All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
12-27-14
Hey, Mr. Satan, sir! I'll give you my soul for two new arms!
Sorry, kid. You gave your's up when you did Home Alone 3.

 

by brycekain
12-27-14
So THAT'S how they glaze those donuts.

 

by brycekain
12-27-14
Dude, you got something stuck to your back.
What is it?
I don't know. Let me get in closer and see.
Oh! Those are hemorrhoids.

 

by brycekain
12-27-14
I don't like you anymore.
Why are your ballet shoes sitting next to my collection of bottled celebrity farts?
SONY knows why! Back in 2006, they were the ones who distributed DVDs of ROADHOUSE!

 

by brycekain
12-27-14
Ok, this is exactly what you asked for, right? I want to make sure the customer is satisfied.
Blood spatter: check. Legs tied up: check. Vagina massively wrecked: double check.
It's everything I've always wanted in a Justin Beiber corpse!
If you need a circumcision, I can do a 2-for-1 deal...

 

by brycekain
12-27-14
That's a lot of wood!
Retard.

 

by brycekain
12-28-14
You know, I just realized the difference between you and me.
One of us is a disgusting pig with a crappy career telling stupid jokes in hopes of getting desperate laughs.
The other one is you. Sorry 'bout your penis, bro.
But I have a vagina!

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
I don't have a joke for this, it's one of the most fucked up RC Layouts I've ever seen.

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
This is the last time I get a rim-job cum-shot from a cenobite.

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
I don't want to say it's a conspiracy...
But...?
But everytime Ragu starts making comics involving plane crashes, my RCL button becomes an ocean factory!
For example?
Keep reading the next few comics and I'll show you...

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
First we have this tropical island.
So?
You didn't read the previous comic?
Who the fuck has time for that? I'm trying to un-Gilligan our asses!
*sigh* You have much to learn, grasshoppa.
Oh go fuck Gordan Ramsey.

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
And there's nothing that I can say about this comic that wouldn't somehow come out racist.
Maybe I need to take lessons?
See?

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
NUH NUH
NUH NUH
*burp*

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
Wait, this isn't ocean related.
Yes, but when you flush your toilet, some of the water and waste may drain back into the ocean .
Is that really a thing?
Sure it is! Maybe. I don't know. Shut up.

 

by brycekain
1-01-15
BLUH! BLUH! Aren't you that sea creature from the ocean book I read?
You're just making all this shit up just to give Ragu attention, aren't you?!?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys really need to fuck and get it over with.

 

by brycekain
1-06-15
Kissing babies, shaking hands...
Will I have to hide the fact that you give me weekly carrot-jobs?
Never! Though neither of us has a house, no one will ever destroy the foundation of our love! Now take me to your cardboard box and ravage me like a Blue Light Special!
Hello. I'm Jesus Christ. In tonight's episode we made some jokes regarding a very serious issue. But it's no laughing matter.
#fuckthehomeless

 

by brycekain
1-08-15
No, that's Conan.
The Barbarian?
Ok, enough of this. I'm tired of playing these reindeer games with a fuckin' hobo!
Did somebody say Reindeer Games?
OMMe! Is that...
SEXUALLY-AMBIGUOUS SANTA?!?

 

by brycekain
1-13-15
Don't eat yellow snow!!!
If somebody doesn't make an R. Kelly joke soon...

 

by brycekain
1-16-15
Won't you please enter a comic in the WW 99 contest? It's located in the "More Comic Competitions" section of the forums.
Didn't you already try this once before?
Yeah. There's only two entries.
So? That's two more than you expected.
Yes, but every time I get a low amount of entries in my contests I feel like a failure.
So THAT'S why you always say roadhouse!

 

by brycekain
1-20-15
Meanwhile, back in 1942...
Although this park is an architectural eyesore, I do love coming to this secluded area by the fountain. It's so quiet and I can think without interuption.
Oh Peter, I think I just came up with an idea for a new book!
No one told you to stop.

 

by brycekain
1-26-15
Hey, dad. I miss you. It's almost Valentine's day. Which means it's almost the anniversary of your passing away of stage 4 colon and liver cancer.
Which also means my birthday is coming up soon. I'll be 39 this year. Can you believe it? Your little boy will almost be 40! Did you ever imagine you would see this day?
By the way, I also married a Native American chick. So she's kinda' black...
JUST BLACK ENOUGH TO PISS ME OFF!

 

by brycekain
1-31-15
I think... I think... *PFFT!*
GAY HITLER ABORTIONS!!! BUTTSEX! BUTTSEX! ROADHOUSE!!!!! *PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!*
There he is.
Sorry. Had to get my quota in for the month.

 

by brycekain
2-02-15
Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, has forecasted six more weeks of winter.
That's right. Every year the town of Punxsutawney celebrates at Phil's temporary home on Gobbler's Knob.
Oh grow the fuck up.

 

by brycekain
2-02-15
And just where have you been?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
I'm an alien. Try me.
I was busy remixing a new album for my band and working on the set of Ted 2 during a "Comic Con" scene.
You're right. I don't believe you.
Fine. I was pegging your grandpa in the B-hole at the Underwater Roadhouse... Happy now?

 

by brycekain
2-02-15
Hey! I'm a window!
I'm the ass-end of a truck!
Well, technically I'm the gas tank opening, so I'm also the mouth hole. I'm talking out my ass right now.
Great! So we're both potential open holes. We can get gay married in California!
Sorry. I voted yes on Prop 8.

 

by brycekain
2-02-15
Come out with your hands up.
Can't.
...the fuck? Get your ass out here now and keep your hands where I can see them!
Can't.
Is your last name Anders?
What? No! Have some decency! I'm just busy jerking off into my calamari.

 

by brycekain
2-02-15
Is this where all the robots go to be repaired?
Sweety. This is where Mommy gets her dildos polished.
That huge thing up there is Mommy's dildo??
Oh dear god no! That's a battery for her buttplug.

 

by brycekain
2-03-15
And behind me are two of our finest specimens.
This is insulting.
You're insulted? I'm a U.S. Senator!

 

Oh like you wouldn't have thought of it eventually...
This is man gravy!
by brycekain, 2-03-15

 

by brycekain
2-04-15
WHAT?
WHO??
HUH??
WHAT??
CHINK!
I have AIDS.

 

by brycekain
2-04-15
That's it, cow! I'm cutting you off!
Ow.
Damn me and my necro-meno-acrotomo-agalmato-autassassino-autoplusho-autozoo-lacto-liquido-myso-symphoro-toxophelia!
Look it up.
ow. ow. ow. ow....
Oh yeah.....

 

UPDATE: person born with dangly things says or does something to upset or offend another person without dangly things. WE MUST GET JUSTICE! Not for ratings. JUSTICE! And really... that's why I'm here.
by brycekain, 2-05-15

 

by brycekain
2-05-15
AH!! BEAR MACE!

 

by brycekain
2-07-15
Puuuuuh LEEEEEEEEEZE.....? *HUUUUUUUUH*
Wait, is this comic really still in progress?
(insert penis joke here)
My mustache smells like poo.

 

by brycekain
2-07-15
Are you alone? Sad? Depressed with how things are going in your life? Waiting by the phone, but you know she'll never call?
It's the kind of thing that drives men to ladies of the night. Call girls, if you will. You know the type. All legs and everything in between. Yeah...
So this Valentine's Day do something special. Shit on a hooker.
I'VE GOT THE POOPSIES!!!

 

by brycekain
2-07-15
I'm schnockerrrred.. :)
Really.
meh heh heh :)
Sir, have you ever thought about getting a job?
I thought my job was to confuse the fuck out of people?
Ah yes, I still remember the days when you tried to give this stupid shit a plot.

 

by brycekain
2-08-15
Did you hear? Bryce Kain just got his Member Rating bumped up from three stars to four! I guess his readers aren't being as niggardly with the votes these days.
Excuuuuse ME??
Buy a fucking dictionary, Bob. Just because you're in black-face doesn't mean you can start acting like Tyler Perry.
I have an audition for Black Hitler!

 

by brycekain
2-08-15
UTI gave me the technical skills I needed to succeed in life...
At Universal Technical Institute you'll get the training and experience needed for a brighter future.
Speaking of UTIs, I better check the vag before work tonight.

 

by brycekain
2-12-15
I hear you just got yo diddly parts all trans-neutered!
What?? No, I'm a clown!
Bitch, ho, clown, whateva' you skanks call yo'self these days. I'm here to make you an offer!
But I'm not...
It pays $50,000 an hour plus yo' hotel and dranks are free.
... juggling dick without my clown shoes! Weeee!

 

by brycekain
2-12-15
I can see you!
I know.
Then why are you all painted up in camo?
Attention K-Mart shoppers: there is absolutely no amount of weed in the world that can make this funny. That is all...
At least he didn't make us do an abortion joke.
Heeeey..... you're in partial black-face, aren't you?

 

by brycekain
2-12-15
Is my cat ok??
Um, well that depends, sir.
Was your cat's stuffed bear brutally buttfucked while it's face smeared with feces, all the while the culprit was jerking off onto your feline friend?
What?? Gawd no!
Then YOUR cat's ok.

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
Open up, fat boy!
Yeah, Jesus and I are here to kick your ass.
Is it because I spread love all around the world and you bitches weren't invited?
No that motherfucker didn't...
I swear Cupid turns into more of a prick every year.

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
Did it hurt?
What?
When you fell from heaven.
Oh. Well I was going to ask you the same thing. Did it hurt when you fell?
From heaven?
From atop that brilliant Nursery-Rhyme-based career.

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
I will now attempt to tell a clean joke. Knock knock?
I lied, honky fucker.

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
Hi, I'm Barney the Talking Stove and Carpet Donkey. Want to hear my tail? Get it? Tail? HAHAHAHAHA! I'm so funny.
He must be really gawd damn high right now.

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others By the time I finish my song?
Did you guess which thing was not like the others? Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong? If you guessed this one is not like the others, Then you're absolutely...right!
Which one?
The one who likes buttsex, DUH!

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
Fudge?
No.
Fudge with gravy?
What? Nobody wants to eat that for dinner.
You haven't been on the internet lately, have you?

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
What's really in your meat.
TOBOR SAY FINEST CARE GO INTO 100% BEEF BEING MADE THING.
You didn't answer my question. What's really in your food?
TOBOR ASSURE NICE AFRICAN AMERICANIZED MALE, 15 to 20 YEARS OF AGE, THAT ALL FOOD PREPARED FRESH.
Yes, but fresh WHAT?
TOBOR ASSURE YOUNG URBAN POTENTIAL CUSTOMER THAT FOOD CERTAINLY NOT CONTAIN OCTOMOM PLACENTA!

 

by brycekain
2-13-15
How do I tell him about his mom? Something like this can really harm a person's mind.
Do I gently tell him? Or should I try to get him to take it like a man?
Want to hear a funny story about a bottle of Cristal and your mommy's fudge zone?

 

by brycekain
2-14-15
Am I in an alternate universe?
Yes. This is the one where you're not gay.
Gaaaay.

Showing page 17.

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