All comics by bonwag

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by bonwag
12-17-02
I challenge you to a competition of tactics, strategy and logic.
I'm game.

 

by bonwag
12-18-02
Educators and teachers, ignorant of the Time Cube Principle, are evil liars and unfit to live in Earth's Garden of Eden.
If you believe the academic erroneous word god, you will die stupid and evil
Any dumb ass should know that a prime meridian does not just pass through the Greenwich point, but it also passes as a great circle through both poles
There are 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of the Earth You may be too damn evil to accept it
Man, settle down and open your presents. They're not all cubes, you know. Jeez, I hate spending Christmas with you sometimes.
Ignoring Time Cube is Evil, dumbass. Cool! Blank CDs!

 

by bonwag
12-19-02
RAAR!
RAAAR!!
RAAAAR!!!
RAAAAAR!!!!
RAAAAAAR!!!!!

 

by bonwag
12-23-02
o/ There lived a certain man in Russia long ago; he was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow o/
o/ Most people looked at him with terror and with fear, but to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear o/
o/ He could preach the bible like a preacher, full of ecstacy and fire o/
o/ but he also was the kind of teacher women would desire o/
o/ Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin is a son ovva bitch. There is a cat that really was gone. o/
Man, this sucks. I wish I really was gone.

 

by bonwag
1-10-03
I'd like to enrol for the language course.
Language, Coarse. Sure. Here are the materials.
*
Having reviewed the materials, I'd like to withdraw my enrolment.
Well, Shit.

 

by bonwag
1-17-03
Level One
Al yoiu evar need is th skunc
sweet
Level Two
aI wll try to got al you muney!
choice
Level Three
wehn a man loves a women...
ah! i am dieing

 

by bonwag
1-21-03
Fair torch, burn out thy light, and lend it not/To darken her whose light excelleth thine/And die, unhallow'd thoughts, before you blot/With your uncleanness that which is divine;
Offer pure incense to so pure a shrine:/Let fair humanity abhor the deed/That spots and stains love's modest snow-white weed.
?
(ahem) ... wehn a man lvoes a women...
ah! by my troth: I am dieing!

 

by bonwag
1-21-03
Surgeon General's warning:
Hey, stop doing that. It's frickin' dangerous.
I'm adjusting.
Polyester trousers, particularly 'baggy-style' varieties,...
You've been 'adjusting' for the last half hour.
It's a big job.
have been known to combust in the presence of static electricity.
Oh, right. Uh-huh. There you go. I was reading about this just the other day. Jerk.
(BURNING!)

 

by bonwag
1-24-03
Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true... from a certain point of view.
A certain point of view!
You're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.
So, you're telling me that my real father is...
What happened to your father was my fault. Walt Disney was a good friend.
"Point of View", my ass. I refuse to believe that he became Ozzie Osbourne.

 

by bonwag
1-25-03
Quack, muthaf___er!

 

by bonwag
1-25-03

 

by bonwag
1-26-03
Hello, Doctor. I don't think those pills have helped. My anus is bleeding.
That's strange.
My anus, also, is bleeding.
I don't understand. It must be our new supplier. I'll get to the bottom of this. NURSE! Fetch my files.
Let's see what Goatse Pharmaceuticals have to say for themselves.
(ringing)

 

by bonwag
1-27-03
It says here that the reason King George III was a mad bugger was because of a bio-chemical disorder called porphyria.
Gorry! That sounds velly tellible.
The stupid thing is, it's hereditary. So while the royals kept intermarrying, it stayed in the family.
My! Heinous inbreeding!
I rivv for my art.

 

by bonwag
1-27-03
Can you help?
That's stupid. An anus is just an opening... it can't bleed. You're talking about a rectum or a sphincter. Or a colon.
No, no, you mis-heard. I said "My ..uh.. neice is bleeding".
Oh, gee, sorry. Yeah, sure, let's go help her. What happened?
This
I'm not going anywhere with you.

 

by bonwag
1-28-03
Please explain to our viewers why you're planning to Pole-Sit for Peace.
I'm gonna mount that statue over there as a sign of my support for a peaceful resolution.
You're literally putting your ass on the line, here. One slip and, well...
Yessir, I'm taking a big risk.
"But innocent lives are worth more than my anus is."
Bleeding Heart Liberals.

 

by bonwag
1-28-03
One upon a time, there lived a young pig (who looked remarkably like a donkey). He had few friends, so set about building his own games console.
I am aged 13 to 25.
He made it out of straw, which was in abundant supply.
killer
All was well. One day, the sheep got loose and began eating his creation.
baa
My hay NES is bleating.

 

by bonwag
1-28-03
Aiee! Mercy!
THAT's for the half-assed job you did on The Flintstones. THAT's for Honey, I Shrunk The Kids. THAT's for SpaceBalls. THAT THAT and THAT is for Little Shop Of Horrors.
Wah! What about Ghostbusters? I even wrote some of that!
OK, fair enough. But THAT's for Ghostbusters 2.
*
Hey, guys, come see! Rick Moranis is bleeding!

 

by bonwag
1-30-03
moh!

 

by bonwag
2-03-03
Ah, I miss the breeze of HTTP POSTs on my face. Our lives have been empty, lo these last few years. Since kaufman posted The World's Nastiest Pun, way back... when was it?
Was it number 552604?
Naught have seen fit to post since that fateful day.
... perhaps 605.
Nothing to be done.
I'm beginning to come around to that opinion.

 

by bonwag
2-07-03
It is 2025: Stripcreationism is a well-established religion, replete with tax-exempt status for Brad.
What is the nature of truth, as revealed on SC? Does it have anything to do with 'consenshun'?
If a comic is posted and is never read, is it ever written?
How many memes must a man run into the ground?
Tell me, master, should I donate?
It is meaningless.

 

by bonwag
2-13-03
It's just as I expected. This report isn't good enough, Tony.
What's the problem, George?
It's loose. You can see right through it. They haven't put anything in it which was expected of them, Tony..
It certainly doesn't hold together, George.
We really should have used the stapler, Osama.
Staplers are tools of the infidels, Saddam.

 

by bonwag
2-19-03
Thank you for rescuing me from a largely irrelevant but imminent danger. I can grant you three wishes.
I wish for the exclusive ability to make the best, most universally beneficial wish possible.
Done.
Cool. So I'm the only one who has this knowledge? No one else?
Nope. By the terms of your wish, it's your exclusive.
Heh. What a shame I'm a selfish bastard. Goodbye, cruel world.

 

by bonwag
2-19-03
Thank you for something nice you did for me. I grant you three wishes.
I wish to make my first wish.
ERROR: ILLEGAL DIVIDE BY ZERO
Great.
moh!

 

by bonwag
2-21-03
I wish for a horsie.
Ho, HO! If wishes were horses, beggars would ride! Hah! (mumble mumble)
Werehorses?
No, listen. It's enigmatic. If WISHES were HORSES...
I don't want boogers. I want a horsie.
Whatever. Here. (There used to be an art to this stuff. Replace me with an ATM and be done with it, why don't you.)

 

by bonwag
2-23-03
One fine day in front of the cameras, following a cricket doping committee ruling
I can't believe I've been BANNED. Me? BANNED? It's unthinkable! It's unfair! It's ME, everyone!
But you admit you took a prohibited drug.
But it was only a little dieting pill to make me look better for the cameras. I didn't know it was on the BANNED list.
So, what's your argument? We should feel sorry for you? That the drug shouldn't be on the BANNED list? What?
Do I look good right now? Am I ripped?
Well, whatever it was, it certainly isn't performance-enhancing.

 

by bonwag
3-02-03
Whooo! Hey! Lemme go!
Let's see who the REAL 'Desert Spook' is.
Later...
So, you see, officer; he was planning on scaring all the weapons inspectors away so he would have the missile sites all to himself.
He was planning to build an amusement park right on top of it.
And I'd have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pesky kids; and that damn dog.
I ruvv the smell of chemical agents in the morning. Rooby Rooby Roo!

 

by bonwag
4-28-04
1. Bad
Brother, I think we've cemented your good wife into the foundation of yonder barn
(WOE!)
2. Badder
Brother, yonder barn is built 3 meters outside the community's wireless broadband network
(GREATER WOE!)
3. Fully Michael Jackson
Brother, there's a group of five homosexuals here to talk to you about your barn
(GREATEST WOE!)

 

by bonwag
4-29-04
need game
They're releasing the next Squaresoft game as a fully immersive 3D environnment which pushes the limits of the PS2 again
Again? But I've already installed a 40G PS2 drive and bought new controllers. They're pushing their luck.
They're no good now. You'll need to buy all new stuff to play it. Oh, and the 3D goggles will require a mounting point directly attached to your skull
That's the last straw! OW! OW!

 

by bonwag
5-18-05
Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
Yes and No

 

by bonwag
4-29-07
... and then the vet said she had to put me down. They offered my owner a range of differently priced alternatives.
What sorts of options?
Most of the lowest priced options involved chemicals and injections and stuff.
What did your owner choose?
Did you see Sony's 'God Of War' launch party?
That was YOU?

 

by bonwag
5-03-07
Hallway Confrontation
WTF, old man?
I can't get any sleep downstairs with all that thumping going on. I blame your donkey
My donkey? Thumping?
Your donkey. Thumping. Do something about it, or you're out on the street.
These new neuticles rock, man. Seriously - thanks.
Damn - down 115 smackers. I hope there's a return policy.

 

two sows asinine
man, that'll take a few refreshes.
by bonwag, 1-05-09

 

by bonwag
7-27-18
How did the job interview go?
Great! I'm a short order cook starting Monday
A short order cook? Isn't that a kind of.. odd career choice for you?
What are you saying?
Nothing! It's just.. aren't you,....
I don't see why my religion is relevant

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