All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
4-04-15
Sir, I have a question. Ok, tomorrow is Easter sunday, right?
Yes, and you know I'm not into celebrating religious holidays of any kind.
Right right, but I have to ask: why do you celebrate Christmas?
Hmmm... let's see, I do nothing and get presents from people cause they feel they have to give them to me.... no, I think I'll keep that tradition around, thanks.
So in a way.... you're a whore?
Til the bitter fuckin' end.

 

by brycekain
4-08-15
That awkward moment when you accidentally mention that you're boning your employee's mom........
........eighteen times.......
You're a fucking asshole, Bill.
:)

 

by brycekain
4-08-15
If I have to fly in coach one more time, I'm simply going to go MAD! Crazy! HA HA! Do you get it, my boy?
I say! Wait! Are you listening to me? Are you? ARE YOU? ARE YOU? ARE YOU?!?
Poor bastard still only has 26 followers.
Who else likes Fox News!?

 

by brycekain
4-08-15
A wise man once said...
Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.
He also banged a lot of French whores.

 

by brycekain
4-22-15
There you are. I've been looking all over for your ass. What gives?
My cat died today.
And...?
Fuck you. Go away.

 

by brycekain
5-04-15
Hey KvK, I was about to post an entry in the Comic Cup and some panty waste dropped a deuce in the middle of the show. What happened?
Pay no attention to the pitch invasion. Security will be along shortly.
So Brad or another moderator will come along and delete the posting...?
Pay no attention to the pitch invasion. Security will be along shortly.
Wait a second... you use a controversial stripper name and your voice sounds like Stephen Hawking.............. Are you...?
Your mom's buttplug.

 

by brycekain
5-10-15
I fucking hate my job...
I fucking hate my life...
I fucking hate fight club...
Another two for flinching!

 

by brycekain
5-16-15
Did you hear about the guy posting jokes on Facebook saying the Bill Cosby accusers were lying because they're ugly?
What the fuck? People like that piss me off.
But...
If someone is "ugly", they're lying about being raped? The only people telling the truth are attractive people? Who's to say who's attractive and why the FUCK does THAT matter???
And yet you're ok with Hitler and abortion jokes.
I know, right?

 

by brycekain
5-16-15
What about this "Deflate-gate" going on.
I don't follow sports at all, so I'm not fully up to date on things. However, I feel that we should be talking about the real issue of players battering their spouses.
When it comes to hurting another human being, deflating a ball doesn't mean shit.
The wife's giving you sex again, isn't she?
You think I wanna fuck that up!?!

 

by brycekain
5-16-15
Dear reader, this is the first comic I've ever made with my smart phone.
...and while I know I did a crappy job, I can't help but feel a little sense of pride and accomplishment.
Well at least he came out of the closet.

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Oh, sick! I just got that last joke you told me!!
Groovy!
So... when you said she's "too busy sticking her nose in his busines", did you acutally mean she..?
Yes!
...she was eating a Milky Way.

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
You no longer bring me joy.
I feel the pain of the elders in my left foot.
Fuck you
by Calvin Klein.

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Wow.
When the fuck did I get an extra follower?

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Don't go into the light, Carol Ann!
But I'm not...
BOOGIDDY! BOOGIDDY! BOOGIDDY!
THEY'RE HERE!
CUT! WHERE'S THE STRIPPER POLE?
I don't think this guy saw the original Poltergeist.
There was another Poltergeist?

 

by brycekain
5-24-15

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Hi kids! I'm Smokey the Butt!
Oh no! I'm from the "Truth" campaign and I believe smoking is bad!
Aaaaahhh.....
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth_%28anti-tobacco_campaign%29
Wow! It's a good thing you came along, cause people are too stupid to think for themselves! Glad you don't use the same tactics that the tobacco companies use!
Tobacco companies? They're not the boss of me!

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Ok, why are we in the shitter?
Well, technically we're not in the shitter yet.
But I'm hoping to change all that.

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
What the hell did you eat?
I had some tasty roasted asparagus and garlic cloves with a side of Bush's baked beans!
Jesus christ, lady!
Then I drank all of Chaney's oil, greased up the old Rumsfeld, and went plowing under the moonlight. Just so I could fart for you.
...the fuck?
ROADHOUSE!

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Shit! Shit! Ok, what do I do? Fight the first guy I see? Do I join a gang? Shit! Last thing I want to do is get fucked in here!
I wish they had like a tech supoort for this kinda thing.
You have a pretty mouth, my friend.

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Anders' son not have arms. Butch build arms so boy can play with friends and have normal life.
Could you also build me a 3D world where I could look over at what you're doing?
Pushy little fucker, aren't you?

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
I'm sorry, I don't care.
I'm sticking with this decision no matter what anyone else thinks.
Having sex with Tilda Swinton would be like butt fucking that couch.

 

by brycekain
5-24-15
Mother. Father. They are in the prime of their lives. They are the ones you love.
So why wouldn't you give them the very best in their retirement.
Talk to your mom or dad about Depend's today!
Dude.

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
I've been researching the different psychological and physiological responses to stress over the years.
I've learned a lot about myself.
Yeah? Like what?
Like I hate you and hope you fucking die.
Also you're ugly. Don't forget that one.

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
A peaceful scene with our Lord and savior...
I know it only looks green right now...
But wait til I photoshop some penises around his mouth...

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
I'm.....
......dreaming........
......of a brown.......christmas......
If he'd put a Mexican in here, it would be racist.

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
Oooooh....
The operation was a success! The ghosts now have major breast implants to use for horrific purposes!
Oooooh....
Although I can't imagine why we're doing this in a J.C. Penny's.
Product.... placement.... Oooooh....
That explains the Pop Tart jizz all over my face.

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
Poltergeist sequel.
Oh, Pop Tart jizz. Right, right.

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
Wow! Russia looks so pretty from over here.
That's Cuba, dumbass
You liberals and your "gotcha" moments.

 

by brycekain
5-25-15
I really want to do something with this layout.
Something with Cowboy Physics or something.
So why don't you?
Cause it's been done before and I can't think of anything funny.
You sure seem to be on a roll with these shitty narrator comics.

 

by brycekain
5-26-15
Stand right there! Don't move!
YOU MOVED!
I farted.

 

by brycekain
5-26-15
Have you come to put me out of my misery?
I have. Do you have any last words?
Hurry the fuck up already.

 

by brycekain
5-26-15
Ebony.....
.....and Ivory......

 

by brycekain
5-26-15
Welcome to Taco Jesus. May I take your order?
Yeah, I'd like an order of self righteousness, hold the self awareness and the irony.
Are you ordering for Pat Robertson again? :)

 

I'm the best at farting my name while fingering an invisible unicorn!
by brycekain, 5-26-15

 

by brycekain
5-26-15
What happens again?
You die for our god.
What do I get in return?
Hot weather, oppression of the opposite sex, and no booze or bacon ever again.
Can you sweeten the pot?
Um... ever dream about boinking 72 chicks at once....?

 

by brycekain
5-27-15
Shit, he just published the comic before it was written.
So what do we do?
Easy, we'll keep publishing this fucker til it's funny.
But what if it doesn't turn out funny?
You can either go back to sucking dick behind a Walmart for crack or you can become a Republican.
But I just had my teeth done :(

 

by brycekain
5-27-15
So I'm trying this thing where I enter text into the comic set up and then hit the RCL button. It keeps the text, but cycles through random characters and layout.
It's doesn't seem to be that funny and it's probably been done before, so why bother?
Wanna piss all over my vagina while you're at it?

 

by brycekain
5-27-15
I'm here to kill you, you monstrous villain from the deep!
Dude, I just came to pick up my kids. They wandered out of the yard and now EVERYTHINGS in an uproar. Now if you'll excuse me.
NOT SO FAST, FOUL SERPENT! YOU WILL BE CAST BACK TO THE SHADOWY DEPTHS OR SO HELP ME I'LL PUNCH A BABY IN CLOWN MAKEUP!
You're a Scientologist, aren't you?
I took acting lessons from John Travolta, so what of it?

 

by brycekain
5-27-15

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
"I see skies of blue....."
"and clouds of white....."
All I see are piss-yellow walls. Thanks, Obama!

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
When people say things that are homophobic, it makes me very angry. Angry enough to punch them in the face.
But you can't do that. There's a better way to deal with your feelings.
Kick 'em in the crotch so they don't reproduce.

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
Is this it? The magical chair of my dreams?
So comfy to sit on. So squishy. So... so...
Sorry, I'm a deformed turtle penis.
I know, isn't it wonderful???

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, LADY???
Feeding the hungry. You guys like corn, right?

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
OOGA CHAKA! OOGA OOGA CHAKA!!
OOGA CHAKA! OOGA OOGA CHAKA!!
OOGA CHAKA! OOGA OOGA CHAKA!!
OOGA CHAKA! OOGA OOGA CHAKA!!
If you read that while humming Hooked on a Feeling, it'll be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
You're welcome.

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
Today in local news, Hooked on a Feeling got stuck in the hearts and minds of many across the land.
Like who?
Like anyone who read the previous comic and then this one.
Why the fuck do I look like I'm holding Long Dong Silver's penis?

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
Still stuck in your head?
GGGAAAAAWWWW!!!!

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
What shape do I look like?
I don't know. A hook?
Right and what am I doing to the body?
Uh, well it looks like you're feel-
GOD DAMMIT!

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
Before a battle, I once heard a man say,"Death is the only adventure you have left!" It wasn't pretty.
Wow, was he a great general?
No no, he only made it to mere captain. However, he did steer a loyal crew!
What was his name?
That man with such deep feelings was Captain Hook!
I fucking hate you.

 

by brycekain
5-28-15
You came here thinking I was going to sing a song, didn't you? Well I'm NOT! I'm not a simple, two dimensional character!
I'm a human being with personal failures, feelings, and hopes! For instance: I go to the methadone clinic every week. Why?
Cause I'm hooked-
BUTTFUCKER!

 

by brycekain
5-30-15
There once was a man from Nantucket.
I fucking hate my life.

Showing page 19.

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