All comics by KajunFirefly

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by KajunFirefly
8-08-01
hey, this latest strip sucks, what am I paying these people for? the scientist guy's just not believable and the "UG" joke's getting old!
Brian, how much am I paying you? How can you possibly expect me to put the "Kajun" name to this shit, you guys had better pull your fucking finger out down there, I'm against a lot of competition!
I know Mr Sanchez, I'm sorry, Maura's throwing a strop, she wants a million a strip for the next series or she wont play Jeanette anymore!
well fine, fucking fire her, we don't need that bitch, we still have a good cast, plus there's the Tinman crossover thing about to kick off!
uh, yeah, um, the "Andy Dougan" people don't want us using the character anymore, they say we've cost them the Comic Contest 3 times in a row, they're threatening me with physical violence!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-09-01
Mr Sanchez, after firing Maura some of the cast has went on strike, Alf refuses to work without her and Steve's not turned up today!
Steve'll just be hung-over, he could never get work anywhere else, and who the fuck is Alf?
Alf's the guy in the Flora robot suit!
well, fuck, you can be Flora from now on, we'll just have to run today's strip without Steve!
today's strip is supposed to be "Gareth meets Andy Dougan", we can't use Andy anymore and Steve's not here, it's supposed to be the start of a 7-parter.
fuck, well, looks like we'll just have to ad-lib it and hope no-one notices, give Rooney a phone, see if he can make it!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-09-01
right Brian, the suit fits, that's good, we need this strip ready straight away, I've got lowpass breathing down my neck, now, where's Rooney?
Um, he's over at Tinman's, he's appearing in a new comic over there!
bastard, I forgot, well, looks like it's going to be you and me......
yeah, have you written a script? or should we just play it by ear?
let's just play it by ear, stay clear of the "Ug" joke, we don't want to appear desperate, don't mention Andy Dougan or make reference to Tinman.
that's our entire repertoire out the window, we're screwed!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-09-01
oh god I'm so depressed, why wont girls ever like me? I think I'll go and have sex with my love droid!
hey Flora, let's go and have sex!
hey....uh I mean.... [ahem] hEy, YoU cAnT sPeAk To Me LiKe ThAt, YoU aRe So InSeNsItIvE!!!!
oh no, what a loser, guess I'll go kill myself then!
hey, I just realised, I'm actually a Tin Man, I could try and sell some kind of irony angle to Tinman Industries and maybe get a job!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-09-01
hey, I am Captain LowPass, that last strip was complete and utter cock butter, we can't host shit like that, you're bringing down our good name, your fired!
but, Captain Lowpass, I'm sorry, we've been having character problems, if you read the script that we had planned you'd realise it was a hell of a lot better!
listen Mr Firefly, I'll make you a deal, if you can improve your comics within the next week then we'll keep you, otherwise I'm deleting your account!
ok, thank you Captain LowPass, I won't dissapoint you...
...no, I wont dissapoint....
...I'll just bide my time then I'll crush you like a tiny bug, HA HA HA, your time is short Captain LowPass, the reign of Imago Sanchez is now!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-09-01
I can't believe Kajun sacked me, I was his main ratings puller, the "will they wont they" love story that we had gripped the nation, the bastard just doesn't recognise talent!
yeah, he left me out of the latest sketch, he told me I had a "drink problem", without us, he has no rebound characters, don't worry, I'm sure Tinman will hire us!
I think Tinman is trying to establish himself as an individual comic without leaning on Kajun too much, he won't want us!
but the cross-over possibilites are endless, he could poke fun at Kajun whilst improving his own ratings, there's no way he could turn us down!
but, he may want me to star in sex scene's with him, I would rather perform nude in an Andy Dougan sketch than sleep with Tinman!
you think YOU have problems, I've heard the rumours about this Tinman guy, he has some weird fetish for Spaceghost and Fred Flintstone, I fear for my own anal virginity!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-10-01
hey, look, isn't that Tinman over there? let's go over and shmooze!!
oh yeah, but I'm telling you, if he makes any kind of weird Thundercats references I'll scream and run away!
hey, would you like to buy an official Cassie Bernall t-shirt, it comes complete with a "WWJD" wristband and some other jesus crap!
um, no...thanks, I...uh, already have one, heh, um, I was wondering Tinman, is there any room for a red-headed bimbo in your comic strips?
hmm, how did you know I had a thing for red-heads? long flowing red hair.... [sigh]. I sure wish Lion-o wasn't stuck in The Cats Lair with that little runt Snarf!
aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-10-01
shit, this strip was supposed to be the start of an ongoing thing, "Rooney's stand-up", but I can't think of anything funny to say!
I'm really quite worried, my mind has drawn a blank and I fear that I'll just look like a complete dick!
[ahem] There once was a man from Nantucket....

 

by KajunFirefly
8-10-01
backstage at Rainstorm Enterprises studios
"Rooney's stand-up"?? What the fuck where you thinking?? I mean seriously, you're not even that funny, fuck me, my strip's going down the toilet!!
you do realise that I've got that wank-biscuit Captain LowPass breathing down my neck? he's threatening to erase my account!
well I thought, that, since this is a sinking ship anyway, I might aswell flaunt my own talents and see if anyone watching might want to hire me for TV or Film work!
hmm, I'll deal with Captain LowPass first, then I'll sort out this strip, all the cast are leaving me!
you might be too late, I'm starring in a film with Narinda from Big Brother, it's an Action Adventure Comedy Mystery Porno called "Nibushi Shang Hong: Anal Beard III"!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-11-01
Casa de Firefly
open up Kajun, I know your in there, don't make this any harder than it already is, I'm just going to erase your account, it'll all be over in a matter of seconds!
uh, no, I'm uh, I'm just uploading the new comic now, it's great, you'll really like it!!
as long as it doesn't involve your "ug" joke or make any reference to any other comic strips!
oh fuck, looks like it's going to have to be plan B!
I assume from your stunned silence that you've failed to create anything moderately funny, get ready to be erased!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-11-01
uh, ok Captain LowPass, I surrender, I'm coming out, you can delete my account!
I don't really have to do this in person, it just amuses me!
luchtig, krokante gevulde hapjes!
ah Kajun, now if you'd just like to....hey, wait a minute...what's wrong with your eyes?
ÐÌË çàþÐÅÌÑ!!!
oh sweet Mary Jesus the pain!!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-11-01
in limbo:
CAPTAIN GERALDINE HILARY LOWPASS, I'M HERE TO USHER YOUR SOUL INTO THE NEXT WORLD!!!
oh bollocks, that bastard Kajun must've killed me....
YES, RATHER NASTY BUSINESS THAT, THE OLD "DOS PAOLA NIBLA" EYE COMBUSTION, IT'S A CLASSIC!
...and only 6,387 days till retirement, could I ask you to do me one favour?
AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ME DOING ANYTHING GROSS, I'M PRETTY SQUEAMISH!
I was wondering if you could come up with a punchline, these strips have been lacking one since....shit.....I don't think they've EVER had a punchline!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-11-01
in limbo:
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE FARMER WHO WON THE NOBEL PRIZE?
no
HE WAS OUT STANDING IN HIS FIELD!
maybe it was better without the punch-line!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-12-01
Over at Captain LowPass' HQ:
if you are watching this tape, then it is because I am dead. If I died in suspicious circumstances then it was either Sir Wampenstein, Clen Withrop or Kajun Firefly that killed me!
[gasp]
If this is the case then I want you to seek and destroy my assasins!!
however, if I died of natural causes then please bury me at Sheilds Road underground station, I love that road [sniff] oh.................... and, uh, make sure my children get a good home!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-12-01
in the astro-planes of Sorbitan:
it appears I have lost my master, Firefly, prepare to die at the hands of Shabira Kohura Tanji claw!
your master screamed like a woman, I shall make you scream like.....a.....well...little girl!!
Shinjara Clambake Pastry Mask!!!
p-tchaa!
aaaaaiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!
DOS PAOLA NIBLA! Thighmaster Velcro Ring!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-12-01
lo hagas llegar a la siguiente dirección:
con objeto de tener una comunicación muy directa con nuestros clientes hemos incluido una Masculino!!
A lo largo de nuestra historia hemos recibido la atención tanto de prensa como de T.V que nos han halagado con algunos reportajes por lo original de nuestro concepto.
oh! Con una fuerte inversión y después de varios meses de arduo trabajo!!
Peña Pobre!
[sigh], Para nosotros es importante conocer tu opinión!
vroooooooomm!!! screeeeccchh!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-13-01
Reggie Noble - the guy who compiles the descriptions for the dictionary works on the 2002 edition:
lieu - noun, in lieu (of), instead of doing something...
lieutenant - noun -1. a deputy or substitute acting for a superior 2. a rank of officer in the British army, above second lieutenant and below captain.
life - noun, um...... er..... the uh, the meaning..... shit, um, er, aww bastard!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-13-01
in limbo:
aw hell, Kajun kicked my ass, he used that eye combustion thing, I'm sorry master, I've failed you!
don't be sorry, I wouldn't have sent you if I'd known we'd end up here, this is hell, they do unspeakably horrible things to you here!
but it looks as though you just hang around without a care talking to your buddies!
no, no, they do something horrible, something tragic, they make you......
...read only the last panels of stripcreator cartoons, last time I passed out trying to swallow my own leg!
ha ha ha, there's nothing worse than the last panel in a stripcreator cartoon, mwa ha ha ha!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-13-01
Outside the church at Andy Dougan's Bootleg T-shirt stall.
whattup Tinman? sell many t-shirts?
nah, business is slow, I'm thinking of packing it in, hows the comic strip coming along?
not bad, Captain LowPass tried to delete me, but I defeated him and his little bodygaurd ninja Fist of the North Star beeatcch!
hey....is this a strip? am I in a strip here??
why....yes, gosh this IS a strip, hmm, imagine that!
hey, you're just using me as a cheap way to recap the plot so far, you bastard, I feel so cheap and used!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-13-01
Kajun chases the dragon with a fat bag of the chronic!
woah, this is some good sheeaat, oh man, I'm so fucking stoned!!
Gran?

 

by KajunFirefly
8-14-01
6 months ago
aw man, Limp Bizkit rock, I love Significant Other and this new album kicks fucking ass!
yeah!
...and now on Top of the Pops, Limp Bizkit with "Rollin"
present day
man, Limp Bizkit suck!! They're album is just commercial shit, Papa Roach are the bomb!
yeah!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-14-01
at a Limp Bizkit concert:
"..feelin' like a freight train, first one to complain, leaves with a blood stain..."
YOU SUCK!
hey, what do you mean I suck? Why are you here? Haven't you bought all our albums?
uh, just the "Rollin" one, Eminem says you suck!
and? that doesn't make it so! Just cos Eminem says something doesn't mean you should believe him! don't you have a mind of your own?
how the fuck should I know? I popped 7 "E" before the concert, then some guy in the toilet sold me crack!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-14-01
At Karen's house:
I can't believe Karen agreed to go on a date with me, I must be the luckiest man alive.
*ding dong*
I have edited this comic.
Dick.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
it's strange, I had such a passion for these comics when I started, but now, I find it hard to think of something new, it's like "where do I go from here?"
it's just the same old thing, I suppose it's the lack of different characters and backgrounds, and having to stay withing the 3-panel format!
maybe I should just stop making these cartoons..... let someone else use up the webspace! I'm all dried up, I'm finished, it's over, the end of the road...........
listen here you stupid fuck, we've made this completely free website for you to be as creative as you like, and yet you complain? You fucking ingrate, get orf moi laaand!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
and so Kajun stopped making the comic strip. Flora found love on the internet with a Robot named Alf407x. They moved into an apartment in Edinburgh and soon gave birth to little Rx7Jnr.
HoNeY, i'M hOmE!!!
Oh HeLlO dArLiNg!! BaD nEwS i'M aFrAiD, wE dOn'T qUaLiFy FoR cHiLd SuPpOrT!!
oH, lOoKs LiKe It'S pRoStItUtIoN fOr YoU mY dEaR!
[initiate gasp sequence 590]

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
Jeanette finally found a man who could love and repect her, someone who made her laugh, someone who was sensitive and caring, no, not Kajun......
...Brian, the producer!
oh Brian, I'm so happy I found you, I've finally escaped that rut of horrible sex-craved monsters!
hey, don't worry babe, everything will be alright!
d'oh!
I love you darling!
SODOMISE!!! SODOMISE!!! SODOMISE!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
Gareth McBeefcake didn't find love, he never had to, he just lived a life of casual sex with beautifull women, he ended up in a succesfull job and lived quite happily ever after........the bastard!
hey bitch, I've got my own car and a job, I'm not THAT intelligent and can hardly hold a conversation, and....um.... FUCK?
I'd love to you huge chunk of man meat!
back at Gareth's love shack:
oh yeah, YEAH, taste the donk-ay!!!
aaaiiii, arrrghh, oh yes, YESS, give me your man-paste, arrrggghhh!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
Captain LowPass and his FotNS ninja bitch stayed in hell and were forced to read only the last panel of Stripcreator comics!
oh god, no, NO!!! It doesn't make any sense, AAAHHHH!!!
if one more person finishes there comic with "all your base are belong to us" or "what you say!", I'm going to stick my head up my ass!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
Andy Dougan, or at least, the Andy Dougan who existed in the universe of Kajun's comics, stayed in prison, the gaurd who put him there died and no-one could remember what he was there for....
...and so they forgot about him!
um...shit....I haven't been fed in ages, and what the fuck is that smell??
many years passed!
Mr Dougan, I'm here to reap your soul!
hey there shiny balls, would you like a biscuit!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
Kajun and Rooney tried there hand in the music business with their band "Wedgy". They are currently trying to put together their own production company and release their debut film "Qwang"!
so...hows the script coming along?
um, yeah, alright, I'm toiling with a couple of endings, and a few beginnings..... the characters are in the development stage..... and... uh.... the plot is, unclear!
many years passed!
so, ur [hic] I was thinking, we could make a movie about, like, a planet, full of, like, monkeys or something [hic]!
arrr, ya stupid bastard, yer just thinkin' about that other one, yar fuckin' fool!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-15-01
an artistic ending, like American Beauty!
sometimes I wish I had the chance to really appreciate a nice day, the smell of fresh cut grass, the sun glowing on a newly blossomed tree!
[sigh]
w@rez rulz!!!!
cungt

 

by KajunFirefly
9-25-01
hey man, it's good to finally get this comic up and running again!
wait a minute...... didn't you die as part of the strung out and over complicated storyline in Geniu$' comics?
hey man, don't start this shit ok? we want to get this comic back to normal, so, from now on we'll just pretend the Geniu$ comic never happened!
oh right, ok, I can see how that'll work!
aaaaarrrrggggggghhhh
YEAH DOS PAOLA NIBLA MOTHERFUCKER!! ha ha ha, fucking jack-ass!

 

by KajunFirefly
10-02-01
oh Kajun, it's so good to see you back, I'm sorry I acted so weird before, I was thinking.... would you like to, come round to my house tomorrow and....have sex?
uh...."vrrooom"?
hey, easy tiger!

 

by KajunFirefly
10-02-01
at Jeanette's:
oh man I'm so nervous, I guess I should just walk in....
Jeanette? Hello? oh, there you are...mmm, oooh, someone's had their Weetabix....mmm, yeah
oooh, yeah baby, um, yeah, oh YEAH!
oH yEs, InVaLiD sYsTeM dIcK, RePlAcE tHeN pReSs AnY kEy, iNiTiAtE mY PuBiC LaSeRs!

 

by KajunFirefly
10-13-01
"I wonder what happens when a man enters his own portal"
Andy Dougan?
Andy Dougan Andy, Dougan Andy Dougan Andy Dougan! Andy Dougan Andy Dougan Andy Dougan, Andy?
ANDY DOUGAN!!
DOUGAN!!!?!
A N D Y
Andy Dougan, Andy Dougan, Andy Dougan!

 

by KajunFirefly
10-13-01
hey man, how come you stopped making your comics? I mean, they were getting somewhere, topical, but with a harder edge than commercial pop-icon Andy "sellout" Dougan!
man?
sigh
hey...how come your ass is so swolen?

 

by KajunFirefly
10-15-01
uh, hey man, listen, I was wondering, my comic strip has been lacking in humour recently, and you seem to be a star in most of the "big" stripcreator strips, so, fancy starring in mine?
why yes, yes I would, I've been wanting to expand my career, what part did you have in mind?
well, I was thinking you could do your Tobor character, you know, man rape and all that?
oh heavens, will I never escape that character? I've been pigeon-holed as a homosexual rapist! who exactly do you want me to "man rape"?
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-04-01
Script meeting, Monday Morning
"raar, Tobor cornhole you now"? it just doesn't FEEL like something my character would say. His brother's been kidnapped, the Triad's are after him, I think he should be upset.
what the fuck are you talking about? there's nothing in the script about Triads, look, just rape the god-damn donkey so that people will read my comics!
Later...
so basically your in the park, the dog on the ball says something about owning your base, you turn round, and Clive....sorry, TOBOR, well he man-rapes you! It'll be hiliarious, it's a classic!
you know, I just don't think that another love scene is what the public really want, I mean, they've seen it before, we're not Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, I want to try Sci-Fi or maybe action adventure!
THIS ISN'T A FUCKING LOVE SCENE!!! IT'S RAPE GOD-DAMN IT!
I just don't see why you can't find someone else, ol' feet for ears has got a nice tight ass that's hardly been used, get the red fucker to cornhole his blue rectal passage!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-04-01
so Kajun....what is it we're doing here exactly?
we're going to steal Gareth McChauvenist's Mojo just like in "Austin Power 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me"
sO, hOw ArE wE gOiNg To ExTrAcT tHe MoJo?
Rooney's got a needle with him!
me? I thought Tinman was bringing the needle!
woof!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-04-01
here man, I got the syringe, I forgot I put it in my pocket
fuck sake, don't give it to me, I'm not doing it, here Kajun, you do it
right, here goes
zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz
We ShOuLd HaVe JuSt sToLeN jEaNeTtE's pAnTiE's, ThEy'Ve PrObAbLy GoT mOjO aLL oVeR tHeM! hA hA!
shut up you fucking arse!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-05-01
man, this is gonna be so sweet!
shit, he's waking up!
zzzz, hmmm uh, whu?....what's going on??
fUcK, rUn AwAy!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-05-01
LOOK OUT, HE'S GOT A GUN!
COME BACK HERE!!!
*BANG*
AAAH!
THUD!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-06-01

 

by KajunFirefly
11-09-01
uh, guys? did anyone get hurt?
What the fuck is going on here?
Rooney? Are you alright?
I think so....is that you Kajun? Where's Tinman?
ThErE's SoMeOnE oN tHe FlOoR!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-09-01
two weeks later, at the wake:
I still can't believe he's gone, I mean.....it's so shocking, you read about these kinds of thing, but you never think you'll have to deal with it yourself.
I know, I feel sorry for Gareth, he's got to live with murder in the name of cheap internet humour, that guy's gonna be fucked up for years!
hey Flora, how are you coping?
nOt ToO bAd, My EmOtIoN cHiP iS a LoT mOrE aDvAnCeD tHaN tHe ToBoR CoRnHoLe sErIeS, bUt I'm In CoNtRoL nOw!
I thought you'd be pretty cut up, didn't you guys have a small affair?
(processing) oH gOd, WhY dId KaJuN mAkE mE sO iNsEnSiTiVe??

 

by KajunFirefly
11-12-01
still at the wake:
hey man
hey, how are you getting on?
yeah, not bad man, I was in shock at first, but I'm cool now, how's everyone else?
Flora's pretty cut up, Jeanette's fine...
please, don't judge me on this set of comics, I had a vision which has now got lost somewhere, uh, I'll wrap it up in 3 panels then we'll say no more about it.
thank fuck!

 

by KajunFirefly
11-13-01
wait a minute, I thought Tinman was dead?
Hey Tinman
Hey Kajun
where are you going?
The graveyard, to pay my respects
oh, it's Andy Dougan that's dead, right, I see, that was worth reading all those strips...(ahem) RIP OFF!!
I'll miss you Andy

 

by KajunFirefly
11-13-01
hey there good lookin' mermaid type, fancy having dinner sometime?
sure, what we eatin'?
You could munch on my big black welly?
FUCK YOU, JERK!
maybe those liliputians will come round again, I could've sworn one of them winked at me.

 

by KajunFirefly
11-13-01
Johnny Castaway is filmed in front of a live studio audience
...and I never saw her again Doc, I can't stop thinking about her, I just want her to know that I'm sorry!
you know Johnny, time is a great healer. I have a date with a girl, Julia, that I met a while ago so I must dash off, but I'm sure you'll be ok!
Julia? but that's my lost love! you mean you're the other guy? you're the guy that she finds more intellectually stimulating? your her hunk of burning love?
oh god! Your the guy with the huge black cock? oh, I'm so sorry Johnny, somehow I must have got my wires crossed with hilarious consequences! ....again!
it seems like you've done that for the past 10 years doc, your like a thinking man "Keenan and Kel"!
she really said I was a "hunk of burning love"?

 

by KajunFirefly
11-13-01
man, when I get off this island, I'm going to go to Uni and study Philosophy, then I'll be the best damn philosopher in the land....
yeah I'll just philosphise all day long .............................. actually, what the fuck do philophers do? Do they work in an office? Are they private contractors?
who is my local philosopher? do they have a union? is there an on-line philospher? wait, what the fuck IS philosophy? it makes no sense!

Showing page 2.

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