All comics by BlackSheep

Profile

 

by BlackSheep
4-17-07
Sooo Jason...would you like to stay over at my place again tonight?
What...so that we can play find the candy and play doctor again? I can barely remember what we did that night except my butt is sore!
FATHER BREBEUF! THAT goes against the Vatican's policies!
But Sister...how do you think our choirboys keep their nice high singing voices?
Sooo Jason...how's about staying over at my place tonight?
Ya...sure Sister! Are you wearing those stockings and garters underneath your habit again for me? I got a candy in my left front pocket...

 

by BlackSheep
4-17-07
Subdued wrapping sounds can be heard coming from both sides of the fence.
Hey Keith! What do you think I'm doing right now?
Probably the same thing I'm doing right now Hans!
I'm hammering a new flower box to the fence. Kay is going to like it. What are you doing?
Oh...aah...never mind. Diane ISN'T going to like this!

 

by BlackSheep
4-18-07
So, Mr. Bin Laden...what are your plans in the near future?
Screw you Mr. Bush! I will pee on your flag and dessimate your forces!
Okaayy! Have you ever seen what an atomic bomb does to a desert? It turns into glass and you will be able to see the reflection of your own ass strung up on a tree!
I will annihalate your troops and then rape your women and take your Hummers with the CD players and give them to my people. I will splash your Old Spice on our women who smell like goat meat!
I don't think Old Spice is quite strong enough to get rid of the smell of camel dung! How can you stand eating everthing with sand in it while sitting on a carpet in a tent that reeks of yak piss?
Up your's Bush man! You don't think I believe my own bullshit do you? Can you give me some more LSD then you pencil-necked bureaucrat?

 

by BlackSheep
4-18-07
Bush and Monika Lewinsky
Sooo, Monika...long time no see!
Yes, George...I've been cleaning up Bill...I mean bills.
Waddya say we go to my office and have some "it isn't sex" then?
Do you have some cuban cigars there too George? By the way...have you ever been in the bush?
I'll be very gentle and make sure not to leave a spot on your clothes Monika. Hey, what's that in your purse...a wad of Bills, he-he, ha-ha?
Don't worry too much George because I won't inhale!

 

by BlackSheep
4-18-07
"Graybeard" and "Rickster"...Southern Cruisers National Big Shots
Rick, I SAID, "There will NEVER be another SCRC chapter in Hamilton, Ontario again!"
And who do you think YOU are...mister motorcycle club god? I founded and run this organization!
Ya but...if you open a chapter in Hamilton, the Black Sheep are going to make fun of me! The Sheep and the CMC already think I don't have ANY credibility whatsoever anymore!
Blow your ego out yer ass for a change John! In fact, don't be such a horse's ass! If we don't do it NOW, the CMC is going to recruit everyone before we can!
Ya but...I started the SCRC in Canada...at least that's what everyone believes including myself!
Look...if you're going to be a good boy, I might even let you be a road captain in the new chapter! Remember...YOU caused all of this shit and DON'T make anymore bootleg copyrighted SCRC gear!

 

What does sandy food, yak piss, screaming veiled hairy women in black bedsheets who stink like goat milk, llama spit tea and camel urine soaked carpets in mouldy tents remind you of, man?
Err...ummm...dunno, maybe a middle-eastern terrorist?
by BlackSheep, 4-19-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-19-07
Greenwich Village New York
I am Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest!
Well, I'm robbing in da hood of Central Park!
Giveth me thine bling before my merry men sliceth thou in half with their broadswords!
Cough up yo weapons bitch before my homies blow up yer horses!
Cannot we fight together for a common cause and share the wealth of Nottingham?
Sho nuff! I'll pimp your ride if you get rid of the pantyhose and that fairy green vest of the limp-wristed Village People!

 

by BlackSheep
4-19-07
Derwood...I've arranged to have you meet with some people of the World Literacy Movement of Canada next Saturday.
C'mon, Vic! I do my job and I are priddy good at it.
I need you to improve your grasp of the English language. Your grammar, sentence structure, syntax, pronunciation and particularly your spelling are becoming somewhat of an embarrassment to our firm!
What duz speling hav to do with cownting steel bars!
I've also picked up "The Cat in the Hat" by Dr. Seuss and I'm going to have you write a test on it. Did you finish your assignment on "See Spot Run"?
HOLY CRAPOLY! This is how they treet manujment peeple!

 

by BlackSheep
4-19-07
Hey, Karl! I hear you've been messin' with your PC quite a bit lately. You're no longer...ummm...a computer VIRGIN!
You got that right Bob! YOU should try getting into YOUTUBE and COMIC STRIP CREATOR a bit but I've come under somewhat of a "computer attack" lately!
O...how so Karl?
FFFFTHTHTHWWWACK!
SHIT!!!
SEE! BASTARDS!!! Gotta get some good anti-paintball software man!

 

by BlackSheep
4-19-07
PPPFFFTTT!
HOLY SHIT! Just about blew myself right off the bench!
FFFRRRAAACK!
God! Must be all the nuts or something!
I think I got "rodent rectum" Hunter! My "pulsating poopster" puffed! I just shredded my sphincter!
MAN, THAT'S ROTTEN ROCKY! You been drinking yak milk and eating llama bean soup again at that Iraqi restaurant?

 

by BlackSheep
4-20-07
Foghorn Leghorn & Rooster Cogburn
Hey Foghorn....did ya see all of those nice chicks at the dance last night or what?
I sure did Cogburn! They really ruffled my feathers during that chicken dance.
That Henrietta...do you think she lays?
I hope so 'cause we're running out of eggs at the restaurant.
So...are we going to Swiss Chalet for dinner tonight?
Dunno. This friend of mine says the food there has a fowl taste.

 

by BlackSheep
4-20-07
So, Dumbo...did you put a little money away each week from your circus earnings for the taxman?
Um...no, Elmer!
I'm hoping to write off part of my tent, balls, chains, blanket and food this year 'cause its all related to my self-employment.
Um...oh!
Crap, Dumbo! You are going to be in so much shit at the end of the month! Tusk, tusk!
Tusk, tusk? You trying to be funny? I may have to sell my tusks to pay my taxes! I hope I get more than peanuts!

 

by BlackSheep
4-20-07
I...am...sick...and...tired...of you peddling your butt wool all over town!
I get paid well for it!
And you've got some nerve telling them that its virgin wool too!
Well, its virgin every time it grows back!
You are a disgrace to our family!
Dad! Where do you think the wool for your sweater that mom knitted came from?

 

by BlackSheep
4-20-07
Hey, Karl! Do you think latex or enamel paint is better for making your own paint-balls?
I don't know Pete 'cause I just buy them from the sports store.
SHSHSHSPPPLLLOTTT!
Bastards!
Latex!

 

by BlackSheep
4-20-07
So...are you FOR or AGAINST gun reform in Canada?
Well...I guess that all depends which side of the fence you're on, eh!
I think we should have to right to protect family and property!
Well...I'm not your family OR your property!
Okay...I'm gonna count to ten!
Shit! Turncoat commie bastard!

 

Late one evening at John and Loreena Bobbitt's house
THAT'S IT! You're cut off!
by BlackSheep, 4-20-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-20-07
GEEZ!
CRAP!
FRIKKIN' CIGARETTE!?!
SHIT!
What the hell was that, Bob?
Its just Johnny Bob, our arms dealer and explosives importer riding in from St. Louis, Jancis. Its obvious he's packing again! Gifts for the boys! Re-stocking the arsenal!

 

Ooo, Doctor...I've never been artificially inseminated before. Is it going to hurt?
Don't worry. You're only going to feel a "little prick"!
by BlackSheep, 4-21-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-21-07
So, like...are you into S & M?
Frankly...I like F & S!
F & S? What the shit is that?
Fries and a soda. What's S & M?
Oh! Um...err...ahh...its steak and mashed potatoes!
O MY GOTH! For a moment there I thought you were into weird shit!

 

by BlackSheep
4-21-07
Hey, nice "pentagon"!
Billy...you are SUCH a loser and a wannabe...its a "pentagram"!
So...do ya like my "ankle"?
YOU creep! Its an "ankh"! You look stupid and by the way, where did you get that stuff from?
I got it out of your dresser drawer, Mom!
Figures...and you're using my good makeup too! Why don't you get into something wholesome...like KISS or OZZY!

 

by BlackSheep
4-22-07
I hate wool, Karl!
What? You're kidding right? How come, Pete?
Its itchy and I think I'm allergic to it! I can't even sleep under a wool blanket!
So...how the hell do ya deal with it then?
I wear lingerie under my wool.
Ooo...I think I like that! Is it a British thing...you know...a Benny Hill thing or are you just working me up?

 

by BlackSheep
4-22-07
Karl? That Henrietta doesn't trim her wool!
You mean her beaver, Pete?
I didn't know she had a beaver Karl!
No, you idiot! HER PUSSY!
Didn't know she liked pets that much!
Ok, Pete...Henrietta DOESN'T trim her wool!

 

by BlackSheep
4-22-07
Soo, Pete...how's that lingerie under your wool working out?
I'm not so itchy anymore, Karl!
How does it feel?
Well...it feels kinda sexy but it doesn't make ME feel sexy at the same time! That's the best way I can describe it, Karl. Everything just sort of slides around easier.
Can I see it and touch it some?
Umm...I don't think so! Marly has enough of that stuff at your place don't you think, Karl?

 

by BlackSheep
4-22-07
So, Karl? Do you think the rest of The Black Sheep will think any less of me for wearing lingerie under my wool to prevent the itching?
I guess that all depends, Pete!
Depends on what?
Well...if you're going to flaunt it around all over the place and it becomes hazardous...
How can lingerie be hazardous?
Well...you know...lacey shit getting caught in your Harley spokes and all...

 

by BlackSheep
4-22-07
Paul...I never would have figured you and Yvonne for an 800 pound black baby!
Yep...she's a good woman, Pete. She let me get it!
I mean...whatever happened to DNA, genetics and the sheer physical size of the thing? Must be a record! Can she still walk ok?
What are you talking about, Pete?
The 800 pound black baby!
Its my new black Harley Davidson FLH Ultra!

 

by BlackSheep
4-22-07
Sorry, constable Chalmers but I have to cite you! I'm just doing my job.
I see officer.
How did you happen to run your police motorcycle into that Blue Line taxi cab?
Well...I noticed about 20 to 30 of that Black Sheep gang's bikes parked at the Tim Horton's on Dundurn Street and I was trying to see if their helmets were legit!
You're a rider officer Chalmers. As you were pissing around looking for what I consider to be a minor infraction, you ran your vehicle into a cab and now we have 3 injured civilians, is that correct?
Yes, that's correct. Can you stop those Sheep from taking photos of us for the Rider's Mag right now?

 

by BlackSheep
4-23-07
Peter...the worst odor I can ever remember was when I entered a middle-eastern harem tent after a weekend of questionable activity and debauchery!
Mohammad...you're making my SPHINCTER gag! 100 veiled unshaven screaming women in black bedsheets, camel dung, yak piss, goat milk, the sweat of 100 unshowered grunting arabs and the 16 musicians!
So...what was the most obnoxious smell you ever encountered?
Well...I can tell you how I make it! 2 beers, 2 cabbage rolls, 2 pickled eggs, some rice with curry, a bowl of chilli, 1 mango and a glass of alka-seltzer to fizz it up!
What happens then Peter?
I blow it outta my ass and I KNOW I can clear out that harem tent of your's!

 

by BlackSheep
4-23-07
No disrespect intended!
Pete...wasn't that terrible news about the 32 students fatally shot at Virginia Tech?
I hear ya Anthony but that is exactly why I'm for the right to bear arms to protect family and property!
You mean you're FOR being able to carry a gun? What are ya, nuts? That doesn't make any sense! I'm for peace, love and harmony, man!
Well, think about it Antz. If all those students carried guns, then we wouldn't be in this situation then would we?
Man...you really got a good point there! Dude, I'm gonna quit hugging trees, stop freeing Willy, cease bugging the abortion clinics and go with YOU man. VOTE FOR PETE!
Cool daddio! C'mon Antz and let's go get you a Glock or a Tek 9 at Al Simmons Gun Shop!

 

by BlackSheep
4-23-07
Why should I vote for Black Sheep as president in 2008?
Well...first I would bring ALL of our troops home and spread them across the US/Mexican border to stop illegal immigration and secure our country!
U-hum.
I am against motorcycle helmet and mandatory seatbelt laws! I am against gay rights and believe in the right to bear arms to protect family and property!
I believe smokers have rights too! We should purchase only products made in the USA! I would stop giving money away to poor countries and cut our taxes in half! These are ALL very doable things!
Well, I'm not gay, ride an American made Harley, smoke and go to the gun club! Although, like most politicians, you look like a complete idiot, you got my vote!

 

On behalf of all of the StripCreator participants and visitors, we send our condolences to the families, friends and fellow students of the 32 victims at Virginia Tech. We wish you peace and comfort.
by BlackSheep, 4-23-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-23-07
Ba-ah! Hey, Karl?
Me-eh! What's up Pete?
Your butt wool stinks!
Ya, I know. I have a problem with that sometimes. I've seen the vet but what more can I do about it?
SHIT!

 

by BlackSheep
4-23-07
Hi, Pope!
Hello, Storm. I like what you've done with your hair. Beats that pony tail crap!
Well, well! John Payne! How have you been man?
Hello, Storm. I like what you've done with your hair. Beats that pony tail crap! Made you look like a horse's ass!
Shit! Hey Stony! Man...we should start a bike club or something! I'll even let you be head road captain!
Hello, Storm. I like what you've done with your hair. Beats that pony tail crap!

 

by BlackSheep
4-23-07
At the pharmacy...
Hans...thanks for your advice regarding my "going" or should I say "not going" problems! So, you think this little suppository is going to do the trick, eh?
Yes, Pete! You just insert the "ring rocket", I like to call it that, into your anus and in about 15 minutes or so you will be able to go. Don't forget to remove the foil first, ok?
Remove the foil? C'mon, Hans...do I look THAT stupid? Wow! Modern medicine is amazing Hans! I was somewhat skeptical but not anymore!
NO! PETE? PETE? NOT H...
Sorry, I couldn't hear you Hans. What was that?
Not HERE at my pharmacy!

 

by BlackSheep
4-24-07
Peter...the worst odor I can ever remember was when I entered a middle-eastern harem tent after a weekend of questionable activity and debauchery!
Mohammad...you're making my SPHINCTER gag! 100 veiled unshaven screaming women in black bedsheets, camel dung, yak piss, goat milk, the sweat of 100 unshowered grunting arabs and the 16 musicians!
So...what was the most obnoxious smell you ever encountered?
Well...I can tell you how I make it! 2 beers, 2 cabbage rolls, 2 pickled eggs, some rice with curry, a bowl of chilli, 1 mango and a glass of alka-seltzer to fizz it up!
What happens then Peter?
I blow it outta my ass and I KNOW I can clear out that harem tent of your's!

 

;ﻐ;ﻐ;ﻐ
I'm sorry, but we don't sell weapons to non-citizens here!
by BlackSheep, 4-24-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-25-07
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We're here tonight to talk about the short longshoreman's career of Willy Smallwood, a...what are we supposed to call you anyway?
We prefer to be called "little people".
That's cute! Does it bother you when folks call you a midget? He-he! How's about troll or gnome? Ha-ha! I like dwarf! Hoo-hoo! Vertically challenged! Hoo-hoo, hee-hee! Oh, my...wee man! Short ass!
No, but what burns my ass besides you, is a flame about 2 feet high! Wanna fight? Lemme throw the first punch!
So, Willy...is it true they pay you under the table? Haw-haw! Have you ever been short-changed? Yuk, yuk! Take a little nap?
There'll be no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for you sir!

 

by BlackSheep
4-25-07
Moo! Elsie? I started today! Shh...usually the sheep are in this field.
What...your period, Holstina?
I wish. Udder puss! You know...mastitis!
O, ya...breast infection. He-he...I should say udder infection. Probably got the flu from that Red Bull ad guy you went out with after your showing at the Rockton's World Fair. I warned you!
Warned me? He's a little crazy but nice! He can be a bit moo-dy but what do you mean?
I think he's MAD! His meat might not be any good I hear!

 

by BlackSheep
4-25-07
Hey, Bugsy...where's all the cows and sheep today? This is their field!
I know. The cows are gettin' milked and the sheep are gettin' shorn, Peter.
Nice carrot!
Nice "hare"! Get a trim today?
Naa, I was snooping around a foxhole and got mangled some!
Fox in sheep's clothing...man ya gotta watch out for that all the time!

 

by BlackSheep
4-25-07
Do you like car-toons, Roger?
Of course I do Brad, otherwise WE wouldn't be here!
No, you idiot! Car tunes...you know...music in your automobile!
Ya, I like them but have you ever seen me do a "comic strip"?
Naa, but I've heard about it. Don't bother showing me because I have a very "short" attention span!
That's because you're short-sighted, you moron!

 

by BlackSheep
4-25-07
Let's shake on it and let bygones be bygones, Ron?
I'm not opposed to accepting your apology but since you attempted to ridicule my friends and I in public, your apology will also be in public in order for it to mean anything at all!
Ya but...but... that would mean I'd have to swallow a LOT of pride and be subjected to possible humiliation in front of my peers!
Exactly! There's a saying, "Criticize in private...praise in public!" or how's about, "A closed mouth, gathers no foot!"
Guess I'll see ya around, eh?
Nope!

 

by BlackSheep
4-25-07
The Black Sheep field when they are away!
Woo-hoo...party on!
Ding dong the Sheep are gone!
Yo! Wanna buy a piece of this field, bitch?
I dunno Leroy but I have the sneaking suspicion that we are being watched! You know...that Doctor Fill and his magic cameras!
Boogie, booga, boobly, boo!
Man, are we gonna be in shit or what?

 

Hey, nice shirt, pants and tie, Brent! Where'd you get them?
Brad, you are such a complete loser sometimes and that's why I am salary! Its our company outfit, dough-head!
by BlackSheep, 4-25-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-26-07
Overheard in the International Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission washroom...again!
I thaw a crack in the mirror over there, Lanth!
Well, I'll juth call maintenanth when I get back to the offith, Rod.
No, I don't mean a crack ath in a broken mirror, I thaw thomeonth crack in the mirror when I was having a pith!
Oh, thit...it wath probably Bruth bent over again!
What the...
I think Bruth wath hoping that Chrithtopher would come in and ACCTHIDENTALLY bump INTO him again if you know what I mean!

 

by BlackSheep
4-26-07
Me-eh! Mom...can I get a nose ring?
Ba-ah! Certainly not...you're much too young!
But this Black Angus bull friend of mine has one and so does his whole family! His family's cool!
Understand this...that black friend of your's and his family have rings in their noses because they are slaves!
Mom...like, you are SO living in the past! I wanna trim my wool too like all the older girls at school do and I want a tattoo as well!
Fine! Go ahead! You're gonna look like a sheep-ho! Those girls have all lost their virgin wool! Don't come crying back to me when those rams come around sniffing for some!

 

Hey, you MOOLIE FACED MUTHA FUKKIN' piece of DONKEY DICK! You want a peice of me? YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
Hi Brent. Just watched Rocky II again last night, eh?
by BlackSheep, 4-27-07

 

by BlackSheep
4-27-07
YOU'RE GOIN' 'OME IN A FUKKIN' AMBULANCE!
YOU'RE GOIN' 'OME IN A FUKKIN' AMBULANCE!
Mavis? What's going on in here?
LIVERPOOL JUST SCORED ON ARSENAL!

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