All comics by Matchbook_Romance

Profile

 

Aight girl, let me see you shake that tail feather.
Huh? What are you talking about?
Turn that junk around and twerk that.
Like this?
Nahh girl, nevermind, you ain't bootylicious.
Dumbass...

 

I can't believe Finkelman is dead.
I know. It's such a shock.
So do you want to dig up his body, hump it, set it on fire and dance around it while the ashes rise into the midnight sky?
No.
Me either.
Let's go have a taco.

 

Clango teaches Rube how to weigh cocaine on a triple-beam scale.
Add two more grams...
With this hand?
Wrong hand...
oh.
You got it.
I am so happy...

 

 

You wouldn't happen to have a lighter on you by any chance?
?
Say, would you happen to have any nails?
?
Do you happen to be a butt pirate?
?

 

Please don't be mad at me Dawson, but I slept with Pacey again.
It's alright Joey, I slept with Jen again.
?
?
?
When the hell is the theme song going to play?!

 

Introducing Stripcreator Clothing Apparel!
The Shirt, S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL
The Hat! One size fits all!

 

Rianna, I know this may sound stupid, but can we have sex?
What the hell? What kind of question is that?
Sorry, you're right, can we go back to my house and get drunk?
I'm not in the mood, why do we need to drink?
So when you're drunk, I can take full advantage of you.
Oh, go look at porn why don't you?

 

Have a good day Mr. Mario.
And before you do anything else Eddie, make sure to put up the caution sign near the register because the floor is wet.
Hi, can I take your order?
Let's see, can I get a cheesburger...
One leg cast, and a law suit to go?

 

Err... what did I do officer?
Well...
Was it because I was going 75 in a 45 mph zone? Or the red light I ran?
Not exactly...
Well then, what was it?
I was going to write you a small ticket for a crooked license plate, but now that you mention it, I might as well ring those up too.

 

With www.online-whorez.com, I can buy a hot and cheap whore for the night!
Welcome!
Oh damn... this whore is ugly to the max. My hard-on is slowly decreasing!
Hey baby, ready to reproduce like rabbits?
They say beauty is a lightswtich away...
MMM... give me some more!
Mmm oh baby, tug on that tail!

 

I smoked a few cigarettes today.
Whoah man, cigarettes are really bad for you.
I think I'm addicted to them.
What makes you think that?
Oh, I dunno...
Want to get something to eat later?

 

Stepped out of reality, be back in five minutes.
This is so hard!
I've never dealt with this much adveristy before!
Back.
Sir, for the 5th time, would you like to super-size your order?
Nooooo wait, give me more time!

 

Hey, I went on a date with this nice hen.
Oh yeah? How did it go?
The dinner was real nice, all fancy and stuff, but I don't think things are going to work out.
Why is that?
She said I was too chicken for her.
Should I go get my drums and play a corny symbol crash?

 

And that's why you need to work on your game son.
When the girl walks away, you have to walk with her boy, be real smooth about it, don't give up.
I'm not your son, I'm a chair.
Oh shit, you're right. Must of been the weed talking. Oh son, can I you come here for a second!

 
Yahoo blows a fat nut. Oh come on, just laugh!

 

Hey Match, welcome to Umfumdisi Burger biatch, where if you finish all your food, you'll need turbo lax.
Can I get one large fry, a ham sandwich on rye, hold off on any flies, don't leave a between-the-legs surprise, and alcohol that shuts my eyes.
How about some absinth?
I think I'll pass.
Somewhere...
Boy, I could use some absinth to liven up this bananna.

 

You are so sweet!
I would do anything for you my love.
Oooo, tell me more!
Anything you ask, I shall do.
Would you get into a threesome with me, you, and my friend Johnny?
Anything but that.

 

Ohhh MAMAMIYA! I can't jump on this ghost!
Boooooo
Hey wait, if I look at the ghost, it'll run away from me!
Boooooo
How's about that?
I do hate this game we play...

 

Mmm hmm, yeah that's it.
Yeah, keep them coming.
?
So what? I'm into furries.

 

And now I will magically turn this bird back into a lovely woman.
HALLAMAZOOLA!
Wait, why did you turn me into a cat?
When the lunch bag is marked Maestro The Great, it means it's for Maestro The Great.

 

Sorry Annie for being late.
What were you doing?
YEAH BABY, HEADSHOT! Oh shit, I have to meet Annie soon!
I'm still leading, bitch! OH MAN, HALO ROCKS!
Male bonding.
Oh.

 

Hmm yes... large feet, goofy eyes.
Black and white coat, noted.
I have come to the conclusion that you, are indeed a penguin.
Brilliant deduction, ASSHAT.

 
Insert tiger here.

 
Shit, you win.

 

So that's a number 5, and hold the pickles right, for here or to go?
Well duh, it's for here.
I'm sorry sir, I'm required to ask that.
Well can't you see I drive a bike? Look at my helmet. You can't eat while you're on your bike. I'm just stating the obvious.
So what kind of bike is it? Huffy? Schwin?
Just give me my damn food.

 

Oh Jesus, where were you when my mom went blind?
Yeah about that, I was getting my cross repainted and my nails polished, let me make it up to you!
MEOW! WATER?!
I learned this back in the day, an old school trick, let me teach you how to walk on water.
Jesus, you're 0 and 2 with me. 0 and 2.
At least my wood looks nice.

 

And that's another reason why having two eyes is better than one.
Yarrr!
Am I getting through to you?
Yarrr!
Good, as long as we see eye to eye.
YARRR!

 

Ed asked me to buy some skimpy clothing to wear for him. Want to come by and check it out?
Sure, I think I'll have a good laugh!
So this is it, what do you think?
Hmmm...
Well?
Can you turn around and bend over for me? I need to inspect further.

 

So as of now, Arnold is our new California Governor.
Wow, that's great!
So what now?
I don't know.
There's an Arnold Movie Marathon on Channel USA, want to watch it?
Sure, why not?

 
You guys have licenses for those?

 

So, how did we pick the planet Earth to take over?
Through careful calculation and intense studies.
Oh really?
Yes, it took awhile but we've come to one important fact.
What would that fact be?
Earth has some great ballpark franks.

 

Knock knock...
Why hello there, isn't it a bit early to go Trick-Or-Treating?
Insolent human scum!
Even playing the part! It's amazing these days how children can play roles!
You still don't get it.
Let me see if I have some candy for you anyways!
Ooo, what kind?

 
Damn humans always run out of toilet paper.

 

Rough stalemate.
Someone want to order a pizza?

 

Oh damnit... I dropped the bullets.
Can you hurry up? Mom said if I was murdered by you, she can collect the insurance.
Damnit, I dropped the gun too. Let me see if I could burn you with this magnifying glass.
Come on!
This isn't going to work. I can't stand all this pressure!
Oh come on Dad, you did it with Joey.

 

You guys have been observing Earth and probing people for the longest time. Why do you do it?
Out of pure pleasure.
Your kind sickens me.
Sorry my Ecoli cologne is on.
Asshole.
Did you say asshole?

 

Prepare for incineration.
OH NO NOOO!!!
Damnit, why do we have a Saigon Whore button?
Fi dollah...

 

Arnold harrased me at the candidate party.
He harrased me too!
Yo baby.
Shit.
He did?
No wait, sorry it was Kobe.

 

Well, enough about the whereabouts of Sadaam.
The next basketball season for the L.A. Lakers is going to be extraordinary!
Oh, how so?
Well, Karl Malone has been added the team. So now there's 3 huge stars on the team! Shaq, Karl Malone and Kobe!
Yeah but, Kobe can't play from jail.
You and your small technicalities.

 

So, that's a number 3 to go? That will be $3.25
I get the senior citizen discount.
Oh, I'm sorry sir. That comes to $2.89. Enjoy your meal!
Thanks.
Excuse me Eddie, why did you give that young man a senior citizen discount?
Well Mr. Mario, he did say he was 85.

 

How goes the invasion ensign?
It's going just fine sir, everything is going as planned.
Hummm, tell me the truth ensign.
The truth sir?
Yes, that is what I ask.
The truth is, I can really use some Pepto Bismol.

 
I could really go for those military rations right about now.

 

Why are taking over the Earth again? I don't understand, our planet is fine enough. We are already light-years ahead of Earth.
Well...
Our planet's vegetation and wild-life is amazing. Our people aren't ill-mannered, nor ill-tempered. Our resources are infinite unlike Earth's depleting resources.
That's true.
So tell me again, why are we trying to take over Earth?
The ballpark franks, the ballpark franks.

 

You must sell your kiwis to fill your quota or your next paycheck will be void.
Sure Mr. Mario, will do!
Hello sir, can I interest you in some nice, ripe kiwis?
Let me see...
Take your time sir, your patronage is much appreciated!
With my x-ray glasses, I can zoom into your kiwis... little girl.

 

Excuse me ensign, are you filling your quota by killing the correct amount of humans?
I believe so sir, my x-ray gun is in full use.
If you aren't, you get thrown into the empty void and we zoom off without you.
I know, I know sir.
Anyways, has anyone ever told you that you look like a kiwi?
Has anyone ever told you to change your underwear?

 

Kiwi
Quota
Void
X-Ray
Zoom
Kiwi, AWW DAMNIT.

 

*Click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
We'll have to compromise and share. By the way, nice color on your boxers.
Yeah I guess so, and thanks for the comment. By the way, what color are your boxers?

 

*Click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Are you gellin' ?
Like Magellan!

 

50 comics ago, it was my 50th Comic, and 50 comics before that I just made my account.
So this makes your 100th comic!
Yes, it is and I'm excited about it!
You should be! We've had a lot of good times along the way!
We have Chumley! It's been quite a trip. Although after 100 comics, I worry that I'm still a newbie.
No need to worry Jeffrey, you still are.

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