All comics by boorite

Profile

 

by boorite
11-19-04
I want you to go. Do you want to go?
No, you listen to me. Do you want to go or not?
It's not an "I don't care" question! I'm asking do you WANT to go or NOT?
Poor bastard.

 

by boorite
12-02-04
Yes?
Hi, I'm a hobo. Can I sleep in your house?
Hang on a sec.
My wife says "no."

 

by boorite
12-10-04
We need to make some database applications.
OK. We'll give you tablespace on shitbox.ustate.edu
Um, can we use the production server instead?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
So can we?
*click*

 

by boorite
12-10-04
I'm sure glad I'm not a Pantera fan today.
Yeah. Poor Dimebag Darrell.
Who's that?

 

by boorite
12-17-04
Hello?
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
I hate Kurt's answering machine.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.

 

by boorite
12-17-04
The database works fine, but I noticed you've disabled PHP support for it. So it's kind of useless to me.
You're in luck!
You mean you're going to enable support?
No.
I meant you're lucky we're talking to you.

 

by boorite
3-24-05
Stick 'em up.
Hold on a sec. I need to get really pissed off.
Well?
This might take a while.

 

by boorite
3-24-05
Pissed off yet?
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
Hulk smash.

 

by boorite
3-24-05
And what are you supposed to be?
Hulk is strongest one there is.
You've turned into a mouse.
Puny kangaroo confuses Hulk. Hulk smash!
How did you gain this incredibly lame power?
Microwave burrito accident.

 

by boorite
4-06-05
Social Security ain't got no real money! Just a buncha papers with IOUs on 'em!
That's the dumbest thing you've said all week.
But it's only Tuesday!
I'm painfully aware of that.
Wanna hear my scientistic opinionation on so-called Global Warmin'?
I'm having a brain aneurysm.

 

by boorite
4-07-05
I'd like you to meet my friend, Fred.
I don't see anyone.
He's made of dark matter. You can't see or interact with him in any way.
Then how do you know he's there?
The math proves it.

 

by boorite
4-07-05
Fred is a tax accountant with a townhouse in Queens.
How can a guy made of dark matter have a job and a house?
Wait, don't tell me. It's a dark job and a dark house.
Are you sure you're not a physicist?

 

by boorite
4-12-05
What the hell is this thing doing in a museum?
I could draw better than this!
And we never took Dad to see modern art again.
How much did they pay for this crap?

 

by boorite
4-12-05
Tough day at work?
Actually, I have a confession to make. I got fired a month ago.
I have a confession, too. I'm sleeping with your brother.
What?? For how long?
I meant tonight.

 

by boorite
4-13-05
Arf! Arf!
The circus! Can I join up?
Yip! Arf!
Why, yes! I'm a sword swallower.
Rrrrrrruf.
Sure, I suppose I could swallow that too, if it'd get me out of this dump.

 

by boorite
4-13-05
Is Macaulay Culkin here?
Thanks... oh, hey, kid. Looks like you're all grown up now.
Happy birthday, Tobor. You can open your eyes now.
TOBOR WILL UNWRAP PRESENT.

 

by boorite
4-14-05
No, you can't lick my ice cream until you tell me what the hell you are.
I'm a mutated Smurf.
Just kidding. I'm really a kid like you who asked too many questions.
No lickee lickee.
Wait, I'm an invader from the planet Your Anus.

 

by boorite
7-11-05
May I take your order, sir?
I'd like double indemnity with a large escrow, please.
Would you like usufruct with that?
Sure, why not?
That'll be $250 an hour plus expenses.
Do you have change for $10,000?

 

by boorite
8-19-05
Hey, you're that guy from the vacuum infomercial!
You look taller on TV.

 

by boorite
8-25-05
Hey, you're that guy from the vacuum infomercial.
You look taller with legs.

 

by boorite
8-27-05
BWI Airport Hilton
Thanks for the 5AM wake-up call. But I did specify 4AM...
...which is sort of a problem, because my plane leaves in an hour, and I'm not wearing pants.
Well?
Sir, because of post-9/11 security measures, you will need pants to board all domestic flights.

 

by boorite
8-28-05
I know it looks like a bomb went off in here...
No problem.
Say, what are all these charred fragments?
A bomb went off in here.
Marry me.

 

by boorite
8-31-05
You were going pretty fast back there.
Yeah, isn't this car GREAT?
Is this a rental car?
Hell, yes. I wouldn't drive MY car like this.
You know, I could throw you in jail tonight.
Yeah, yeah. Can we hurry this up? I'm trying to impress a girl here.

 

by boorite
9-05-05
You were going 105. You're lucky. 3 months ago, I could've tossed you in jail.
Oh. But the other cop said he could still toss me in jail...
...for going 105... right here...
...the day before yesterday.

 

by boorite
9-07-05
Today we review "Transporter 2," a testosterone-drenched cornucopia of implausibility.
I agree. The guy was hot, but c'mon, he crashes his car through cement walls, and it still looks better than my Geo.
My favorite was the explosion that ripped the chick's clothes off so we could see her fight in her underthings.
I'd say she got her ass kicked, but she had no ass. What was she supposed to be, Skeletor in ugly lingerie?
There you have it. "Transporter 2," an insult to the very concept of human intelligence. I give it a big "Thumbs Up!"
Total waste of time. Nothing but car crashes and an anorexic crack whore with machine guns. Make it two "Two Thumbs Way Up!"

 

by boorite
9-07-05
I think I'm sick.
Thus my attraction to you.
I mean cough cough sick.
So I guess I can't cash in this coupon for One Bodacious Hummer?
And my ears are totally clogged.
Thank God.

 

by boorite
9-07-05
$50 worth of comics, please.
$100 worth of comics, please.
omg <3
omg g33x0rrz

 

by boorite
9-07-05
Hi. I'm supposed to kill and eat you, but I've never done this kind of thing before.
Do you think bashing you over the head with this bottle would be humane?
Answer honestly.

 

by boorite
9-07-05
I take it from your silence that you'd rather not be bashed over the head with this bottle.
See, I'm so new at this, I'm not even sure how I tracked you down.
Was it the doe urine I doused myself with?
erection

 

by boorite
9-17-05
Sir, because you're running to your plane last-minute style, we must detain you for bonus security purposes.
You guys never stop thinkin', do you?
Sir, it appears that trained apes have packed your belongings.
They weren't trained.
Sir, do you have any weapons in your pants?
Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.

 

by boorite
9-18-05
I'm hungry. Let's go get Jack in the Box.
I don't want to get jacked in the box!
I mean the fast food establishment next door.
I don't care where you get jacked in the box.
I hope you get e. coli.
Ain't that a jack in the box!

 

by boorite
9-22-05
I'll get some ice.
A head just fell out of your freezer.

 

by boorite
10-03-05
I found a ceramic statuette of a largemouth bass waving an American flag.
I understand those words, but not in the same sentence.
See? It is shown leaping majestically from storm-tossed plastic waves.
Proudly bearing a bass-sized Old Glory. Wow, somebody MADE that.
Let's send it to someone we hate.
What's Kajun's address?

 

by boorite
10-03-05
If I buy one of these hideous statues, can you ship it for me?
The owner works for the Post Office. Maybe he can do it.
The owner works for the post office?
Let's get the hell out of here.

 

by boorite
10-03-05
The speed limit should be higher in boring or ugly areas.
It was, in Nebraska, but the sonic booms were knocking down the corn.

 

by boorite
10-03-05
Are you enjoying Nebraska?
When not despairing over its vast, stupefying ugliness.
Which is never.
Take me with you.

 

by boorite
10-10-05
I'm dreaming...
...of a white...
...Columbus Day...
I tried to tell you pants might come in handy.

 

by boorite
10-11-05
Hey, I'm back.
You know what you have to do.
I'm not hammering this nail into my forehead again.
HAMMER IT, YOU FUCKING LUMBER HEAD!

 

by boorite
10-18-05
OMG! Something scientifically impossible is about to happen!
That was dumb.

 

by boorite
10-20-05
Your mother's going to be fine, but we had to amputate the leg.
But she only had a concussion!
Oh, did I say "leg?"

 

by boorite
10-20-05
Where have you been? I had to beat the fire out with the manager's panties!
BLRBRBRBR
My work is done here.

 

by boorite
10-20-05
Welcome to FedEx. Please come back during our business hours.
What are your business hours?
4:30 - 4:45 PM.
Those aren't business "hours." Those are business "minutes."
And now I absolutely, positively have to punch you in the scrotum.

 

by boorite
11-10-05
Nurse, could you have a look in Room 34-B there?
But Doctor, this is just an empty room.
Greeeeaaaat. Now turn...

 

by boorite
11-10-05
Hey, kid, ever broke into an abandoned house like this one and had unprotected sex with a strange older woman?
Ever had her ride you hard on the mouldering carpet and afterward painted pentagrams on the wall in her menstrual blood?
C'mon, kid, live a little.
Cut it out, Mom!

 

by boorite
11-10-05
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
OMG, ur so weerd
LOL I h8 bacon IRL
here is some poerty I wrote...

 

by boorite
11-12-05
OPEN UP! THERE'S A GOAT ON A STOOL OUT HERE!
I'M A STRIP OF BACON!

 

by boorite
11-12-05
*erection*

 

by boorite
11-12-05
I'll have a double Bunny Burger with carrot fries.
Sorry, I've just dismembered the kitchen help.
OK, a salad then.

 

by boorite
11-12-05
And raht now tha LO-ERD is tellin' me this man is afflicted with...
...yay-essss Jayzusss-uh!
HEMORRHOIDS!
Praise God.

 

by boorite
11-12-05
I thought these gates would be much pearlier.
Oh, this ain't Heaven, kid.
What is it?
An eternal Motel 6 in Cozad, Nebraska.
Does it have free wireless?
Yes, but it's everlastingly shitty.

Showing page 18.

« Previous Next »