All comics by Culturejamming

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by Culturejamming
10-16-02
saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills until the landslide brougt it down Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above?
I looked in the mirror today. I saw crows feet starting to form
Well I've been afraid of changing becasue I built my life around you ....But time makes you bolder, even children get older And I'm getting older too....So, take my love...take it down
I don't have time to screw around anymore. I'm finally on the right track again
That's good. I never really wished you any harm.
So, take my love...take it down Climb a mountain and turn around and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills... well the landslide will bring it down
Goodbye, Sara. You'll always be a part of me
and you me

 

by Culturejamming
10-16-02
Did you hear they are going to release a marix sequal soon? I really liked how the movie was a statement about our percieved reality
Cool. I really liked that movie...wait, what? I liked the parts where people got shot
No,man it's about how people live in a fake world now to sheild themselves from all of the starvation and like bad stuff in the world
If you want to get that deep wouldn't it be more about how if you gave people limitless resource they would still go to work every day becasue it's all their little brains can handle?
Fag
Fag

 

by Culturejamming
10-18-02
I think I like this "Serial sniper"
What the hell are you talking about?
I saw an article in the washington post advising people to run zigzag patterns from the mall to thir car.
How can you possibly not be disgusted by a serial killer?
When was the last time you saw a cop running radar on the beltway?
Touche

 

by Culturejamming
10-24-02
Now for a public service anouncement from culturejamming
Hello I play the part of Clint
I play the part of Clint's superego. Some might say that is his "concience"
This comic strip is purely fictional and not to be taken seriously.
Hi I am a newer aspect of Clint's personality. I am his spirit of adventure wheeeeee!
If you are hearing voices in your head telling you what to do PLEASE DO NOT listen to them.
Unless they are telling you to donate all your money to CultureJamming to make new comics.

 

by Culturejamming
10-30-02
4 and 5 therefore 9. 9 and 9 therefore 18. I want to die
You must be the new robot Clint built to help him with his logic class
Why did he make me so fat? My life is miserable. I love you.
Shove it weirdo. I'm not into cyber sex.
That robot you built is a real freak. Why did he want me to "Wait by the stairs?"
Do not trust the pusher robot. He is malfunctioning

 

by Culturejamming
10-30-02
You are making me crazy if you don't shape up I am going to have to make a "few slight repairs"
So I'm not good enough for you? Why are you blaming me? It is all your fault we don't get along!
You are always crying for no reason, you get mad over nothing, and you blame me for everything.
Why do you hate me so much?
What the hell is your problem anyway?
If you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you.

 

by Culturejamming
10-30-02
Blah
What are you moping about today, Clint?
I'm so boring. Even my dreams are boring.
How do you mean?
This morning I dreamt I woke up and got ready for class. Then I woke up for real and had to get ready all over again.
Have you ever heard of zoloft?

 

by Culturejamming
11-08-02
I like you
You're married you're not allowed to like me
I have been seperated for two years. I even file my taxes seperately.
You are still technicly married.
Do I wear a ring? As Johnny Cocorine would say "If I wear no ring it aint no thing"

 

by Culturejamming
11-08-02
Unlike the rest of the girls in my comics this one is real
I like you
So anyway I'm in a dilema I don't know what I want. Should I have fun or get into a relationship
I think you should date me
You don't like me in that way.
YAY!
How would you like to go to Tori Amos with me?
You're interested in me? How come you never mentioned it before? Sure I'll go out with you.

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
Do you want to do something tuesday?
I've been thinking....
About what?
you are 4 years older than me and it's just too weird for me.
Numerical age is a poor testiment to the inner workings of a person. It is not the cronology, but the spirit that define a person's true age.
In that case I can't date you becasue I am old enough to be your mother.

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
Heeeeyyy Clint what's going on, man?
I didn't shave today. I have decided I will grow a beard
Far out, man. Gettin back to the way nature made you, huh?
No, actualy it is a segue into a handlebar mustache. I am going to wax it, so I can twirl it with my finger when I say something evil.
I don't think they sell mustache wax anymore.
CURSES! Foiled again!

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
Mr. Hippie, why are you protesting drugs?
because, man drugs will get you nowhere.
What do you mean?
I did a lot of drugs, and I used to hang out with big time people like Wavy Gravy, Jerry Garcia, and Hunter Thompson
All of those people became countercultural icons and never had to do any real work becasue of it.
I know man and I was doing drugs with them and look where it got me...nowhere!

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
Why are you growing a beard?
Well, I have dry skin so shaving in the winter is a big pain in the ass. Also I am desperate for an afactation.
You mean that it isn't enough that you are a stickman that carries a hammer everywhere?
no, my silly meidl
Oh christ! You can't afactatiously throw yiddish into your speech unless you are an old jewish guy
Oy vay, now the shiksa wants to tell me how I should talk? The goyah should be so lucky as to be cool like me.

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
hey here's something funny... the yiddish phrase for copulation is PORN SICH
HA! that sounds like some kind of erotica with women SS troopers
Drool
hello? Anyone there? You'd better not be thinking what I know you are thinking. You realize that the nazi regime killed millions and millions of people, right?
Hell All I wanted was a nice little fantasy about being ravaged by a legion of tall blonde women with weapons, but you had to go and ruin that didn't you?
You are a very very bad man.

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
Why so sad, Clint?
I got kazaa and along with free video games I have been downloading rediculous pictures of goth girls
What do you mean?
topless girls in graveyards, girls wearing rediculous black angel wings in public, pictures of girls in front of Marylin Manson collage shrines made in the bedrooms of their parent's houses
That seems kind of funny. Why does that make you sad?
Becasue sometimes I fall in love.

 

by Culturejamming
12-02-02
Andy I failed Logic and it is all your fault.
Why is that MY fault?
Becasue I built you to help me learn logic and all you did is rant and cry and break things
Why do you hate me why why why why?
If I had spent half as much time reading the book as I did creating Andy I would have probably have gotten an A
If anyone needs me I'll be upstairs smashing everything you like.

 

by Culturejamming
2-18-03
I think we should build our own search engine
Man google's got the lock on the market. There is no way you could host a profitable search engine
Well how about one that breaks even?
Well if you were willing to dum 20 hours a week into it maybe. Why all the interest?
I want to set up a search engine set up so that when someone types in eminem I want it to say "Did you mean enema"?
Man, we really have to get you a hobby

 

by Culturejamming
2-18-03
It has been shown that rats in captivity display an inverse relationship between agression and cage size
I can't take it anymore! I've been snowed in for 4 days now!
Seriously what would you be doing otherwise?
When the rats are given a chance to move freely outside of the cage for even an hour a day seems to partialy negate the effects of the smaller cage
Perhaps buying beer and cigarettes
You don't even smoke all of the time. You only want beer and cigarettes because you don't have any.
:however if the rats are left in a confined area without removal the agression will eventualy manafest as violence
You know what else I don't have? A fistfull of red hair. I wonder where I could get that?
Are you threating me? Bring it, stickboy.

 

by Culturejamming
2-18-03
Is this boring or what?

 

by Culturejamming
2-18-03
Hey Clint, what are you up to?
Just being stranded here in the snow
Well that's why I bought the new H2 from Hummer. Nothing is going to hold me back, BAY-BEE! I'm X-TREME to the MAX!
So you get 4 mpg city all year just in case it snows once?
Well who's stranded and who isn't?
I think we have about equal chances of driving out of here once the snow melts enough for us to actualy FIND our cars

 

by Culturejamming
3-23-03
Çáíæã
Whoa there buddy, I'm on your side. I think the actions of the United States are totaly out of line
ÚÑÖ ÇáÊáÝÒíæä ÇáÚÑÇÞí ÕæÑÇ
I totaly agree. The reason the despots are in power is because the US allows it. I'm on your side
If you think Saddam can be removed by diplomatic actions please go protest in Bagdad
JIHAD!!!

 

by Culturejamming
3-23-03
I am protesting the war in Iraq
I am protesting your protest
I am a moron
I am an even bigger moron
I just don't understand politics and I think killing is bad
I also don't understand politics but I know whatever the filthy hippies think is wrong

 

by Culturejamming
6-21-03
I was at the bar the other night with a couple friends of my dad. This one chick and I were talking and flirting and stuff.
DID YOU SCORE?
I think she's a little weirded out over it, and I was far too drunk to say anything besides things like "I do not like velveeta cheese".
You're a full grown man. It's not like she commiting some kind of statuory rape
You forget I moved back in with my dad. Hello, Chip I am here to pick up your son FOR SEX
Oof, Good Point

 

by Culturejamming
6-21-03
Beer #1
SO then the nurse says, 50 bucks the same as downtown, cowboy!
HAHAHA! That's a good one
Beer #4
Why can't I get laid? Am I that ugly?
I LOVE YOU, MANG
Beer #8
I HAGE A IQ Of `138 i THINK i wood know if the CHINEESE GOVERNMENT stoled your shoes out OF MY GArage
mine is 165 OMG WE ARE THE SMARTEST Peoplez IN THE WORLd0!! wE should WRITE a book ABOUT how Smart WE R and they WOULD TOtally USE it to TEACH people At coLLEge

 

by Culturejamming
6-21-03
So here is my new idea. I'm going to do stand up comedy. First I'll come out and act really nervous and then dart offstage.
Is that supposed to be funny?
and then I come back wearing groucho glasses and my jacket turned inside out, and come back as "The unknown comic" and then I get in a fistfight with an audience plant
ummmm....
So what do you think? Too edgy?
i'm not sure the world will ever be ready for your "comedy", but I think people will like it when they think you have been hurt.

 

by Culturejamming
6-21-03
Hello
Hi there
My name is April
I'm glad I remembered to wear clean underwear today.
What did I say?

 

by Culturejamming
8-22-04
I was helping to move a senile customer into a nursing home the other day
Fascinating
The weird part is she kept grabbing at my ass all day
was she nice about it or did she dig her fingernails into your rectum?
If digging fingernails into the rectum isn't "nice" I'm not sure I understand the word
it's all about figuring out which one is the special dingleberry nail

 

by Culturejamming
8-22-04
I gave up on yelling at people on the internet because they never shoot themselves afterwards
Meh, i think it's still a little fun
Oh, man if you could invent a thing that would hurt people through the internet I'd be so into it
Just wait until they invent a USB thing for giving people orgasms
Why the hell would I care about something like that?
In a week someone will hack it so that it burns people's genitals

 

by Culturejamming
8-22-04
WOO HOO! PARTY LIKE A GOTH!!

 

by Culturejamming
8-25-04
Hey, Clint what's up?
I haven't had a cigarette in over a week. I am a will power god thing!
Uh I wouldn't really know. Robots don't smoke.
I feel sorry you can't understand the badass willpower machine that is me
What about the people who never gave into peer pressure and started smoking in the first place?
THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND MY STRENGTH HAHAHAHAHA!

 

by Culturejamming
8-25-04
Hey Clint, I heard you quit smoking
That is right I AM THE MASTER OF WILLPOWER BOW TO ME
Hee hee, I bow to thee, sir
I mean that kind of kind of bowing where you have your legs under you and your hands on the ground and you are all HAIL and shit
What kind of bow? You're not being very clear
HOW ABOUT YOU SUCK IT. PUT YOUR MOUTH AROUND MY PENIS! Was that clear enough?

 

by Culturejamming
8-25-04
How come america isn't as interested in space travel as they used to be?
Well a good deal of the space race was proving that we had better rocketry than the soviets and therefore could more accurately launch ICBMS
So the only reason people were ever interested in the space race was to kill other people?
Also the astronaut was like the new cowboy. Alan Sheppard hitting a golf ball farther than any man ever because he did it on the moon....etc
I don't understand.
How pissed off do you think America was when we sent up a married couple at the same time and didn't get at least a book about 0 grav fornication?

 

by Culturejamming
8-29-04
You should be publicly castrated!
Who the hell are you and why do you think you have the right to talk to me?
I am captian jackoffmoron!
So you have no argument, but you still felt the need to argue with me?
inspired by yet another moron that felt compelled to comment in my journal
I rest my case
MAKE THE HURTING STOP

 

by Culturejamming
9-03-04
I don't fucking get this fucking pehneomenon. i type my name in a thing and it tells me how big my dick is based on a random number generator?
IT IS MEME FUN SUPER HAPPY FUN #1!!!
That made no sense at all and just made me angrier and more perplexed as how someone could possibly think that your stupid script is interesting
FUN FUN NUMBER 1
OH FUCK IT ALL. DIE MEME POSTING CUNTRAG WHORE! YOU WANT TO BE A FUCKING CARTOON? HERE'S 7 POUNDS OF FUCKING DYNAMITE DIE

 

by Culturejamming
4-19-07
The army is offering me 20 thousand dollars to re-enlist in Iraq and continue to work 100 hour weeks for about four dollars an hour
Or I could get out and get a job as a school teacher and work 180 days a year
Or I could just *pretend* to be crazy during the return home psych eval and live off the VA for the rest of my life like H.M. Murdok from the A-team

 

by Culturejamming
4-19-07
So there is the proposal, Soldier
You are offering me less than the difference in pay I lose in a year being in the army to re-up for two years?
But we're in Iraq that means it is TAX FREE!!!! FREE MONEY HOOAH WHO DOESN'T WANT MY FREE MONEY?
This is far from free. You want to BUY TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE at ten thousand dollars a year.
Well if you look at it that way if you go in career you could get 400,000 for the rest of your life counting pension
I can also get 400,000 from my army life insurance, but I don't want to cash that in either

 

by Culturejamming
4-19-07
You buy limited edition gold beanie baby four hundred dollars?
Look Haji, I don't want what you are selling. Other Americans might pay outrageous sums of money for stupid stuff, but not me
How about photo of American Pam Anderson no shirt on 14 dollars
I'm not going to spend a lot of money on something just because I'm not supposed to buy it. I'm better than that
Bottle of Absolut 35 dollars?
deal

 

by Culturejamming
4-19-07
Hello we are here to check your house for explosives
UMMM UHHH *sweat*
Ok we didn't find any explosives, but I'm pretty sure you've been murdering people here
Ok you got me are we going to jail now?
No because without bodies we'd just have to release you in 14 days. The US is combining 1st world standards of proving guilt with third world evidence gathering!
I LOVE USA!!!

 

by Culturejamming
4-19-07
Hello we are here to check your house for explosives
UMMM UHHH *sweat*
Ok we didn't find any explosives, but I'm pretty sure you've been murdering people here
Ok you got me are we going to jail now?
No because without bodies we'd just have to release you in 14 days. The US is combining 1st world standards of proving guilt with third world evidence gathering!
I LOVE USA!!!

 

by Culturejamming
4-19-07
I kill you USA Joe!
Now why would you do that?
You marry me NOW!
Wait what? You're like 7?
THEN GIVE ME CANDY OR YOU DIE
You make my head hurt

 

Welcome to Dohuk I am Tukey whore! Do you want me to make the sexy?
What do I say to this?
by Culturejamming, 4-19-07

 

The clint trading card stats so far
earnd CMB, 5 "saevs", 5 RPGs,1 VBIED, about 20 IEDs, about 200 missions and STILL ALIVE.
How can you tell?
by Culturejamming, 4-19-07

 

by Culturejamming
2-04-08
My friend is a teletype relay operator
What exactly is that?
People routinely want to transmit "I can't wait to put my meat in your softness" and she either has to hear it and type it or read it and say it
I would just laugh and never stop And then repeat it about thirty times
I tried to get her to log this stuff and put it on my website, but she said NO. Something about losing her job and being arrested.
What a pussy

 

by Culturejamming
2-04-08
Did you hear about the anti-fatty law in Mississippi?
They're making it illegal to be fat?
The law would make it illegal for resturuants to serve obese patrons
Oh man, that's going to piss off so many fatties
They're still pissed off about the ruling they can be required to buy two seats on the airplane
Fatties worldwide rise up in anger, then quickly sit down again, panting and sweating heavily

 

by Culturejamming
3-26-08
I saw your coffee mug in the sink.
Would you like it better somewhere else? I have an idea where you can put it
It's just that it says "Word's greatest nothing" Don't you think that's kind of a negative image to wake up to every day?
You mean compared the thought that even if you didn't get out of bed at all the world would keep ticking away? The idea that everyone is a cog in a machine that is going nowhere?
Why do I bother talking to you?
I ask myself that same questionn every time you walk in the room.

 

by Culturejamming
3-26-08
It was a tough year in Iraq, but I am tougher
I encountered IEDs, Heat, RPGs, cold, VBIEDS, snipers and lived to tell the tale
I do however have a weakness and only one person knows what it is

 

by Culturejamming
3-26-08
AND THAT PERSON IS MECHA-SHKIRA!!!
Her hips don't lie, but they do fire rocket propelled grenades!!
Maybe one day I'll have a real arch nemisis
I'm sorry there is no such thing as mecha shakira. I have no idea why I say these things.

 

by Culturejamming
3-26-08
I am a strong runner
I can consistently outrun men 10 years younger than me
... but I have a secret

 

by Culturejamming
3-26-08
A TERRIBLE SECRET
It's worse than any performance enhancing drug
In my head I sing "break my stride" by trek to myself while I run

 

by Culturejamming
3-26-08
I like spending time with you.
I like you too. I saw a show about birds in flight last night. If you could be any kind of bird what bird woudl you be?
I'd be a seagull. I like the way they kind of surf the wind and float in the water.
AND EAT GARBAGE? Seriously that's disgusting. How could you want to be a seagull?
How can you ask an open ended question then get mad at my asnwer?
Well I didn't knwo you would answer it WRONG!

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