracka! Bitch, you betta have mah bling bling when I'm done or I'll pop a cap and buss' out da rest of those caps in yo' mouf!

 

by niteowl
7-03-04
♫ When I think about God, I touch myself... ♫

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
Captain America! How are you?
Anti-Superhero! How was your 4th of July?
Stupendous! Except...
Oh no...tell me you didn't!
Sadly, I did. I went and saw Spiderman 2. I bow my head in shame.
How could you follow the masses like that? You're supposed to be unique!

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
I'm sorry! The marketing blitz drew me in! I couldn't stop it!
Yes, I know that Spiderman was ejected from the Superhero League for selling out, but...
You really are pissed at me, aren't you? Please forgive me, Captain America!
I wish I didn't have this mask on so you could see the despondent look on my perfectly chiseled Superhero face!

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
I can tell that you are seething with rage over my Superhero indiscretions, Captain America! So if you'll excuse me, I shall return to my cube!
Yes! Be gone, Anti-Superhero!
What if I told you that the movie wasn't as good as everyone says it is?
You went and saw a movie featuring someone who betrayed the Justice League. It is unforgivable.

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
Hewwo! I am new superhewo here!
Hello there, fellow Defender of Freedom! What is your name?
AsianGirl1! I have magical power!
Really?
I fold 5 dolla bill into chinese star and kill dirty man who no pay after I service them!
Kinky!

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
You must be new here too! What is your name, crime fighter?
Sasha! Sasha of the Streets!
Sasha, now that's a beautiful name!
Why, thank you stud!
What is your superpower, fine lass?
I cook up a mean spoon of heroin!

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
Good afternoon, newcomer!
Hey.
You sure aren't very demonstrative for a Superhero! What is your superpower?
I read bad poetry to the bad guys using the most monotone voice in the history of the world. Puts them right to sleep.
Ok then. Carry on.
Is there a Cappuchino machine here?

 

by niteowl
7-06-04
helo craptan amerrica
Fuck!
yuo see anny hoars tooday
No! You killed them all, remember?
thats rite. and tehy all scremed liek the litle bichs they r wehn i rapped them to. aaa memorees
Oh Fuck, you are the best Superhero EVER!

 

by niteowl
7-09-04
Have you ever seen I Love The 90's on VH-1?
Yeah. That show rules.
Does it ever! It brings back so many memories of high school...
You went to high school in the 90's? Wow, you really look young for your age.
What are you talking about? I'm only 21.
Oh.

 

by niteowl
7-09-04
Age 16.
Dude! My brother's gonna buy some beer for us!
Awesome! I'd ask what brand, but who cares...it's beer!
Age 26.
All that's left in the fridge is Red, White and Blue?
Yep. Good thing we're too fucked up to care about how bad that shit tastes.
Age 36.
I'm sorry, sir. We do not sell Guinness here.
THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK, COORS?!? FUCK THAT! THIS LIQUOR STORE SUCKS!

 

by niteowl
7-11-04
Haha!
The producer of the porno that was just on was named Barry Wood!
With a stage name like that, it's pretty obvious what his favorite pastime is...
His favorite pitchers must be Barry Zito and Kerry Wood.

 

by niteowl
7-13-04
Oh my God, Keith farted at the dinner table last night!
Gross!
I'm so sick of men and their disgusting habits! I think I'm going to become a lesbian.
Do you really think you can you handle the radical changes that being a lesbian brings?
Me and my tongue can really cook in the bedroom.
Yeah, but can you keep from burning the house down when cooking outside the bedroom?

 

by niteowl
7-16-04
Serial Killer
A Bloody Mary, please.
Lawyer
Would you please stop calling cabs for these drunks when they want to go home? I need more clients!
Priest
Do you serve little boys here? If so, make it a double.

 

by niteowl
7-16-04
Now I see why they call it Insomniac Music Theatre. It's the same 5 videos repeated for 3 hours straight.
Seeing the same stuff over and over would put me to sleep...
...unless it's a poorly edited porno, of course.

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Good evening, and welcome to The Stripcreator Home Shopping Network! I'm your host, Richard Whiskey. Let's get things started, shall we?
The first item up for grabs tonight is the ultra-popular Wirthling Bobblehead doll! A great collectable for children of all ages, and only $19.95!
And for all you lonely men out there with nothing to do on a Saturday night, pick up the Hoover© vacuum attachment for a mere $9.95! It'll be the best date you've ever had!

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Next up, our 12th most popular item from last year is back, and better than ever! That's right, it's the talking Fuck doll!
You'll hear more lewd and disgusting language on this year's edition than at a hip hop concert! Listen to some of these zingers!
how abot 1 last unconsenshal sex sessan, just for old times sake?? wehn a man loves a women HE NALE'S THE FUCKIN BITCH
Whoo, that's hot! Get yours today for only $39.95! Remember, this item will not be sold to children under the age of 18, so kids...ask your parents to order it for you!
y u big fat ashole

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Ooh, now check THIS out! The most amazing robot ever created, TOBOR! That's right folks, you can have your very own life size TOBOR!
RAAARRR!
He performs a variety of household tasks, including cornholing your clogged pipes! He'll even do windows!
HOUSEHOLD TASKS. DID YOU KNOW I ONCE CORNHOLED ROSIE FROM THE JETSONS? BOY, WAS SHE A HOT PIECE! RAAARRR!
And what a great sense of humor too! This bad boy can be yours today for only $1,299.95! Call now to order your very own TOBOR and never have to do dishes again!
RAAARRR! BUT TOBOR LIKE WHEN OTHERS ARE BENT OVER KITCHEN SINK!

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
And finally, our last item of the hour...the SC dirty bomb, at the special low, low price of only $500,000.95!
This is an exact replica of the bombs that have destroyed cities and countries, and claimed millions of innocent lives throughout countless comics on SC!
Order now, and you'll receive the companion talking IvyThePlant doll! Watch her laugh maniacally at the destruction of mankind when you set the world ablaze with this sucka! Call now!

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Do you Chair, take PC to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold...
Think they'll last?
No way. He always thinks with his harddrive and connects to far too many other PCs to be faithful.

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Do you Cthulhu, take The Reaper to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold...
Did you hear about The Reaper's bachelor party?
He's in sooo much trouble right now. I heard was so drunk, he said "I love you man!" to Satan!

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Do you Maura, take Clango to be your lawfully wedded robot husband, to have and to hold...
There's no way this one will last...
I hope it doesn't last past the reception, then hopefully they won't notice that I didn't get them a wedding present.

 

by niteowl
7-18-04
Do you, Dirty Old Hick, take Pink Donkey to be your lawfully wedded sex slave, to have and to hold...
What a beautiful couple...
Darn tootin'! That eHarmony.com site really works, eh?

 

by niteowl
7-19-04
Austin 3:16 says I just hooked that bass!

 

by niteowl
7-20-04
Austin 3:16 says I just skipped your class!

 

by niteowl
7-20-04
Austin 3:16 says I just smoked your grass!
Not cool, man.

 

by niteowl
7-20-04
Austin 3:16 says even I could've caught THAT pass!
"...those Seattle receivers have had a tough time hanging onto the ball this year..."

 

by niteowl
7-20-04
Austin 3:16 says I just pumped your gas!

 

by niteowl
7-21-04
*dramatic pause*
1 hour later...
I like making fart sounds with my mouth!

 

by niteowl
7-21-04
Hello, and thank you for coming. As most of you know, we've had a bad year sales-wise and profits are down...
...so we will be forced to make some changes here at Widgets Incorporated. Like eliminating breaks, for example. Breaks are costly to the company, as nothing gets done during break time.
Does that mean you suit and tie folks don't get to take 2 hour liquid lunches at Rocky's Bar and Grill anymore?
Are you suggesting us higher-ups get drunk on company time?
You smelled like a brewery when I was under your desk yesterday.

 

by niteowl
7-22-04
We should get some more of that fart goo!
Oh man...
Remember how much fun you had with it?
Yeah, for all of about 2 minutes.
Whatever! You played with that stuff about as much you play with yourself!
I don't know whether to take that as an insult or not. Ass.

 

by niteowl
7-23-04
Last night, I was eating Chips Ahoy cookies and watching TV, and I had a vision. I was standing in a cornfield, but the corn was blue.
Midgets were dancing around the scarecrow, who was actually Hulk Hogan. Then all of a sudden Diana Ross appears, bitch slaps the Hulkster, and runs away laughing.
Oh my God, how scary!
No kidding. It's scary to think of life without Chips Ahoy cookies.

 

by niteowl
7-23-04
...and boy, are my arms tired!
Was that a tomato someone just threw at me?
Yeah, bitch!
Got any bacon and lettuce to go with that?
No. Wait, that was funny! Haha!

 

by niteowl
7-24-04
Next item on the agenda, email. Abuse of the email system is becoming a problem, so we are looking at limiting the number of emails sent per day by employees.
This will save a lot of money in the long run, as employees will be actually working and not spending all day forwarding those "Send this to 5 people now or you'll be cursed" emails.
What about meetings? They are all scheduled through email! If email is limited, we could miss a really important meeting. We do need our beauty sleep, after all!
Ever see the movie Airplane? Remember when they threw that spear at the map on the wall inside the control tower? That's how you'll be notified of a meeting from now on.
Ooh, symbolism! Can I test the first one on your office wall?

 

by niteowl
7-25-04
*click click*
Alrighty, now let's get to the next...say Greg, is that a gun in your hand?
Yeah.
Why did you bring a gun to this meeting?
Uh...um, crowd control.
See, now there's someone who's thinking! Give that guy a promotion!

 

by niteowl
7-26-04
WOOF!
What's that Lassie? The redneck in the trailer next door fell down a well?
WOOF WOOF!
I better go save him, because I am an employee at a wonderfully family-oriented discount store! And he owes me $20!
...making a difference in your community...
I hate these new Wal-mart commercials.

Showing page 16.

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