All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
12-09-04
Nice rack.
Thanks!
*CRACK*
Damnit, I scratched.
Looks like you need a bigger stick.

 

by niteowl
12-17-04
Then, like the flicking of a switch, memories of that night began to flood my mind. SC regulars, both young and old, getting "down", knowmsayin'?
Watusi!
Um...I see you, Brad.
I remember it getting crazy around the time Little Kitty grabbed a hockey stick and started swinging it wildly, not unlike a psychopathic Tiger Woods on crack.
WE WANT HOCKEY! WE WANT HOCKEY!
Some guests didn't seem to mind the carnage though.
Dude, look at all the blood!
Man, this is almost as good as that GWAR concert when they killed EVERYONE in the audience except us!

 

by niteowl
12-25-04
Good morning, God. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Susie. It's awfully cold out, shouldn't you have a coat on?
My mom says that believing in You is all that matters. Your warmth and comfort is all I need.
Oh, great.
What?
I just hope your mother isn't going to blame me when you die of hypothermia.

 

by niteowl
12-25-04
Ok, you big red tub of dog shit, now that you're done doling out unneeded crap to the brats of the world, it's time for you to give us elves our Christmas present.
Fine, you lazy dicksmack. What do you assholes want?
...and don't even think about asking for a flamethrower. I know what you bastards are planning to do to me. I read your blog.

 

by niteowl
12-25-04
7:00am
You're at the computer already??
I'm trying to come up with a good comic for the new contest at Stripcreator.
11:00pm
Are you ever going to get off that damn computer? Maybe you should marry it.
Nag, nag, nag. Sheesh.
Fuck this, I'm breaking up with you.
Wait, wait! I think I've got a good idea brewing here!

 

by niteowl
12-28-04
Son, I called you out here because I think we need to talk.
Ok, Dad.
About this Barry Bonds and steroids thing...I know you look up to athletes as heroes or whatever, but steroids are bad news.
I know, Dad.
So do you promise not to do steroids, son?
I promise, Dad. Smoking crack is much more fun anyways.

 

by niteowl
12-30-04
Fuck it. It's impossible to repair all the damage you've done to yourself. Body switching a la the movie "Big" is your only hope.

 

by niteowl
12-30-04
MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column!
Uhmm...
What?
Look, you don't have to throw cheap pickup lines at me...
I know you want anal. We are in prison, after all.

 

by niteowl
1-03-05
Inspired by mmyers...
Can I help you, eh?
My health is at 015. I need some beer and backbacon, eh.
stripcreator.com/comics/mmyers/264246
...and over here, we've got hockey sticks. Sherwood, Koho, CCM, but Eastons do the most damage, eh.
This is the best weapons shop in the whole city, eh.
Holy shit, you got a 5 star wanted level just for stealing a Zamboni?
Well, that and I ran over Wendel Clark outside the Air Canada Centre.

 

by niteowl
1-04-05
You're picking up ANOTHER hooker?
For the last time...they're not hookers, they're hula dancers.
Woo hoo, I'm getting lei'd!

 

by niteowl
1-06-05
How's the soundtrack in this game?
It sucks. I'm sick and fucking tired of weather updates after every song. It's like that's all they ever talk about up there.
You walk down the street and the only thing anyone ever says is, "Is it cold enough for ya?"
Find any glitches yet?
Yeah. If one snowflake or drop of rain falls in this game, every other car on the road slows down 25 mph.

 

by niteowl
1-08-05
Good job, moron. You totally got your ass kicked back there.
Super-Mecha-Angst.E.Teen doesn't like you anymore!
Oh really?
Yeah really! I've had enough of your non-supportiveness! I'm finding a new sidekick!
You forgot to refer to yourself in the 3rd person.
Again with the nitpicking! Super-Mecha-Angst.E.Teen hates nitpicking!

 

by niteowl
1-08-05
You are truly hopeless. What kind of fighter gets a beat down from a...LIZARD?
THAT'S IT! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL! HIIIIIYA!
A duel? Name the time and the place, bitch.
Tomorrow at high noon, on an internet message board of your choice!
I'm a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Dinosaurs don't surf the internet.
AHA! You're afraid of the power of |_33-|-5p34|<, aren't you?

 

by niteowl
1-08-05
You suck. Go ahead and find yourself a new sidekick. I'm outta here.
FINE! SUPER-MECHA-ANGST.E.TEEN DOESN'T NEED YOU ANYWAYS!
Super-Mecha-Angst.E.Teen depressed.

 

by niteowl
1-08-05
*BZZZZT* It appears Angst.E.Teen has gained new powers. *BZZZZT*
EGADS! My arch-enemy, Little Boy In A Garbage Can!
*BZZZZT* Angst.E.Teen is filled with hope that he can find new sidekick. Hope. Hope. Hope. Does not compute. Angst.E.Teen must be destroyed. *BZZZZT*
YOU JUST WAIT 'TIL I GET MY HOMIES-
*BZZZZT* Angst.E.Teen eradicated. *BZZZZT*
MEDIC!

 

by niteowl
1-08-05
God, is it true that Brad and Jen are splitting up?
Yep.
Heaven help us! The world has gone mad! I can't take it anymore!
Fear not, my child. I have some good news.
Julia's finally shedding the weight she gained during her pregnancy?
Soupy Sales finally got his star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame!

 

by niteowl
1-10-05
...and in this journalist's humble opinion, what Randy Moss did during yesterday's game was sick. It was disgusting, disgraceful, and immature.
And coming up after this commercial break, we'll show you that horrible display of crudeness a couple hundred more times. Because we care.

 

by niteowl
1-10-05
God, why is NBC waiting until 2009 to give the Tonight Show gig to Conan?
Because NBC doesn't want to lose Conan to another network.
Seriously?
Yes. They can't afford to lose a rising star again.
...as opposed to plugging that rising star in and seeing their ratings go through the roof. Pretty dumb.
They've kept Leno on this long, how smart can they really be?

 

by niteowl
1-13-05
Whoa. We're still alive!
Quite amazing how you can be blown to bits in a comic and come back to life like nothing ever happened in the next one.
So what did we say to each other in that random comic? I don't speak...whatever language that was.
Well, I said "Why is it that everytime I hit Random Comic it's in a language I don't speak?".
Check it out, we're getting blown up again!
See ya next comic, good buddy!

 

by niteowl
1-13-05
Welcome back!
Thanks! Look at this nice background we got now.
It's soothing.
Yes it is, but it's also disturbing because...
WE KNOW WE'RE ABOUT TO BLOWN TO BITS AGAIN!
WHO WOULDA THUNK IT? AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

by niteowl
1-13-05
We're on the moon now!
How the hell did we get HERE?
We're in a comic, anything is possible.
Oh. Genere di I'm di impregnato di gas oggi.
What did you just say?
I said, I'm kind of gassy today.

 

by niteowl
1-13-05
How are the test subjects holding up?
Very well. Skagg and Asiangirl2 are a lot tougher than Earl Holliman was.
That fuckin' guy...man, did he crack under pressure or what?
What's that noise? Do you hear that?
Mom, will you PLEASE buy me some more dolls? I'm tired of using Billy's soldiers in my dollhouse.
No Sally, you keep blowing them up and I can't afford to keep buying you that stuff.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
...and you too, can make whatever career choice you want! Did you know that the top pool players and fishermen make over $250,000 a year?
That's it! I'll become a professional pool player when I grow up, it's gotta be better than being a doctor and seeing all that blood everyday.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
Hello Steven, how was your day at school?
It was excellent, Mom. I finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up.
That's great, Steven. So let me guess, you want to be a doctor, right?
Nope, I'm gonna be a professional pool player! The best ones make $250,000 a year!
WHAT???? Steven, are you on the dope again???
"The dope"?

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
Goddamnit Steven, who put that ridiculous idea in your head to be a pool player when you grow up?
There was a speaker at school today who said that you don't have to go to college and take on a normal job when you grow up.
He said you should make your career choice based on doing what you love because in the end, you'll be a much happier person.
What the hell? When you grow up, you're not supposed to be happy with the way your life turned out!
So when I grow up, I should have a permanent frown on my face like you and Dad have?

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
I don't even know why we're having this conversation. You're only 14 years old, you're not old enough to know what you want to do with your life.
So at what age will I be old enough to make conscious decisions about what affects me?
50.
In other words, when I'm 50 you probably won't be alive anymore to nag the piss out of me about everything.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
I just can't believe you want to be in a profession that's so seedy and icky!
Seedy? Icky?
Pool halls are filled with cigarette smoke and booze, gamblers and loose women...things that your father the scumbag enjoys. Oh my God, you're going to turn out like him!
Did you forget that Dad's a doctor, Mom?
Oh, right.
Yeah. So anyways, I'll be up in my room ordering a pool cue online if you need me.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
Now wait just a second, Steven. Let's talk about this some more.
What exactly is there to talk about?
Have you considered any other careers besides the pool player thing? How about becoming a baseball player?
Mom, I suck at baseball. Besides, most baseball players don't go to college. I thought sending me off to college was a goal of yours.
But baseball players make millions of dollars a year!
That's a good point. Millions instead of hundreds of thousands of dollars means more cigarettes, booze, and loose women to buy. Talk to ya later, Mom.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
Ooh, that kid. He's only 14, and already on his way to fucking his life up. I gotta put a stop to this.
Principal Smith, this is Steven's mother. What kind of fucking school are you running where you let some two-bit hack tell my kid to become a pool player when he grows up?
*OW!* Hey, not so fast there honey. Slow down and- *OW!* SHIT!
Hello? Principal Smith, are you there? Hello?
*AHEM* Yes, I'm here. Sorry...just getting head, smoking a cig and mainlining some Jack Daniel's. Can I help you?

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
I demand some answers right now, Principal Smith!
Ok fine. We thought it would be a good idea to bring someone in to talk with the kids about making their own decisions in life.
But like I told Steven, he's not old enough to make decisions like that! He doesn't really know what he wants out of life.
Let me ask you this...are you one of those people who thinks you should be miserable when you grow up?
Of course! I hate my fucking life like a NORMAL adult does! Don't you?
Um, no. I've got a full pack of smokes, 2 bottles of booze, and there's a 20 year old bombshell banging my brains out on my desk at work. I'd say I'm pretty happy with my life right about now.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
Well, calling you was a complete waste of my time. Thanks for nothing, asshole.
Can I interject something here?
NO! You know, it's bad enough you devil worshipping freaks over there won't teach creationism in school...
Oh great, here we go again. Please let me know if you're planning another protest so I can dig out the earplugs. Why don't you just go all out and get the President to join in out here?
We tried calling him, but he was on vacation.
A 4 year vacation sure would be nice.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
So you're not going to help out in any way about this matter of Steven and his career choice?
No, why should I? I'm not his parent.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
It means that you're the parent, so you should sit down with YOUR kid and discuss the matter rationally.
Discuss it RATIONALLY? Are you kidding? I'm too pissed off all the time to do that!
Of course you are. Goodbye, Mrs. Johnson.

 

by niteowl
1-14-05
What do you want, Mom?
I want to apologize for yelling at you before. I care about what happens to you, and that's why I kind of freaked out over the whole thing.
I know you care, Mom. So does this mean you'll support me in my quest to be pool player champion of the world?
Yes, I won't like it but I'll support you because you're my son, and I love you.
Since we're sharing for the first time, in like, ever...I have to tell you that I'm gay.
WHAT????? Oh my God. You just wait until your father gets home from his drunken binge next week, he's gonna whoop your ass!

 

by niteowl
1-21-05
According to the AFA and other Conservative Christian groups, the "We Are Family" video featuring Spongebob...
...exploits cartoon characters to promote homosexuality among today's youth.
God, is it true that Armageddon is coming?
Yep. I can't believe how insane some of you are. You should seek shelter now, Susie.

 

by niteowl
1-21-05
Did you hear that Hollywood Video is buying out Movie Gallery?
Yes, and they're gonna have porn now, since Movie Gallery carried porn! It's a disgrace! I'm starting a petition to have them shut down, I can't have my kids renting porn from there!
Of course, you have to be 18 to rent porn. Besides, why not just leave them alone and instead talk to your children about it?
Why should I have to talk to my kids about bad stuff when I can just have it banned? You're talking crazy.
Ah yes, revenge of the lazy, conservative parent. By the way, why are you dressed up like a donkey today?
Because I'm an ass. Ass.

 

by niteowl
1-22-05
Good afternoon, Gabe.
Hello, Mister Reaper. What are you doing here?
Waiting for the bus.
Cool.
So, how about those free agent signings the Mets have made this off-season? They're gonna be contenders-
LOOK, IF YOU'RE GONNA WHISK ME OFF TO HELL, THEN SPARE ME THE SMALL TALK AND JUST DO IT, OK?

 

by niteowl
1-23-05
...and there's a shot to right field. Way back, way back...and it's gone! Another homer for Bonds. He's really admiring that blast as he jogs towards first.
He puts the stare in steroids.

 

by niteowl
1-23-05
From : Bobbie Odv Subject : You might transmute to the first person for your woman.
Our drugs is used to mend cavernous dysfunction, likewise far-famed as an inability to copulate. This is in case a male cannot acquire, or retain, a rigid erect phallus good for intimate action.
My drugs is suitable to be used as a fulfilment foil, has key advantages over another drugs, can operate for 2 days, can fabricate up in the organic structure.
Yoda, is that you?

 

by niteowl
1-24-05
More spam.
"When the time comes you have to be ready for her! Coming from a womans view it is important that a man can last. How would you feel if your woman could only fuck for 2 minutes?"
You're done already, dear?
Yep...that was awesome. I've never came that quick before.
Excellent. No sprained tongue, AND...I get to watch the 3rd period of the hockey game!
Hold on a second, buster. There's cuddling left to do.

 

by niteowl
1-25-05
In honor (or dishonor) of the release of Alien vs. Predator on DVD
So, you little skank...how much "action" have you got lately?
Well, this really hot, rich guy "hired" me all last week.
Loser! I've given 634 blow jobs in 5 days...I'm really quite tired.
At least my guy loves me! Oh, and did I mention he's RICH?

 

by niteowl
1-25-05
I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. Right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. I'm just saying that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a racecar in the fuckin' red. It could blow.
Huh?
I said I could fuckin' blow!
Well, up your nose with a rubber hose, bitch.

 

by niteowl
1-26-05
Vic.
Ed.
Dude, we're old.
No shit. You've lost your hair, and I can't see a fucking thing without my goggles on.

 

by niteowl
1-27-05
Aren't Chia Pets just the greatest things ever?

 

by niteowl
1-27-05
Hey, here comes the waiter.
Well it's about time! We've been needing to sit down for an hour now!
ALLOW ME TO PUSH IN YOUR STOOL.

 

by niteowl
1-28-05
...and #1 on The Hot List for 2004 are...
Jesus and God!
Woop woop! These mofos are hip! Fresh! Sure, they may dress funny, but no matter, because everybody loves these two megastars!
And in 2004, these guys finally shed their cult status and became household names! Britney, Christina, and Lindsay got nothin' on these two!
Yo, Pop...I gotta say, mang...you are one sexy beeyotch.
I'm cute, but I'm also gangsta. Cute. Gangsta. Word.

 

by niteowl
1-28-05
So whatchu got going on today, Pop?
Got a movie premiere, a ton of interviews for all those Oscar nominations...then I've got some mixing to do on the album. What about you?
Photo shoot for Tiger Beat, an interview with ET, cruising in my 5.0 with the top down and Ludacris bangin' outta them speaks like a muthafucka.
You been working on those dance moves?
Fuckin' A. Watch this...VOGUE! VOGUE!
Aw yeah...cabbage patch, cabbage patch!

 

by niteowl
1-28-05
Welcome back to TRL. Our special guest is the hottest and hippest religious figure in the entertainment world today. Even the President digs this dude!
His new album, "Can I Get A Woop Woop?", is #2 on the Billboard charts. His new movie with Brad Pitt and George Clooney, "Three Hot Amigos"...
...is #1 at the box office this week. And he was just voted People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2004. Give it up for ...Jesus!
Thank you, thank you. What a reception, usually I get silent prayers and "Praise Jesus", not catcalls.

 

by niteowl
1-28-05
Jesus, do you find it strange that you are competing with your Father for both the #1 movie and #1 album in America? Has that put a strain on your relationship?
No, not at all. We both know we're the bomb and that we're better than all those other hacks and posers out there. I will say that my album is better than His though.
That's a bold statement, especially since His album is #1 and yours is #2. Care to elaborate a little more on that?
Listen mang, I recruited Usher, Jay-Z, and Eminem for my album. He got Korn and Slipknot for his.
But His album IS #1...
Dude, everyone knows mallcore is dead. He's riding a gravy train that derailed a long time ago.

 

by niteowl
1-28-05
Jesus, how do you feel about the death of Johnny Carson?
Huh? Who the fuck is Johnny Carson?
Dude, you can't say the F word on live TV...
The hell I can't, I'm the Son of God, goddamnit!
*MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE*
And listen to the crowd, they have no fuckin' idea who Johnny Carson is either!

 

by niteowl
1-28-05
Ow, my head. Uh, where am I?
Oh my. You're God. I can't believe I just busted you copulating with a streetwalker and shooting up in that back alley.
No, no...it wasn't like that, officer! I was just hanging out with one of my fans!
I really hate to do this, but...Can I get an autograph before I arrest you?
Sure buddy. Who do you want it made out to?
My 6 year old daughter. She loves that punk album of yours. Oh and I really dug the creating the world in 7 days thing too.

Showing page 19.

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