All comics by christopher7murphy

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The guys are counting on you, Potsy. This better be one kick ass bachelor party!
Oh..it will be! I have good food. Good booze. And strippers out the Ying-Yang!
I meant that figuratively, of course.
...well...for you anyway.

 

Green Pointy Stick! Congratulations!
Johnny?
I got ya a little something.
Lil' Johnny Jones, The Martian Gift ReGiver! You didn't have too...
It's a chocolate Easter Bunny!

 

Greenpointystick...buddy. Pal. -hic- I loves ya man.
Hal. Do you think you've had a little too much to drink?
-burrrrp-
The bartender said you've been giving everyone on his staff the finger.
That reminds me! -hic- I'll be expecting my ring back lady!

 

Look at you. Standin' in the corner by yourself at your own bachelor party.
You wall flower! You're a nothing but a crappy ol' stick in the mud! -hic-
Hal...I take great offence in that remark. HEY! Where are the strippers? Bring out the yams!
Heya! It's Swamp Thang! Ya made it!

 

There have been a number of complaints about noise, fecal material, and loud explosions from this party....
We have a permit...
I'm sorry...I brought the fecal material, was that wrong?
It's cuz we're GREEN, aint it? You RACIST!
Leaf Hater!
Hulk very sad at this turn of event. -snif-

 

I went to the bachelor party, and all the strippers were there.
POTSY!? What kinda strippers are they?
Well...there was a slight misunderstanding. (But the cake they jumped out of sure is good.)
Dr. Morton brought lyric chicken salad, and his brother danced with a chair.
Where's Christopher7?
I thought YOU were Christopher7!
But it's all right now. RedfeatheR now knows the truth. He can't blame everyone...and Hatrix still won't cuss for you.
AH HA! I knew it!
Gosh Golly Darn it! Why am I the only one here in my underwear?

 

A pink donkey will blog about all the things he did and didn't get done. Injokester will pun at first chance.
http://www.lyrics depot.com The name of the original song is 'Garden Party.'
Christopher 7's use of the song does seem a bit SEEDY.
Ivy is channeling the spirit of the dead Peter Lorre, and her husband lost his pants.
Thees song ees deesPICable!
Actually...never had any pants to begin with.
But it's all right now. Umfumdisi will join in on the hunt. Tobor can't tag all of us, and Zaster's still a cunt.
Has anyone seen my (insert lost item)?
Cooorrrnhole!

 

The strippers started to get wild. Boloboffin told me to knock it off.
Stop singing! I'm gonna bounce your ass!
I sound sooo much like Ricky Nelson! lalala
That dirty ol Mandingo was turning heads (and asking them to cough).
Brrrr. Your hands are cold.
But it's all right now. Biped is showin' his movie review. He blames Walter Koenig...(you know him as Chekov.)
Here vee come. Vite down the street.
Get vunniest looks, vrom every vone vee meet!

 

Ricky Nelson doesn't deserve this. I've totally ruined his song.
But with the amount of cold medicine I've taken...I can sing all nite long!
Hey look, here comes Brad. He's looking really cool. I bet he wants to jam with me...kick it old school!
...4....3...2...1

 

That was one heck of a bachelor party Mr. Green Pointy Stick.
You said it! What's our bill?
Let's see. The bar tab is for $375.52...and $22,000 for damages to the bar.
DAMAGES TO THE BAR?
Yes. Apparently, you broke the fourth wall.

 

Four moons over Vulcan. Candles in the twighlight.
His love forever enterprising across the starry night.
Love my captain, Love my friend. Squeal for him in delight.
Catch him in syndication, several times a night.

 

So I was talking to my best friend (he's a captain) about what we thought about women in the workplace.
And he said (he's a captain you know) that he wishes he had more women working under him!
Did I tell you he's got a real cool car, too.

 

Watch carefully...
Mommy. I want a new Junie B Jones book. Please, Mommy?
You are way too old for that garbage! That's a little baby book!
In a blink of an eye...
But I'm only nine years old.
You need to act more mature. Be a grown up!
A teenager is born.
Okay, Mommy. Fuck you too.

 

More convesations heard in the Mall.
BOY! What are you doing in here?
It's just the book store! I'm just reading!
Boy! What I tell ya about readin'? I don't want you wastin' no money on BOOKS!
But the chew you made me buy hurts my tummy.
Frank and Joe Solve the Case of the Skipped Generation.
First it's them damn "Hardy Boys" and then you'll be 'specting to go to college.
Careful Dad...you're gonna spill your beer.

 

I saw that!
?
You rolled your eyes when I was belittleling my children.
How would you like it if I NEVER shoped here again?
Now, don't start getting all mushy with me.

 

ogawd! ogawd! moan!
Ohhh, Baby! That feels so good... oh crap...he's watching again.
It's okay. I'm done.
Pervert! Take a picture...it'll last longer!
I got the film! Are you...Hey! You started without me?

 

I looked at him. He looked at me. My breasts heaving as I gulped for short bursts of breath.
I could feel his piercing eyes throb as they stared deep, deep into my soul. There was only one thing I could do...
We exchanged insurance information.
Sorry about that damage. Are you in good hands?
Aflack!

 

Tonight on FOX: Meet the hospital's newest Medical Diagnostic Genius.
-tpt, tpt- It's really quite simple! ANY moron could tell.
From the people who brought you House.
After delivering the baby, the patient suffered low blood sugar, resulting in seizures. -smack-
Dr. Gross MD
-ptuey- Excuse me. (I hate getting afterbirth stuck in between my teeth!)

 

DEAR GOD! ARRRRRG! You bit my hand off!!
-chomp chomp- -munch-
Whyyyyy?
SIR! I am a medical professional. I need to diagnose you. My medical training can deduce what is wrong by just tasting you. Duh!
By the way, you have Gonoreah.

 

The rainbow trout's first natural instict when caught is to get back into the water.
A little help here? I'm stuck!
by christopher7murphy, 8-23-07

 

Dr. Gross? Do you honestly expect me to believe that you can diagnose a patient by biting parts off of them?
Your Honor, I respectively request that I be given a chance to prove myself.
-CHOMP! slurp slurp- PTUEY!
Your Honor! I can tell that you DEFINITLY do NOT have Testicular Cancer.
Arrrggg.
By the way, the ball's in your court!

 

You know, Dr. Gross? I would sleep with you if you weren't so damn bitter and tired about life.
LOOK OUT! JUMP!
Dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt...
Shwew! That was a close one!
gasssp..gackk gackk-
-chomp chomp- Ya know Cutty, you're tasting a little tired yourself.

 

Remember kids! Drugs can lead to death!
-Chomp...munch munch slurp-
tpt-tpt...and miscarriages.

 

Dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt
Dunt-dunt-dunt
Dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt
Dunt-dunt-dunt
I'm thinking, "Death by shark attack."
tpt tpt- Nope! It was drowning.

 

Aha! Fortyfive police officers murdered.
Each one killed in a totally different and almost undetectable way.
Only one more thing could make this case even MORE challenging!
Hey! Who ate the last donut?

 

Howdy, Mam. I just wrote a book and I was hoping you would be kind enough to sell it at your Book Store.
Could I see it?
Sure. I just spent the last twelve years of my life living behind a strip joint in the gheto, writing about my experiences.
But...this is just three notebook pages stapled together?
Yep...TWELVE years of my life on those three pages! (Actually...it started out as FOUR pages...but I'm holding back for a sequal.)
Quick, let's call Oprah!

 

Don't you want to support the LOCAL community? You can do that by selling my book in your store!
Yes. I love local books. We sell many of them.
But you must understand, I have specific guidlines on aquiring my stock.
I need a place to sell my book. You are a Book Store, AINTCHA?
I should have saw that one coming. sigh

 

You see, the book I wrote is about twelve years of my life living behind a strip joint in the gheto!
Sir...I know.
Every day, witnessing the most sorted and perverted acts of the street. Until I couldn't take it any longer..and left!
You keep repeating that like I'm going to magicly change my company guidelines.
It's called, "Off in a Huff."
THAT'S not even original!

 

So you WON'T sell "Off in a Huff?" My story about living behind a strip joint in the gheto for twelve years.
If you get your book published and available through a compatible distributor, I will.
He obviously has the passion to self promote his work...
But until he gets his "turbines to self generate"... he'll never reach his market.
Excuse me. Do you have "Off in a Huff?"

 

Excuse me, do you have any ooks with irds in them? I need a ird ook.
Yes I do. Do you want a paper ack or a hard ack?
Nevermind! You never know what you're talking aout anyway!
astard!
Excuse me, did someone call about a missing "bee?"

 

So, you and your kind don't believe in clothing...do ya?
You have something against the comfortable fabrics? Velour, cotton weave, POLYESTER BLEND?
Resistance is textile!

 

Food?
Nun.
Water?
Nun.
Floresent pink vibrating dildos with glow in the dark wings?
PLENTY!

 

Well..thank you for a great time. Bye.
'Night!
-sqeal!- Oh thank you, Your Majesty!
No. No, I wasn't "knighting" you...I was wishing you a "good night."
Oh.
But if you wanna look at the royal jewels, I'll let you play with my septor.

 

Arrg! It's a race he wants? Then it's a race he be gettin'!
Yes, sir. We have everything needed to beat Christopher Columbus at discovering the new world!
The Ninja, The Penis...
And Santa Maria!

 

Golly gee! Great story, Ms. Lane!
Remember Jimmy. A good reporter doesn't get great stories...
A good reporter makes them great!
So how did you get the police to arrest Ms. Lohan?
I switched purses with her.

 

-toss-
Wheeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
OOOOF!

 

No go, sir. I can't get your computer up and going. You'll have to call Technical Support.
Oh, no. I can't stand talking to them. They have a completely different language!
But you said "SEA-Prompt"
-click-

 

Who lives in a freezer at minus one hundred degrees?
Spongebob Snowpants.
Frozen and yellow because he's full of your pee.
Spongebob Snowpants.
If randomly appearing snowmen are top of your list. Then sit on his face and blow him a kiss!
SPONGEBOB SNOWPANTS!

 

Hey there, Tobor-Doo, where are you? We have a case for you now.
Rover here!
You're not foolin' me, cuz I can see that you are a taker AND a giver.
Tobor-Robot-Doo, I see you. Taking it up the rear.
ZOINKS! Tobor ol' pal. Looks like Old Man Wiggles dropped a clue!
Ruh-Ro!

 

Speed of lightning...
Now in this world the headlines read of Paris Hilton's freedom plea.
And Lindsay Lohan's drinking spree to Nicole Richie's claim of pregnancy.
Roar of thunder...
Mike Vick abused his dog!
He should be flogged!
Stopping all who rob and plunder...
Read my blog!
UNDER-DOG!

 

This morning, I woke up with this throbbing erection.
Go on.
So I called out to my wife, "Come look at this!" But then I remembered she left me three years ago.
Did it make you feel like an ass?
Yea.
Well, how about mine?

 

Well...look who's back. The Mysterious Stranger! Hello Pudd'nhead!
Ms? I Sip Pee! What are you doing to my literate-tea? And my Jalapeno bites are all squished!
I Sawyer coming, so I put 'Prints on your Poppers!'
This ConneTEAcut Yankee brew needs to be taken to court!
This conversation is almost Finn!
FINE! I gotta catch a Twain.

 

For part one, you need to go to:
Now, what ever you do...don't get him excited!
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/mandingo/404429
But i like him when he's excited!

 

Hey...did Brad call you today?
No...why would he?
Well...don't tell him I told you...but he told me he had a crush on you.
-blush- What...me? giggle giggle
I love you! I can't stop thinking about you! And it's all your DEFAULT!
giggle Oh you...you're so Brad!

 

I was made by Matel Toys in the 1990's. As a publicity stunt, I was sent with a squad of marines for a tour of duty!
Damn platoon leader ripped me out of the box and left me here.
I hate math.

 

Left to bake in the sun. Non-Mint. Out-of-the-Box. Sucks to be Barbie.
What the fuck was that?

 

That damn Goldbrick Ken is probably turning the town house into a pit and...
Wait!
What the fuck you want?
Nothing. I just thought you were Party Down Skipper.

 

How do you know Skipper?
She lives in that bungelo two sand dunes over.
That Cow Skipper has been living next door and she never had the decency to call me?
She married Bumble Ken.
I shoulda stayed an astronaut!
She looks great ever since she got the implants.

 

I can't believe Dud of a Bud Ken married that Too Twitty Skipper!
I still love you, Desert Storm Barbie!
Fuck you Johny West!

 

Honey? What are you doing?
I'm playing in the sandbox with my Barbies, Mommy.
Awww. Isn't that sweet. Just like I did when I was her age.
Who was that?
Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up, Johny West?

Showing page 18.

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