All comics by TheElPaso

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by TheElPaso
11-27-01
Spankling challenges Jesus
Hi. I am here to challenge you to a fight.
That's not fair! I'm tied to a friggin stick! There's no way I can win!
Elsewhere....
I'm here as a cameo to score extra points.
I also score extra points for not using the C word.
Back in the main story...
Let me remind you, that I'm tied to a stick too.
I shouldn't have asked.

 

by TheElPaso
11-27-01
Hiding out in this closet is the best thing I've thought of. I may actually make it through a comic without anything bad happening to me!
Uh oh, I hear something, so I'll just hope it's not there.
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
sigh.....

 

by TheElPaso
11-27-01
Whoops, did I make your computer freeze? Oh, don't be such a baby. Besides, you were going to do this anyways, if you haven't already.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
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by TheElPaso
11-27-01
This____________could______________
It looks like you're writing a letter, how may I help?
It looks like you're trying to give me advice on writing a letter, how may I help?
go_______________on_______________
It looks like you're trying to help me give you advice on writing a letter, how may I help?
It looks like you're trying to assist in helping you to give me advice on writing a letter, how may I help?
forever.
It looks like you're trying to aid in the assist to help me to give you advice on writing a letter, how may I help?
It looks like you're trying to make yourself useful in the aid in the assist to help you to give me advice on writing a letter, how may I help?

 

by TheElPaso
11-28-01
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE THE SECOND ASIAN GIR... WHAT THE?
It looks like you're trying to cornhole an asian girl. How can I help you?
GET OUT OF TOBOR'S WAY SO HE CAN CORNHOLE THE SECOND ASIAN GIRL!
It seems you're looking for somebody. Can I help you?
DON'T MAKE TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU!
It looks like you're trying to write a threatening letter. May I assist you in some way?

 

by TheElPaso
11-28-01
So, what do you want, little girl?
SUCKY SUCKY!
That's not a toy. Now, what else...
Give me SUCKY or else I'll transform into a fucking monster!
Now, you seem to have an imagination. I recommend you a box of legos, or mayve.... Oh shit.
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!

 

by TheElPaso
11-28-01
Not that damn paper clip trying to help me again.....
If I say nothing, then he'll assume nothing's wrong and won't try to help me...
WELL? HOW THE FUCK CAN I HELP YOU?

 

by TheElPaso
11-28-01
So, uh, should we fight to the death or determine the winner by who can watch "Different Strokes" reruns the longest?
What the?
You wanted to change the background to "bombs". You accidentally clicked on "whitehouse".
I thought I sent some kamikaze Afghans to blow this place up back around mid-early September.....

 

by TheElPaso
11-28-01
Whatchutalkinbout?
We give up! Blow up the Earth, just don't make us watch this!
Yes, please, I need to save my puke for later!
No, no, you all have won!
The true enemy reveals himself.
Yes! You may have this planet, we'll just make another one!
It seems you're looking for the remote. Well, this time you can help yourselves!

 

by TheElPaso
11-28-01
Okay, if you give us full rights to this planet, we'll give you a gamecube.
I want games. 10 of them.
Allright. Deal?
Deal.
Sucker, doesn't realize we're just going to blow it up...
Sucker, doesn't realize he's getting ten copies of "Pikmin"...

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with this gamecube?
It seems you are trying to get rid of your games. How can I help?
Here, take them. I don't care. I just don't want them any more.
Wow, gamecube! And ten whole dfferent copies of "Pikmin"! I'm going to be popular guaranteed! Here, you can have the remote to your TV back!
Well, that was nice. He's going to heaven for sure... Hey! He took the batteries!

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
From Heaven (remodeled into a spaceship)
Let's see, was it the red button or the blue button that destroyed Earth?
It seems you want to blow up the Earth. My built in magnification feature can help you.
The red button
Destroy Earth
The blue button
Self Destruct
Oh well, I'll just push them both.

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
Heaven
Earth
Hell
Your idea to zap everyone to Hell was a great idea, Spankling! Here, have a free snickers bar!
You mean I can run my own bar? You truly are the greatest.

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
Tell you what, you get rid of this damn paperclip, and you can have control of all the planets.
Let me see him.
It seems you wanted to see me. How can I help you?
Fair enough.
With our new metal detector, he won't have a snowman's chance in hell from escaping!
I heard that.

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
zzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz
yawn... Huh what? Oh, that's the end of the story. Prologue: Satan took the Universe, Jesus watched TV reruns, Spankling got drunk,and the demon was laid off. Man, that was exciting.
I was on the edge of my seat!
You were?
No.

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
What's the difference between you and me?
I give up.
When a guy slaps me, I stop sucking!

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
I hate that there's no editing or deleting on this site.
Yeah, but what would happen if someone hacked and took advantage of these abilities?
Well, probably this.
hump my leg please i fucking like that fucking shit fucking good!
piss in my mouth it makes me want to fuck ur mom a lot and u at the same fuckin time
By the way, if you had read the FAQ's.....
I'm a freakin' newbie! Do newbies ever read FAQ's? NO!

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
I hate you.

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
I sent out my resumé yesterday, I put on it "I want to join a violent, brutal group with no regard for the law..."
I wonder if I'll get the job.
Hey, here's the letter they sent in response!
"Sorry, the IRS is not hiring at this moment." Damn.

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
You're a whore, you bitch!
So are you.
No I'm not, I'm a chicken farmer.
How do you figure?
I raised over 200 cocks this year!
Make that 201!

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
Well, this job at the IRS is great!
Here's a letter. I wonder what it says. Well, you can read it.
"I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00. Sincerely, Hugh Janus."
"P.S. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."
!!!!!

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
Give me your money!
You can't do this to me, I'm a US Congressman!
Oh, then give me MY money!

 

by TheElPaso
11-29-01
I'm like your mom, only without warts.
I'd like to use you as a toilet.
Cut off your penis and then we can have sex.

 

by TheElPaso
11-30-01
Well, I adopted.
Without telling me?
If you get any letters addressed to me containing huge amounts of money, do not read them, just give them to me.
Well... okay.
Elsewhere...
Where in the hell is my baby?
I don't know, I'm just a rocker.

 

by TheElPaso
11-30-01
Uh-oh.....
Not again.....
JUST STOP PISSING YOUR GODDAMN PANTS OKAY!

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
So then I sez "You can't generate new universes without first fusing the dimensionals with time/space!"
Ha ha ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
So I said to him "You can't degenerate Earth without first fusing nuclear bombs to mass launchers!"
ha ha ha
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
"You are the sole survivor of the apocolypse. You now own the world. Signed, God."
Well, that's just gravy. Dad never gives me anything.
So, uh, got any cheesy poofs?
Those are fictional.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Go die!
No.
Go die.
No.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Go die!
No.
Did I give you the choice to defy me? No! You are required by law to die.
I'll do it in about 70 years.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Go die!
Look, just because you're jealous that I'm better at sex, doesn't mean I should die.
I swear I'm not jealous! I just want you to die!
Why is she better at sex than me? I'm so jealous!

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Go die!
Cthulhu, somebody's being mean to me!
Hahaha, like Cthulhu will save you.
gulp
Man, we've got to cut down on predictable endings.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
TOBOR the red cornholer
RARRGH! I'M TOBOR THE RED CORNHOLER!
had some very skanky sluts
SUCKY SUCKY!
SUCKY SUCKY!

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
And if you ever saw them
Which you are doing right now.
Unless you're blind. In which case we hate you.
You could say they had 'holed butts.
Ow, this hurts.
Shut up, we don't want Tobor mad at us.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
All of the other robots
Yep, that's us.
Robot discrimination! Sue the world!
used to laugh and call him names
Tobor is such a gay fuckwit.
What a loser.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
They never let poor TOBOR
Well of course he's poor, maybe he should get a job!
Yeah, I hear Nike Africa is hiring!
join in any robot games.
Catch this football.
Nerf Invisible Footballs are quite fun since we robots have ultralight vision. Nice throw.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Then one fucked-up Christmas Eve
Stupid hangover.
This is the wrong Eve to get drunk on, you know.
Satan came to say
Here comes my part, hope I don't mess up.....

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
"Tobor, with with your bomb in flight"
Tobor, with your bomb in flight
"Won't you kill Bill gates tonight?"
Won't you kill Bill Gates tonight?
Only if I can cornhole him afterwards!

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Then all the other robots
You've already seen all the other robots, so instead you'll see me, Bill Gates. I hope to not get bombed at this time. Buy all Microsoft products and nothing else.
jumped and shouted out with glee
This isn't a very good representation of us jumping.
Well, now you're not exactly shouting out with glee either, you loser.

 

by TheElPaso
12-01-01
Tobor the red cornholer,
RAARGH! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Oh no.
you'll go down in history!
And that's the story of Tobor the red cornholer! What have we learned?
That history sucks.

 

by TheElPaso
12-04-01
"Wow, thanks for offering to go out with me. Of course I'd like to date you! In fact, I think you're sexy. Please hurry and come here as_soon_as_possible."
See, I told you she'd love you!
Should I bring flowers?
Oh sure, she loves flowers!
Anything else I should know about her?
Well, I did forget to tell you she's a donkey.

 

by TheElPaso
12-05-01
One day, on the ranch...
So then I said "Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
Rotor turbine is generating you!
I can tell you are assisting it though.
You've been telling me that since 1984, and I still don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-01
Slightly bad.
So, I see you've put on some weight.
Somewhat more bad.
Hurry up and give me the ticket, the faster I pay it the faster you can buy Jenny Craig.
Inhumanly bad.
Hey, you little lardass_chunkmeister! Take your gay little dick and shove it up your sumo mom's ass, cause I don't give a fucking shit!

 

by TheElPaso
12-06-01
Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Now we don our gay apparell,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la!
Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

 

by TheElPaso
12-08-01
Hey mister, you're drinking alcohol. In other words, you are enjoying. That is a sin. Repent, or die in hell.
Yeah, right. Go fuck off, you shithead, before I shoot your ass down!
OK, then, but I'll be laughing my head off when your burning in hell.
Same to you, now get the fuck out of here.
Around half a century later.....
Ha ha!
I hate "Mock the Damned" day.

 

by TheElPaso
12-09-01
kitty_kat, err, midnight_goddess00's boyfriend and best friend are both gay homo fags!
I wouldn't say that if I were you, now she's going to send an e-mail to Brad.
What's Brad going to do, kick me off for making fun of someone?
Well, he could.
Trust me: If Brad banned people for insulting others, everyone would be kicked off.
Well, that would suck.

 

by TheElPaso
12-09-01
I'M SO RICH I CAN AFFORD TO SPEND 1500$$$ DOLLARS ON A PAIR OF PAJAMAS!!!!!!
Money is only good if it does, in fact, secrete the crack the Weird Facts guys say it does. It certainly can't generate gravitons however.
I'M SO RICH I CAN AFFORD TO SPEND 1500$$$ DOLLARS ON A PAIR OF PAJAMAS!!!!!!
First, there should be a comma in "1,500". Second, by using the $ sign and the word "dollar", you are being redundant. Third, your capitalization and end punctuation is wrong.
I'M SO RICH I CAN AFFORD TO SPEND 1500$$$ DOLLARS ON A PAIR OF PAJAMAS!!!!!!
My telekinesis tells me you are a thirteen year old loser pretending to be a rich bastard to leech people's attention. Is there any way I can help?

 

by TheElPaso
12-11-01
So I said, "Those rotating turbos aren't going to procreate positrons by themselves."
GROOOOOWL! DIORD WILL TOMATOPIT YOU!
I DON'T INHALE COCK!!!!!
hom.
FUCKY FUCKY!
Like, totally cool, man. I'm so there.

 

by TheElPaso
12-11-01
Go die!
Not this shiznit, isn't it supposed to be dead since 10 days ago?
Take that up with the Creator. Then go die.
So do I take it up with the guy who drew us, the guy who owns the site we're on, the guy who owns the site we were originally on, or the guy who created this strip in particular?
I don't know. Go die and ask somebody in Hell.
If there was a punchline to this joke, it would go here.

 

by TheElPaso
12-14-01
I, TheElPaso, have now made 100 comics!
Actually, that statement is incorrect. At the time of this writing, you have only made 99.
Yes, but by the time the people read this, it will be the hundredth.
But what if you make more? Then your "I have 100 comics" statement will be false. You must permanently retire!
Bastard.
That statement is incorrect! I have not commited any acts of... Aw hell, what's the point if I don't have a mouth?

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