All comics by Dark_Pulse

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by Dark_Pulse
12-22-05
DUDE! What the FUCK are you doing in my Bathroom!
...your vife left me some treats, bleh.

 

...and remember dear, if you don't put up this picture, I won't let you tie me up.
...Yes, dear...
by Dark_Pulse, 12-22-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-22-05
Bill, I'm leaving. I've decided to get a coop of my own, and settle down and raise a few hatchlings.
Well, gee... I dunno what to say. I'm gonna miss you dude.
But since I'm going to leave you, I'll let you ask me one question. Any one.
OK... What is the meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything?
Rotor Turbines and Gravitons.
LIAR!!!

 

...What?!
by Dark_Pulse, 12-22-05

 

I have to say... it don't look that good on you, Jack.
by Dark_Pulse, 12-22-05

 

...OK, and the burglar broke into your house... when?
*Spin! Spin! Spin!*
by Dark_Pulse, 12-22-05

 

@!#?@!
Hey! Hey Doc! Yeah, Doc. I got your "Wabbit Season" right here Doc! Let me stick this carrot up your ass, Doc! You'll need to see the doc when I'm through with you Doc! So Doc...
by Dark_Pulse, 12-22-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-22-05
No! Chicken, you can't leave me.
But I must, Clara. I am merely a wanderer who wishes to get a coop of my own, and settle down and raise a few hatchlings.
Please! I'll do anything for you!
Worry not, Clara. There shall be a Rotor Turbine and Graviton with your name on it in my book, "Confessions of a Teenage Hatchling."
What the fuck are you talking about?
Good question. Ask the smartass who makes the comics.

 

...too bad he could give less then a shit when you're awake.
Pussies.
by Dark_Pulse, 12-23-05

 

...30 Silver?! Who would pay that much for a seat?!
by Dark_Pulse, 12-23-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-23-05
It deeply saddens me to have to do this, Chicken, but your Rotor Turbine and Gravitons must end here.
I stood there and watched the knife glisten in his hand. It shook just a bit, and he occasionally had to reseat his grip on the handle due to his palm sweating. So I said the only thing I could...
...What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-23-05
You don't want to do this?
It's not that...
You see, all my life, I've been dreaming of the perfect woman. She likes what I like. She laughs at what I laugh at. She snuggles me all the time.
And let's face it, you're just a fucking slut.

 

It took approximately two years for Suzie to realize something was funny about Frosty.
...Hey, wait a second...
by Dark_Pulse, 12-23-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-23-05
I dunno. Are you sure you're not going to drug me and date rape me or something?
Look, baby, it's my Parents' basement. I'm not going to do anything to you while they're home.
...So they're home right now?
Nope.

 

...You take the high road...
...and I'll take the low road...
by Dark_Pulse, 12-23-05

 

Durrr, red stuff is pouring out forehead..
by Dark_Pulse, 12-31-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-31-05
Customer: The CrazyPerson(TM) Personal Security System is an improvement from the older-version WeirdPerson(TM) System.
Formerly, your Security would attack anyone tresspassing on your property by beating them to death with a steel dildo.
Your current one does the same thing, only in a Bunny Suit and it will sing the song "Kum-Bi-Yah" as it cheerfully defends your property.

 

Hi! I'm DeepFried Baconstrip.
...Holy Fuck.
by Dark_Pulse, 12-31-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
12-31-05
So, you wanna come in?
I dunno... I mean, you're a real nice guy and all... you're charming, and funny, and all sorts of good things, but you're missing that special... "something."
Did I tell you I can unfurl my tongue to about six inches in length?
...I'll get upstairs and start stripping naked.

 

Oh, wow, Katie! Those are some bulbous jubblies you got there... Why don't you take the rest off while I go take a leak real quick...
by Dark_Pulse, 12-31-05

 

by Dark_Pulse
1-03-06
I hate society.
Me too, but I actually hate society. You just hate it because you can't find a boyfriend, can't get laid if you paid for it, and no guys will go out with you, so you become a closet lesbian.
...
...I hate you.
And that's why I have a penis and you don't. Nyahh-Nyahh.

 

by Dark_Pulse
1-03-06
Oh my god, it's like he's never been with a girl before...
...So yeah, heheh, I'm kinda nervous. I mean, I've BEEN with girls before, but ya know, none quite, uh, as pretty as you...
I swear to god, I'm never letting Chrissy set me up on blind dates again. Ever. I'd rather gnaw my own foot off then go out with a guy like this again...
..In my free time I like to play with my Star Wars figurines, and play online games. I love the ones where I can just go "BOOM! HEADSHOT!"
...So, who gets to be on top?

 

by Dark_Pulse
1-04-06
Mrs. Stevens? Can Chucky come out and play today?
No Suzie, Chucky looked at Mrs. Stevens wrong today, so Mrs. Stevens put an axe into his head, chopped him up into morsels and fed him to Buck the Dog.
Well, he told me to leave you a message if you ever did something like that.
"Free at last, bitch!"

 

Look Jay, I said I'd like to get wet, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind!
by Dark_Pulse, 1-04-06

 

...God damn Son of a...
by Dark_Pulse, 1-04-06

 

by Dark_Pulse
5-24-06
Chicken, as President of these fine states, I hereby pardon you. You will live out the rest of your days in freedom and happiness.
Well gee, thanks President Bush.
...but why are you congratulating me in a cave?

 

by Dark_Pulse
5-24-06
...And with us today we have the ever-popular and eponymous YTMND fad, Mr. N*gga. Mr. N*gga...
Please, call me Bill. Bill N*gga.
Alright, Bill. What do you have to say about your current fame on the internet?
...
N*gga stole my Mic!

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-02-06
Mr. Scott! There's... something on the porch.
Some.............
.............thing!

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-02-06
so hey sup i bn not doing much how bout u u bin doin ok? :)
...I'm fine, Stacy...
lol thaz kewl wit me cuz u kno hwo much i <3 u n wil b there 4 u alwys...
...Stacy...
mi nam s not stacy its hotgurl1991 dont u kno hw 2 get wit the times? hey lets shw sum boys r boobs, lol! :D

 

By hiding under a mask during the apocalypse, Steve hangs around with Death, earning $10 from his friends.
...Hmm, I could've sworn there was someone else around here...
by Dark_Pulse, 7-02-06

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-02-06
Whewe's my bait?
Thufferin' Thuccotash, I'd better get outta here!

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-02-06
I AM... TOBOR. I BID YOU... VELCOME.
Uhh, dude... you don't want to put your teeth there man. Trust me.
By the way, quit going to fucking Dollar General for your makeup.
TOBOR VILL SUCK YOUR BLOOD... THEN TOBOR VILL CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-02-06
Step 1: Fetch some water and throw it on the fire.
If you do not have any water handy, use something else that will suck all the hot air to extinguish the fire.
Oh, very funny Marcus. VERY funny!

 
by Dark_Pulse, 7-02-06

 

...Nope!
by Dark_Pulse, 7-02-06

 

...This trail leads right behind me...
by Dark_Pulse, 7-03-06

 

...Fuck.
How about NOW, you Devil-Hussy Woman!? I AM the last man on Earth, you know! Repent, and then we can rebuild the human race!
by Dark_Pulse, 7-03-06

 
by Dark_Pulse, 7-03-06

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-03-06
It's, er, a seafarer's toga.
Arr.

 

by Dark_Pulse
7-31-06
Come on, dude. We've got some babes to catch.
You mean...
...Some Ho-Ho-Hos!

 
by Dark_Pulse, 10-19-06

 

by Dark_Pulse
10-19-06
Richie, I must say. I'm absolutely smitten with you.
You're always on my thoughts. Your face, your eyes, your hair, it's all just absolutely perfect to me.
...hold still! I need to make percision slashes if I want to make "Best Crime Scene Photo" in this month's Serial Killer's Digest!

 

Suddenly, without warning, Jacob gets his one wish granted.
Yes! Take that, Standardized Time Zones!
by Dark_Pulse, 10-19-06

 

by Dark_Pulse
10-19-06
Thanks for taking my baby, Bill Gates.
Oh, don't mention it. Everything will be fine with him, I promise.
Now, what am I going to name you... hmm... I know, how about "Stan"... no, hmm... I got it! "Satan"!
30 Years Later...
...Look, Dad, for the love of all that is unholy, could you please NOT embarass me down here at work?!
Listen up you little bastard, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't even know how to lift your tail when you take a shit! So shut up and poke Paris Hilton some more, dammit, or I'll spank you right now!!

 

by Dark_Pulse
10-19-06
I don't know... what if this guy's all... gross? I mean, what if he just wants to get into my pants? Pigs...
Hold tight, Ace... with your rugged good looks and jut-jawed chin, one good look and she'll wet her panties!
...Guess I'll get some Cucumbers on the way home...

 

by Dark_Pulse
10-23-06
You know, I've been thinking. If selling stuff is legal, and fucking is legal, why isn't it legal to sell fucking?
It's "Demeaning to women."
...and how would you know? You're a geek, Jeth.
...hey, I know my stuff.
SysNet :: #welovegeeks
Hey baby, you look digitalicious. How about we combine our bitstreams? I've got a DWORD to put into your AX register...

 

by Dark_Pulse
10-23-06
...and fighting broke out overnight between rival factions along the Israeli-Syrian border.
But first, our top story...
...is your pet psychic? Here's some signs to look for...

 

...Then I brought him home and ate him! *Munch* *Gulp* Mmmm... *BURP*
by Dark_Pulse, 1-16-07

 

by Dark_Pulse
1-16-07
Ummm.... Hi.
...I like Trains.
...And boobs.
Sweet!

 

After trapping excesss thetans, Xenu found a very cooperative native population willing to guard over them, ensuring they would never escape. Ever.
by Dark_Pulse, 10-30-07

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